so close to the winning
so close
there will be no prize
no crowd
no ribbon
just a goal to be diminished;
the best kind of prize to be won

That smile
only shown in pictures
to show to others that you're okay
though
we hug as you cry everyday
you don't have to pretend
you don't have to watch out for others
and how they may feel
That smile
is so fake right now
which makes it grotesque to me
it's not what you feel
it's what you want to feel
but plastering it on
won't make you feel any less pain
the pain and tears
will hide behind those pearly whites
waiting for you to be back in my arms
with a box of tissues
That smile
will be true one day
but for now
be honest to yourself
for how you feel
That smile
wow
That smile
i can't wait to see the real thing once again

you twist
and turn
the words
the meanings
the memories
you throw in my face
what once was
but now what is
you walk away
with no care
that you have hurt again
you have such hate
towards nothing
you shared a lot
but took it all away
you know what you've done
so why would you apologize
and apologize
and again
******* apologize
im done with what you've done
im done with your fake tears
we will never talk again
you know why

I miss
your smile
gaze
and laughter
your wits
sighs
and smell
I miss
the way we talked
held hands
simply the way we were
I don't miss
your pain
suffering
and agony
your sobs
tears
and the fatal grasp for hope that wasn't there
I miss
your happiness
and that is what I wish for you all

come on home
from that desert
you've been hiding in for so long
take my hand
i'll give your thirsty self water
and show you
that the world has much to offer
come on out
from that cave
you've been dying in for so long
hold on tight
i'll carry you out if you'd like
and remind you
of the light in life
come on
for i've missed you
grab my offer
i'll care for you
and let you know everyday
that i'll always love you

when the moonlight shines
the darkness fights back
when the troubles fade
the sadness presses
when the love strengthens
the logic gives up
when the hate is no longer there
the love remains distant
when the time is short
the events keep piling
when you are gone
the moonlight, troubles, love, hate, and time miss you

don't look at me with sad eyes
at least not today
you've been bringing me down
more and more
but today
i want a break
you keep tearing me apart
with your sad tales
and sobbing tears
but today
please for me
be happy
for i want a break

this world is not mine
or yours
we share this world
with many others
some are worth sharing
others
not so much
those who do not deserve
take more then needed
leaving the ones who has this deserving glory
to lay out with the trash
we share this world
with many others
and those who do not deserve to hold such greatness
should leave this world
leave
before they do more damage
to the ones who deserve our world

another day
another week
another month
another year
repeat
repeat for the many more to come
repeat
another
another
too tired
too tired to put much effort
too angry
too angry to put much effort
another year
with more to come

could you please
not give me a hand this time
i know it may be hard
but let me grow
let go of me
please
i need to make mistakes
yet you hold me close
you want whats best
to the extent
of driving ourselves mad
let go of me
please
and let me show you
that i
yes i
can take care of my wounded self

these beauties
exuding love
care
affection
and fun
these beauties
sharing secrets
tears
conversations
and laughs
these beauties
unknowing of my feelings
my care
my love
and over all joy
when i see their face

from afar
many people may see
the beauty
the grace
the feeling you've left for me
but i see
what is true
what you've hidden
and now what i need to say
is that we're through
i thought this was more
then just a game
i thought it was care
and not a gift of shame
i held you high
while you were digging low
to the pit of my heart
just to let go
im done with the lies
that you speak so well
im done with the face
that locked me in this cell

