The girl in front of me
Says such wonderful things
But I wish
She was beside me
Holding my hand
With her lovely smile
And her eyes lighting up
With every word she says
But then again
She's not ready for this
So I'll wait
'Cause just being near her
Is enough for me...

The red queen found darkness in my heart.

I caught the madness from the hatter.

I'm as deadly as the Jabi woki.

And I'm just as stubborn as Alice.

Something is horribly wrong with me.
Everyone can see it.
They will not tell me.
Because you can see it.
But me,
Myself cannot.

When I feel this way
I try and think
I'm not sure what about
I just completely zone out
Lost in deep thought
...but I can't seem to remember any of it.

Grasping onto the person’s throat
Choking the very life out of them
A smile cross’s this  face of mine
Their very last breath of air escapes

As the grip dissipates, it fades
Taking the knife and continuing
Stabbing over and over again

The blood splatters everywhere
The smile returns with each stab
This feeling of joy is indescribably

Pity on those that will never know
This feeling of not pain but, joy
Squeezing the last breath out

Constantly  called insane but,
Am merely misunderstood by all
Being born into a world of pain
Always tormented without reason

Beaten, bruised, and bloodied
No remorse was given, why though
Why is everyone else treated different

Suffering is known quite well
The military cause’s it and it’s okay
But, when people like I cause it,

We get locked up for life
Tortured even more by these people
And we’re the ones called monsters
(Ghost9er)

Dragging the body’s down
Setting the pile a blaze
Such a thrill to us always
Smiling at the burnt corpses
Destroying all evidence

Sinful they say it was
But, we all find it joyful
A sense of happiness
Smiling as our deed is done

Once captured, we’re pained
Tortured constantly but,
They always call it therapy
If only the people had known
These fiends are the insane

What we did was unjust
We know and understand
But, they have no idea

Them torturing us is promoted
We’ve all paid our due’s

It’s not enough for them
Blood is payment to god

And so, this is why we suffer
Because, we are being tested
Of far more than our faith
(Ghost9er)

My heart is ash and my soul in ruins
This curse is to be forever my burden
Lost in the blackness of the despair
Torment that has consumed my very soul

Twisted in unreal contorted formations
Unheard from the world yet existing here
Blood crazed and temperamentally insane
Mindlessly working like a wind-up toy

Itched raw to the bone being expressionless
Feelings of a burning sensation filling up
Beginning to craze the pain caused by it
(Ghost9er)

Bloodied nightmare’s torturing the mind
Constantly injected with more than lie’s
Torn up inside from the soulless demons

Monsters posing as those wishing to help
Always silencing the righteous and true
The truly insane aren't inside this place

The mentally insane are normal and average
Acting as everyone else would but, not always
Having joyful pleasure’s through others pain

****** deep into the darkness of suffering
No hope of escaping the shadows that swarm
As they grasp onto your very soul, dragging you

Down into the very depths of this hellish place
(Ghost9er)

An old abandoned cemetery lays at rest just beyond the trees.
It’s a forgotten place where life ceased long ago.
All that exists now is mostly covered in a white fog.
This is all I saw only two days ago.

I heard faint sounds but they weren't eerie.
They were serene like something experienced with white noise.
The souls which were once lost had now been found.
This is what I heard only two days ago.

It's not like today, now two days later, where I see people trying to find their way.
I sense they’re the new lost souls.
(D.s.w.)

this anger overwhelms me
imploding fingers
obsessed in red aroma
I want to slaughter
and lunge the dagger
I won't miss
this obsession for pain
inescapable
with no one to blame
I'm driven insane

