The sameness is suffocating

I miss you.
I hate that I miss you.

It’s killing me to be there
Day after day
Would it **** me to leave?

I’m most afraid of love
I don’t want it to happen to me
The lover always becomes just another stranger to me in the end

Why do you change your mind?
I fall right back in every time
It’s breaking what little of my heart I have left

I am nothing.
Not even enough to be an afterthought

The good days just make the bad days that much worse

I get bits and pieces
And only sometimes
I want the whole thing
All of you
In your entirety

Special talents:
Making something out of absolutely nothing

It was a mistake
You were a mistake

You’re so far away
You’re not there
Even when you’re right in front of me
You’re unreachable

Last night marks the second time I’ve dreamt about us kissing
What does it mean?
I thought I wanted someone else
Is my soul not intertwined with his?
I’m terrified to love again
I can’t
Maybe just in dreams...

I’m having imaginary conversations with you in my head
It’s the only place you actually care about what I have to say

I wish you would hold me
I wish you got butterflies when you saw me
I wish I could tell someone
...about you

Thinking about you is so painful
I’d rather just die

Am I stupid for feeling anything for you?
Do you have any feelings?
Do you feel anything for me?

I’m a twisted, broken, petrified tree inside
Just waiting for a stiff breeze to knock me over

If I stop for a second to think about what you said, my brain instantly goes manic

I guess...
We’re over?
It was nice to feel wanted
While it lasted

I’m tired of this chapter
It’s killing me
Each day is more suffocating than the last
Can I skip to the end?

I liked you more before I gave you what you wanted

The transparency I can see your intentions with has no meaning to me
What am I doing to myself?

The Jekyll and Hyde we are at work still shocks me

Especially experiencing the ferocity that your hands race over my body with when we’re alone

I can’t imagine you saying you want me
But there’s nothing more I want in this world

I’m sure I’ll get tired of being used
Eventually
... never by you though

It’s so much I don’t even feel anything anymore

My hands are lonely
They will only ever hold each other

I’m only your convenient thing
I’m your afterthought
You call when you’re bored
I race to your beck and call
My heart mistakes the physicality for romance
My head knows it means nothing to you

You chose me
And you keep choosing me
It makes me feel special
I don’t want you to get bored

Moderately here

Today last year
I passed through your threshold for the first time
Not knowing that I would eventually have a key
Now,
We don’t talk
We don’t see each other,
We don’t say I love you.
All it took was a year.
A year that took a lot from me.

I caress the bottle
My most precious possession
My way out

I long to be close to you
A feeling that will never be reciprocated

At least I’m getting something
I know it’s actually nothing

You can’t be everything to everybody
To some people, you’re nothing

I am water
One little drop
Unassuming
As an ocean
Deadly

I want to go somewhere
I want to do something
I want to be somebody

It doesn’t feel good pretending you’re not my boyfriend
It doesn’t feel good pretending I don’t care

I fix the outside
There’s no hope left for the inside

I was unnerved at how abrupt your truth was

Was it a mistake?

Dried tears on my face
Again

It’s finally the weekend
No more pretending
I can just sit and be miserable and alone in peace

I am all of the clearance
Unwanted and undesired
By you

I’m now so far in...
Our kiss was a flame to gas

You changed entirely from last Thursday
And I don’t know why
Maybe it’s for the best
A kiss from me is a harbinger of death

I had so much resolve to completely avoid you today
The instant you said something to me it instantly disintegrated

I’m so used to torturing myself, I don’t know how to live otherwise

Making myself miserable
My own closely guarded secret
Anything for you
Make it better by making me feel worse

No one is ever going to care as much as I do,
And I hate myself for that