Never had a Little Brother but you are the closest
i can't treat you like a friend i feel like Oprah "Where are they Now"?
Do I Love to much?
Yeah did you notice?

So I'm gone I'm walking on the edge.
Good to bad like left to right hand,
Drink so bad like how did I do that?
He looks good like why you don't cuss?
Hide the lust Like smile and don't judge.
Taste his past like why you did that?

Love with me and let's never go back.

Guide me and lead me and teach me feeding off walking abd speaking in manners I'm peaking feeling my feelings it's crazy took me sometime just to love me I love you like loves theme loves being the ultimate pool cause most of us is swimming but lately I've been sinking in love waking up and finding everything that I need is that while my sentences rush at the door to my visions so my dreams are becoming reality so I'm more then dreaming!

My rooms ***** and if you checked my history on my phone I bet that would be to.
But the king is coming and I'm cleaning up what makes look ugly to.
Can I go hear without you deleting my page?
Nooo! So I hope those who read this will slip in truth like a bar of soap.

THERES no where to run except to the only place your legs bend and your hands together...you know.
It's not that he don't hear it's just we been going to the loudest wicked places of the world and it's hard to hear the truth.
Listen!
Oh listen...before my tombstone.
No one else  can save you except the one that's on the throne.

Drink Isaiah 55 invitation to thirsty except drinking from "Sinkist" look at your soda can really close

I want the diamonds to sit on my wrist
If they do not care then why would they sit
Look in his eyes I'm not him
..

I don't need you to be what I'll be .

I just got off xAns not **** me
I just prayed to God when I'm thirsty
I don't need fake love tried to hurt me
Hold on ! Hold on
Yea I already know that flock together flip the bird please

So deep that it didn't even really hit me
I know my heart is the most deceiving
My snarls jesters I never knew it wasn't a smile my culture and what I entertained for a while now
Like blood pumping threw this crowd
PPP on shafts covered in mouths
I'm good at taking a problem but who am I when I can't solve them
***** on skin thoughts electric ***** flows calm down it's metaphorical inception.

Why do the oceans roar why do my mind toss.
How come I want open doors how come you don't let me in.
It's complicated when you feel ignored time is waisted when I'm here in all I am.
I take you serious what's with over laughing and stuff?
I wish we would communicate more but when I talk you say "I'm bored"

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
I believe we can make it ...Do you?

Hiding in the shadows calling my utmost.

Baby this is a battle for I have a saddle who wants me to *******.

Listen I tell you here cause I know everybody got issues.

Keep your tissues cause honestly my tears these days are mental.

Private talks away from the perfect view and you get my imprecations on Skype talking to a guy or ....you.

But you...what are you hiding? Yeah you...can we be talking or just be poetically cool?

The medicine injecting the knees in the room, what I mean yes I'm saying I pray like there's no tomorrow.

Walking really close to the highest in the clouds you start to really see how your life is written down.

Most of the people don't know or like or even have read this all the way down.

But ending with this note....if I ever played piano, IM MOVING MY FINGERS FROM THE LOWKEY AND LETTING MY WALK SING TO HIGHER GROUND.

So much
So much it takes to be with you.
So much
so much it takes to let you in.
so much
so much Love that comes from you.
so much
so much things that I have let in.
the skies is the..
the sky ain't my limit
I have left earth
and found heaven as a destination.

My soul is flying home
and my spirit won't let me stay.
No I don't fly or Levitate I'm a skyscrapper for the end of my days

Here I am sitting by your house like a ghost
No music, no lights, so close.
I drove for hours just to talk to my soul, Then got possessed by the memories you sold.
Do you remember me..?
Such a delicate question as a tear hits my nose.
I’m weak and my eyes become froze.
Gripping the steering wheel and slowly fading behind the seatbelt is the only thing that seems mellow.
Hello...
As Billie Ellish voice soothingly comes threw the radio
“What the hell did I do”?
Never been the type to
Let some one see right threw
Ooo

As I roll up the windows and turn up the volume
Singing...
Maybe if you take me back
Say I was the one to make you laugh
And see me in this car tonight and hold me and just say I’m coming back!
The road is getting blurry now
The tears are coming just to laugh
I LOVE YOU.
I love you
....
I don’t want to
But I love you
Ooo

Guess it’s my time now,
I should go home and drive back now
As I take a deep breath and text you for the last time.

