I'm struggling
to keep my eyes open
making this world
not feel real
losing my grip
on reality
questioning
why I wake up
every day
yearning for eternal slumber
... then I open my eyes
wondering if this is all
just a dream.

She bites
not hard
just enough
to leave a mark
showing
that I belong
to only her
and when
they start to fade
she'll bite again
never once
breaking skin.

"who are you" she'll say.
"where are you" she says as she looks into my eyes...
"what are you" she says cause she see's nothing, in my eyes.
"say it again... I might hear you this time" I reply

she gone again,
leaving me alone.
like a trained dog,
I wait for her...
with my tail between my legs.

we're together again,
like many times before,
and I'm left wondering,
how I messed things up,
So I can keep you,
from no longer wanting me...
like before.

let me be who I am
let me show you who I am
oh, you don't care
cause if I remember
you said you loved me
but when people found out
you hid and you lied
... you made me cry,
but I guess it is strange
since we're both girls.

Mother's weakness is all too high,
leaving her wallet almost dry'
mother's weakness is all to important to her,
which causes one daughter into leaving her,
a boy and a girl still left in her arms, while
her weakness not left in the air,
a father left in destraught, wonders how
a mother could leave her babies to rot.

One day I'm nice,
the next i'll bite.
Till I draw blood
and make you scream,
From all the hateful things
inside of me.
The next i'll bite,
One day I'm nice.
But it wont last,
then I'll kick and punch,
while i scream your name.
You'll wish you were dead
and no longer sane,
I'll cut your vein,
as i watch you bleed
so i'll know
you can no longer leave.

People gawk,
point and stare
wondering if
its really there.
Kids laugh,
giggle and bite
to see if she'll
put up a fight.
when she does,
they're not scared
she'll be treated
so unfair.
Kicked and beaten
struck and hazed,
happened almost every day.

She was different
she was scared
people knew
she was weird
filled with shame
as well as pain
she took a knife
to her vein
she blames the cat
but with that
came a lie
and a never ending tie
beaten and betrayed
she set the world ablaze
when the rat
said she has no cat
filled with shame
as well as pain
people talking
of her in vain
she was different
she was scared
she took her life
then and there.

Sometimes
I feel as if a wave has crashed
down upon my body
breathes become rapid
heartbeat slows
the feeling takes my place
with calming whisper
into my ear
I become something else
not in control
I found it
or rather him
with nothing but a gesture
day becomes night
unaware of actions
he'll react
but yet
he's laying on the ground
in a pool of blood
eyes fixed on me
... I'll play this game more than twice.

Her stare pierces through me
like a gun shot
wounded
startled
scared
not sure of her plots
wanting to read her thoughts
but a void keeps me out
or is it a struggle to keep sane
her soul won't stay in vain
lost
cold
frightened
to be scares in the rain
to fall down to an awaiting train
as it comes
the screech but of not the train
but of the wounded
like a deer staring into head lights
started
frozen
dead
the train goes on
like it felt nothing
yet the deer felt it all
agony
relentless pain
and it was all in vain.

I fear the dark
yet i live within it
struggling to find my way
with the scene of life long decay
do they know
that i can not see
do they plot against me
mentally abused
It's always been used
it shall make me loose control
wanting a way out
but none shall prevail
to this never ending hell.

Her mind drew a blank
when she saw her mothers face
like a mirror
but never there
her mothers mind isn't right
her mother can't even fight
for her last
and only daughter
she didn't seem like a mother
spending money
on drugs and beer
her daughters life was not clear
when her daughter leaves
her mother only dreams
the time her daughter turns eight-teen
the daughter will try
and fix her things
cause the daughter has been scar'd
she'll think it's not that far
but soon she'll learn
you can not fix someone
who's soul is burned.

I'm weak
because I let her take me
again and again
It makes me lie
she's turned me into a sinner
As I lie awake
at night
waiting for her
to once again
take me
no longer
needing
to say
the words
I Love You
because
only ones
who love
each other
can do what she does to me...

Spikes on my collar
and slits on my wrists
I wish I was the girl
that she would miss
because love won't last
as our light grows dim
I'll be in the past
...While she's with him.

I don't want to be alone.
i want to be needed,
to be depended on,
for someone to be there for me,
to make friends with my demons.
For them to hold me close,
and calm with the sound of their beating heart.
I need to feel like I belong,
like I'm normal...
  I just don't want to be alone, anymore.

My mind is falling apart
with the time it takes,
to put myself back together
another thing will break,
So it really doesn't matter.

As I cleanse my soul
with the blood of others,
As I lay somber
with the help of others,
I will find my way
through this fearsome maze
because it is all
just a game
whether I win or lose...

A stabbing pain
in my head
not knowing...
I'm already dead
my mind has fled
to the great unknown
As I lay awake
alone...
In the gypsy field.

They think I'm weird
but I'm not scared
so loud, when they compare
to a girl, who's heart
and soul are damaged,
beyond repair
so they don't see
what she knows
when they won't believe
They'll start to talk
she drowns them out
beyond it all
she isn't there
somewhere else
her mind will wander
till she hears
the crash of thunder.