I know you are part of my destiny
So I haven't cried as much over our separation
True, I did cry an ocean of tears
But not so many to drown the grounds I stand upon

I said words of frustration
And whispered cries of surrender and desertion
But I am open to emotions and those words allowed release
-But- what I suggested in heated state of mind was just that
Suggestions, not proclamations nor plans

You know I tend to submerge myself in evil waters
In order to rise from them with strength even greater
Those shouts you may or may not have heard were the waters I was wading
And now, I am back to the heavens with a heart more unbreakable

Refreshed and replenished with the purity of home air
I remain sure of the decision I made that day
Don't worry, I am still certain of my true love for you
No-  More certain of everything

I guess it took all those months to realise it
I needed to break down in strengthening
To lead the way to the point of exhaustion
Because now, it's your turn to stand ahead

As I deep down predicted, my words did not gain action
Although reactions were clearly achieved
Though words were controlled and questions avoided
Your eyes that trick you, are as always unable to deceive me

I guess what I am trying to express
Is my undying true love for you
My heart is unbroken, despite what I said
Still holding you within, still cradling our infants to come

Yesterday I was consumed in manic thought
Trapped amongst the ruins of the kingdom lost
Spiraling without direction in turbulent cyclones of an even greater hurricane
I've ridden so many possessed winds before
But these gusts were more than tumultuous airy waves
They were furious fireballs scorching past my cool skin
So fast I could not make out their purpose
I could not decipher the reason I was so lost in these thoughts
But I didn't want to escape this storm
I wanted to weather it

You watched me from the observatory
And although you read the forecast as clearly as I
You refrained from offering shelter, even if my refusal was certain
I grabbed at the lettered sparks trailing the flames flying past
And collected incomplete sentences that burnt into my cupped hands
Enough to fill the blanks and grasp a vague understanding
Enough to finally speak what was heavy on my mind
To break the silence of feeling your loud eyes upon my troubled thought
And to voice words you already knew were coming

We listened to a song the previous day
Lyrics already  retained gave way for her spoken words to be remembered
And I remembered them, and in mind they echoed calling my attention
Encouraging my comprehension to  call upon understanding
To push speculation in order to pull out thought in a single thread
My mindful spinning wheel kept turning as the threads emerged
And rolled of my tongue in woven sentences
Yet you didn't pick up the ends to help me fold my tapestry of fate
Truthfully it grew and your unmoving feet bore down upon it
You had to go before you trampled all of our future

Have I not made myself clear?
Because each day the slate I write upon seems wiped clean
And my words read by your eyes have fallen to the same fate
I am brought to my knees once again, legs battered and weaker than before
Weakened furthermore by your considering  my voice unworthy of being graced with your hearing

This cycle is far from clear and circular
For your words cut through the curves taking the line elsewhere
Creating a maze of countless spirals forced by feigned confusion and diversion of ill intent
You have loyalty to your commander and keep disguises already known in play
Believing your presence proves fidelity and earns trust

But I am not lost in this web of manipulation
Just disoriented in your maps of honor and intention
But My hands still bear the route i follow
The lines compasses leading me honestly back on course
While the map you bear is no more than unreadable markings that you claim direction

Once the lines  alike mine were visible
But with constant trampling and pressing of fingers
All that is left is a dark mound
Corpses of lifelines  that are no longer followed
Yet still you spend time making pictures out of linear denial

But I see reality, despite your claims of my insanity
You hold nothing but ruins
But continue to stare and declare its superiority
fingers alone cannot rebuild your kingdom
The decay grows and your roads to heavenly future diminish

Just a word
No not even that
A mere gesture to convey your open ear
Or even a breath to show your consciousness as I speak
Not much
Not a lot I ask for to feel my words still hold worth
Still remain spoken
To be heard and then understood
Rather than inscribed to only be manipulated
So many have met such a fate
Consumed by the carnivorous mind
Chewed up by the sharp teeth of darkness
And spat out in bullets by the trigger of your own tongue
Guns don't **** people
Nor the shooter who takes life into their hand
I bear so many wounds
And still I remain a target to the never ceasing attacks
Which in ending still manage to keep injuries accumulating
No shooter to be proclaimed murderer
No gun found to cause death
Guns don't **** people
Thoughts however do

That moment the bass drops in a favorite song
Submerging your body from the core inside the musical trance
The first few strides in the open air after days of isolation
Open eyes opening once more as the daylight kisses them
A smile appearing where your lips were caressed by another's
Blossoming as your fingertips trace the fresh tracks of a kiss
The soothing heat that spreads through your body
Bringing a cool breeze gushing from your core within
You didn't have a drop to drink to feel this drunkeness
You sit in silence yet the music is still felt
You were never imprisoned to feel the freedom of open spaces
And your lips have been untouched for days unnumbered
But the memory is still there, fresh as the grass beneath your dreaming feet
As refreshing as the waters of a forgotten stream lightly touching your palms
Bringing a sorely missed kindred spirit back to its other life
Complete in it's entirety and clear in view
Without lacking in touch, smell or others alike
Oh love, it's real, more real than we could ever fantasize.

I have to be more careful with my words
Or rather the wording of said words
I have to take a leaf out of your book this time
Instead of slamming it shut each time you open it before me
Despite how ludicrous and unbelievable your avoiding answers are
There are only so many ways I can rephrase the question
Before insanity beats honesty by numbers from the infinite variations
So I'm not giving in quite yet as I said in frustration
And although from our argumentative conversation I failed to learn
I was in fact enlightened, brightened, given light
For my answers and questions stand strong and unchanged
Strengthening in stillness at every returning question you fire

I may not be the Right, I may not have the Right
Your belief might be silenced
My belief may be misunderstood
And though no result came of words spoken
And methods remain unsuccessful
The conclusion is always the same despite the uncountable alterations
So as I close this file to open one unfamiliar
I sign off with three last words
I am right

Through strengthening I've uncovered equal weakness
As foreseen I am unbreakable
But I didn't expect to be alone in my invincibility
I had hoped you would stand beside me upon the raised platform
It was our unison that completed my defenseless impenetrability
So why do I remain alone?

Although their attacks bear no injury nor effect
This heightened state also calls for heightened sensitivities
And their strikes although unsuccessful still leave a stench in the air
That no illuminating gold light can vanquish
No matter how deep a core or heavenly a space it ignites from
Their space is hollowed by their loveless attacks

Their very presence leaves black holes in their passing
Their ripples still managing to wave upon me
Despite failure I still can feel intended actions upon my every existence
Just as physically as if their fantasies were fantasized
Yet still I pick up shovel and fill natures wounds with love of my own
They cannot harm me anymore, yet still I bear injuries of their making.