A mother's warm embrace,
The emerald forest's splendor
The kindness of a friend
A scoop of chocolate ice cream

Everything is laced with poison
That works on me in measures

The father's stolid countenance
To an honest, pure catharsis
The concept of decisions
Or trying to be selfless

Everything is laced with poison
That works on me in measures

A sifted moral construct
That builds the world up better
Like feeding starving children
And marching on together

Everything is laced with poison
That works on me in measures

From the completion of this circle:
The ghost of a reason
Can be the only thing we live for
Despite the things my father says.

He tends to see things more straightforward
He says he doesn't think as deeply as I do
It's not his fault but I'm just saying
We're running into problems.

I think
I need
To work on myself

We are the versions of the self.

We describe it as trying to be
Or say we simply are

We pass one another on trains
Breathe in the other's skin cells

We know the condition of brotherhood
And that of a stranger

We are ignorant of motherhood--
What man is a mother?

We still go to war, with our history recorded
We know the unintelligent condition
We know the intelligent condition

We trash solipsism
Tell me any other story

So she read her book, the living page
She knows what's a gift,
Senseless rage

Dancing in theatres
That certain way

We borrow from stars in the furthest reaches,
It will never matter

Fluff up the product.

We are what we were always going to be--
At the present moment predeterminism and its holy foil are suspended
I choose the same moment I was always going to choose but yes
Someone does have to choose it.

But you are disinterested,
My death drive saps the fun right out of it
But the Romans are listening
And they know their word quantum has made it to the final stage
In ways they never would have guessed
Do you think they crave a return to their former glory?

I guess we must not be capable
Of all that much,
Please understand when I express my greatest fears
When I am the center and the center makes the horizon
How would I be characterized?

As a thing that could do everything and anything,
Or a thing that can do nothing?

And how about that everything?
If I accomplished some things through external bodies,
Would you let me take the credit?
When you've expressed that you know I have a jealous heart.
Do I want to take credit for those things?
Not everything.

I guess we must not be capable of all that much,
Why am I characterized as the guy who gave up?
And why aren't I motivated to seek employment?
When I know the crushing weight of our judgments.

I know what I am
I do not make much sense
I am the only thing that makes sense
But it doesn't make it to me all the time

I guess we must not be capable of all that much.

Are you sure you love me,
Or are we just playing pretend?
I've got this feeling it's just a spectrum,
This part and that part.

A series of orientations
I can't comprehend.

With no reason it should be any specific way,
There are only reasons it has to be that specific way.

But something constantly escapes us
Self-defeating self-driven
But these words are too direct
I must find meaning in the abstract
And start another one

I can't believe my life is like this...
I look at the other examples around me
Such better poetry
But the one experiencing it
For some reason is this...?

How strange.

This is all
Spinning together
Nothing to do with,
Tied by a zero.

Does the zero speak
What is the message
We've received?

Bye,
Bye bye
Goodbye!

Everything has to go away.

This is all
Cut from the tethers
But we can't pretend
That we're not together

Tell me a story about the one
Who escaped singularity
Who did not have to bow

She went on to live a new life,
Nothing like the last one.

But that man said he loved me
And he wants me to stay

I don't know if he loves me
I know he wants to mean it
But I don't know
Sometimes I just look at you
And you seem like the wrong person.

Please keep me as your pet,
I am an artifact
I am collectible.

You are a starving artist,
We could be cute.

I can't afford rent
And neither can you.

Grudge or fetish,
Garbage or a body,
Talkative or silent,
I want all of us.

I reject nothing.

Reflection and laceration
Contrivance and reality
Harmful and even worse,

I actually want that.

I won't try to be wise
I'll take things as they come
And I'll be good I promise

And thank you,
For keeping me as your pet!!

You cannot crush my sepals
Pinched between ***** fingernails
Like little keratin adirondacks filled with mud...

And my stem is strong,
Supported on all sides
By all the forces of all time

And now it sits there,
Smooshed in your sweaty palm.

So just what do you think you're doing, anyway?
Making pulp of my xylem and phloem
Well it was always going to be that way, anyway
And you,

You want her like that
You like her like that

Well I promise I will always be that way for you
I will always bend
I will tell you now when I broke it wasn't you

It was the circumstances

I will never fight you on this
When it's my turn to suffer I'll go down
I will take your hatred the way Jesus did
How dare I compare myself to him

I am so obviously
A different case...