6/11/2020
...I tried & I’m here when you need me.
I leave you with another gun to **** me
I back slowly
To be honest I don’t even know how I got home but just like healing
Slowly but surely

Pieces of my peace
Into little fractions obliterated into kilograms I’m drowning in a sea of little Me screaming here I am!
You know if I shoot myself do I really die?
If I eat am I really fed?
If I leave it will I leave this planet?
I believe the biggest things to fear is the smallest think about

as I lay dying of thirst
I think about your figure like a well known curse
From your face as It drips gold and your chest that holds that Stoney frozen heart
Who knows !
Who knows who you will be when the roaster crows
I hope you be mine again
I miss you even when you keep locked away in this unforgettable dungeon.

What's the point if you ain't gunna point a finger all this yelling that some do to get the point across I would to. Life goes on but I'm still admiring things about you on the first day I wonder if I'm so messed up by the feelings I have for you? Laughter  is proof but is it real though? I just want you to be real when no one esles is letting you I will..just stay close what I wanted has become a soft answer to ...it goes "I will always love you"

at age 7 I had my first ****** encounter. Bodied by my cousin ******* me I still didn’t understand life, what I thought of playing became a whole new thing..I didnt know this would lead me into to two thoughts and two mindsets in my brain.
After this nothing was safe it was like a force was keeping me away from danger but now I knew I could be captured.

I hear this raining but it’s all in my head
I can speak about brokenness but I rather talk about bending instead..
Suffering is a word that my bones don’t even like
But funny how they go threw that word every night
In relationship you give you’re all and never think twice
Cause at the end of the day you’re never coming home again and I’ve finally moved on right
Pop the popcorn turn off the lights my mind plays movies of us the play is called “the wrong and the rights”
Who was right ? Who was wrong ?
Here I am sitting back thinking
Where did we go wrong
But you don’t care you moved on
It’s been a year so why am I still sitting in this theater .....
All alone..

I didn’t mean to lose control
Every step I step carefully until I notice
The devil is so beauuuutiful.
With no make up dame you had me bending myself and now I’m broken..
Now you treat me like a stranger and I feel so numb
I can’t believe I stoop so low
But now I made this fall into absolute soul
So even though my Lucifer is Beauuutiful.
Now He’s just somebody that I use to know.

It feels much better that you won't feel a thing.

My hands are getting cold by holding this pain.

The sky is empty tonight as my eyes change to the mess I have made.

To the mess I have made..
To this mess I have made...
To this mess I have chased.

Heart beats steel feet never looked to the grave,
For I'm numb to myself I thank God for God sake!
GOD SAKE.... God wait ..please take the mistake,
My last name has become "the mess that I made.

To the mess I have made..
To this mess I have chased
To this mess I.....wait

I'm numb and it's better to be chasing the mess that I chased.

...breath
..breath my last breath to the fool I was and things that I made.

Quiet and delicate past
My thorns are showing at last
My leaves and roots are about to bud
All I  need is water and love

They take and take threw the seasons they come
But at last I’m here growing threw the mud
Sometimes I feel alone and stuck
But threw the night I sense you’re faithfulness to rise again my love
My sun
My love
My faithful friend that gives me strength and touch.
So I will grow and I will show you my colors
I’m no longer worried of death cause I’m living in field full of wonders

...hello old friend good morning

They say you depart in 7 ways
Crucifying your rights
And regenerating every thing God says "don't practice"... for I believe you take many shapes still can't fit in his will like a bad tire with the right tools and I'm sitting here thinking like
I'm born in a danger state ...state of mind where I'm so far from the place that I sit across from earth like a dog on his chain watching the cars pass and chew my bone whichever is my understate.

I'm overlooked by people that I love anything I say gets in heard it's like they didn't hear that and once it's reaching the sun.
My days are getting dark and cold,
my friends know it cause I don't bring them along
The attitude of a person can set me off
Why did it have to be you tonight I'm not taking off..
You over look simple things I cry you won't let me spend a night cause the bullets when I was a kid I use them now the shotgun you shot at me like..

