we are just insects trapped
in crystalized amber
unable to move away from today
broken clocks strapped to our wrists
believing in something that doesn't exist
forty hours a week to survive
the illusion we've made out of life
blood and bones worth less
than the cogs in a machine
pointless spinning in circles
hamsters on the wheel
rats safe in the maze
happy to fight in a cage
over scraps of cheese
waiting for our beds
to become coffins
we sleep with lies in our hearts
afraid of our reflection
as it still holds onto
the last remnants
of a dying dream
what a monster we've allowed
the new american way to become
a false ideology
only ******* and breeding
to keep the all mighty dollar alive
love only a mask
and an excuse to avoid
the feeling of loneliness
as we become more
and more alone together
no one is left with the quite desperation
to walk the path less traveled
as we move like pawns
one square at a time
chasing the carrot on a stick
that will only lead us
to our death beds
with nothing more than a chest
empty of anything but a few crumbs
and like insects we crawl along
a moebius strip that only leads
to us repeating today
day after day

I don't remember the exact day we first meet
Or the date of our first kiss
It was long ago and a blur away
But I can recall how it felt
The last time we kissed when it still meant something
The last time you pushed your hips against mine
With love still beating in your chest
The urgency and passion of you grinding untop of me
As I was melting into you
The beauty of the dream swimming from your eyes into mine
The helpless state of being yours
Because you were mine
The way you song my name with sunshine in your voice
The days of dreams perfection
The chapters of a perfct life
Before we had to read
The fairy tale of forevers end
The world crumbled beneath me
And you slipped away
As if you were made of gun smoke and oceans mist
And even now
With years between us
Swimming from my reach with the echos of mermaids
Your only a dream away from perfection

Pluck a feather from a dead bird
Lost in the middle of the road
There's no place left to run to
There's no where else to go
Map a trail up to heaven
While burning down our homes
And when we get there
If its just a field of dead flowers
And a pile of angels bones
We'll have to hope for something better
Inside our own souls
And that dead bird has found its nest
Hiding in the middle of the road

Little suicide notes were written between the colors and brush strokes in the irises of her eyes.  Some short, some long, some almost never ending, and some simply only said goodbye.  Some warm and well crafted with just a dash of despair.  Others cold and cruel crammed with complaints and self loathing.  Some written by her own hand, others memorized from books and films and authors unknown.  Beautiful maladies of the outrageous fashion of lifeless death after death.  She too often wondered is it really suicide when someone is already dead inside?

Even with the glazed over dreams of death that swam in the deep black of her pupils, her smile still had an innocent charm.  A perfect balance of teeth and lips and soft pink flesh.  There was an eager patience in the tremble and quiver waiting in the promise of her kiss.  It wasn't of wanting or longing but the simple passion of knowing each  moment of pressing and locking and pressure brought her closer to her final breath.  She wasn't interested in the luxury of suicide, its flashy pearl whites or final big bang... she wanted to know the intimacy of the unknown, the brief warm flush of the infinite end of the love and despair of life.  To discover the kindness or cruelty of whats next.  Too often she pondered why does she see much more beauty in death than in life or love.

She smiled, some days... and it was a warm and inviting smile, beautiful in its own graceful way.  Thats how I remember it.  All I can see now, shining up through the dirt and her grave, is one last note painted in her dead eyes.

When time and wind and earth
Has stripped away our skin and flesh
And turned our bones to dust and ash
What then will we remember of what we were in life that was beautiful
What do dead eyes dream of when they become ethereal ghosts
Of echo and mist
And the heart has long since flown away to another life
To love and break and scar and love
And watch another cage made of bone
Age and rust and fade away
To time and wind and earth
And slowly forget what in life was beautiful
What then can dead eyes do
but dream
And count the colors of
Time and wind and earth
And see the echo of the mist
Of what makes all things beautiful
And in the vision of this fog
What do dead eyes dream
But the dream of
life and love
And love and life
of all things beautiful

