Writing is my only happy place now
You’ve permeated every other medium

Special talents:
Making something out of absolutely nothing

It’s killing me to be there
Day after day
Would it **** me to leave?

I wish I could disappear without a trace

The transparency I can see your intentions with has no meaning to me
What am I doing to myself?

This feeling is what I stay alive for
You and me, in the backseat, laughing, listening to music
So simple
So euphoric to me
And then,
Sealing our goodbye with real life hugs and kisses

Today last year
I passed through your threshold for the first time
Not knowing that I would eventually have a key
Now,
We don’t talk
We don’t see each other,
We don’t say I love you.
All it took was a year.
A year that took a lot from me.

Am I stupid for feeling anything for you?
Do you have any feelings?
Do you feel anything for me?

Why do you change your mind?
I fall right back in every time
It’s breaking what little of my heart I have left

I am water
One little drop
Unassuming
As an ocean
Deadly

The good days just make the bad days that much worse

Last night marks the second time I’ve dreamt about us kissing
What does it mean?
I thought I wanted someone else
Is my soul not intertwined with his?
I’m terrified to love again
I can’t
Maybe just in dreams...

I can’t imagine you saying you want me
But there’s nothing more I want in this world

It’s finally the weekend
No more pretending
I can just sit and be miserable and alone in peace

Can I kiss you again?

I was unnerved at how abrupt your truth was

I liked you more before I gave you what you wanted

We walk around
“Seemingly okay”

I caress the bottle
My most precious possession
My way out

It’s so much I don’t even feel anything anymore

Your unique rhythm
Took me four months to decipher it
I could listen to it for an eternity

I guess...
We’re over?
It was nice to feel wanted
While it lasted

My hands are lonely
They will only ever hold each other

At least I’m getting something
I know it’s actually nothing

The Jekyll and Hyde we are at work still shocks me

Especially experiencing the ferocity that your hands race over my body with when we’re alone

I wish you would hold me
I wish you got butterflies when you saw me
I wish I could tell someone
...about you

I can only be myself when I’m alone
Why does no other human want to see the real me?

You’re so far away
You’re not there
Even when you’re right in front of me
You’re unreachable

I’m sure I’ll get tired of being used
Eventually
... never by you though

Was it a mistake?

It doesn’t feel good pretending you’re not my boyfriend
It doesn’t feel good pretending I don’t care

My heart aches all day long for a response from you that never comes

I have so many questions
I know I’ll never get any answers from you

I’m tired of this chapter
It’s killing me
Each day is more suffocating than the last
Can I skip to the end?

I long to be close to you
A feeling that will never be reciprocated

No one is ever going to care as much as I do,
And I hate myself for that

I’m only your convenient thing
I’m your afterthought
You call when you’re bored
I race to your beck and call
My heart mistakes the physicality for romance
My head knows it means nothing to you

We’re two different people
What did you want with me in the first place?

Thinking about you is so painful
I’d rather just die

My mistake is thinking that everyone has a  heart as caring as mine

Would my friend genuinely care if I actually had one?

I’m now so far in...
Our kiss was a flame to gas

Not everyone’s life is amazing
I live in the bleakness

I had so much resolve to completely avoid you today
The instant you said something to me it instantly disintegrated

I’m so used to torturing myself, I don’t know how to live otherwise

Making myself miserable
My own closely guarded secret
Anything for you
Make it better by making me feel worse

If I stop for a second to think about what you said, my brain instantly goes manic

You can’t be everything to everybody
To some people, you’re nothing

It’s a new day
I’m nervous
How do you feel?
Did it seem like a dream to you too?

Reveal more to me