I'll slip away...

I'm hard to hold on to,
Too variable,
Too changeable.

Too likely to change into something so sweet,
That the bitter of me leaving
Will hurt more than help.

You can't fall in love with me,
I'm too much to lose.

...You are too much for me to lose.

I'm looking for a
Guardian angel,
Someone who could be my
Crying shoulder,
Who would never try and change me
Or think of abusing me.
He would have me forget the person
I once was--the one I hate.
I'm still waiting for him,
Someone that loves me,
Not only that but would miss me,
Deeply so.
Like how I would miss him,
Like a flower in the snow--
Missing the sun.

I don't know if he will understand
How I internalize everything,
Or how I don't let my secrets go
Without a fight, a struggle in my mind.
But he would understand that he loves me
With a love that will never go away.

I'm too weak to handle this pain...
I've been holding on as long as I can,
Dropping to my knees to pray
To the ONLY one strong enough to
Save
Me.

I'm in love with pain,
But no longer want to hurt myself.
This desire doesn't vanish--
It grows stronger,
Unbearably strong,
To the point that I pinch myself
To see if I'm still alive in my numb world.
So I run,
Run from my pain--
And to make myself hurt.
--It is better this way.

The black pain faded away to a dull thrumming grey.
No worth,
Nothing left to say.
Little girl, once called beautiful,
Uses more nefarious words to describe herself,
Still holding on to that image of the
Silvery moon.
Tears slip silently down as she finds escape in
Physical pain.
She can no longer continue this way.
Holding out,
Holding on for just one more day,
Gripping her reality with shaky hands that could no longer
Strangle her demons.
Reaching out to anyone,
But trusting too fast.
Left in the dust too often by those she thought cared.
Any promise broken,
Like a heart,
Crushes her--crumbles her.
Her eyes are becoming empty as she accepts the numb,
Penetrating to her very soul.
Help…
She cries in vain.
No one listens, no one waits. No one cares.
Worlds of empty emotion and pretending.
Secrets-- her secrets
Eat her from the inside,
Rubbing her raw,
She yields to her abandoned state.
Colorless she is,
Faceless and invisible.
Only wanting to end it all--

Her fight is not to.

Drown out my own thoughts
With music and pain--
I can't stand myself.
Being the monster inside of my head
Has changed my perspective.

Never was I kind, good, beautiful.
Selfish-- yes.
How could I expect to be anything else?
Ugly to the core,
Scared of what others thought of me.
I needn't to...
They never thought of me.

I was only a pretty face to talk to
When everyone else was missing.
Never belonging anywhere,
Absorbed by the background,
Hiding from my memories,
The happy ones that could take me from this misery,
But those things happened too long ago to

Help.

I need you,
My mind is screaming,
The monster is winning,
I am becoming nothing but
Dust.