I can't bear that she's in pain,
Her tears are acid that etch my cheeks.
Her silence screams and echoes in my empty room.
I wander alone.
Waiting. Hoping.

Today the last drops of Hope
Disappeared down the drain.
Unceremoniously.
A slow circular dance without even
A goodbye.
It had been her companion for so many months
Years even.
It nurtured her and she prayed
That her trust would not be in vain.
This pain is not new--just sharper--
and no longer tempered by Hope.

She has built a wall
That can’t be scaled.
Isolation doesn’t lessen the agony
Physical comfort is no cure.
Heartache is like the seasons
It dissolves according to its own rhythm;
A schedule that laughs at our
Attempts to start summer in May.
Love that won’t be returned
Leaves us bobbing endlessly
On the unforgiving sea.
The heart listening devoutly
Devotedly
For those faint murmurs
Which keep it beating.

She waited many seasons for him
Colored leaves to be buried in snow
Then daffodils bringing hope
But falling soon in the heat of summer,
And then lonely winds of November.
How many springs would be enough
Until she knew her love would
Never bloom?

Today is the first day without hope
Waiting no more.
Feeling naked, bruised
But unshackled by a dream,
A nightmare?
Jericho will blow his horn
The wall will come tumbling down,
Maybe not crashing, but brick by brick
Stone by stone.
Will she love again?

A year from now I’ll look back
At you and me and what we had
The endless fights will have faded,
Our struggles just clouds of memory.
The good times will shine
Casting light on my nostalgic shrine
To the long gone past.
We tried and tried and tried
To make it work.
Our failure is buried with our futility
Perhaps it does not live on
Our meek success kept alive
Not interred with the bones of our disaster.
Am I wrong to recall
Those moments of bliss amid the ruins?
They hang in the air
I pluck the fruit of our doomed love.
I can taste the sweetness now
The cool juice drips
Excites my senses
You excite my senses
Even now.

The woman knows what she wants
The woman knows how to get it
Is this a story as old as time
Played out with repeated predictability
And a resolution inevitable and clear?

Beauty and cunning wield a deft hammer
Subtle as the breeze from a butterfly wing
Why do I dance to her magnetic tune?
I pull away, at least I try
Her ambivalence ensnares me once again.

Don’t think I’m here blind and foolish--
I’m awake and analyzing her every move
But reason is worthless and weak
Logic is lifeless and limp
Against the curve of her back.

I crave substance; she ponders…
Gives me vapors and fog.
I want loyalty and trust
She smiles, that’s her truth.
How does one say no to a woman?

Her experience belies her age
But youth is her strength one minute
And her weakness the next.
She juggles her assets in hypnotic circles
I’m left wondering what’s behind that silky curtain.

She’s a crafty contradiction
And I’m learning at her knee
Oh what a knee it is
I’m taking lessons from a master
And I have to go, school’s about to begin.

I worry too much
I think too much
About things
I cannot change.
A woman’s mind,
For one,
Can’t be changed.
She is.
She will be.
I can only accept
Or leave.
If I accept
Then no worry;
If I leave,
Then I’m gone.
I repeat--
I worry too much.
But not anymore.
It feels good;
A weight has been lifted,
It was so easy.
Maybe too easy.
Now I’m worried.

The journey has begun
It’s her journey,
But, of course, it’s mine as well.
Different roads we’re on,
She is on a path of discovery;
A new land.  A new man.
Perhaps even a path to freedom.
My travels are inward
Trying to grasp the changes
Which will surely come.
Like a billboard rushing by
In the glare of headlights
Its message seen peripherally
Is that what it said?  Maybe not.
Just trying to get a sense
Are we traveling apart?
Or simply in different lanes
Parallel. Watching each other
Always mindful of the gap.
Or am I following her
Mimicking her every turn
Destined to never catch up?

I am a stranger to my life.
And all these years
I thought we were old friends.
But things have changed
I don’t know you anymore,
We have parted ways
Found new loves
Sit on a park bench;
You read the paper
I feed the pigeons.
Remembering the old days
A simple spontaneity
Was our only plan.
I’m surprised I can recall
A time before the layers of care
Dulled the senses
And marred the vision.
But it is fresh in my mind
Touching my nerves
With its presence
So much more than a memory;
My history has come alive
I will read every line
Each name and place and date
Make it linger
Keep the taste fresh
Savor the sweet nectar of youth
Acquaint myself with the child
Acquire that vision
Behold that life
Before it fades in the breeze.