I clench this blade tight
and lacerate my skin bright
needing  *******
to bleed the hatred out of me
but it furiously chases me
down my arm into my pen
right behind me
it will never end
in absolute fear
I slit this artery
with a smile on my face
ill flood the pavement
with my blood in a race
iron core liberated
as my blood scours the  floor
asking for more
loving the cold

ill bite the steel
sending shivers up
dental nerves
waking me up
hungry for
nothing
but to suffer

rooted hair
dug for release
ill scalp by tearing
it's never done me good
but impair my eyes,
I need those
to destroy the target
in precise pain
so ill look at the mirror
glare at the problem
launch my bones
into cracking reflections
breaking my bleed
into wild oblivion
tasting the rage
viscous and salty
warm and red

the hatchet sits enthused
sparking malice adrenaline
I'll give it a mighty purpose
evil ambition
to dismember them all
blood in a fall
this world
full of mistakes
blaming you
I'll make you feel carnage
ill shatter your knee caps
intruding your muscles
fiercely hacking
watching you die
kneeling in plead
of your pathetic life

begging for brain impact
to shock me blue
and ink these gaping cuts
revealing flesh
angst tattoos
reminding me
to never love myself
and don't forget
to "write about it"
self loathing exhibitionist
giving you something to crave

these skulls
I've internalized
falling out my closet
vibrating the air
pulverizing on impact
breathing the death
polluting my oxygen
powder shards ****** my bloodstream
documenting the insanity
in vanity
to violate you
and haunt your nights rabid

my teeth ravenous
to chomp
and fill its canyons
with live struggling flesh
smelling the death
my tongue craving iron heat
my nails long for freshly torn skin
underneath them
my pupils enthralled
erratic gore flashes
my body violently flaring limbs
victim of my own sanity
ill tear the wings off the butterfly
and burn the caterpillars into green goo
ill drench myself in gasoline
and strike up conversations with matches
ill load ONE bullet
teasing my death in Russian roulette
I'll make art of my demise
neural flesh scattered everywhere
I'll call it "wild salmon in the red sea"
inspired from my grimacing face

call me jack the ripper
attacking myself into the floor
ripping flesh into the morgue

(Unknown)

I've been holding for so long,
Guess it’s time to fly.
With memories I leave my mark,
It’s time to say goodbye.

Running away isn't an option,
Fear has gripped me tight.
Hiding away from my fears,
Dying just feels so right.

It’s hard to breathe right now,
Feels like I'm dying inside
In this void called existence,
Fear and death collide.

I don’t wish to live any more,
Let my soul Rust in Peace,
Let me sink in the sea of darkness,
Oblivion is what I seek.

Let me burn in this flame of hatred,
Your love’s made me weak,
Solitude is what I desire,
Oblivion is what I seek...
                                                     (M.m.)

I want love,
Even though I do not know the meaning.
I want to be normal,
Even though I know I'll never be.
I want my mother,
Even though I know that will never happen.

I need myself,
But I've become some one different.
I need others,
But I've distanced myself from them.
I need a conscience,
But I lost it a long time ago.

I can't loose control,
Or I'll never be able to come back.
I can't hide my pain,
Or I'll let everyone slip away.
I can't lie to myself,
Or I'll start to break.

I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'M SO ******* SORRY.

There's something growing inside of me,
I can feel the twists and change.
I tense up and try not ignore it,
But the feeling is just so strange.

I've turned my mind off for the day,
Music vibrates through my skull.
Don't ask me to function properly today,
My fight has turned a bit dull.

Never mind, I lied.
I can't feel anything, I'm stagnant.
Shattered and tattered and torn and destroyed,
You devoured every fragment.

A growl arises from my throat,
Voicing the pain I refuse to feel.
Clutching at the life growing inside of me,
Laughing because it's not real.

I can smile seven sadistic smiles,
One for each day of the week.
Place a mask upon my face,
To break I'd be deemed as weak.

White knuckles,
Clenched teeth.
Bile in my throat,
Reminds me I need to breathe.

Breathe.
Breathe you worthless being!
Put life into your lungs!
Smile your seven sadistic smiles,
In your hands their necks are wrung.

a kiss from a barrel or a hug from a rope?, it doesn't matter, I've lost all hope. the sorrows inside me have taken over, you've borrowed my heart and ****** it over, but its my own fault for loving such a person, to care about such a person, to believe in such a person. but I wont let it happen again, there's nothing left to gain, its time to end you sadistic game. so... a kiss from a barrel or a hug from a rope?

Dear Razor Blade,
I'm coping.
I'm moving on.
I'm learning.

I'm changing and adapting to fit in with the emotions swirling around me. Patience is needed so often I had to drill it into my brain. I try to find other methods of dealing with this deep emotion other than letting it bleed from my wounded skin. I can try to find a way to stitch my butchered heart besides coming to you.
I'm coping.

