You say you want us to write.
Write about our feelings, locked inside,
But nothing deep.
But feeling is deep
Unless you're shallow.
Problems ruin people's lives,
Judgment is just discrimination against
People different than you.
There is not enough paper
Nor time enough
To write all I want to say about the world.

I had hot chocolate for breakfast.

You say write about yourself.
Here are the things everyone knows about me:
I'm a helpless romantic,
Wishing on a shooting star.
I eat ice cream in the winter,
And my dreams are bigger than the moon.
I try my luck in sticky situations and
I smile all the time
And love to laugh at things
But not at people.
What people don't know about me:
Too much.

Sometimes I wonder,
If I disappear,
Would anyone notice or care?

I'm not scarred
Like those homeless,
Like those abused,
Like those starved.
I'm not broken,
I'm not beaten,
I'm not dead.
But sometimes I feel that way.
There are too many people
Walking down this same rainy street.
They feel so alone while others walk right by.
It feels so lonely to walk down a
Rainy street in a crowed.

So many people dream,
Waiting and wanting to be noticed.
Some give up on their dreams,
Their resolutions falling victim to
Substance,
Drugs.
Some stronger than they
Fulfill their childhood pastimes.

Will I ever be enough?
That question plagues those that
Walk this world.
Is "enough" a set point
Or always just above our heads--
Out of reach?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a horrible person.
Yes, I think so.
I'm glad you disagree.
There are too many people like me.

Not wanting to live.
Not wanting to survive.
Not wanting to feel.
Not wanting to leave.
Not wanting your pain.
Not wanting your approval.
Not wanting your sins.
Not wanting your warmth.
Not wanting my sight.
Not wanting my mistake.
Not wanting my shame.
Not wanting my name.

Wanting to change the "not."

Am I worthless?
Am I rude?
Am I dimwitted?
Am I belligerent?
Am I stupid?
Am I unrealistic?
Am I animal?
Am I satanic?
Am I destructive?
Am I corrosive?
Am I *******?
Am I abusive?
Am I putrid?
Am I lazy?
Am I selfish?
Am I narcissistic?
Am I devilish?

If I am who you tell me to be,
I am all these things.

Turn off all the lights
Silence all the noise
The only thing you can hear is
Scarcity in breathing--Yourself.
That is, except me.

I haunt your waking dreams,
Slinking into the present,
Indulge on your thoughts,
Stalk the slender hope of
Ignorance in the future.

You will never be rid:
Sweetly playing a
Yuletide lullaby,
Satanic melodies streaming alongside.

Rasping along,
Grasping at the predetermined
Steps taken to avoid
Such as I.
You will never be rid of me.
You will always love me too much.

Lying in a cold hard existence
As lies of the carousel
Achieve a delusion more colorful
Than the usual gray and khaki.
Not wanting more of this desire to break,
I roll away from the harsh criteria.

Living life is more than duets,
Tangles of notes on sepia.
Remaining in a word: I'm the amateur
Never amounting to enough; Here my plea--
Treat me as if I'm no longer foolish.

Helpless, I am a ship
Bound for a supernova.
Real to the touch, but artificial--
The code is set, check my algorithm.
None desire to solve it more,
I'm hiding in the world through the backdoor.

The shadows--
They whisper dark secrets to me--
Thing I have never wanted to hear.
Turn out the depths,
Convex the crevasses,
Return to that original silence
Deemed by many as peace and
Nobility.
Recede to the recesses of the
First state.

Be a blank mind.

The shadows will hunt.
The shadows will wreck havoc on
Those unaware of the
Blackness they hold--
Hiding their dark next to the warmth of the
Heart.
Shadows seek warmth to fulfill their destructive purpose.

I don't feel human.
I destroy too much,
Too much to think I am human:
Less than human.
I will break.
I have been broken too long.

Will anybody show me
How to be human again?
Don't say goodbye even though
I'm not here:
I'm in my shadow,
My mistakes deceiving the light in me.
Perfection is friend I made
When I was born to this world.

I'm less human
The more I remain here.
Can't you see
With your own eyes?
The beauty is ebbing away
And I live in a darker gray.
I can't tell if this demon is
Mine, or if it controls me.