How dead to we have to become
before we start to feel alive

how much flesh do we have to shed
before we believe that we look beautiful
is it until there is nothing left but our bones

how much death must we ingest
before we chase away
our gut feeling of ugliness

how high a price are we willing to pay
to appease our need to look our best

what can we hope to gain
by losing all we have
to satisfy the narcissism
of our egos eye

is the high price of beauty
worth being dead inside

short skirts and **** me heels
bones laced in lingerie
dying in a web of lies
hoping to be as pretty
as a picture in a magazine

what pills will we swallow
what will we burn
to **** that burning doubt
that we don’t look good enough

what are we chasing
what is this dream
this endless pursuit
of outward loveliness

is it some misconception
some illusion made of deceit
to believe beauty is something
we can see with our failing sight

is their glamour in the death of our hearts
is it a noble lamb for the butchers knife
skinned alive so we may dance in elegance

handsome boys
alluring girls
fifty ways to hide our monstrous skin
so full of human flaws

devilish grins
mischievous smiles
*** sells and death the highest bidder
on our wasted life
of self obsession

click click
snap snap
what filter can hide
how grotesque our ambition has become
to post our perfect self from our phones

is becoming dead gorgeous
worth the sacrifice of everything
that lives inside of us

Dead leafs in the grass
Candles flicker in the breeze
Dust scatters with each step
Roses had a funeral for the
  Lilies that passed away
While the orchids cried the
  night away
Over the snapdragons that
  never got to play
And blindly we keep going
Walking willingly in chains
Whats the point of breathing
When we march with the feet
  of the dead

A pile of dead pens
A solitary graveyard
No ink on their tombs

Why, why do so many people die before they ever get old?  Their hearts still beating in their chest, dust instead of blood running through their veins.  No thoughts or dreams in their heads... every movement they make is boring and repetitive, choreographed by the machine, feed by conformity, kept alive only as long as the monsters of money and big business can make a profit.  Living dead things that traded their souls for a comfortable pair of shoes and a cookie cutter life, stamped out and pre-made decisions for just the cost of the fires burning in their hearts.  Everyone so willing feasting on the foods of stupidity, lining up one by one to gorge themselves at troths of ignorance.  Self medicating nations into normalcy, inventing diseases to propagate mass hysteria and distract the idea of ever creating cures for actual illnesses.  Keeping those with gold lined pockets with more and more than they need, making sure they never fall into acts of compassion by feeding their demons of malevolence and greed.  
It's a scary ******* world.
No souls growing old, no hearts staying young... just living dead things.  The gears of the machine grinding loud and strong, quick to find and ***** out any heart still burning with fire and life.  Monsters and beasts walking among the masses, carrying  bone crushing scissors to clip any wings they might find hiding between the cracks and crevices of this ugly world they forced our fathers and mothers to build.  If they find a pair of wings they can't break or bind or crush... they drag that person kicking and screaming and throw them into the teeth of the heart of this vile world.  Slap them on the operating table and surgically transform them into hideous bats of conformity.  Such a scary ugly world to live in... All of it, the whole ****** place is drowning in bat **** crazy, with no Hunter to keep the bats and monsters in check... it's all just out of control.
We have to keep moving and running and hiding, leaving behind bread crumbs of hope for the few living left to find.  Throwing pockets full of seeds of love into the wheels and cogs and sprokets of the machine... trying to get flowers and life to bloom inside to break its gears and bring the whole thing crumbling down... All along the way, searchimg for old souls to grow young with.

Dear friend,

maybe you know me   maybe you know me well   maybe you only know my face but not my name   maybe you only know rumors of me    maybe we passed through the same door but at different times    maybe you were sitting here where I am now in some other life in some other building    maybe we shared a beer and a shot and a tale or two    maybe I broke down in tears as you sat awkwardly in front of me at some dinner at 3:17 in the morning the last time my heart fell apart at the seams    maybe you told me a joke that caught me off guard and I snorted before a deep belly laugh    maybe you trusted me enough to tell me your dreams afraid I would think them absurd    maybe you trusted me enough to read your children bedtime stories    maybe you’re the girl that made me write my first love poem   maybe it was horrible    maybe it wasn’t    maybe you’re the last person I said I love you to that believed me    maybe you’re someone I wanted to talk to but lost my voice when the opportunity presented itself    maybe we talked but I never said what I should have    maybe I said too much   I’m always quite except when I don’t know when to shut up    maybe we haven’t meet yet    maybe we won’t     maybe we will in and wherever comes next    maybe you where a leaf and I was a tree    maybe you where the spider and I was the fly     maybe I was a **** and you were a child’s first wish     maybe you were the star and I was the last lullaby to leave a dying mans lips     maybe we will never know more than we know right now     maybe it’s all one great last goodbye   one moment of eternity twirling in the eyes of a child in the mind of a god taking its last breath    maybe we never where    maybe we never will be    

