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Allen Wilbert Mar 2014
Love Affair

When love fails,
and lover bails.
***** is gone,
just move on.
Plenty of fish in the sea,
doesn't require a college degree.
Date her sister,
date her friend,
this is what I recommend.
She lied and she cheated,
on your phone, number got deleted.
Let her love your dad and brother,
just sleep with her slutty mother.
Now she stalks your every move,
this is something, you don't approve.
The restraining order has no affect,
your thoughts, you must now collect.
For some reason, you get back together,
missing all that lace, handcuffs and leather.
Things are now better than ever,
a new chapter, you two enter.
You have made this a family affair,
you let them watch, they love to stare.
A little gross, but oh well,
just another way, to end up in hell.
Allen Wilbert Mar 2014
Done It All

Been to hell and came back,
shot some ******, smoked some crack.
Walked on water, parted the Red Sea,
took a ****, took a ***.
Not a thing, I haven't done,
sometimes lost, sometimes won.
Had *** all sorts of ways,
wrote the Kamasutra, in just two days.
Wrestled Austin, boxed Ali,
I play naked when I volley.
Climbed to the highest mountain,
also drank from the youth fountain.
Ain't nothing I can't do,
when a ghost, I'll yell boo.
The most interesting man in the world,
is nothing but a joke,
I cracked his shell,
then drank his yolk.
I know every word in the dictionary,
my skills are so revolutionary.
You come to me with your pain,
you silly fools have no brain.
I know magic, I know illusions,
I come to my own conclusions.
Been everywhere in this world,
a bit eccentric and a lot disturbed.
When I was born, they broke the mold,
I've never once had a cold.
I will die on my own terms,
cremate me, I want no worms.
Allen Wilbert Mar 2014
Can't Take No More

Never been so humiliated,
not once ever appreciated.
For years, been holding my tongue,
my bell has already rung.
Tired of taking peoples crap,
one more thing and I will snap.
No more time for chit chat,
I'm grabbing my baseball bat.
Next one who messes with me,
will have one broken knee.
Held in my anger, way to long,
I don't care if it's wrong.
Time to start busting heads,
no stitches or any threads.
Blood will gush from the brain,
ain't got time to explain.
I won't stop til you die,
as I watch your family cry.
Remember the time, when a bully,
now you're hanging from my pulley.
Blood dripping on the floor,
your organs, I will explore.
People are missing, police have no clue,
my basement is a blood bath zoo.
Now that are the bullies are gone,
maybe now, we all can get along.
Allen Wilbert Mar 2014
I'm Pregnant

Do you think you're fat like me,
looks like I'm pregnant with twins.
Gained forty pounds in two short years,
never thought I'd reach two hundred pounds.
If you don't give a **** like me,
then don't even worry about it.
If you care then try a diet,
exercise as often as possible.
I bring to you,
for a one time offer,
the I don't give a **** diet.
Jam packed with all things bad for you,
sit on your *** all day and do nothing.
That's my diet secret, no pain, all gain.
I like my big fat tummy,
it assures that my food is yummy.
I find it funny,
when fat people order a steak and three sides,
then they ask for a diet soda,
like that's gonna do anything.
People who say they love the taste,
must be lying, cause diet soda is nasty.
Oh those days when I was skinny,
dorky face and bushy blonde hair.
Not sure which one of me looked better,
but hot ****, no one makes the girls wetter.
Allen Wilbert Mar 2014
Best Friends

You are my best friend,
be that way, til the end.
My life is so great,
we met when we were eight.
You lived on the same street,
just a matter of time, before we'd meet.
I was the new kid in town,
you helped erase my frown.
We played doctor at age of ten,
I was in love ever since then.
We were voted prom king and queen,
******* at age eighteen.
Got married, day after graduation,
our honeymoon was summer vacation.
We went to the same college,
bot having the same knowledge.
I have the greatest wife,
we have the perfect life.
Then it all fell apart,
you tore out my bleeding heart.
Took her life and off she went,
I tried everything to prevent.
There was nothing I could do,
she left me with ***** of blue.
Cancer was the reason for her departure,
lots of pain and tons of torture.
Now the kids live with me,
cancer has now set her free.
I begged her to stop smoking,
now my spirit is badly broken.
Took some time, but we got over,
I found myself a new four leaf clover.
Met a stripper from Santa Fe,
we got married without delay.
Our teenage boys both agreed,
they approved of daddy's ***** little deed.
Now I have a new best friend,
you should see the way she can bend.

Not meant to be offensive to any cancer victims,
I respect you all so very much just the way the story played out.
Allen Wilbert Mar 2014
Hot Blonde

The ****** tension turns me on,
like a baby buck, with a new found fawn.
Feel the heat as it burns inside,
not a woman, who gets denied.
She turns heads where ever she goes,
her smile, her blue eyes, and her twinkled nose.
Hair is blonde, skin is white,
I've lost control of wrong and right.
Got to have her no matter what,
the butterflies are eating my gut,
Works at a diner, down the block,
I heard she ***** one mean ****.
Diner always packed with ***** men,
I wait my turn to see her again.
There she is, right in front of me,
all I could say was, How it be.
She laughed, thought it was funny,
never seen eyes so runny.
We went out after work,
will try not to act like a ****.
Went to a movie, after dinner,
back at my place, I became a sinner.
We did things, you couldn't imagine,
for that one night, I was the captain.
Woke up and she was gone,
he note read, We don't belong.
She died that very next day,
if you think I did it, then no way.
Allen Wilbert Mar 2014
I Hate/I Love

I hate people that are wrong,
I hate people that don't belong,
I hate smoking from a ****.
I love women that are black,
I love women that are white,
I love women that are tight.
I hate gossip, I hate drama,
I hate using an inverted comma,
I hate Presidents,
that look like a black llama.
I love a cheap *****,
I love how they wear that special stamp,
I also love lamp.
I hate American Idol,
I hate Glee,
I hate a lot, don't you agree.
I love money,
I love fame,
I love my picture, in a golden frame.
I hate things that are weak,
I hate people that are too nice,
I hate saying the same thing twice,
I hate saying the same thing twice.
I love wrestling, even though it's fake,
I love the Phillies, if you wanna talk baseball,
I love that with me, you're all in awe.
I hate begging,
I hate asking,
I hate my car, when I'm crashing.
I love family,
I love friends,
I love the way this poem ends.
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