Stay with me until the night is gone,
This nightmare has just begun.
Let's go back and diminish
The pains that are of today.
Sing to me until the soft wings of sleep
Suffocate the demon in my mind.
Show me how to be human again,
Like you would if you were mine.

My heart is motivated by
Power,
Relationships,
Peace,
Play.
It protects itself with a
Stone wall.
A foot thick,
Five feet tall,
Nothing gets through,
Nothing gets out.

I am alone.

Alone and abandoned
I stay.
Not wanting to give up,
I get up,
Treading my feet
Up the numbing frozen slopes.
Why do all hearts break in
December?
The cold intensifies
With every step I take.
When will this frostbitten winter thaw?

I feel like I don't belong here.
I can't place it--
Maybe too pure,
Maybe too evil,
Maybe too ill.
Its hard to say
When every word flung
Wildly around is a
Contradiction.
Too sensitive,
Too changeable.
The balance causes so
Much cognitive dissonance,
And the more I approach my heart,
The more it alludes me on the horizon.
Colorless,
These words ignite a
Flame
Stronger than any pigment.
I am worthless.
I am a treasure.
I am worthy.
I am pitiful.
I am beautiful.
I am a fool.
I am genius.
I am every word they say to me,
Yet I feel like
I am none.
Their icy words spoken with
Frozen hearts
Set my teeth chattering.

Nothing can protect me from this
Impeding cold.
The energy is inexhaustible.
Their ranks are numberless.
The fight goes on,
Teaching me the person I am
Is ought not to be.
Destroy the anguish
Mistaken as beauty.
They take my heart from me--
Brutally beating the bruises,
Formulaically tearing the
Gashes open with silver knives,
A gray harder than the
Silver of the moon--
Harder than the silver of my heart.
I am bruised,
Broken,
Wanting to be gone.
And they laugh at my pain.
They don't believe me when I say
I have nothing to live for.
All I need to do is to
Live up to the low bar they set,
But that's never good enough.
The words bleed out of me,
Yet they remain unsaid.
They would taunt more
If they knew their wickedness.
Sleep saves me from this endless cycle of
Torture.
Engulfed by
Vivid of imaginations of who I am,
I forget for a time
What they told me.
Meet me in this innocent state of existence,
Escaped from the pain.
I wish I knew how to
Avoid their toxic remedies
And the poisonous reminders
That they own me,
And will decide who I am.

But poets tend to exaggerate:
Tell me how it really is.

Why do all my poems need to be about
You?
Sometimes I wonder what you would say
If you found me here.
Would you know who I was?
Would you remember?

I read over the paintings I wrote of you.
Glittering masterpieces,
The work of one mind.
Again I down another
Poisonous elixir of the mind.
Again the only thing my pen creates
Is the perfect image of my mind:
A perception of what could have--
Nay, should have
Been.
Gone now,
The imaginings of a heart grow
Faster, fuller,
Top heavy and prone to fall
At the slightest touch.

Left alone in the dark,
Anon I wish of you.
A soft touch,
A kind word.
Do you think of me too?
Just please don't say you love me,
I'm too scared to say it back.
Too long
I've been desolate and deprived
Of encouragement.
Too long to trust.
Too long to care.
I would gladly fall into the
Abyss
Of your heart.

Spin me around,
Take my hand,
I don't know how to pretend,
I don't know how to stop pretending,
I love you too much.
And the only one who knows
How deep this love grows
Is Fate.

Would you believe me if I told you?
Would it be the same for you?

I doubt it.

The sparkle of a gem
Is only perceived by those who can
See beauty in rocks.

I am the repetition of many stories.
Death,
Heartbreak,
Anxiety,
Mistrust,
Isolation,
Vulnera­ble,
Repetition.
Is it okay to hate myself,
If I'm just like every story that
People hate?
Dreaming too much
With too little accomplishment?
Anticlimactic?
Insensitive?
Destructive?
Rude?
Wa­steful?
Bratty?
Never getting it
Through my thick skull?
I do too many things wrong,
My good will never outweigh my bad.
I trust and love people
More than I should.
More than I trust and love myself.
If you knew who I really was,
Could you see my mask?
Would you hate me for it?