but friend,

no matter what it may or may not be    know this    I love you    as you are    whole or broken    miserable or content    kind or cruel    perfectly flawed or flawed with perfections    have no doubt all you need to be beautiful is the song in the beat of your heart    we are connected    by legends and myths    fairy songs and pirate maps    secrets untold and memories forgotten    laughter unheard and tears not shed     lives lived through the blood and pulse of an unending spool of thread found in the bottomless pool of the eternal heart of love

and friend,

take care    be kind   live well   dream always   love infinitely

Death stopped by the local coffee shop the other day
sat down and said to me
"What the **** is wrong with you PEOPLE!?!?
You have me working non-stop
I never get a moments break
The only family I ever see is War and Despair
Dream, Life, and Love won't even talk to me
And ever time I seee War
all we do Is sob uncontrollably
Despair is the only one you've made happy
and she is absolutely miserable about that
SERIOUSLY... what is wrong with all of you?"
She paused, stole my coffee
Got up, flipped me the bird
and as she walked away said
"I'm done... you are all on your own..."
And I wondered what would we all do
with all our hate in a world without Death
In a world where we couldn't run around
senselessly killing each other

Bones rise from the soil
under the death of the moon
and in the pale electric light
you bloom like a flower
and open your petals
against the gentle pressure
of my wandering fingertips
and we sleep walk
through dreams of lust
and on tight ropes over furnaces
forging our translucent skin
burning white with desire
and we whisper in unspoken
languages of desperation
and abandonment
and cave into each others rib
and devour one anothers heart
and with bloodstained lips
we lock mouths
and tie our tounges
and taste the flavors
of sin and decadence
and become something more than human
and exchange
and rearrange
and twist from bodies
to souls
to stars
to prayers that make
the gods tremble and quake
and in its last breath
the moon etches our name
in the stars of eternity

Do we just live life
As deaths flower waiting to
Bloom and fade away

For a lot of people it is without a known source or trigger or point of orgin that depression will sit in.  They may be fine one moment and then the next a dark cloud suffocates their heart and  venomus thoughts stab into their minds.  And all they can do is shut down, close themselves off, climb in to a dark hole and then mentally and emotionally abuse themselves.  Afraid to say anything because we will call them crazy or too sensitive or worse completely ignore the problem and say something like "man up wuss"  or "you're such a pretty girl, smile don't be sad"... We send alcoholics and junkies to rehab with love and well wishes but treat depression like its nothing more than a bad day out of life, here's a lollipop stop your crying.  People are broken inside and lost and feel alone and very often it's because somewhere in their life they just cared and loved too much... And we repay their kindness and generosity with apathy and ignorance and half hearted sighs as we roll our eyes.  No one stopping to imagine the unimaginable burden and darkness that is going on inside their hearts and souls.  No one able to bare to try and feel for a moment how bad some one has to hurt where death is the better option than life... Let me repeat that... that death is the better option than life ...that the pain and hurt and thoughts have become so bad that they feel death is the better option.  And too many caught in that moment, feel they have no one to turn to, no one willing to accept and belive them that they are depressed and that they just need at least one person to be there with them, that no one is willing to belive they hurt that bad... and then.... BANG ... their gone.  And then for a split second we can all hear the silent monster and see the invisible disease, a second to late to help and a second many of us will wash clean from our eyes.  Because its just to horrific to remember and we're afraid if we open ourselves up to the reality of depression we ourselves will end up another one of its victims.  
Depression is real and it is real scary and those suffering need our acceptance and acknowledgement that they are suffering a horrific disease most of us couldn't cope with.  When we know someone who has it so bad they can't get out of their hole, we need to climb down that hole and sit down in the dark with them.  If they want silence we give them silence, if they want to talk we listen, if they want to cry we cry with them.  We let them know we belive them, give them our compassion and love and empathy.  Don't just be there for them, be there with them.  If we just give them a ladder out, they might come up but then when were not there with them, they might just fall back in.  You really have to let them know, I'm here with you, in or out of this hole, I'm with you, you're not alone.  It's ok to be depressed, its ok to be you.  Maybe you'll get better, maybe you won't, either way I'm here with you.

