Alexandra Provan: Favorites

Mar 2017 Alexandra Provan

Scarlet Niamh

I'm the ship that doesn't sail right:
no wind is strong enough.
Weak in strength
and short in length,
I am tired and over-rough.

I'm the colourless sunrise:
never beautiful enough.
Red in the wrong ways
and blue on warm days,
yet here I am, if I'm enough.

~~ Need me. ~~

#love #sad #sun #happy #friendship #strength #weak #cold #warm #colour

Mar 2017 Alexandra Provan

Chapters of Self

Mar 2017 Alexandra Provan

Sia Jane

Chapters of Self

I'm made of all;
The books I've ever read
Poems I've ever written
Faces who have smiled at me
Hugs that have wrapped around me
Caresses that have graced my inner thigh
Countries & continents my feet have touched
The lovers as we simultaneously reach ecstasy within
Lonely nights shedding tear drops
Nights gazing black skies moon & stars
Children falling asleep to my heartbeat
Animals whose soul was found through reflective eye stares
Conversations spoken in French, Spanish, Italian, Xhosa, Afrikaans, Norwegian, German
Years of ******-, cognitive-, dialectical-, art-, drama-, music-, mindfulness-, trauma-, psychiatry-; therapies
The drinks & drugs & mind altering substances dispersing my mind
In all I'm made of;
Love
Lust
Greed
Fear
Joy
Freedom
Longing
Dreams
Despair
Sadness
Anger
Frustrations
Happiness
Anxieties
Insecurities....

In all I'm made of;

A soul; securely contained within a body of battled scars;
over;
pain & triumphs, losses & gains, rejections & acceptances, dishonours & accolades...

With the hope; she too, can live life through.

© Sia Jane

Written at 1.53am

Mar 2017 Alexandra Provan

Muse

Mar 2017 Alexandra Provan

Sia Jane

Muse

Muse hasn’t left my bedside for days:
         she races around
         the garden when I sleep:
                            it’s the only time she leaves,
                            she’s so loyal.
A few days ago, I heard Muse barking
         in the garden;
         I knew she’d seen the woodpecker again.
                       I’ve learnt the differences in her voice:
this is what comes of weeks bedbound.
But when the sedatives wear off
         I can do more than lie there:
                       I can feel the touch from my grandma,
                       I can smell last night’s family supper,
                                    I’m lucid.
Yesterday, the electroconvulsive therapy shocked my brain
                       today, my muscles feel as knotted
                                    as my oesophagus.
I’m on my back now; my only company
         is the ceiling; not even
                        the canopy of stars I once gazed at with joy.

© Sia Jane

Just to say...
This writing is based on a memory as I delve into my past and not on how I currently feel. I'm in a good place <3

Mar 2017 Alexandra Provan

Walls

Mar 2017 Alexandra Provan

stargirl

Walls

I am so tired of shining lights
on my bedroom walls late at night
to make shadow puppets
so that I feel less alone.

I meant to turn this into a 3 or 4 stanza poem but it's funny how most of what I plan to do never happens

#alone