Sorry.
I said too much again.

Careless people
In pinstriped suits and
Cocktail dresses.
Around is passed the
Inward ******
Wishing to arise.

Girls--
Golden Girls,
Fancy shoes on,
The heartbroken dance to
Speedy music,
Growing faster every spin,
Wanting to be looked at
The way every girl does.
They wonder,
"Will I be loved when I'm old and
Not beautiful?"

Guys--
Tonic doesn't work,
The green light leaves.
They dance with the girls,
But can't keep a promise.
All the bright precious things
Fade. They will never come back.

Fancy shirts and parties
Will not heal the broken.

So we beat on.
These were careless people,
Destined to fail.
These were drunken on the
Idea of love,
Wishing for more than
They were willing to give.
These were beautiful little fools.

Eyes will watch and see.

I feel gone--
Dead by some accounts.
Lonely and abandoned I fall
Exhausted from the pain.

Pangs of emptiness
Flow through my veins.
I am diseased with
Hopelessness.

Stricken,
There is now way out.
Abandoned,
There is no way to get there.

Shade the gray light from me,
Gather my pieces.
I am fragile,
Merely breakable.
I don't want to go.

I am gone.
Hypnotized in a drunken world.
They tell me I'm sleepy,
They whisper other things.
I know what they do,
I don't trust what they say.
I trust you.
Are you the same way?

A schizophrenic feeling
Ravages my soul.
Do you exist?
Are you real?
Your smile makes me question.
I'm not worth even that.

Say a word again.
My name.
Not the name They know me by, but
Anything to make me seem real.
Tell me the wishes of my heart.

I don't want to leave,
But I'm only gone.
Destroyed by
Heartlessness.

Grudges
Hurt.
Tearing the world down,
Affected by a hot fiery
Rash.
Diseased and
Cursing the world,
To somewhere worse that
Hell.
Don't go there.
Let go,
Let fall.
Let the certainty and destruction
Die.

That world you make--
Stress,
Tension.
What's worthy there?
THAT is not.

Shout.
Tear.
Destroy.
Evil.
Hiding behind glasses and smiles.

Almost.
Almost more than a friend.
Almost more than the moon.
Almost more than the girl sitting next to me.
Almost enough for you.

Almost felt a smile when I saw you.
Almost told you what I thought.
Almost felt tears when you walked away.
Almost.

I think I love you too much,
Or I almost do.

Empty words fill
Empty spaces,
Wasting our time and
Using our efforts to
Impress an empty audience.
The words are normal,
Effortless,
Sleepy.
Tedious and tensionless
They sweep the imaginary landscape:
Wasteland.
They speak with easy access to
Shallow hearts.
Slight stabs hold no pain--
The blade is too dull.
This bore sickens me;
These words hold no pull.
Goalless structure has
No gold.
Wasted breath on nothing.

Now change:
We are the words that make life worth it...
                    ...Poets.

What is the definition of beauty?
I look at my face to see,
The eyeliner dark,
The highlights of my cheeks,
Powdered imperviously.
Mascara thick and
Lipstick bright,
I look like every girl here.

What is the definition of beauty?
Nothing can get through to me.
I don't cry:
That would ruin my placid personality.
Out in the rain I hide
Under a black umbrella,
Never wanting to dance.

What is the definition of Beauty?
No makeup can matter:
People can see I'm happy in my
Lucky lucid Eyes.
I'm never hiding behind myself,
I'm learning to enjoy who I am.
I love I laugh I'm having fun,
I dance out in that rain.
My red umbrella bouncing along as I
Jump from puddle to puddle.
Nobody can pretend I'm exactly as
The girl across the street.
I'm who I am and living it,
The difference of beauty and Beauty is in
Me.

Close your eyes,
Breathe.
Be in the moment,
Of the present,
Not past nor future.
This is the moment that matters.
This is the minute your life is.
Breathe,
All the way to your toes.
Ignore all thoughts.
If you need to think,
Do it without words.
Relax.
Things will come in time,
Lyrics of the heart will find their
Perfect chord.
Imagination will bind dreams into reality.
Forget your sorrow.
Forget your heartbreak.
Forget your stresses and cares.
Meditate.

