The demons have got me,
Beating me black and blue.
All I want is pain,
And to end this torture.

I can no longer tell him.

I don't know if he cares,
If he ever has cared
Remotely. But his demons are winning
So I know he has no strength to
Ward off mine.

I wish I could help him,
Wish I was stronger.
Instead I surrender step by step
To the demons in my mind.
I've always had this monster in my mind...

I can't tell you everything.
                                                     ­                           But you should be able to
                                                              ­                  Tell me
                                                                ­                Anything!
No. Not this.
People see me as an annoyance anyway,
Bothersome.
Weird.
I'm sorry you met me.
                                                             ­                   Tell me.
Why?
No I can't.
You hate when I talk to you,
Honest and open,
Claiming my opinions are a product of
My childhood.
Maybe, but I think not.
You've never walked where I stood.
                                                          ­                      Please
I don't want to,
But I will.
                                                           ­                     ...
You think I react like everyone else
You know.
But I don't. I can't.
Because I feel their pain--
YOUR pain too.
I know it sounds crazy, but I know
More than I should, and feel
What never happened to me.
I'm going crazy huh?
                                                            ­                    That's it? That's stupid.
                                                        ­                        Every time you only ever
                                                           ­                     Hide...
                                  ­                                              I'm going to drink now.
I hate me...sorry you need to put up with me.

I want to give this up,
My pain,
My sins,
My hopes, dreams,
Habits, wishes,
Myself.

Just get rid of it.

But I would rather give up this desire of
Destroying the person I have become.

The one who smiles,
Is funny,
And doesn't only think of herself,
Striving for harmony and balance.


Even though life gives terrible jolts.

People tell me who I'm suppose to be,
That isn't the genuine me,
I only show the face, the mask,
I can sculpt perfectly.

You recognized the phony
And the walls built so carefully,
How can you see, feel,
The person that is me?

All these words flying toward me,
And the lies my chi tells me,
Hurts me more, destroys,
To the point I can no longer see.

I want to fall in love,
Fall hard,
But smiling all the way,
Never wonder what it would be like
To never hold his hand,
Cause I know he would never leave.

Make me smile,
I've been missing that lately,
Missing him,
The one I have never met yet,
The one I've been dreaming of.

The emptiness is growing...
...but I don't want to admit it.
I'm not fine.
I want to tell you,
Need to talk to you,
But I have no words.
When they come,
                                                           ­                                             I am long gone.

I'm back to being invisible,
Head low,
Avoiding other's eyes.

I let one see me for
What I am.

(demon, monster, unnatural, hideous)

He Cared?
No.
Walked away.
Just as everyone has before,
Just as I feared he would...                     ...but promised he wouldn't...

I dared to dream,
Dared to accept,
To open.

I am invisible.
Why did I dream that I shouldn't be...