Aliens

No more birds, no more trees,
no more begging on the knees.
No more sun, no more moon,
it all happened on the sixth of June.
Aliens decide to attack,
they ate people like a Big Mac.
All buildings turn to rubble,
aliens hit the daily double.
No more animals, no more people,
not even a cockroach or a beetle.
Only darkness lingers over,
aliens became Earths new owner.
It only took a hundred years,
the sun suddenly reappears.
One man rose from the darkness,
no more did he have blindness.
Killed all aliens one by one,
lucky for him, he found a machine gun.
Now this man stands alone,
his whereabouts are now unknown.
Took a spaceship and is now missing,
looking for a new planet, to go fishing.
When ever there is injustice on a planet,
evil alien killer, is his talent.
This new movie,
comes out the sixth of June,
the first starting time,
will be at high noon.

Depends

Woke up, took my morning ****,
the toilet bowl, I sure did miss.
****** on the tile floor,
leaked to the bathroom door.
****** on my feet,
some made it to the seat.
Cleaned up and took a shower,
feels like I lost a special power.
****** again but on the curtain,
my ***** control, I lost for certain.
I guess it's time to **** sitting down,
then I noticed that my underwear was brown.
It was a massive skid mark,
hard to see when it's dark.
I guess it's time for Depends,
my man hood, I will defends.
Maybe this is just a phase,
my underwear, I set a blaze.
I hope this is a temporary problem,
this is making me feel less awesome.
Last night I **** and ****** my bed,
I bought a gun, cause I'd rather be dead.

Best Friends

I've lost my best friend,
thought we'd be together,
til the very end.
Been together for five long years,
if only you could see all my tears.
We'd sit on the couch and watch tv,
you even came with,
when I had to ***.
No bad, only good times,
this is worse than any hate crimes.
Thought I saw you by the door,
pushing your buttons, I adore.
Is that you, on the table,
come home, I miss my cable.
Searched the house, and found nothing,
I was hoping, she was just bluffing.
Dug deep into my ugly couch,
with that extra deep hole,
and there it was, among other things,
my long, lost beautiful remote control.
Don't you dare ever leave me again,
or you'll be Barbie,
and I'll be Ken.

Facebook Posts

If you can't take the heat,
stay out of the kitchen,
sick of your complaining,
and all your silly *******.
Tired of reading all your rants,
or pictures of your brand new pants.
No reason for all this drama,
save that **** for your mamma.
No more pictures with stupid sayings,
stop counting all your silly blessings.
Don't care what you had for dinner,
it makes me hungry, hard to stay thinner.
Pokes, I get a bunch,
hundreds, and that's before lunch.
Family pictures, I love to see,
but I don't care about your shopping spree.
If you are sick, get well soon,
sometimes even I act like a buffoon.
I read all your Facebook posts,
so does all your family ghosts.
Read some good ones,
read some bad ones,
some **** so bad,
they give me the runs.
I entertain,
but even I sometimes fail,
send me money,
I ended up in Facebook jail.

Marriage

You like to drink,
I like to smoke,
you'd like to think,
that I am big joke.
You like to rock,
I like to roll,
we go for a walk,
but it ends up a stroll.
You like to read,
I like to write,
whenever we talk,
it ends up being a fight.
You like honesty,
I like to lie,
I find it funny,
when you start to cry.
You like to spend,
I like to save,
you love to cut,
when I have to shave.
You like romance,
I like horror,
You're name is Dora,
and I'd like to explore ya.
You like to eat,
I like to munch,
we love each other,
so **** much.
Twenty years and going strong,
I'm always right,
you're always wrong.
The *** is great,
and we love to cuddle,
in the bed,
there is always a puddle.
You like me,
I like you,
another woman,
always makes two.
Sometimes I watch,
sometimes I join,
either way,
I have a happy groin.

I Watch

How I like to watch my lover,
there will never be another.
I watch her eat, I watch her sleep,
wondering if she's counting sheep.
Watching her drive is a bit scary,
I wore my seat belt except for once.
I watch her ****, I watch her ****,
that's a bit weird, I must admit.
I watch her laugh, I watch her cry,
I wipe the tears from her wet eye.
She thinks I watch to much,
but love can be such a treat.
I love to watch her smile,
each nail she will carefully file.
I watch her as she does her job,
does peeping through her window,
make me a perverted slob.
Knows I'm there, but says no word,
makes me think she kinda likes it.
I watch her read, I watch her write,
I was wrong, she was right.
She's my angel up above,
even after death, we still love.
I went to hell, for all my watching,
I'll catch her, when it's her turn to be dropping.

Tree House

Everyday is all the same,
I hate the player, I hate the game,
I myself is only to blame.
Help me please find my way,
if not tomorrow, how bout today.
Yesterday, might have been too late,
My brain in gone, my mind is blown.
Everything dark, I must be blind,
on the dotted line, I signed.
Each day is a slap to the face,
no one left to help embrace.
A lost soul, I've become,
it's only death that I dream.
I live in a tree house,
somewhere in the woods,
only wishing, I had a car,
boy, did my life get real far.
I scratch and I crawl,
just for a lousy dime.
It's me you ignore,
as I beg,
if female, I'd show some leg.
All alone searching for a friend,
I lived that way til the very end.
Went to sleep, never woke up,
at least I didn't suffer with pain.
Didn't take long for the buzzards,
maggots oozing from my brain.
As the flies circle overhead,
chances are, I must be dead.