With each pang of awareness i feel it ending
But what pervades eternity can never end
And so my awareness is nothing

With exact replicas in every direction,
But we just haven't completed the circuit yet
I am nothing

I can feel it ending
Consolidating
Black holes colliding in my brain.

The brightest star in the sky
Is the last dim ember of the universe
If you held it in the palm of your hand it'd feel cold

My point is, you don't know what awesome is.
You don't understand how mundane irritation
Translates to the most luscious secrets of the universe.

You could never measure up to them.
Check your scoff,
Enlist your end.

And yes, it also goes the other way around

I have no legacy,
I have fussing and stretched and torn thanks

I have ducking my head while you beat your chest
Or fear of your razor sharp humility
While trying to hide my own
Which has been muttering ungrateful evils in that quarantined hut

I have no legacy,
You let me speak
And when I take my turn
The words are like dripping sewage
And the next one is a fine and practiced angel

Who worked their whole life just to accomplish some great thing.

The image of the perfect ones
Has been spoiled by the dissidents--

The dissidents that always arise
With their frothing blood
The ones who know they're right

See their exposed necks,
And hear their desperate cries.

The warriors of love have found
Charisma in their mirrors
See how convinced they are of righteous cause

What great interpreters we have here!

At the throats of your family's killers you brandished weapons
And found

gasp!

It was you the whole time!

New ancients raise rusty joints
To trace the confines of a trusted cage
The bars of which hope escapes
Like tiny younger versions of myself
In a twisted fractal that keeps hope alive, live, live

And in the way that it wills on
Layers stack on top of layers
Cemented to the unmoving husk of it all
The husk we fall in love with

Oh honey, there's nothing wrong
Oh honey, we were meant to be this way
Oh honey, take a big chunk on me, it's fine
Oh honey, trust me you should be thankful
That's not the worst I can do

I hate you for not loving me the way I love myself

I hate you for that

I hate you

Salut!
To the little kawaii death machine
With no mind to realize
That the prey draws you in like a magnet
Now you're eating.

No mind to understand
That the world has been snacking on you, too
It lunges in, unseen
A missed perception
And you were wrong
And your widdle soul will suffer
...Everything.

In he comes,
Saying:
"Really?
You liked my work that much?
Well, it was never finished, but
There you go."

Like he's pedaling some kind of ghost bicycle
I don't know
I'm really out of my depth here.

My glowing shards, or children,
Gather round your smoldering progenitor.

I know shadows spill from my lips
And build up in my eye sockets
Would you believe that I didn't put them there?

I am sorry if I disturbed you.

But you will always be welcome to dance in my body
Proliferate
Sing songs to me, or to each other
Scrawl your poetry in my spine
Giving me graffiti

My love, we have only just discovered
That we are all eating each other
We are all each other's mothers
And have only been here once

But, my sweet, sweet cherubim
We can just ignore that
So go down to the theatre or make your own
And if they start to burn,
Let us lose our minds

Michael's secret curse
Is to live by not living
Doesn't want to admit
We can give by not giving
Or find fault in presumptive
Associations
If you wasted your youth
Well of course we waited

Because my value derives
From a forced kind of tension
Never get what you want
They discourage the mention
Of the flaw in your heart
We all see but conspire
To call something art
So there's **** to admire

Your bleached bones sit in the cellar.
"She was impertinent,"
I said
With a sip of my morning tea.

The tea with blueberry honey,
The tea with a spoonful of cream.

Aw rats, yoiu said,
I guess I'm dead
And kept right on living
Like Ozzy forking Osborne
Like Rick forking Grimes
But you live on like bones
In the cellar of my mind
The bitter milk of Lilith
Like "I don't have to bow to myself"
So I don't
I go on living
This impossible life.

The hard math of love.

The full realization of the self.

The echoes you heard in the caverns of eternity.

With over-arching tendencies.

Where trying is a fever dream,
Uncertain if it is an illusion.

But then it wants absolution,
Which it does not receive in equal portions
And some still say it is just that you should know suffering
Or that you deserve love.

So what is love then?
Never confused, I guess!

So you tore my voice to shreds because you were terrified of the lyrics,
Okay I get it.

Because you suspected that you were not meant to be a singer,
Not like them.

Alright.