Your friends won't come so why should you go over there?
Placing your hands me and when dad came home he didn't ask me what was wrong you know what he said overlooking the marks you gave me ?
" ima show you why you don't put your hands on your mother"
That's it!!!!

So when he tells me something ima overlook what you say these key things

Your family thinks we're poor and they don't want nothing to do with us,
Ima show him if he ever puts his hands in me again show him he don't put his hands on you!!

Lord God please intervene cause I'm tired of people overlooking me
Lord God please renew my being cause I'm tired of people overlooking me
God please give me peace in here cause the numbness I'm feeling is coming back my family

Sr_gino I want you my Bezellé,
Lips like morphine I'm high off your speech to.

They tell me I like you no I'm just like  you
Busy all the time and my girlfriend left me...now I reach for any drink cause they understand me ya know..

I fall so hard for your accent
I try to play it grown but all I want you to do is listen.
Can't feel I'm here your there not erected..

We all have our obsessions
Sometimes..sometimes.

You drink to let go
I'm here oh I know..
Give me time again

We all have our obsessions
Sometimes...sometimes..

...sometimes I wait to see if your gunna text good morning like the olds days...
Looking at my phone like one day he gone text me.

We all have our  obsessions...
Sometimes...sometime.

I left my heart in my chest,
I left words behind my cheeks.
Cause sometimes it’s better left unsaid,
And to say something you don’t always have to speak.

I don’t think I’m focus on my dreams
Cause  I’m to busy trying to find sleep.
Chasing it so much these days It’s like morning has found me.

Rest young one
Rest for everything that’s for you you will see
Dead ends turn to lessons and your  lessons fight for truth.
Truth is something that we all need cause lies can make a person you knew become as nothing but a issue

In the stains of time my pockets are full of improvise,
Look me in my eyes and see if there's no scars of what I hide..
I held you for so long that I'm barely turned on.
I believe I have reached the shore of a new Dawn

Everything Must go I  got things I really want, tell me what I'm doing wrong let me know if we can go till the day He claims my soul deep and deep i know this road just tell me what you really want if its what you really want can i know if this is all you want ...is me?

My carpets full of spots kool aid and careless drops,
Dance throbs and tear drops
I stare at my walls
And it look like my hearts plugged
I'm cut deep my skins not
The things I see when I turn off the lights
Tonight it sleeps as I look out the window threw the darkest nights.

Looking up at the stars I remembered how much you loved me

Circles and stars
We are who we are
Give you space you took me to far
Cause I'm in space with black holes that are dark
Climaxing threw them I just saw God oh my God I'm so ashamed of where this took me take me back to where my Sin took me

I'm tired of sitting
I'm tired of wanting
I'm tired of people stepping on my neck
telling me this how it goes and you can't do...
What I can't do! Is hear you!
I'm stepping out on faith to, this room is like my plate full everything that I don't accomplish cause I was scared to !!! Uhhh I hate when that happens.

I'm switching like I was broke to a wealthy zeal captain.

I fail so much !!
God I fail so much
God, I am the head and not the tale
Cut my tale off when I bailed now forreal forreal ..

Work my fingers go work!
All there disses don't work
I'm not gunna show them what ima do I will be better stronger wiser then what I am now!!

Cause right now!!
Right now!!
Now, I...I... Praise, pray and hold this stance.
for Jesus is the only one that believed me

I don't want to
I rather not
I hate to
What's the point
You gotta point why?
It keeps my hands tied
And all the words out my mouth is "well I tryed"
Walls close in on this side
Once again ima leave without a trace,
I hate to trace back in what I made
I rather not listen to the try's that I say
It's not that I don't want to,
...wait yes it is I don't wanna stay in this lustful place I made.

I'm disappointed at myself if were pointing I don't need help yes I do come shake the bed maybe that will help me rest lift my eyes hope there working while I'm working I don't want to be the broken loosing thoughts my head is open I need doctrine I need sleep can you come and wake me please what's dancer without beat?

