They ask me why I'm sorry,
But how can I reply?
struggling to find the words
but choking and drowning instead.

Memories flash by
muddled with contempt
of his hands around my throat,
of a bloodied fist and bat.

It must have been my fault,
in fact I was told it was.
The bruises and burns
form stripes across my body
and it must have been my fault.

"You're a *****"
he'd say
"A worthless swarthy *****,
and you don't deserve to be here-
you deserve to die"

so prompt and adament in my mind
feeling my weak bones shiver and snap
as they recall a bloodied bat bruising my childhood's skin
again and again
and again
and again
and again
and again...

I'm sorry.
I'll never know what I did
to make them all hate me
to make him hate me
they say we are blood
but does blood have that much hate?
three other siblings-
they did nothing wrong
It was me
and always me
that had to apologize.

I don't know what I did,
so I'll say I'm sorry
I'll apologize for everything in sight
to make up for the little girl
who couldn't be sorry enough.

i am nothing compared

                        to how you make blood rush through

                                       my veins or how at home

                               i feel when i’m next to you

                        you’ve given me meaning

You think because I ****** your ****

we're bonded forever.

Don't "make love" to me

**** me like a man

I can't be doing all the work.

work work

that's all this is

I'm tired now

and skin is lacking bruises.

this isn't any fun.

I'm cutting our ties

let's just be friends

grow up young man

the world is darker than you think

I am sicker than your drink

I crave something skinnier

and more deranged than you.

Take your health and scamper off,

For I crave poison

of an older age.

I crave poison

that will leave its marks

I crave poison

that will **** me in the end.