It's easy to laugh & it's easy to
fake smiles and
how you're doing
on a daily basis
you just need to
add some lies inside your
head
and pretend you're living in there
but no one knows
what's like
in the middle of the night
when you find yourself
curling up in your bed & blankets
wishing for a kind soul
to suddenly appear
out of nowhere
and take you away from here
and never go back.

937

I felt a Cleaving in my Mind—
As if my Brain had split—
I tried to match it—Seam by Seam—
But could not make it fit.

The thought behind, I strove to join
Unto the thought before—
But Sequence ravelled out of Sound
Like *****—upon a Floor.

In the meantime, I'll smile, as if waking up was "waking up" to the relaxing music played by an ocean's waves.
I'll smile, like Bob Marley was playing on the radio reminding me "everything is gonna be alright".
I'll smile, as if though that falling star actually made my wish came true.
I'll smile! Like the pain isn't about to claw its way out of my chest, like the anger isn't at my throat- begging to get out! Like the constant disappointments aren't wandering in my mind like an explorer with a broken compass.
I'll smile! Like the hate in my stomach hasn't risen beyond my control, as if my heart hasn't metamorphosed itself into a magnet attracting the insults thrown my way.
I'll smile! Like my attitude wasn't forcefully entered in to the Ultimate Fight Club- with absolutely no fighting experience.
I'll smile! As if my soul wasn't playing tug-of-war with Lucifer, and I don't want to "lose it for" I would become his understudy.
I'll smile! Like I haven't been driving for miles on a gallon of confidence with "patience" as my source of alternative energy- but that too has ran out because of the countless wrong turns I've made.
That glorious crescent between my lips has been turning down for a while, but am about to take a selfie for instagram.
So in the meantime, I'll smile.
I'll walk tall, head straight, steady strides, as if my insecurities weren't f@%king up my spine.
But in the meantime, I'll.... I'll talk to you as if every single word that I've said, I repeated, " 4...5...6 times" in my head, before relaying that message to you.
In the meantime, I'll use indecipherable vernacular and unfamiliar metaphors, so I am sure to say "how I feel" and be equally sure that "you don't understand" and if you dare tell me that you don't...
I'll SMILE

-Steve Flores Jr.

I don't listen to anyone
When they tell me I'm great
I've always felt this way
Full of self hate
I'm destroying myself
More every day
Where's my self worth
It doesn't matter what they say
I still see the fat girl
Glasses, braces and all
I can hear the laughs
As I walk down the hall
Will I ever be free
Of this little girl inside of me

I wake up early, day after day
Get my coffee, feed the cats
My head's so full of those horrible bats
This sinking feelling just won't go away
It's all up to me
To make that choice
It doesn't have to be this way
I just want to be happy
For just one day

in the pleasure of discovering
words rhymes rhythms
i'm a gluttonous poet.

day and night
bite of my growing appetite
makes me sink low

i don't notice
broken pieces
shattered peaces
around me

i breathe in writing
eat and drink
poetry

crazed obsessed stressed
my poetry
like any other debauchery
is an escape ride
someplace to hide

i'm a poet
subservient
to the pleasures of words rhymes rhythms.