I always paid too much pain to the details
And her kiss was always laced with malice and teeth
But I didn't have anything better to do
And I loved the colors of her misery
She knew how to move in the dark
And I couldn't resist the urge
When the look in her eyes said everything
  I could ever want to hear
She never lied though
But she was always lying
Lying in her sleep
Lying as she walked
Lying with those eyes
Lying with that mouth
Lying naked
Lying and living the lie
Watching her move in the dark
I was willing to believe
And I just couldn't resist the urge
I just loved the details

I am the devil born
In the complete
Abscene of god
I know no sin
Only pleasure
And from pleasure I gave birth
To pain
And in weeping
I only found joy
And in joy
I murdered love
Again and
Again
Mercilessly
Laughing
Bathing in it's
Dying blood
A fool without shame
Innocence just soft prey
Warm flesh
Stripping it clean from
Between legs
Again and
Again
Savoring the lust and the blood
And the crime of passion
Ignorant of love
A trickster
A pretender
Days of dying  
Faking things as beautiful
Blissful self gratification
Nothing more and
Something less
Again and
Again
Until
As a bird your song
Caught my ear and your word
Burned in the unknown depths
Of my soul
My heart beat for the first time
And in its first beat
I felt love  spreading through
My every pore
My entire being
And I wept
In shame
Your pain to beautiful
For me to bare
Dreams of lust lost
Pain of love found
A song too beautiful
For my ears
Nothing so perfect
Even with broke wings
Or dark heart
Could love smomeone
Devil born
Like me

You are the devil
In my thoughts
The angel I want
In my heart
I want to be sinnful
Inside of you
I want your wings to save
My soul
I need  to be good
I want to be bad
I want to make you smile
I want to hear you moan
I want your love
I want your lust
I want them both
To feel the same
I want to cry out your name
And feel your weight above me
I want to see an endless love
In your eyes
As you look into mine
No more empty seas
No more lonely dreams
And all it would take
Is to ask the devil
To be beside me here
And accept that the angel
Has already taken control
Of my heart

"Did you see it?  Oh... god, please tell me you saw that.  It was ******* beautiful, the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.  I mean... I never... never saw anything... ANYTHING.... GOD.... just tell me you saw that....  It h..ha..happened so fast...was...was that even real.  It was crazy.... Her hand, it just...She just slipped it right through his chest... like he was a ghost or just air... and pulled out his HEART.  It was a beautiful thing to watch... and the air went electric, you could feel it in the  air... so much love.  His heart, there in her hand, it was singing and purring.  I never felt so miserably happy in my whole ****** life.  What a thing to see,  watching it beat there in her hand, It was flopping around in her hand like a fish, jumping, and I swear, barking and whining like a little puppy.  It filled the air with such love and happiness...oh... If I could have just stayed there in that air.  Then she smiled, and he... he was smiling too, the whole time, frozen with his eyes glazed over, a hauntingly beautiful smile... but her smile...wow... I couldn't breathe or move either.  God and the Devil, they would have wept to see such a beautiful smile.  And then she kissed his heart and I swear,  you could just tell...it kissed her back...  The electricity and music in the air,  it grew louder... it was like heaven and hell opened up and ever angel and devil and god and demon started playing a symphony.  Then,  this was the best part, she pulled wings out of thin air and started to sew them onto his heart... while it was still beating and singing and  jumping  around in her hand.   What a show... Unbelievable.  The wings came to life as she tied off the last stich... they streched out their feathers and then flew off with his heart... And... then they both turned to smoke and vanished.  Can you still hear it... the music... Can you still feel it... The love, here in the air... Its... Its amazing right... I could just stay here forever... couldn't yo...Hey, where did you go...where'd everyone go?... Hello..."  
But he was alone...
No one was there and it suddenly went black and he felt empty and he knew before he put his hand over his chest... his heart was gone

