People’s eyes tell stories
I didn’t know that until I met you
One glance and I knew
You and I were exactly alike
Sometimes
People say they feel empty
And their eyes betray them
I think
They think their eyes are empty too
But they are full
Of pain
Longing
Sadness
I saw all three in you
I could spend hours just searching your eyes
I am only content when I am by your side
So please
Let me read your story

Here I am again
On the verge of tears
Quiet
I tell myself
That way nobody will hear
I pace the floor
My family is sleeping
But my mind is awake
Abuzz with insecurities  
I tear myself apart
Somehow I find myself
Reaching for a blade
I haven’t done that in 4 days
I know it sounds crazy
But it was the longest I’d gone since March
I reset the clock
So now I wait
To be so broken again
All I can think of is destroying myself more

I’m standing on a cliff
Peering over the edge
About to go over
If I fall
What will happen to me?
Can it somehow hurt more than this?
Uncertainty stops me every time
I fear I may regret
An action whose consequences I cannot see
I stay in a cycle
I can’t break out of it
I can’t stop it
I can’t leave it
I can't
I fantasize two conclusions to this story
One I end up happy
And one I just end everything
I don’t know my future yet
But whatever it holds
Will get better
Even if I must take matters into my own hands

I desperately need today to end
But I fear what tomorrow has in store
I wish more than anything
Everything would stop
Maybe then I could clear my mind
Figure my time-bomb life out
I’m running out of options
Out of space
Out of time
Suspended in terror for what my life may become
Already weighed down by the past
Trapped in this life that I never asked for
Wondering
What’s the use
If all I’ll ever amount to
Is petrified

Their voices were sweet
Calming
Steady
I went to them
In a trance like state
Willing to do whatever they asked
And when I became lonely
Through no one’s fault but my own
They were there to comfort me
When nobody else was
Singing me lullabies
Then they demanded payment
Sacrifice in blood
After all they did for me
I realized too late it was manipulation
By my very own mind
I’ve lived with them for so long
I feel guilt when I am not hopeless
I don’t deserve to be happy
Though I couldn’t tell you why
Though I couldn’t tell myself why
How can I trust anyone to tell me the truth about me
If I can’t even believe my own thoughts
My thoughts are suffocating
Bitter
Excruciating
Unstable
I must face my demons alone
After all
What choice do I have

I set myself on fire
But I couldn’t take the heat
Yet there’s no water around me
So here I am
Burning
I can’t call for help
For the fire’s convinced me that this is normal
And this is what I deserve
People used to burn witches
So I must be wicked
Because fire can burn other people
And how dare I hurt anyone
Besides myself

Once
You asked what you meant to me
I said you were color
You bring beauty into my dark world
Showing me that everything has a purpose
A point
And a meaning
Then I asked
What I meant to you
You said I was color, too