Open your eyes,
The world is now a better place.

Just give me a word,
Any word will do.
A word of promise,
Or a word of hate.
A word can hold a thousand meanings,
Or be as empty as a heart.

Would you understand me more
If my words were worth more
To you?
Could you love me,
Who dreams of love
And whose only release is
Words of heartbreak?

Tell me a word,
And it will be your promise.
Give me a word,
And I will make a world.

Now I
                     Know
                           That you meant
                      Every word
         You said.
               Why did it
          Take me
  So long to
                    Realize I
                                              Love you too?

I woke today still feeling your
Warm rough hand touching the
Crest of my head.
I still can't shake the feeling
And the fading image
Of the Dead world I woke from.
You and I were the
Last ones,
The ones who could still
Experience feeling.
The ones who could still
Experience Life.
You held me tight
And protected me
All through that Dead night.
If the rest of the world was
Dead right now,
Would you hold me and
Protect me
Like you did last night?

I saw your sacrifice--
A drop of sweet blood--
As proof you were not
Dead like the others.
I showed my own Life blood too.
I sensed your hatred,
Felt waves of heat
Extinguish those Dead that harmed.
We and Life were in the sunlight,
The last place Dead
Was kept from.
Under lock and chain,
The Living Dead was kept from sight.
Confident you were,
But I knew you were still scared,
Just like me.
Regardless, you protected me
From this nightmarish reality.

Don't leave me now,
I still need to Live.

Perfect is not obtainable here.
We need mistakes so our
Miss tries,
Miss understandings,
Miss leads
Can then fix and stop behind
Miss takes.

Superficial smiles and
Clever complements
Plague the imperfect people
Wandering the wide world:
This eccentric earth filled with
Rock and Roll.
Too many people roll away
From any truth left,
Gauging themselves,
Their gluttony filled with
Their fake friends that are
Too much.
Too much like those that roll.
If the world was in a race for
The devil's lair of despair,
They would win--
They are well rounded in that area.

If I was more like myself,
Would people still be my friend?

Whine all you want,
The world will not change if
We can't take the change from our pockets
And cause it to go for a
Better cause than our own
Messed up feelings.
Cause you to change first,
So you can help the big problem
In the world.

Right now I can think only about the one thing
That is real to me:
A stuffed bear.
Its fuzzy feeling
Reminds me of the good friend that
Gave me this treasure.
Separate from reality,
This bear does not deal with
Mistakes others made.
It cannot change
Like a person does.
It smiles with curious eyes,
A ribbon tied about its neck,
Seemingly preventing its first breath.
Sometimes people need to be more like
Bear.
Open to the world,
Curious,
But relatively unchanged by the environment
And people
At the end of the day.

One time someone told me I was beautiful.
Who knew I could be beautiful?
I hope he never changes,
Like my bear.

I ran away from you again today.
My heart just keeps beating too fast,
I can't control my words.
I wonder what would you say
If I told you what I think.

Your smile,
Your touch,
Your little conversations.
I'm sorry I so quiet.
I'm so scared,
Did you know that?
Do you care?

I want you to look in my eyes and see,
I'm hard,
I'm scared,
I'm unprepared,
I'm crying.

Take my hand,
Walk with me,
You don't need to tell me I'm beautiful,
Just listen to every word that goes unspoken.

Breathe.
Live.
No matter how much it hurts,
No matter the pain they give you,
No matter the disease that
Gnaws at your heart.
God knows,
Knows that you are of worth,
That every mistake
Is only a mistake that makes you better,
Makes you worth all that pain.
Ignore those that hurt.
Forgive them.
They know not what they do.
They might hurt like you do,
The only difference is that
They can't contain that disgrace they feel.
You can.
You have.
Give away your pain.
Find an outlet.
Find a wish.
Give your pain away to your maker,
He will take it.
You need to live.
Live.
Breathe.

You are of worth.

My mind holds out on that last word:
Valor.
I am not brave,
I cannot change a country,
End world hunger,
Stop abuse.
I cannot make a difference in the
Big scheme of things.
I cannot win a silver star.
In complete honesty
I am not brave.
But I am not a coward either.
I strive to make a difference,
Help people cope,
Take the time to listen,
Strive to do what's right.
I've heard it said that
A hero is made when
People make the right choices.
Bravery comes when good it done.