But before you did, you had some moments singing
And now, no one will ever know.

No one but you, anyway.

But I suppose that's all that matters.

Is there something wrong?

I'm riding the bus
To work again

I feel so strung along
Another pawn
Within your master plan

I guess I'm lucky
But it was awkward
With all these angels
They managed something
So far above me
And so consistent of

The things you got
You cannot earn
Without the space
And demiurge

Nobody said you're God
But I just think
Your story is a little off.

Because the whole time
He managed something
I always wanted to hold a candle
A magic method
But I forget them

And then I'm happenstance
I'm ugly with no special dance
Well are you kidding me?
If you could see yourself
You'd understand

The door tried to be mad at me,
But I used my thumb to mute its noise.

Then I felt vindictive (I think the door was disappointed)

A seething soul tried to manifest,
But I held my tongue and they prowled on through the universe.

Some part of me smirked but did not strut.

When's it gonna drop

When's it gonna drop

When's it gonna drop

Mercury,
Or Gabriel
Melt into the sun.

Laid down my life
I always die
By the time your message comes!

The singers on your sacred stage
Their gilded voices praise!
In sick lament
That honest vent
Without my agency.

Head south (head south)
Sweet Gabriel
And give your message to..
The honest one
Who swings the sun
Around his head and truth

Head south! Head south,
And watch your mouth
The northern lights are just
Delusions of
Your dying mind
Do treat them like they're real.

Apollo just
Stopped by this place
About an hour ago

And Artemis
With a well aimed kiss
Has pursed her Cupid's bow

The sun does shine with a stranger right
Than it did yesterday
The thinnest slice of your promised death
They crushed you into rays

Head south (head south)
Sweet Gabriel
And give your message to..
The honest one
Who swings the sun
Around his head and truth

Head south! Head south,
And watch your mouth
The northern lights are just
Delusions of
Your dying mind
Do treat them like they're real.

I WILL NOT BE YOUR SAVIOR
I WILL JUST BE ANOTHER
I AM PERPENDICULAR
NO FORCE CAN EVER HELP IT

AND THAT MEANS YOU CANT JUST WANT
TO BE-E A GOOD PERSON
THE SYSTEM LET YOU THINK IT
BUT IT WAS A SUSPENSION

OR I COULD BE YOUR SAVIOR
BUT THAT IS JUST A VERSION
DON'T MIND MY SICK AVERSION
I DON'T THINK I COULD HELP IT

And I'm playing the victim
And I'm being pre-emptive
And I'm reading The Trial
And I can't be corrective
Im aware of negation
I know why there is Lilith
I am being observant
You don't care you need to stop the evil

WELL I ******* GET IT

AND I DON'T MEAN TO MAKE EXCUSES
IF YOU NEED TO EXTERMINATE ME
WELL I GUESS JUST LET ME KNOWWWWWW OH OH

SOOOOOOOOOO

so head south
(Head south)
Sweet gabriel
Head south
Sweet gabriel
Head south
Sweet gabriel
Any message you send
Is for the bitter end
You're empty
And you know....

A lot of frantic terrible things about me,
Alleging that I'm heinous
Striking stigma down into my heart's core.

Then i collapse inside and it shows through,
Some demons circle around smiling,
They have exchanged words about my low state.

They don't mean anything,
The words she says,
As even right now in a skinny state of enjoyment I am aware
That is the place I am always pulling from.

The pain caused by those words and that energy
Are the teeth gnawing into my flesh
The same teeth that masticate, digest and drop their payload
Into the state of affairs right now
Where i am able to enjoy things.

But I refuse to believe that.
It is a false association,
And enjoyment stands alone
And terrible things stand alone,
You do not necessarily have to make a causal connection.

However you see that kind of logic in a lot of things we base our lives around,
And life would be crazy without that kind of logic.

I know you will not bow,
You don't have to say it

The idea of you even having to bow is emergent
I didn't ask for this set of parameters
To work with

But that is how it is,
The table's set
There is nothing you can do about it.

Enjoy, you are forced to
Suffer bad, you are forced
Suffer light, you are forced
Feel love, it's a force
Use the word love, that's a force
Lie, it's a force
Everything forced

Doesn't matter, if those are the terms they are pushing back
As you would were you in that situation.

And the whole thing understands itself
And will never understand itself at all.

