The loneliness is killing me but,
Why do I prefer to be alone?

Every night I see you I wish it would never end

The thought of you a few towns over, thinking about me,
It’s almost too much for me to take in
What do you want from me?

You’re taking up too much space in my mind
I know I’m not occupying any in yours
I have to delete you

I’m a displaced box
Mislabeled
Contents read: okay
In reality they’re: fragile
Must handle with care

It hurts so much more knowing I’m being purposefully ignored

Going to the last marker
Skipping all the usual in between
Excluding my feelings is odd
I love sharing the time and cramped space with you
I hope you somewhat like me
I just want you to think I’m cool
It’s barely the beginning
I’m already scared about the end

You
Dismissive
Me
Free falling in limbo

People hit their quota of sadness
I just have to pretend to be okay

I can’t let you control me
I’m halfway pretending it didn’t happen
Any of it

Yes, I know
It’s happening again
The familiar feeling of locking my heart away another level deeper
The absence of the familiar pain startles me
I know I’ll feel it all later
Compounded

Don’t accuse me of not mourning our relationship by not crying.
You eviscerated my heart.
Love and fear will be forever vying.
Between her legs you faltered.
You left me to self partner.

All we do now is write poetry about each other.
I wonder how you would feel if you knew that all I can focus on, is our past.

I couldn’t save you.
That destroyed us.

Instant fear
Panic
You won’t want anything to do with me after you see her
It’s not fair
I’ll be discarded

No answers
No reasons
No resolve
Just
Nothing

I’m hopelessly too far in
The only way out is exceptionally painful

Fate
Destiny
Luck
What brought us together after 7 years?

You.
Me.
Us.
My fervent secret
I love it

Life is too extreme for my delicate, tender sensibilities

It’s too much
It was all entirely too much

Your condition
Darkness for a month
Only letting in the smallest beam of light for a few days
I’ll wait a lifetime for your light

It’s always hurting
I don’t even know what it is

My nothingness to you is nothing new to me

My feelings will always be unrequited
My heart quietly breaks because of you
Longing to be yours
It’s fine

You noticed my piercings
I, noticed you

I want someone that I want and that wants me back

Higher and dryer than ever
Thanks

Where we can kiss
Where our hands race up and down each other’s bodies
Under the cover of night
Our darkest corner of the earth
Brings out our best light

I’m struggling
But I can’t tell anyone.

Nowhere to be and no one to see

You are the last thought in my head before I drift to sleep
You are there in my dreams, with your smile that makes my knees weak
You are my first thought as my eyes flutter open

This day will have come and gone and nothing will be any different

Nighttime
Quiet
All my demons bombard me at once
Restlessness
Noise
Endless noise
Turned up to eleven

I’m 25
Never danced with a guy
All I want in this fast world, is a slow dance
With you

We walk around
“Seemingly okay”

I’m closer to thirty
Not thriving or flirty
A movie you enjoyed.
I thought it would be you,
I got up that night from your second couch,
The thought of asking you to dance flew through my hazy mind
At the last second the music changed,
Almost as if, arranged
By a higher power
One that knew our doomed future
One that knew, you would leave me with wounds that could never be fixed with sutures
I’m still dance less
Maybe, in an alternate universe, the right guy would finally walk up to me, hand outstretched, and ask me
I, in turn, would say yes
Instantly hexed

You’re unlike any person I’ve ever known
Please let me know you fully

I split up the actual story between two friends
One gets the feelings
One gets the why

I miss who I thought you were
I miss who I made you out to be in my head

This feeling is what I stay alive for
You and me, in the backseat, laughing, listening to music
So simple
So euphoric to me
And then,
Sealing our goodbye with real life hugs and kisses

Your silence. . .
My answer.

Writing is my only happy place now
You’ve permeated every other medium

I can’t sleep
It’s you
Yet again
Flooding my already drowning mind

Your unique rhythm
Took me four months to decipher it
I could listen to it for an eternity

You wrote about her...
You wrote about me...
I know you’ll write about a future her...
I pray my heart is strong enough for whenever that will be...

I want something very direct, very concise
Black and white
You’re all grey
Leaving me in a fog

I wish I could disappear without a trace

Can I kiss you again?

I have so many questions
I know I’ll never get any answers from you