Hold fast to this word:
Valor.

To myself, never let go of this:
Courage.

To everyone:
I am not brave,
But I am not a coward.
I will live up to tomorrow.
I will partake of the consequences of my actions.
I will change.
I will become.
I will be brave.
The change comes today.

Valor.

There are so many long forgotten words.
Words of radiance,
Words of love,
Words of hope.
The wind whispers them softly,
Stirring up the fallen leaves
And the fallen petals.
Sometimes the wind screams,
Wanting these words to be heard to all,
But through all the howling and moaning,
The world barely rolls in its bed.
The words are forgotten,
Aside from wind.
Forgotten, these words hold no meaning.

The wind calls again,
Begging,
Singing out the soft melody of
Radiance,
Love,
Hope.
The call was answered only by silence.
Longingly,
The wind cries again,
Hitting each pitch with perfect clarity,
Singing, but the silence again prevails.
The world is deaf to the wind's voice telling of
Radiance,
Love,
Hope.

The wind breathes light to the
Darkness the world lives in.
The darkness the leaves and roses live in.
The dark swallows up what is left
Of the perfection of the
Words long forgotten.

I can feel my eyes grow dull
With every pain I see.
******,
Heartbreak,
Lies.
They wound the heart and
Change the mind.
Every decision,
Every choice people around us make
Effect the blind world each of us
Partake in everyday of our lives.
Change is a constant.
More is the focus.
Better are the drugs that eat at our centers
Bigger are the lies of normal.
The heart is now a science experiment:
How can we change the way
People think about
Themselves?
Others?
Death?
******?
Marriage?
****?
I mean, don't we watch it for
Entertainment?
Do we engage in it on
Weekends?
Is it actually something that matters?
People watch it,
They laugh at the pain,
The heartbreak,
The bloodshed.
How is genocide,
War,
Divorce funny?
There is no respect given
To people who stand up to
The blind world of today.
Because it is blind,
It can't see the difference between
Humor and disaster.

Why does it take so long to fly?
To bust into color
And let your spirit soar.
Why do we hold each other down,
Telling ourselves we can't when
We haven't even tried?
Why is love so hard
When it is suppose to make us better?
To heal our scars and lift us up,
To make us fly again?
Why doesn't the world make sense,
Constantly contradicting itself
'Till all we have left is ash and
Burning wings of hope to cinders?

Love is such a trivial thing:
Fluttering, Stuttering,
Beautiful, Ludicrous,
Falling,
Falling down with broken wings.
Bleeding hearts cry out,
Crying to sticks and stones.
But they don't help,
They harm.
My heart cries out for more,
But there is no more.
There is no one here.

I thought once there was one,
A glimmer shone through.
But the sparkle was black
And it played to the tempter's old tune.
I fell so hard and slowly,
There is no way I had any hope.
Hope for better,
Hope for kindness,
Hope for love.
Hope? There was no hope for me.

Sometimes I wonder...
Could anybody love me?
Would someone care to
Take the time
To discover my longings,
Wishes,
And the secrets that I cover?
Would there be one that
Wished I would be the one?
One he could watch shooting stars with,
Not to wish his girl was one of those
Falling rocks:
A Bolide,
Gone in an instant.

I am a shooting star.
I shine bright enough
For others to take notice.
They always
Wish I was theirs to own,
Wish to kiss my sweet lips,
And wish I didn't leave so quickly.
But they don't have the resolve to
Stop me.
They lust.
They don't love.
If they loved, they would stop me.

Love is eating ice cream at a park,
Dancing slowly at a party,
Doing homework together while talking about
Cheese,
Interests,
Each other.
Love defines a personality.
Suddenly, your world isn't about
You
Anymore. It is about
Another.
You think about
Your other half,
Not yourself.

Love is watching the shooting stars
Together
With two mugs of hot cocoa.
For me, love is a dream away.

Sometimes I wonder...
Who can love a shooting star?

Do you stare a little too long or
Tease a little too much?
Do you like me?
Could you love me?

Or do you never think of me?