This emotion of flying,
Falling...
I'm not use to it.
It's against the rules,
My silly rules,
To trip into someones arms.

And it's against the rules for
Someone to catch me.

Why did you?...

I know the real reason
You have forgotten
All the little things we talked about,
Insignificant dreams of mine,
Troubles I wouldn't tell another person,
Because they wouldn't listen.

But I know the reason you have forgotten...

I wasn't important to you
Until now.

The girl trails behind Daddy,
Trying to help carry the boxes that are too heavy for her,
And too often getting in the way of the men moving furniture.
But they are nice to her,
And don’t discourage her.
Sister does.
Sister is over there talking to the neighbor girls.
They are all instant friends.
Luckily they all leave her alone—Sister doesn’t.
“Why bother? The men can do it.
Maybe you should be a man too!”
The girls laugh.
She doesn’t.
The girl picks up another box,
Not letting her face fall until they couldn’t see her.
Walks to her room and sits down.

Only then does she let each tear fall.

Before long she is done,
The rest of the pain bottled up somewhere that she can forget about.
Her hands still shaking,
Getting up one more time,
She checks her face in the mirror,
Making sure that her face isn’t too splotchy,
Not wanting to be questioned by anyone.
She walks back to the van, getting another load
To let Sister know that there is no winning today.
Only she will win.

Sister doesn’t notice.

Take a left,
Walk past the willow tree then take your first right,
Left again.

I promise it gets easier the more you walk it.
I’ve been down this path so many times,
Yet I still get lost sometimes
Navigating in the darkness by my own sparks.
Here,
Here’s a candle to help you light your way.
It get’s easier when you have a friend there to help you.

It’s that load,
Isn’t it?
Let me carry it for you,
I can manage for both of us,
I promise we can make it.
This will work, just keep holding on
But don’t hold out on me.
Let me help you carry your burden,
I am strong today.

Up the hill again we go,
Our bleeding feet leaving trails behind us,
To mark our path so we can find our way back,
Or perhaps to let others know where to go next.
It doesn’t matter,
What does is that we keep walking,
Don’t go easy into the night,
Fight for that breath to be yours.
I will fight for you to,
I will.

Every day a new struggle,
But no longer alone in the world
That was my own.
Every day a new day to
Have a friend,
Now more than
I have ever had.
Finally feeling accepted by others,
Seeing that worth wasn’t solely based upon
How I am perceived to be,
But rather how I could make a difference,
Change the world and others,
And having friends to be there, guiding me on my way,
Making me feel like I can hold the whole world,
Chase the rainbows,
Touch the sky,
Catch a shooting star,
Or lasso the moon.

And each friend has guided me on my way,
No matter how often I talked to them,
Or how close we became.

Thank you for touching the lives of so many
With your kindness and love,
You knew how to make everyone's days better
And gave the best hugs.

You always reminded me how much I am worth.

But she never said a word.
She didn’t need to.
The conversation always breezed past her unsaid words.
“Hellos” and “Goodbyes”
Were only formalities anyway.
Even “How are you?”
Has lost it’s meaning— or rather no one means what it says.
Of course, that only applies if you are not invisible,
If they see you and want to talk.
Do they see?
Or do they not care to talk?
Meanings mix with lies, making one believe of
Worthlessness of one’s self.
Believing she was worthless
(there was no reason not to)
She continued on smiling,
Hiding behind her paper
And playing with her pencil.

And the scary part is
That she doesn’t know that
Everyone doesn’t always feel this way.

“For what is happiness anyway?”* She wonders.
It isn’t something you can touch,
Isn’t something you can smell.
You can feel it,
I can feel you have it there in your soul.
I have it too I think.
There isn’t anything telling me otherwise.
Why can’t you be happy in your way, and I be happy in mine.
My happiness is a pad of paper and a pencil.
I don’t need other to tell me what to do.
So there.

But as she sits there alone,
She can still hear them whisper.
That she isn’t good enough,
That she’s weird,
Awkward,
Nerdy.
She tries not to listen,
Counters their conversations with thoughts of her own,
But it doesn’t work.
The words penetrate the walls thrown up hastily,
And she retreats farther from them until she is backed into a corner.

But no one notices this happening,
Not even she.
Believing that the world is more,
Smiling through it all,
And being a friend to those that have none.

The only problem:
Believing she has friends until the
Friends of the friends she has come along,
And take what she built up
Until she has none.

Move on, move on, move on.
She tells herself,
A constant, droning chant
In the back of her mind,
To drown out the regrets, the pain, the empty.
One foot in front of the other until
She has walked out and
Left the place she feels so much despair in.
Continuing on in her own way until
She can make it one more day.