As I discover each one,
They burn my soul.
I trusted no one,
Only friends,
But those are the ones I should be weary of.

Yet you are still one of them,
Even as I am betrayed
Even as I pray to God
To understand why
After years and years you only hide
And lie.

I promise I will forgive.


Even though you hurt me...

My mind and stomache
SCREAM
At the things I have told you.
All truth,
No lies.
The only one I haven't lied to.
Even though I still hide
It all
From you.

I wish to hide this from myself.

But I was never enough...

If I was more...
Oh gosh, if I was more
I could be amazing,
Wonderful,
Exhilarating,
Someone you would never want to forget,
The one you would always remember.

But you've already forgotten...

I have forced my words
Too much.
Now they seem to turn against
Me. It can never be
The same again.

She was in love with the icy night,
Crisp and cool,
Unlike the old she knew before.
Frozen,
Frosted,
Not knowing what danger she danced with
Skipping her way to feelings
That felt unreal.
Is this a dream?
As she kissed the night again,
The marble path reflecting her love's gaze.

It took a while before she realized the biting cold,
Despair in the back of her mind.
But who knows how yearns to return to the icy night,
Under the cool black sky?

In a lovely state,
          Dreaming of what will happen next,
Dancing amid the daring fates,
          Flying in the sky.
Daring to be what once was,
          Forgetting what became,
Changing from the bitter of worries because
          Knowing that winter turns to spring
And summer to fall lets the world know
          That I can be clean again.

I want to fall in love with a boy who...

Unravels my secrets one by one,
Knocking down my walls,
But doesn't push too hard.

Sees the pain in my eyes
He would hold me close without a sound.

Just holds me.

Would see all the tears I have cried,
The ones I couldn't bear to shed,
Wishing to find the missing pieces of me
And to fix my brokenness.

Writes down my half finished poems,
Memorizing my fickle words.

Confides in me his weakness and worries
Listening to mine with an open heart.

Above all he would never make me feel
Useless,
Insignificant,
Inferior.

Figures out what frustrates me and
Figure out my symptoms showing I'm stressed,
Depressed,
Anxiety,
Crying.

Cares.

Cares more than anyone else could, more than anyone else has ever cared.

Would not be afraid to tease me,
Even when I tell him not to but he would still know his limits.
He would respect my wishes and requests.

Would be the one that makes me happy,
Secure, and
Want to be a better person for me,
Him,
And everyone else.

Loves music and
Loves singing, especially with me.

Chases rainbows with me and
Takes crazy weekend trips at the last minute.

Would love to create-- art, gardening, music, carpentry, cooking,
Or a variety of these things and more.

Debates with me--
Not argue mind you--
And have his own will,
So we could make decisions together.

Agrees with me on most things.

Is intelligent and wise,
So we could talk about
Philosophy,
Science,
Calculus,
Psychology,
Religion,
Law,
Etc.

Is frugal,
But would never count the cost when it comes to me.

Would never withhold his forgiveness
And help, always trying to make me smile,
Even though he would always make me happy.
He would change his ways to be better,
No matter how good he already is.

Would marry me in the temple
But be nervous before the wedding,
Worried that this might not work in the end and he
Doesn't want to break me like other boys did.
But he knows that he would always love me
And this will work if we work together.

When he smiled, it would light up the world.

I want to fall in love with a boy that could love me with all his heart.