She used to kneel before her bed every night
Praying to God
Make me beautiful,
Make me skinny
He didn't make her beautiful,
Or skinny
But he graced her with depression and anxiety
So she took matters into her own hands
And she now kneels in front of her porcelain throne
Hair in a messy bun, trying to keep quiet
And she prays
*Make me disappear,
Make me die

You're like a balloon
And if I let my guard down
You'll float away and I'll be alone
Honestly, the only thing worse
Than not having you
Is having you but feeling like I'm yours
But you're not mine
My jealousy will be our undoing
It's only a matter of time
Because love hurts
It's just a game of who gets it first
And we're playing Russian Roulette with our hearts
I'm so ******* paranoid that you're with girls that aren't me
And I know I have to leave you
Before you can leave me

The more I talk to God,
The more I think he's not really listening
The more bad thoughts I have,
The more the ugly truth is leaving me wondering
The more I read the bible,
The more I realize I don't believe a word it says
The more I question,
The more secrets I can't confess
The more narrow minded my mother is,
The more she lets the light in so I can see
The more times I drink "the blood of Christ"
The more it feels like drinking the Kool Aid to me

Hatred seeps through vicious eyes,
Love like a dream lost forever,
hearts forgotten together,
an ecstacy of broken sadness,
glitter trembles in minds refracted,
Broken tension forgets itself,
lost in the hands of the weary,
never safe in the caress of sin,
for poetry cannot be formed from chapped lips
your fingers ache as words relapse
breath forgets to fill your lungs
your place is gone here,
life begotten through glass shards
piercing the skin to your bones
small drops of crimson leakage
trickle from the crevices of your body,
the pain is unstable and placid
as they tear your heart out
with their bare hands....

and even though some nights
p a i n shot through your
lungs as you tried to remain
living on this earth for
a
n
  g
    e
      l
       s
you helped keep afloat for so long
time ticking backwards only to
reveal bombs setting off

every night was a battle

but you were a survivor
even when there was no hope

I don't like you,
I swear I don't,
I hate your stupid face
and your funny hair
and ridiculous clothes.
I don't care how funny you are,
your stupid laugh is heinous.
I hate your swagger,
I hate the slight crack in your voice,
Truly Truly
I hate most everything about you.

You're not a good person,
in fact you're quite mean,
you treat people like objects
and your drug use is obscene.
Truly Truly
I hate most everything about you.

I hate it when you walk by
and look at her like that,
look at all of them like that.
Tall, beautiful, perfect,
your favorite kind of object.
It shouldn't effect me, but it does,
leaves me standing in front of the mirror crying
wishing I was pretty
wishing I was tall
wishing for a cute laugh
wishing to be perfect
               to be your kind of perfect

You've said it yourself,
you're broken inside,
you're the shell of a funny boy
with monsters swarming inside.
Maybe I'm crazy,
but I see something more,
I'm already taken,
but I fear that I do not love him like I should...
I fear I love you.

I don't like you,
I swear I don't,
you're not a good person,
in fact you're quite mean,
you treat people like objects
and your drug use is obscene.
Truly Truly
I love most everything about you.

I fear the way you look at me,
such love and adoration,
I fear the sweet things you say
and all those classic movie actions of love.
I fear how deeply you care.

So often am I filled with anger
at your sweet words;
I am not an Angel-
how dare you call me your princess!
I'm nothing but a piece of trash
waiting for this bond to crash.
I'm a ***** fat creep
a disturbed dying freak-
I beg of you, stop loving me,
you do not know you are not free.

I'm a liar,
a sad dying liar,
you embarrass me
you're a *****
you're quite ugly
and lame
you have no sense of adventure
and not an inch of loyalty.

My dear I'm a liar,
a cruel, sick patient.
I'm a ***** fat creep
a disturbed dying freak-
I beg of you, stop loving me
For I've never loved you.

Tell me I'm pretty,
or I shall cut myself from head to toe.

To be loved by a writer
Is to be immortalized
You will live on forever in her writing
Your quirks,
Your ideas,
Your insecurities,
Writers notice everything
And we never forget
You might catch her smiling at you
For what seems like no reason at all
But she's just trying to describe
The exact color of your eyes

To be loved by a writer
Is to have your entire relationship in written word
All you have to do is read and re-live everything again
Your first kiss,
Your first fight,
Your first date
Nostalgic memories in chronological order
And you may even learn something you never knew
Since everything will be in her point of view

To be loved by a writer
Is to see her frustration
Because she wishes she could be an artist
Since no words serve you justice
She wishes she could just paint a picture
And then they would understand
Because no amount of words could perfectly depict
Your hair sticking up,
Your abundance of freckles,
You wearing glasses
She gets upset when she thinks
She'll never fully portray all the things you say and do
But she'll never run out of ways to say "I love you"

To be loved by a writer
Is to be eternal
And to never fully disappear
And no matter what, she'll see you everywhere
Even when she opens her mind and escapes reality
Because she is the writer
And you are her writing
For you own her heart
From which her words flow