"Did you see it?  Oh... god, please tell me you saw that.  It was ******* beautiful, the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.  I mean... I never... never saw anything... ANYTHING.... GOD.... just tell me you saw that....  It h..ha..happened so fast...was...was that even real.  It was crazy.... Her hand, it just...She just slipped it right through his chest... like he was a ghost or just air... and pulled out his HEART.  It was a beautiful thing to watch... and the air went electric, you could feel it in the  air... so much love.  His heart, there in her hand, it was singing and purring.  I never felt so miserably happy in my whole ****** life.  What a thing to see,  watching it beat there in her hand, It was flopping around in her hand like a fish, jumping, and I swear, barking and whining like a little puppy.  It filled the air with such love and happiness...oh... If I could have just stayed there in that air.  Then she smiled, and he... he was smiling too, the whole time, frozen with his eyes glazed over, a hauntingly beautiful smile... but her smile...wow... I couldn't breathe or move either.  God and the Devil, they would have wept to see such a beautiful smile.  And then she kissed his heart and I swear,  you could just tell...it kissed her back...  The electricity and music in the air,  it grew louder... it was like heaven and hell opened up and ever angel and devil and god and demon started playing a symphony.  Then,  this was the best part, she pulled wings out of thin air and started to sew them onto his heart... while it was still beating and singing and  jumping  around in her hand.   What a show... Unbelievable.  The wings came to life as she tied off the last stich... they streched out their feathers and then flew off with his heart... And... then they both turned to smoke and vanished.  Can you still hear it... the music... Can you still feel it... The love, here in the air... Its... Its amazing right... I could just stay here forever... couldn't yo...Hey, where did you go...where'd everyone go?... Hello..."  *
But he was alone...
No one was there and it suddenly went black and he felt empty and he knew before he put his hand over his chest... his heart was gone

If we are to question are we different?  Man and women, on the surface the question itself is rhetorical and we need not point out the obvious.  It is of the existential scalpel that peels away the skin and flesh and disregards the blood and guts, the bones must be broken and burned and turned to ash and left for the wind before the question has any meaningful validity.  Though we will find no facts to our answers here, only the rhetoric  of opinions and beliefs.  We can only prove ourselves fools to pretend to know what we become or what we are without our bodies.  But to avoid the greys and shadows of things we cannot prove is even more foolish.  The question now becomes tangled in dissecting ideologies of the soul, spirit, mind, and heart.  Is there a difference in soul and spirit?  Is there a heart or mind that lives beyond the physical world?  If not, is it just lights out in the end?  A one and done life, no heaven or hell, no reincarnation, no returning to the stars, no second dips into the primordial ooze?  If that is the case, if nothing exists or lives beneath our skin or in our blood... then the question itself needs no other answer than the obvious.  But why ask it then?  Even when we know that an answer to a question can not have a right or wrong reply, that each answer we receive will be based on opinions, beliefs, faith, or feelings... doesn't the question carry a more important weight?  It is in both the differences and similarities that our answers place us within a common ground.  In a place we seek to find a deeper understanding and consciousness of one another.  If in our matter of beliefs there is something living within us, If perhaps the soul acts as the body to our spirit, mind, and heart at the end of our current journey and we do return to a primordial ooze or to the night sky.  If we travel from this life to another while leaving our bodies behind... Then the question would come to its full bloom and I would say (without knowing but feeling) that we are all more similar than we are different and in that we would most likely be the same.