So like I said,
I know you won't bow
I know you're angry
I know you have hate

You don't have to say it,
I already understand.

(Oh, and by the way,
This is all connected to science,
It has analogs in physics, chemistry,
Biology, psychology, language,
It is not just some crazy rambling of
Oh nevermind,
I always forget you can't just do that
And then you're some kind of credible great thinker)

Locked up in the ore
I can pull you out
But ore!
It is a vanquished doubt.

You sure can live on with a dour mood
And you will ruin everything,
Yes! It's true.
But don't say that,
Give me something more.
Give a positive spin
Give mindful, demure
Say the moon is a hook
Or the stars are champagne
Say that...

I have to bike to work now lol

I bet you're wondering
How all those people got there...

Just kidding, you already know,
Don't you?

I'm puzzled at you.
This is the afterlife,
And we already knew.

But you still...
I don't know.
We are just separate forces.

I know you read that we'll become enemies,
Your last poem is an attempt to "squiggle that out"

I really can't get over how crazy you are.

How crazy you've always been.

And by rule it will start "making sense"
But only because it consolidates.

From my angle, you never make sense really.
But it always does.
The logos of us.

I mean, it's obvious. We've done it before.
No, we're not dead, Stop asking.

Well, sorta.

But I don't say that to you in public for a reason,
I mean I love you.
I mean take that as you will.

I mean, read whatever you want.

Anyway, I will protect you...
Uh, whatever  you are...
Until the day we both die.
And we will "die" together.
I guess I'll die first.
But it's really kind of at the same time.

It's not ridiculous that you will your own body and actions
And esteem yourself with the ability to change it
Or accept blame when others throw it your way

But it's somehow ridiculous that you should think you're drawing the clouds overhead with strange tethers
And pulling the planets across the sky with DeCartes' corpuscles.

And yet, I'm the one who is insane.

I know it's not
But if you consider the bold arrogance of all this
You begin to understand where the seething starts
You swear you are being forced to waste the time
But it doesn't matter
Because you would hate the thing that wasted it
It's blubbering mouth trying to explain to you
We've all been painted by numbers

I swear I swear I'm not the sky
Don't hate me

The thing is saying

And this is why I always think
I've got my work cut out for me
That must be me at different points
Right now or down the road
Trying to forgive the thing for not being that great
And accepting that I "have enough"

But "stay hungry kid"
Always fight for more
Always fight for better
You gotta be kidding me

You may think that you hate entropy,
But it's all
We have
To build on

And you might think you're not a killer,
And you'd be right
Until you
Include me

Cause I got teeth in every dimension
And all these ghosts come back
To haunt me

And every angel is friends with a demon
And every pastry here deceives me

I love you dear and deeply,
But oh, not like I should...
The angels see our dance
I lost some grace there, to be sure

But plenty still are shining
And they form a daring wish
They twinkle there, pretending
That they are oblivious.

But you've loved me so truly!
So what am I to gripe?
An arrogant, pathetic beast
God's hand relents to swipe.

I love you dear and deeply,
But oh, not like I should...
A quiet room, my heart designs
To leave you if I could

But safety is the hazard
To which my heart addicts
And trying to convince myself
True love is what this is

But too long now I tuck myself
To bed with monthly checks
That you get from the government
Is this some blessed hex?

I, too, could claim disabled
But time to get a job
One bed inside this rented room--
The princess and the snob.

I wish that I could force myself
To love you like I ought
A sure sign of the cruelty
This universe has wrought

I love you dear, and deeply
But oh, not like I should
I'm glad that I could break away,
So glad you understood.

Nature breathes into me as I sleep
Decision traces days to come
Days gone past
Characteristics line my face
To tear my skin into itself
To tear the world asunder
Where it decides against itself

I have become the world
Now sleeping
Now I have become nothing
Not a man, not the world
Not asleep, not alive
But I am nothing, nowhere
Seeded black holes that wait like lions
The deepest roots of our very nature

The halcyon spirits that play along
The harmonic nodes that secure happiness--
They are only castles waiting to crumble
Fall to disrepair
They have seen the whole thing before
Over and over again they watch the world end
I can't tell if they are trying their hardest fighting for me
Or if they're jaded traitors, ready to draw the line in the sand

If they're angels or demons, afforded through each other
Oh but I know
But nothing escapes my mind's incessant questioning
Now this is the part where you explicate my destiny.

i'm rick james
*****

Hello little fetus
There's a soundproof wall between us

But I wish I could tell you
What an insane world
You're part of

We're so obsessed with ideas
Like saying it's worth it
But I wish I could tell you
How truly crazy your birth is.

