it's back.
i'm back to my old ways.
i'm back into not loving myself.
i'm back into hating how i look.
i'm back into not understanding why i'm here.
i'm back into the old me.
i don't wanna be, but i am.
welcome.

that's how its always been. what makes you think that you can change it with no explanation? no reason at all?

you're the water to my fire. you're the lightning to my thunder. you're the cat to my dog. you're the rock to my world. what in the hell makes you think that you can change that without any reasoning behind it?

we've always been there for each other. we know each other like the backs of our hands. you can't do this to me.

its always been you and me. me and you.

but then again, you're you, and i'm me.
you're the guy who is so outgoing, loving, loud, and funny, my god are you funny.
i'm the girl who always has headphones in. i'm quiet, shy, the outcast, only has like five close friends.

we're from two completely different crowds.
maybe it should stay that way.

why is it that i can only really remember the bad ones?
i can still remember good ones but the bad overpowers them.

like that one time when me, my mom, and dad went to go get taco bell and when we came back they started arguing and let's just say that the car we were in didn't last very much longer.

or when my grandpa died. or my great- aunt. that was the first time i cried at a funeral.

good memories, let's see.

my recent florida trip. we also lost my family while there so i don't know about that.

my camping trip two years ago. i also had an asthma attack there so, never mind.

what i'm saying here is that your brain for some reason makes the bad memories stand out more and when you do have good memories you also have the bad ones in them.

it's the little things about you that make me go crazy.

like the way you bite your lip when your nervous or flustered. or when you laugh you cover your mouth because you hate your smile.
i love it. it proves that you're happy.

but you can be sad. you can be putting a fake smile on just to please others. you can be hurting but not want others to.

you need to understand that, you're not gonna be happy all the time. you're not going to to be able to please people all the time. you can't stress yourself over nothing. you can't always look outside the box.

you can't always focus on the big things. sometimes the little things are the best things.

is a thing that i'm pretty sure i've felt before.

dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin.
the formula of love.

you can easily get it in a science lab but overdose on it and you can get schizophrenia, extreme paranoia, and/or insanity.

think about it, you can get a lot of horrible things diagnosed if you overdose on love.

love; The most spectacular, indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone.

Love is an incredibly powerful word. When you’re in love, you always want to be together, and when you’re not, you’re thinking about being together because you need that person and without them your life is incomplete.

^ the meaning of love according to the urban dictionary.

if you love someone then please know that you love that person because you could easily be in love with the thought of being in love.

note; loving love is not love.

i get that voicing your opinions and making sure that they're heard is huge thing that has to happen. but it's mostly for today's generation because whenever we try to speak we get talked over. we get backlash. we get " no they're older, wiser. they're right, just let it be. "

but it doesn't matter if you're older. it matters if you're respectful. it matters if you have enough patience to listen to what others have to say before voicing your own thoughts, because they can bring up some good points that make you wrong.

it doesn't matter if you've been on this earth longer or not. it matters if you have enough knowledge to let yourself be wrong.

we are all equal and all have a voice. no matter the age, skin color, heritage, or sexuality.

let us be able to use them.

is what i asked people in my grade today, including teachers.

what i got surprised me.

i got a lot of " you're a sarcastic little *****, love you though"
i would just laugh it off. even though i wished that they knew that do that for a reason. it's all an act.

i got a " you're really cool and i wish i hung out with you more."
i didn't really respond to that one since i didn't like the person. i just told her " i don't like you, please don't hang out more." i'm blunt, sorry.

i got a " your sense of humor is extremely distinctive and that's rare. i wish i had that at your age." from my reading teacher.

but i think the most important one was from my best friend.

" you saved me before you even knew i was suicidal, just by calling me and asking i was okay because you knew something was off. truth is, i was writing my suicide notes that day, you stopped me. i love you, alexa marie."

i cried and hugged her with everything in me.

i love that girl and if she went through with it i think i would've died myself.