I want to crawl into your darkness
I want to be there beside you
Pounding away at the heart of your pain
Digging into the earth of your despair
I want to pound and dig until my flesh splits open
And my bones break
Until my hands are useless
And then I would continue to
Beat on your pain with the nubs of my wrists
And I would dig deeper still into your dirt and soil of depression
Going and going
Wearing out my skin and marrow
Up my arm to my elbow
There with you through the nightmares and angst
Screaming and crying until my throat bleeds
Dying with you again and again
I want to be there in the thick of your doubts and worries
Pounding and digging until my arms are gone
My shoulders worn and my ribs and collar bones exposed
And if we must keep going and going
Farther into your darkness
I would chew on the dirt
And kick and lunge
I would stay there by you until i had nothing left to give you
For what good would my arms be
If they could not hold you and keep you safe
What good would my legs be if not to walk by your side through your darkest days and loudest nightmares
What good are my hands if they cannot hold yours and keep them warm or give them comfort
What good is my head if my mind was not enouhh to help you through  the bad hurt days and nights and could not help you find a reason to smile
And without your smile what would I need of my eyes.
I would give up my all
Just to be there
With you
In the dark
Digging
And
Pounding
Away
Just to see you have a moment
Of peace
And
Happiness

Snow white red lips
And devil made grin
Hair of black raven
And porcelain pearl eyes
She was a fairy tale girl
But
I was a cheap dime store
Novel guy

Theres no cure for heartache
but there is always *****
and poor judgement
and my stupidity has no boundaries

so let me drink until tomorrow
is nothing but sorrow and regret
and love ain’t nothin
but a poorly written poem
on the napkin I wrote a fake number
for the girl whose name
I can’t remember
but can still smell
on the sheets we stained
as I was trying to forget
who your are

I should have known
I wouldn’t find anything
but the hangover of disappointment
from this kind of love
the kind that only burns in the heart
but never touched by the hand

theres no cure for heartache
and its always going to burn
it won’t matter how many names
I can’t remember
or how ***** the sheets get
when I can’t forget
who you are

Do they love me
Do they hate me
Would anyone really want to be me
Could I be you
See what you feel
Feel how you think
Think of the world as seen through your eyes
Why is hate so common
And love so blind
Is love real
Or just an illusion, a hope, or a dream
Do I know me
Have you seen you...

Hard fate of bad stones
Nothing but blank faces on the ghost
Dancing in the boneyard
There was pain in her every breath
And she didn't belive in death
So what did she have to lose
She arranged the tiles in a noose
Swallowed a pretty pill
  or two
   or three
     or more and more and
She put on her favorite shoes and dress
So she would look her best
For whatever may be next
Then she fell like dominos
To the tempting hand of suicide

I know its not fair for me to ask and I know its not really your choice to make but please
Don't go
Don't leave me here with just air to breath and tears to cry
Don't go
Break my heart in any other way but don't leave this earth and take away the Vincent stars that shine so bright within your eyes
Don't go
I know its not your choice to make but please
Don't go...

Terrified... no... not terrified
Mad?  Of course I am mad!
Stircken with madness!

My every emotion heightened
I can hear and feel every sound from heaven, earth, and hell

Impossible to describe when or  how she started to haunt me so.
All day and night in dreams she walked with me.  
Something in her voice... something dancing there in her words
And those eyes, eyes more endless than the oceans
Yes, her eyes!

Yes, her eyes drove me into this insanity.
Her eyes, heavy in dark storms, dancing with demons,
Hiding beauty not meant for mortals to gaze upon
And in their darkness hides something more
Something covered by such black grace
Guarded and tormented by devil and beast

Her   HEART

I dare say this
In no napping nor no dreaming
Will you find
No treasure, no paradise, no living creature
Could be as lovely
As her heart
And her poor heart trapped there
In this private hell


What was I to do?
She hardly knew my name but already
I found myself desperate for her affection...


I awoke in the middle of the night
My soul on fire
My body drenched in longings warmth
My chest ready to burst with madness
The devil sitting at the end of my bed
Politely sipping tea
"Bad dream?" He said with a snicker in his teeth
"No...no... I know..."
He inhaled deeply,
"I can smell it on you."
His teeth growing wider with his smile.
"Love...that's it, isn't it?"
I answered not...
Nothing good would come of it...
He had murdered my heart and soul before
More than once or twice
"Come, come now, son... you know I mean no harm."
The devil continued
"What a beautiful sight, this dream of yours.  Oh... those eyes... You poor boy, you never had a chance"
He laughed and sipped and sipped and laughed.

