I've told you that I love you a thousand times or more
But you always replied in doubt and disbelief
I was always been convinced my words were nothing but honesty
But I was wrong, you were right
I lied

I fooled myself each time those three words slipped out
My punishments have already been given unsparingly
But these wounds are not all from battle as I see many injuries dealt by my own hand
Carrying the sentence for my dishonesty
Branding me a liar

You judged me well I give you that
And for once you did not lie as you do
My plea is guilty but I choose to appeal my case
My crime of not loving you was not my fault alone
For it was you, the mastermind, who did not let me love you at all

I can't say that I still love you
Love is timeless, without a limit for me to love you still
I am not still in love with you
For still I love you
Nor do I miss you, miss us
We'd have to be apart for me to say so
You are away but at night you still embrace me
You're out of view since long ago yet I see you always
You're always on my mind in sleep and awakening
Although you do not allow me to love the person you are
I am forever loving the man you are meant to be

You present yourself as a man reborn
Shedding your past as if it were as natural as leaves falling from a tree
You seemed to have uplifted your roots to replant them in higher grounds
Far higher than all of us, apparently

What you don't realize though is that the grounds you raise yourself upon
They are no richer in nutrient, no greater in worth
In fact they are far from the streams below
So far your veins are starved- leaving you a shallow shadow of a man

You place yourself higher than the rest
But so high the sun beams fires in your eyes
You have blindly added flame to your already raging fire
And your branches and life itself are withering in your pride

I told my selves to cut you off
To sever the link I tied to our hearts
Apparently without your consent
Disconnect the chord from my mind to yours
So you can't haunt me anymore
And do those bad things as you're told

I'm sure you're well aware of what I've done
As my voice no longer keeps you awake
And no more does my crossing your mind have effect
Gluing you as a fly on the wall watching my every move
Unable to stop me from my downward spiral
Silenced from speaking words of comfort and care
Saving me from killing myself unintentionally

It you did or do truly love me
I have a secret to tell
For that voice you now have complete intimacy with
Is no temptress nor loan shark keeping you imprisoned
It's me, we'll one of me, and its her you chose
You gave up the whole of me, to grasp at my ghost

Do you still check my page to keep me a part of your life?
I haven't written wholeheartedly as you can tell
I don't even pick up a pen the same way I did
I have tried. You know I have
I know you watch me now and again
But you hide and keep away from me
Never touching my skin to let me know you're there
I'm just hot. No longer cold at night being warmed by your fingertips
Numb
Your fire melted my ice
And you left me here, water
Evaporating to nothing but dead air

Hey people who use their brains
Not only their minds

I am writing a story type thing. It's personal, in the sense that it is from memory- or rather flashes of images that come from nowhere

Should I upload it in parts here? I don't know who else would read it, and I take you few who take the time to read my words' opinions/understanding the most truthful
Let me know

Love and truth from a single being
Alice

You have the title of a love
With more claim than all the others I may called before
Not only deserving due to the five year past
Nor for the fact that you held my body first
But because you are truly, my love

We've never picked sides, nor loved for victory
Yet our love has played out as if a game
We sit apart yet our cards are hearts the same
Still we are always too afraid to call the game

Five years I've known you, a lifetime I have loved you
Gamblers have come and gone with bets unfair in love and war
Winning games through slight of hand
And using my chips to play their games

You are my partner although we sit apart
Always there to win back my losses stolen unfairly by others
When they leave, you're always there
Always ready to save me once more

You were my first love
Always were and always will be
So when I'm deep in thought don't seek shelter amongst the others
Your place is at home, your home forever in my heart

Happy birthday x