I feel relieved that you proved me right

Life is too extreme for my delicate, tender sensibilities

I give up.
I tell myself for the millionth time

I can’t let you control me
I’m halfway pretending it didn’t happen
Any of it

People hit their quota of sadness
I just have to pretend to be okay

Don’t accuse me of not mourning our relationship by not crying.
You eviscerated my heart.
Love and fear will be forever vying.
Between her legs you faltered.
You left me to self partner.

You’re taking up too much space in my mind
I know I’m not occupying any in yours
I have to delete you

You noticed my piercings
I, noticed you

Why does it feel like something is happening?
Something...
Starting
Again
I feel the thing I don’t want to feel
I lose everyone I feel for
How do I tell him that?

Yes, I know
It’s happening again
The familiar feeling of locking my heart away another level deeper
The absence of the familiar pain startles me
I know I’ll feel it all later
Compounded

You.
Me.
Us.
My fervent secret
I love it

Higher and dryer than ever
Thanks

I’m struggling
But I can’t tell anyone.

Every night I see you I wish it would never end

I’m closer to thirty
Not thriving or flirty
A movie you enjoyed.
I thought it would be you,
I got up that night from your second couch,
The thought of asking you to dance flew through my hazy mind
At the last second the music changed,
Almost as if, arranged
By a higher power
One that knew our doomed future
One that knew, you would leave me with wounds that could never be fixed with sutures
I’m still dance less
Maybe, in an alternate universe, the right guy would finally walk up to me, hand outstretched, and ask me
I, in turn, would say yes
Instantly hexed

Fate
Destiny
Luck
What brought us together after 7 years?

Going to the last marker
Skipping all the usual in between
Excluding my feelings is odd
I love sharing the time and cramped space with you
I hope you somewhat like me
I just want you to think I’m cool
It’s barely the beginning
I’m already scared about the end

Your condition
Darkness for a month
Only letting in the smallest beam of light for a few days
I’ll wait a lifetime for your light

No answers
No reasons
No resolve
Just
Nothing

I’m hopelessly too far in
The only way out is exceptionally painful

Saying your name...
A forbidden breath escaping my lips

My nothingness to you is nothing new to me

Nighttime
Quiet
All my demons bombard me at once
Restlessness
Noise
Endless noise
Turned up to eleven

It’s always hurting
I don’t even know what it is

My feelings will always be unrequited
My heart quietly breaks because of you
Longing to be yours
It’s fine

You are the last thought in my head before I drift to sleep
You are there in my dreams, with your smile that makes my knees weak
You are my first thought as my eyes flutter open

Nowhere to be and no one to see

You
Dismissive
Me
Free falling in limbo

Seeing you waiting there
For me
Nothing compares

I’m no one
To everyone

You wrote about her...
You wrote about me...
I know you’ll write about a future her...
I pray my heart is strong enough for whenever that will be...

I miss you.
I hate that I miss you.

I want someone that I want and that wants me back

It’s too much
It was all entirely too much

Where we can kiss
Where our hands race up and down each other’s bodies
Under the cover of night
Our darkest corner of the earth
Brings out our best light

This day will have come and gone and nothing will be any different

This feeling is what I stay alive for
You and me, in the backseat, laughing, listening to music
So simple
So euphoric to me
And then,
Sealing our goodbye with real life hugs and kisses

I miss who I thought you were
I miss who I made you out to be in my head

I want something very direct, very concise
Black and white
You’re all grey
Leaving me in a fog

Writing is my only happy place now
You’ve permeated every other medium

I split up the actual story between two friends
One gets the feelings
One gets the why

You’re unlike any person I’ve ever known
Please let me know you fully

I have so many questions
I know I’ll never get any answers from you

Instant fear
Panic
You won’t want anything to do with me after you see her
It’s not fair
I’ll be discarded

I guess...
We’re over?
It was nice to feel wanted
While it lasted

Your unique rhythm
Took me four months to decipher it
I could listen to it for an eternity

I can’t sleep
It’s you
Yet again
Flooding my already drowning mind

Can I kiss you again?

I’m 25
Never danced with a guy
All I want in this fast world, is a slow dance
With you

I wish I could disappear without a trace