Fight Club
Kicking *** and taking names,
laying ground work and staking claims.
One punch and down you go,
all it takes is one fatal blow.
****** fists and a broken nose,
wearing spikes and stomping toes.
****** lip and two black eyes,
getting kicked between the thighs.
You only lose if you tap,
make me bleed, and watch me snap.
Haven't lost a single fight,
don't matter if you're black or white.
We have over a thousand members,
all takes place in chained chambers.
Do you think you have what it takes,
no time outs, or any breaks.
No Edward Norton or Brad Pitt,
no need for a fighting permit.
This fight club has no rules,
I love kicking in the family jewels.
You fight friends, you fight foes,
that's just the way it goes.
Come join our exclusive fight club,
just don't forget your ticket stub.

Weeble Wobble
Got no arms, got no legs,
in my holes, people place pegs.
Got no ears, got no nose,
made special are my clothes.
Got no eyes, got no hair,
only my *******, come in a pair.
Got no teeth, got no tongue,
I only got one **** lung.
I'm a Weeble Wobble that is flimsy,
I *** a lot with only one kidney.
My belly button, is how I ***,
my life *****, you must agree.
Got no *****, got no *****,
a Weeble Wobble never falls.
Wear a special diaper for my ****,
all I can eat is tomato soup.
Got a nurse to feed, bathe and wipe,
she also helps me hold my peace pipe.
People think I'm a geek,
a helpless ******* and a freak.
I'm forever wheelchair bound,
Weeble Wobbles are always round.
I ride a bus made for a ****,
hang me on the wall, and call me art.

The Ocean
The ocean, I like to go,
except days, when it might snow.
I like the ocean, colored blue,
jamming out to some Motley Crue.
Girls in a two piece thong,
no way, you can go wrong.
Laying towels in the sand,
lovers holding each others hand.
Boogie boarding on the wave,
these are things, that I crave.
Getting the perfect tan,
girls all drooling over one man.
Swimming in the warm gulf water,
with my awesome son, and my beautiful daughter.
Wet sand can make a castle,
hard to walk, wish I had a camel.
Getting wet, when you're hot,
a jet ski, I just bought.
Sunglasses on to scope the chicks,
put some **** in the brownie mix.
I love the ocean, for all the above,
don't get in the path of the water,
or you will get a giant shove.

On Drugs
Stop, drop and roll,
stripper dancing on a pole,
missing the toilet bowl,
having no self-control.
Drinking morning coffee,
inside hotel lobby,
seconds that are sloppy,
that's my favorite hobby.
Being super drunk,
more than a skunk,
***** has shrunk,
****** rock is called punk.
Smoking last cigarette,
withdrawal is a threat,
I still prefer a cassette,
will always be in debt.
Eating eggs with some ham,
with my good friend Sam,
will never eat a yam,
but will snort a gram.
This is a big mistake,
putting **** in my cake,
on your head is a snake,
it's time for a break.
Can't stop the giggle,
deep ******* a pickle,
boy it sure does tickle,
mystery wrapped in a riddle.
Shot ****** in the park,
dozing off in the dark,
my arm has a giant mark,
needle bites like a shark.
Smoked me some killer crack,
teeth rotting and turning black,
I cut myself no slack,
smoked **** and had a heart attack.
Now I'm as dead as a door nail,
my parents, I sure did fail,
can you believe I graduated Yale,
death sure does beats jail.

Ghost

Ghost in the attic,
I can feel a certain static.
Ghost in the hall,
picture frames start to fall.
Ghost in my closet,
looking for a new deposit.
Ghost under my bed,
I hope its been fed.
Ghost in my mind,
not liking what they find.
Faucets begin to drip blood,
eyes tearing, starting to flood.
All doors begin to squeak,
so scared, I can't even speak.
Mind racing with evil thoughts,
all I can see are red spots.
Ghost inside, made me possessed,
sending a signal that's distressed.
Phone rings but no one there,
I'm a male version of Linda Blair.
Head spinning round and round,
if only I could just make a sound.
Moved into a house of hell,
my life is ******, if you couldn't tell.
I'm living to die,
but dying to live,
whatever I did,
this ghost won't forgive.
Now I'm a ghost, and the house for sale,
they didn't even wait for my last coffin nail.

Prison Life

As I ran into your arms,
I heard bells, I heard alarms.
Our love was always strong,
together we could do no wrong.
Finally out of this prison cell,
my jail time was pure hell.
I was violated all sorts of ways,
nothing to do, but count the days.
Guilty of a crime, I didn't do,
they made me spit, swallow and chew.
My *** will never be the same,
they made me play the prison game.
Now I'm back home, where I belong,
had enough of that prison song.
It ***** being wrongfully accused,
my ******* is forever bruised.
I missed my wife, missed my child,
it's been awhile since I last smiled.
Never again will I be constipated,
prison life was very complicated.
I have nightmares, every single night,
my poor *** is no longer tight.
Me and my wife, broke up a year later,
I became a woman hater.
I converted back to men,
the priest gave my *** an amen.

I Am

I am the the one who writes,
on your Facebook wall.
I am the reason,
for Humpty Dumpties great fall.
Most of you probably never even read,
you all dig the hole, I just plant the seed.
Without me, you know you'd all be bored,
I have a trophy case, but never won an award.
Writing is fun, oh how I love to shock,
for you who don't like,
you can **** my ****.
I can have you laughing,
rolling on the floor,
I can drink your blood,
til I want no more.
I can make you squirm,
I can make you squeal,
if ever found guilty,
I certainly will appeal.
I have no **** money,
not even a lousy dime,
but still I won't steal,
or commit any crime.
Living my life to the fullest,
dodging all oncoming bullets.
If you don't like what I write,
I don't give a ****,
there isn't a hole,
where my **** wouldn't fit.
I am the writer, who writes on your wall,
I just snorted an entire eight ball.
I am Santa, you all are my elf,
and if you don't like it,
just go **** yourself.