Just give me one more second
with you
in our favorite spot
please
will you come back for just one more second
because you never let me say goodbye
i want that second to be filled
with you in my arms
looking up to me with those eyes
and the muttering words of
i love you
will you for the love of anything
give me one more second

we were so young
we laughed so loudly
we cried in a whisper
we had secrets kept in our hearts
we loved
we cared
we were so young

so much pain in those words
too much pain
though i don't know you
i want you to be okay
the world can be cruel
torturous
and simply unfair
just know
there's a light side
to what feels to be an eternal darkness
you'll be okay
my new stranger
don't try to hide like me
live out
and enjoy
the light over the darkness

the butterflies fluttering
around and around the anxious stomach
the rush of the wind flowing
through and through the tangled hair
the spinning thoughts
rolling and rolling within the disturbed mind
the nondrying sweat
dripping and dripping down the nervous body

a simple tap on the shoulder
feels like its lasting a month
a hand shake
feels like a year
a hug
feels like an eternity
when all that is on your mind
is why
why now
why not then
why with you
why not with them
why
makes everything last longer

with a flash so bold
and a color so bright
i cant believe i missed you
you were there
in reach of my arm
but invisible
is what you were to me
i wanted to see
i guess you were hiding
you bright star
i cant believe i missed you

your grip of my mind
constricts my heart
to where i cant breathe
i feel faint
weak
as if death is near
your grip of my memories
pulls my heart
to where it barely pumps
i feel weird
out of it
as if im not here
you have way too much control
over my unstable heart
that seems to not be working
i feel death
darkness
as if im no more

that heart of yours
that heart contains so much pain
pain from stuff you only know of
pain that needs to flee
flee from that heart
flee from those eyes
eyes flooded with tears
eyes hiding behind fear
fear of fading away
fear of no one caring
caring is all you do
caring is all i do for you
you need to calm down
you should trust me with your heart

warm me up with your smile
make me shiver with your sigh
wrap me in your arms
unfold me in your eyes
let the seasons roll with us
stop all time for us to enjoy the peace
these are not commands
these are simply part of my wish list

I want to see the eyes behind the mask
show the true being
behind that plastic molding
reveal your darkness
that lingers behind that smile
open the curtains to that deadly thing
that keeps you alive
open the face of what is true
what i want to see
is you

im born
to die
i live
to love
i suffer
to enjoy
i listen
to ignore
im here
to be with you

the scars will last
but my care will not
your screams will be loud
but my ears will not hear
the memories will linger
but my pain will fade
your anger will build
but my apathy will remain

can you hear the humming
the beating
the screaming
can you see the bruises
the cuts
the shame
can you see the dried tears
the fake smile
the mask
i hope you cant
you should be happy
and not brought down by me
i hope you cant
you've gone through enough
and you deserve more
i hope you cant
your too amazing
and i love to see you happy

that one time
where we hugged
where we kissed
where we were
that one time
where you laughed
where you sighed
where you smiled
that one time
where i was with you
where i was holding you
where i was yours
that one time
we were happy

its new
its fresh
             I love it
its nice
its there

its old
its surviving

its gone
its dead
             I don't miss it

For you
I would steal the moon
I would bring you sunshine
I would take you to the end of a rainbow
For you
I smile
I laugh
I care
For you
I would hug till midnight
I would kiss till our mouths were dry
I would hold near till it was time to go
For you
I want to make you happy
For you
I would do anything

your smile fading
an effect added to this sad sad movie
the movie we're in
yes
of course
this is just an act
just an hour long act
we'll be done soon
you'll be able to get up from that bed
to jump around
and sing like you did last night
its only a movie we're in
make sure you know that
make sure you know
this is all an act
so wake up at the end of this hour
for it is only an act

a minute
feeling like an hour
changes your life forever
for that moment
an hour
feeling like a minute
changes your mood for only seconds
good to bad
bad always lasts

I hate the games we play
as if im cat
and you're holding onto string

you keep pulling away
but luring me near

playing my hopes
and thinking its all for fun

i will get that string one day
and hold it till the end of time

i love that string
and will one day make it mine.

