a butterfly flirts with me

she stands before me
but turns when i look

then

she fans herself
like a spanish dancer
teases her audience

i wonder if she knows
how captivated i am
by her alluring ways

or

how i'd do anything
to hold on to this
moment

i can only pray
please stay

I wish to write of softer things
Hands shake, hate in my veins.
Pen pressed to paper,
Red ink, scribbling empty words

Repeating, repeating, repeating
Hate, hate, hate

Heart weighed by tons
Baggage, carried, gathered, found
Books scattered across the floor
Unfinished, left open.

Struggling, I cannot
Bring myself to... move on
Close them, my library
Clean house, write a new story.

One day, these words,
Will find meaning, create hope.
Cleanse the monster, the one
Torturing  my restless soul.

Hindsight blues,
I'm tangled up in you but you can't see through the overgrowth -
Thick bristles and whistle blowers,
Tell me your perception of me.

Let's laugh together at the discrepancies,
Don't expect more from me,
You know me better than that,
aristocratic nature, I hate where you come from,
That comfortable turf.

I can't be myself in your world,

Solipsism - listen we can only shine on reflection vision and that takes more than you or I alone.

Still tripping,

Tangled up in you.

All day I dream of space
Far off worlds pull at my thoughts
Earth on the fringes of my mind.
Foreign air chokes my lungs.

Alien brainwaves, invading
Persuading, notions that I do not belong
This poisonous world, suffocating
The light seen in dreams
Calling out across dimensions

White noise screams, broken messages
Loud pulsing, scrapes along my skull
Bleeding out into over saturated comprehension
Known truths, wither into the dust
Of old age and barried lies.

The Infinite darkness, the chill
Space comforts me, quells the flames
Blinds these tired eyes from chains
Worn heavy, by the proud fool.
Trapped in a shell, far away from home.

How much pressure before it breaks
Tempered glass, reflects the gaze
Of disgust, and anger, and love.
Empty eyes consume
Falling deeper into darkness
The muddled, tired soul.

I beg for attrition
The hate of each blow
Mirrored with regret.
Slowly giving way to
False freedoms.
Bound by the sins of father's.

A lineage of failed expectations
Cycle new objects of disappointment
Rising against patriarchal masters
Falling inevitably to new fruits
Of the poisoned family tree.

I linger in the pain

Turning my chest to charcoal

You use to reside on my lips

Now lipstick goes unsmeared

And a smile not shown

You use to reside beside me

Now my hand is empty

My feet cold

My bed vacant

My laughter unheard

My beauty dissipated

And overall

You use to reside in my happiness

Now I am only half of what was once

A whole.

I had more love for the
reflection of your shadow,
than you had ever had
for the entirety of my soul

©

Lost in a moment
Clarity, profoundly strikes,
Resonating in my soul
I hear the Crow caw
Her fluttering black feathers
An anchor to a spiritual realm.
Beckoned by moonbeams
Glowing full in the darkness
Piercing the night sky, into
A lunatic's daydreams
Where beady eyes observe me
So particular, curiously investigating
With a nod of approval, ambitions rise
Time elapses through the stars
Graceful wings dance of destiny
Visions of fate, binding us together.