I want to throw you away, but I don't think I'm quite there yet. Steps get farther away and I look towards something else. Something better. I want a smile that doesn't come from you sweet kisses, so I go to a happier place. One day I won't come back again.
I'm moving on.

I'm slowly realizing that this life has something to offer other than just tears. I have a smile that is fake at first, but it soon fades into a real one. I look at you and have different thoughts. I don't need you to make my life tolerable.
I'm learning.

When I want to talk
about the little things
About the almost nothing's
About the time of day...
Or if it will come my way

Ask...
Ask away!

Can you remember
when you were little
that one person
who made you
not want to trust anyone
ever again
who ripped your innocence apart
you remember don't you?
you are lucky in a way...
cause I don't,
I have little flash backs
but as i get older
they start to blur,
so I don't know if that really happened to me, or if I made it up.

I'm odd,
in many ways...
I'll talk to myself when no one is around.
I blare my music, while walking down the street; dancing, singing, head banging like no ones watching.
I make friends with the stray cats in my neighborhood.
I like dressing like a boy, and being with my friends.
I love to draw, write, and take photo's.
But my favorite thing to do is lay awake in the Gypsy field, with out a care in the world.

Math and numbers
just not my thing
it seems to keep confusing me
Art, music, and poetry.
now that's my thing
my life
my love
my whole existence
is there...
you can see it in my eyes
when I put my pen to paper
they seem to just light up.

<3 When  I write the world doesn't seem like such a bad place, anymore.

My pen to paper
I'll write something new
which is what
I seem to always do
but the poems vary
depending on mood
if I'm happy or sad
it's also true
but when I try to write about love
it always comes out wrong
even if I tried for so very long.

There is a woman,
just standing there,
with pain in her eyes,
not knowing,
where life lies.

She stares at me,
not saying a word,
even if she could.

You see,
she wears a mask,
and yet it burns,
her stare that is.

'Cause I don not know who "She" is?

I'm sorry world,
For the things I've done.
I'm sorry world,
For the pain I've caused...

I'm left alone at night,
In the dark I cry.
Thinking about the lies.
I've told to everyone,
Will I ever stop?

When it's leaving me distraught.
I can't think to blame,
'Cause it is no ones fault,
That I'm this way...

Nosy little red head,
don't be a snitch.
Nosy little red head,
acting like a *****.
Stay in your own ****,
or I'll treat you like a kid.
I wanted to slit your throught,
when I heard you read my note.
Not for nosy red head,
so hold your tounge or you'll wish you were dead.

I wonder
if I'll end up alone...
and that I'll be that lady
at the end of the street
with way to many cats.

Shouting is not a way to ease your pain
You'll drain strength out of your body in vain
And what would you gain when you go insane?

No one said you shouldn't air your view, or plight
But you needn't shout before it comes to light
I know it hurts, but try to tame it right

There's always a great gift for self-control
That is a truth we hardly want to know
But as you can see, we shall always be told

I hope you don't mind, please give me a smile
Just forget the wrongs, calm down for a while
You are so dear to keep a heart of bile

Fifteen's neither child nor adult,
In between charade and innocence,
Fending off the forces that would shape
Too soon an unremarkable result.
Even if one were oneself to ape
Essences to which the heart assents,
No draft could be approved without revolt.

I want to tell you something you should know,
Something that you might not want to hear.
It is, however, true of me, and so
If you would know me, I must make it clear.
I am a woman who loves other women.
I could not, nor would want to be aught else.
I am your daughter and a lesbian.
Please make a place for that within yourself.
Please love me as I am, as I love you
No differently from when I was a child.
I am the daughter that you always knew
Save for one sweet way that fate has smiled.
Whatever you decide, I'll love you still,
For love heeds not the weather, but the will.

What do you do when your mother is crazy,
Hysterical, selfish, abusive, and cruel?
What do you do when really you hate her,
And it's all you can do to be distantly cool?
What do you do when you find her repulsive,
And the best of your memories are tinted with pain?
And now she is old, and needs to be near you,
And you cannot stand to be near her again?