i don't enjoy the games
but i can't help but still play

our hands touch
and we're in another land
our lips kiss
and we're in a whole other universe

at least that's how i dream it would be

Who are you
to say that I don’t have a heart
who are you
to think you’ve felt worse
who are you
to call me names
who are you
to tell me off
who are you
to get mad
who are you
oh that’s right
you were the one
who broke me down
who opened me up
who saw who I was
who kicked me to the side
who ignored me
who are you
to say we’re friends

i see you lying there
with a smile of lust
and a touch of warmth
i see you *******
with shoulders of silk
and legs of ease
i see you pulling me near
with wants of more
and eyes of trust
i see you kissing me
with lips of roses
and cheeks that have been flushed
i see you there
in my dreams
in my memories

looking into the sky
for answers
is not the way to go
looking deep into the earth
for pity
is not the way to go
looking ahead
and down the road
will show you the way
to what you hope for
dream for
and
what you'll work for

not much has been said
but we feel something
we know something is here
not much will happen
but we know it's a dream we share
we truly want
not much is going to proceed
but we feel the pain
we see the wasted time

maybe something will happen
but we won't know when
we shouldn't either

the darkness
coming into play
with the heart
thats been locked away
the brightness
fleeting back
with the feelings
starting to stack
the rainbows
goodbye and gone
with the want
coming to the dawn
the darkness
staying strong
cant last
for it doesn't belong

if only we had met last year
or this year
how happy we would be
how amazing life would be
how uncontrollably in love
we would be

i see whats happening in that young girls heart
pain and suffering
in that young girls heart
she cries herself to sleep at night
hoping each tear will wash the pain
instead it has rearranged
the feelings inside
so much happening in that young girls life
pain and suffering
in that young girls life
she wants to fly so far away
leaving the fear behind
the fear of losing her loved ones
the fear of breaking down
the fear of going too far
is in her heart
her heart is breaking
her heart refuses to heal
for it will only break again
for another pain
so much happening in that young girls dreams
flying away to a place so far away
leaving behind the ones she loves
leaving them without them feeling the pain
flying away
so far away
wanting to heal others pain
is in that young girls dreams

A place to be
to see
to feel
feel comfortable

A feeling of warmth
of solitude
of peace
peaceful sleep

A sleep like no other
uninterrupted
unified
un-alone

Alone
is what i’ll never be
when im in that place with you

tell me everything
for i want to hear you
be completely silent
for i want to see you
laugh your loudest
for i think its cute
cry if your in pain
for ill be here for you
love who ever
for i know ill love you

no pity
no thought of mind that no one understands
no dwelling on whats happened
moving on
new year
no more of the old stories

as much as i wish all this can be done
it wont
there will be dwelling
and only slight moving on
people may understand but that doesn't matter

we all know whats good for us
but we dont want to listen to ourselves
so for once
listen

we float by each other
every day
not giving one another a second glance
we just pass
and head to our destination
we're ghosts to each other
i only hope we collide one day
saying a hello
shyly waving a good bye
we're like ghosts
but one day we'll collide
and that will change everything

I lost myself
but your hand came
and pulled me home
I lost you
but then I reached out my hand
and drew you near
I lost us
and no hand came
and we were both lost

should i go first
or should i follow behind
i dont know what to do
i dont know what to think
the unknown is another stress
another game to win
another puzzle piece
another 'thing'
take control
dont wait
because im too lost
to know what to do

Where do i look
to find you
i don't even know your face
your laugh
your jokes

Where do i look
to find you
i don't even know your name
your past
your possible future

Where do i look
when i know your near
but too far to see

Where do i look
when i want you
but don't know who you are

Where do i look
to find the one

ive had my fit
now its time
to grow up
i need to feel sad
but i need to enjoy
what i have now
and what all ive learned

if you want to ask
simply ask
if you have a comment
don't hold back
if you need anything
inform me about what that is
i don't play games
i want you to be happy
just tell me
and i'll do what i can

i see nothing
coming to mind
coming to the tips of my fingers
that are oh so tired

i feel nothing
coming to me
seeking my hand
letting me fly

i hear nothing
coming to find me
looking for me
bringing me home

i smell nothing
coming from the one
who i was looking for
who let me go too far

i feel close
but im afraid
i feel the want
but im afraid
i sense the change
but im so so
afraid
the time is near
and im ******* afraid