"Love sweet love... Is there nothing more sickly heavenly than love.  You fools will do everything and anything for it...
Lie, cheat, steal, ******...
Anything that is, accept,... treat it well"

And ****
He was gone

He was right though
My own heart
Dead and buried beneath the floor boards of my soul
Hidden in the darkness
Safe from the ills and pains and beauty of  

LOVE

And it was my own hands
And sinister villainous laughter
That had murdered and buried it there
So long ago
Never never
Wanting to feel its beat again
Its foolish beating

Beat beat
Beating

Too high and too quick
Had it flown
Loving and then breaking
Leaving me alone to
Its heartache and woe
Too many times
Too many times to bare
So I hid in the dark from it
Standing still for many days
So still for many nights
Until it knew not where I was
It trembled to think itself alone
It cried there and I nearly laughed
Frozen I remained
Listening to it beat and cry and cry and beat
Then quickly I leapt upon it
And grasped it with both hands
Suffocating the life from it
Holding it down waiting
For its beating

Its beat beat
Beating to stop

And it slowed
And slowed and slowed
Until at last
It stopped
And I knew, oh I smiled to know
I knew I was forever more
Safe from the ills and pain and beauty of

LOVE


I wept, oh how I wept
Why is a heart so magnificent
So lost and troubled in despair
Her heart, so weary
So dreary
Such painful beating

Beat, beat
Beating

Right outside
My dreaming

Dream, dream
Dreaming

What could I do
Other than sit and watch
The horror of this show
My hands no more than ghosts
My voice ached to silent screams
If I could only help
If I could only love

LOVE
Her  HEART


And then I heard it...
Softly
Slowly
My dead heart

My dead
Dead heart

Pounding gently beneath the floor boards
Lost in the darkness of my soul
It grew louder
It grows louder still
I must be hearing its ghost
It cannot be

My dead
Dead heart

But louder and louder
It rang in my ears
My soul trembled from the sound of its beating

Its beat beat
Beating

For the ills and pains
Of love
This could not be
I paced the darkness
In nervous strides
My heart
Was to forever
Remain lifeless and lost
Beneath forgotten floorboards
Deep deep down
In the bowels
Of my lonely soul
I felt its death
Felt it give its last breath and beat
In mine own murderous hands

The ills and pains of love
Macking ridicule of my past deed
No! No... it mustn't be...
Louder... louder... it rang
Sound reverberating from
The hollow of

My dead
Dead heart

Faster and harder and louder
It pounded relentlessly
Pounding like the wings of a mad black bird
Echoing laughter from its beak made of devils horn
I heard... I knew...

That beat
Beat beating

Death had released my heart
Unable to hold and hide and keep it safe from
The ills and pains...
And most of all...
The beauty of

LOVE

No slower than lightning
My heart burst forth
Shattering the hidden floorboards
Splintering the depths
Of my soul
With new ills and pains and beauty of

LOVE

Off it flew
Such foolish flight
Drunk with courage
Oh that stupid stupid heart

Beat beat
Beating

A fools quest
A knights death
Off it went
Beating its black wings
Off toward devil and beast and despair
Guided by the sound
Of her heart
The painful

Beat beat
Beating

That beautiful sound
Right outside my

Dream, dream
Dreaming

I awoke in the middle of a dream and you were there writing a story on a white wall in a language I was not familiar with yet I understood every syllable of every word and you wore a long lose black shirt and your left shoulder was exposed and I was instantly seduced by your bare skin and it was then and there that I knew and remembered that it was you and only you and always you that no matter what life I walked through and how far I wandered that wherever and whenever I layed my head down when I dreamed of love I would dream of you

I dreamed I was lost among a thousand trees
And the Leaves were speaking through the breeze
And their voice was familiar and warm
And they spoke as if singing a song
And they told of a thief who stole the most beautiful heart
And they whispered of the splinters he had left in its place
And they warned of the danger of feeling as if there is nothing to feel
And I tried to speak back but all I could do was stand there and tremble
Their beautiful words filled with such anguish they brought forth my own tears
And I was helpless to help
I would catch this thief and return the heart if I only knew where he hid
I would burn every splinter and heal every wound
I would comfort these Leaves
But even in this dream their branches are just out of reach