Your heartbeat is for me as I dance upon your love I blow threw trees and leaves and days and me I'm getting old to this thing renew me once again .
Plz cause I'm trying to stay awake

When the **** calls your name late at night.
When your best friends are no where insight.
When your road is all about obiedence and suffering.
When your mirror is getting foggy again by your own doings.
What do you do when everything seems to be unreachable, incovence, tangled, just not moving?

WATCH CLOSELY THIS IS THE TIME OF PROMOTION, TIME OF SWEET SUFFERING..For think my friend when all is crashing there's room to be build up to change ways, to create a heart that says "I will stand, and be greater then who I was yesterday"!

Found you where I left you
After the shrugs and after the drugs
I can’t feel nothing no
I feel so dame numb
But I wish that you ran
Like I wish that you ran back to me like I do to you.
But you’re just bottle
Like your just bottle
And I’m just a man
Who falls to deep the second someone lets him.

Being a man is now
Being a man is taking hold not control
Being a man is saying when you messed up
Being a man is me
Being a man is more then what’s in the middle of your body
Being a man is being yours only
Being a man is knowing when to fight for you
And trust
I will
Fight
For you

Why are you mad shouldn’t I be the one?
Wait ...why are you sad shouldn’t I be alittle of something?
Okay okay you got college.... big deal
Okay okay you’re mom tell you to clean up ...here ....and there.
You get home at around 4 just to take care of you’re little brother who’s prolly still in his underwear.
You’re sisters gone and you’re Dad is not there.
But why are you crying in your closet like nobody cares?
For four whole months I layed next to your ***** socks
Dodging the front door  to not get caught
Sneaking threw neighborhood.. I could of got shot
I tried to show u that someone did
died alittle just to show you you can live.
I tried my ******* best !
Why do I have to pick up the phone to hear what you went threw this year
And **** !!
Here I am on the other end screaming my heart out cause I never wanted it to end !!
Like why man !
Why do I care !
Look this will be the last time and I...
*answers the phone *
“Hello...”
“Yes ....I’m still here”

Nothing is better sometimes
Once we both said our goodbyes
TIMBER!
I have fallen out of love with you
Congratulations..
Go home now
My tears are becoming frozen
And I can’t remember the fall
And his heart
My heart feels buried under the weight of it all.
But I’ve been wondering
Have you been real with us?

If I call on you ...you will need it
I know where you hide when it’s needed
Call me needy and keep me distant
But needless to say
..pick up your phone I’m not gunna call twice
...don’t keep me on read for long when you know you will need me for those rough times in your life ...
Isn’t it funny that you got friends and a man and yet here you are waiting on me for advice?

Secrets hurt when it comes to the light if were talking about Wrongs then I haven't been Right,
I'm Scared of God not these UFO's They are trying bribe.
I'm in Fear of Being Left behind...Am I the one to believe a Lie?
If this life have some meaning to it then I'm Looking but still waisting time.
The things i use to do as a kid or on the rise so much if i open the door to old friendships I'ma drown tonight.
I hate being the guy to point out the sides of life but it's sketchy when i think about Life.
If someone came to save you then died and rose again to say "I will Save you tonight".
Then the process that i'm in is I am so Filthy and wrong that i need saving EVERY FREAKIN TIME.
it's a process not turning to the left or right.

Are you ready? Are you for the night,
Would you let me? Would let me go there tonight? I know we're strangers.. isn't it strange that we look in each other's eyes.

I'm never gunna bother I'm never gunna text you no more..
Man foreal this is strange...this so strange..
Love me oh Love me when I'm weak.
That's my Reign What a place.....all this Shame..
I'm a Shamed...
I'm stronger then what you believe
Please don't take what you can't eat

I'm losing interest slowly
Picking up rocks and throwing them at me.
The pond mirrors off the rocks impact and comes back to me....slowly.
I look to my left and all of my friends are grown, then I look to my right and I see you come.
What was it that made you wanna see my reflection and listen to my stream?
I believe it was me I sink in side myself just to breath.
Saw the same with you that's why I love the way we look ...Deep.
But even you my companion is walking away from me.
I'm tired of looking up to see is anyone gunna just stay and was tch the reflection I see.