How do you tell her the truth when the truth
Keeps accruing like some insurmountable debt?
When the horror that haunts you goes back to a moment
You cannot remember and cannot forget?

What do you do with your love when your love
Has been buried so long that you can't find its grave?
When love for a parent lies outside a window
Through which you imagine how people behave?

What do you do when whatever you do
Must cost more than the option you failed to choose?
For whether you turn to embrace or forsake her,
You're left with a burden you cannot refuse.

I spill out not only ink onto the paper...
but my soul,
my deepest fears,
a few hopes and dreams,
but also some lost things.

You hear scratching at the door,
open it to meet curiosity's eye.
Now you're not alone,
but you never really were.

I have a fear,
the fear of darkness.
But, i learned long ago;
when I was little.
How to drive the darkness away,
with nothing but a little light.

Did you say that you love me?
The things that I've been struggling for,
it's okay to just **** them all?
As the we, as the me that you hate,
is it okay to just love each other?
When I'm with someone else,
I feel nothing.
And this isn't what they call destiny,
but just a fading
                             fading
                                           love.

A dogs day is over due
the dogs day is not so true
running around, all so new
falling down, all to blue
searching in the calming breeze
terrified so horribly.

Born with a veil
but scared as hell
of what she
not only hears
but see's
no longer knowing
what it means.

Time is constant
time is rare
time is flowing
through the air
day by day
night by night
time is late
time is shy
now they turn
out the lights
to say good night
but our light is shy
so we'll be quiet
and that is fair
to the knight
and shining hare.

I paint the roses
a horrid red
because the night
is also dead
gone to black
instead of red
the thorn has pierced
my broken skin
the blood is thick
but commits a sin
the paint has dried
the night has lied
the paint is wrong
...the rose is gone

Help,
I'll say it
but only in my mind.
I need help,
but that
will never be said.
They go on,
while I'm slowly
losing control.
The pain I cause
on others,
I'll inflict on myself.
not for attention,
but as punishment.

They no longer get
that I don't care
about anyone
or anything
it's only fair
that I'm this way
ignoring questions
while they wonder how
someone so bright
can completely shut down

I can’t tell you why,

Is it when I cry?

To follow in the hate,

When they discriminate,

To the shadows I wonder,

To the crash of thunder,

I hide in fear of what they think,

It’s wrong,

The love,

The hate,

The endless debates,

Over the smallest things,

I can’t quite compare,

To the upper class,

They laugh,

I hide,

They smile,

I cry,

They punch,

They sneer,

To all that is worthless,

And I’m here to take it all,

The hits,

The bruises the leave,

The scrapes they create,

Never can compare,

To the fear the leave,

Unaware inside of me.

she pats me on the back
and reminds me to breath
while telling me
she has to leave
enlisted in the army
she told to me
I don't want to lose
whats between you and me
send letters
so time will fly
soon I'll be back
with you in my life

My headphones on,
music as high as it will go.
People staring,
saying things,
I no longer wish to know.
Pointing at my collar,
and the writing on my shoes,
not taking a hint,
or a stupid clue.
I don't want there attention,
or piercing eyes,
not there judgement,
followed by some lies.
So take the hint,
with my headphones on,
no one will notice me,
and life will go on.

Love is lost
but at what cost
to my fragile soul
with my mind withering away
why can't it all,
just be a game?

don't tell me
what to do
you don't know me
the lives I've torn apart...
don't act nice to me
you don't know
what I'm capable of...
so don't get so close to me
i'm hostile toward you
cause i will bite.

without love
I feel empty inside
and over time
it makes me want to die
they'll call the cops
when they find my note
while I'm in the sea of shame
without a life boat

The time on the clock
has no value
The interest in school
has lost its spark
The love of me
has lost its way
so what do i do now...

She made me cry
because I didn't know
it was all a lie
love is what she said
not knowing
it was all in my head.

don't question me
because you think I have the answers
don't fear me
because I seem strange
don't assume you know me
because of what I choose to tell you.

I close my eyes once again,
I'll be laying soundly,
in the gypsy field,
with the sun on my skin,
and the smell of the crisp air,
the feel of grass on my bare feet...
but a loud noise brings me back to reality.