It’s 1 in the morning
I stepped outside
I’m sure the air is nice
But I can’t breathe
Stars twinkle above
I can’t even find the beauty in that
All I see is my own unimportance
If I died right now
Nothing would change
I am meaningless
Because as I huddle outside
Alone and sobbing
I realize I have been here many times before
I don’t think I can ever get better
Life wasn’t supposed to end up this way
But look where I am

Good luck staying afloat
I understand it’s hard
But I believe that you are worth it
So here, take my hand
It's okay if you make me cry
It just means I'm worried about you
I’m glad I get to worry about you
I know that everything hurts
But it will all wind up fine
We can get through this together

Today was going to be a good day
I promised myself this when I woke up
I thought maybe fake optimism and forced smiles will be enough this time
And I tried to hold my head high
But things fall apart
I felt the walls closing in on me
I searched for a window but there were none Water must have filled my lungs
Because I couldn’t breathe
And another promise was broken
A promise I made myself so
At least it wasn’t anyone that matters
People say there’s always tomorrow
But that’s hard to believe because
I don’t even see past tonight
Today was so long it felt like an eternity
Maybe it was an eternity
But an eternity spent alone is not one I want
Maybe that’s why my demons are so hard to fight off
Sometimes they pretend to care
Even though they don’t care
People don’t care
I don’t care
Actually I do care
A lot
It hurts that people don’t notice me
But it’s my fault for becoming invisible
Today was going to be a good day
Look how that turned out

My body is crying
and
my soul feels like dying

I’m sorry for all I do to you
Cut
Scratch
Burn
I rip you apart the way I do in my mind
I am insecure about you
I hate you
All I see in the mirror
Is the ways you fail me
The ways I am flawed
They say your body is a temple
But you must be ruins
And I am the earthquake that made you this way

You
With tongue of fire
And heart of ice
Expect me to cherish you
With the passion of an ocean
But water can be so full of fury
A current bubbles up inside of me
No longer will I bow to your will
You
Who dare to discredit me
Striking at my insecurities
Knocking me down again and again
Still expecting me to get up and crawl back to you
I will not put up with
You
For much longer

I said I wanted to be left alone
Which makes me a liar
You knew that though
You know that loneliness follows me wherever I go
But you didn’t protest
Which I guess proves my point

I promised you I wouldn’t hurt myself again
Which makes me a liar
You must have known that though
I’m not to be trusted with anything sharp
But nothing cuts worse than the words from your mouth
Stinging me hours, days, and months later

I told you was doing okay
Which makes me a liar
But why wouldn’t I lie
When it’s easier for both of us this way
You get to live your fantasy where everything is fine
And I don’t have to be more of a burden
Because I even weigh myself down

I pretended I didn’t need you
Which makes a liar
But after all this time
How could I reach out to you
After I’ve lied all my life
Subtle manipulation to make you think I’m not broken
But I am broken
I think this is all on me
Yet sometimes I wonder how you can’t see the cracks in my facade

I am a liar, but you must be too