The taste of freedom is not to gulp,
Cause the work is never finished.
Maintaining is the cup an working is the substance.
Faith is the thing to hope for and evidence of things unseen.
Taking off your mask is vulnerable
But keeping it on will cloud the vision
My helmet was too tight
My knees were buckling
My chest piece was to heavy
And my shoes was mud.
Taking off the only things I knew was just not me
But every warrior knows that evolving without getting strong is risky
Late hours is nothing
Sleeping in is my toxic entity
Speaking about things and not doing it has been put far from me
Cause if I stay I won’t evolve into the better me

Suffer is to want it but don't do it.

Suffer is to love them when there foolish.

Suffer is to encourage when they beat you down for entertainment.

Let go of all the hurt they put you threw it.

There screaming but you speak with love and calm them to.

Understand cause you don't have to be understood.

Speak the truth when they don't wanna hear it.

Suffer gives you a heart of content because to be honest this is the person that everybody loves too see them with to pull threw it..

..Thank you

As the sun peeks threw the clouds.
These thoughts get so loud.

Please don't let them in...
As I drown all my intentions.

Couldn't be a better image

I’ll take a lonely road before those lips,
I think my only home is inside my hands.
I can’t deny my love comes from within
But I’ll take a lonely road before cheating my friends

I miss you is related to I love you and you know them well,
My life is like a yell I'm sorry I can't turn it down!
That's why my fragrance is whispers cause they gotta certain smell.
And yet I went today once again to the place where you said....oh Nevermind here I am I know full well.
I get right here and I'm always fully down,
Even when you don't show! Am I under a spell?
Am I DECIEVED?
Why am I like this?
To love like I'm zealous...my bad I was feeling myself.
I'm sorry I'm the worst when it comes to hell.
That's why praise the one in heaven cause his love is unconditional ..wait?

How did I get to this realm? Screaming, God..hell?
Have you ever had sweet intervention with yourself?

I know who's I am but I don't know why I am

The sun is coming up I can see the breaking of the light.
My dreams speak more then what my mind invites..
My hands slowly raise to the sky
My head drips in my pillow
As I thank God for another bite at life.

I feel like i keep doing the same thing over and over
and its over again..
too much time in my room I'm losing my soul i guess I'm going threw it again.
Man this Life just don't excite me
without Love this life...
It's..
It's.....Nothing.

Break it into little pieces
My heart is in little pieces
I see yours as the Mona Lisa
Want my heart okay I’ll lease it.

Frabic on me Zara fitted
I bought it with the tears on it
because it’s tears season.

Follow me I’m crying cause the joke was needed,
I drunk it cause I ****** need it
We laughed so much until we started kissing
Cause it’s tear season
I went deeper cause it’s tear season
Wanted to cuff you but it’s not cuff season
I went to deep and now I’m ****** drinking
**** I forgot it was tear season cause everybody is ******* crying over ******* that there ex did ...

Haven't been here in awhile..wow.
Once again on the Edge of my mind
And let's be honest I'm faking a smile.
I'm usually the one where I look at the ones feeling down and say "Hey we all make mistakes".
But what if it's big like kissing his lips
And throwing up in a ditch, loving the ride not liking the trip I'm falling but wind feels good everybody's there but no ones picking you up.
The kind of mistake where he don't wanna talk about it,  I rather not say a word I like when you was straight but you want me to come out gay there was a lot of grabbing that night and I can't say it's me only sweeping it under the rug is hard when your rug is Holy...
It's got holes
You can't fake it forever
Pick a side
Well...
Haven't been here in awhile...

Wow..

I can't get up from my knees..
I got paper cuts on my hands.

My friend today asked me "Do you wanna blow trees"?
My answer was it makes me *****..

It was the truth but what I should of said I didn't,
And what I should do I don't.

I know your direction but the way I go is so awful..

Some say *** is not a curse word so why did I get such conviction?

It was never about money cause I knew that you supplied, I see change and I run to it man I hate this..

I told my friends but ignore me some are just ignorant, but if I don't pay attention that makes me stupid.

I tell on myself for only one explanation.

I need grace. I need mercy. I need forgiveness. Oh God I need Jesus