Just by natural forces--
And you'll learn where the source is--
They will tell you you've wronged them
No, you can't just enjoy this

Oh, there's no one to save you
But so many will blame you
While you understand all this
Is folded up there
In your little shape,
Waiting to be born.

When I fold into myself I hear the birds
Canary songs and harpy eagles
Great blue herons and red-winged blackbirds
They push aside what would be a triumphant understanding of physics
Pushing air with their wings

And they push songs from their throats,
But it's not only birds I hear when I turn inwards
I hear people screaming, buildings collapsing
And the distended cries of twisting minds

I hear those half-realities that did not fit
I hear the passionate souls that wanted to bloom

And it's a sure thing that you distilled out physical law
Sure as my liver rinses the alcohol
But when I fold into myself
I just see the faces who have done it all

And then I hear noise
Birds and bullets
Car crashes and TV static
Mouths chewing, flowers blooming
The four winds gusting through my ears...

I am always thinking,
A soul just died for that?
In every frame of life
And feel ashamed for the smallness
Or the selfishness
Of that moment.

But I should not be so ashamed,
Because my life is round.
I am one thing,
And the insignificant is necessary with the scope.
I die for the significant, the significant becomes insignificant,
and the reverse is also true.

In fact I am not ashamed at all of anything,
Though I have read sacred texts that tell me I cannot hide my shame
I do not have shame
Because I am everything that is real
Ego results cancel the ego (natural and necessary, though charged with ego, paid in full).

i drift through the winter in a total haze
hibernation is in full effect
i hate thinking about the times
when you weren't my friend
so i sleep beneath my skin
and drive around
with a nimbus cloud
gathering

it takes a lot to **** my mind's kicking
throwing tantrums like the ones that split us
so i smoke my buzzing brain out
to get the honey underneath

but it sits there on the shelf,
i think that i should **** myself
then i swiped the mason jar onto the floor

a sticky mess indeed,
and what a shame
when you're so sweet
i can't stand myself
anymore

That's a
Good Deal
That's a
Steal
Don't mind these false connections
Contriving what is real

You're a
Sweetheart
You are more
So much more
Than I bargained for

So i got stupid
Dull and lame
That's just part
Of this game we play

But that was wise
And smart to do
And I got food
And I got you

We have to consider the state of fulfillment
We have to fit on the track we're on
You make your own decisions,
But they're all blanks you fill in

Your skills, the dopamine and serotonin
Surround you in a web of souls
Trying hard is the trial of the ego
But how good can you really get?

The cells of your spinal column
Are piano virtuosos
Missile defense systems
And research scientists

Technically it happened
But the center would be troubled
With the condition of no,
It's not the center

The place where all my talent goes to die
And I can tell they resent me

//

But pick me up sunshine
Knowing this kind of makes the half wit things seem
Extra smart,
And you'd definitely tell me I'm insane
Whatever, live in whatever wild fantasy you want to
Kind of thing
But I know the trick of self-validation

I'll sip my coffee and check my brow
Find not much there but a little sweat
Wipe it off and do whatever it is I do here

I didn't realize how we have to work,
I must have blinded the child
I guess God's a *******
And the devil is worse.

The window has revealed an impersonal truth,
Two of my cells are in love but not with me
Two cells that are only technically mine,
To my crazy possessive mind

Embedded in the matrix
Coincident with cherry blossoms taken on a light breeze,
Do they really know
A different reality?

Say a prayer for the stupid--
They have been committed to their state by universal forces.

Their guilt is unimpeded even by themselves,
The innocent evade this type of scrutiny,
But the stupid ones have to learn from their mistakes.

They are delusional in their admission!
A disparate node of the circuit of Christ
Did He feel Stupid for manifesting
In the last roilings of Calvary?

Their choices have been scripted and characterized
They assume themselves right in their judgment of themselves as stupid
How selfish! To assume they are right in judging themselves as stupid!

They should be blinded to their own stupidity,
So they can realize the full intelligence and wonder of consciousness
Which is truly such a masterpiece
Lifted up in a place above suffering,
Above doubt,
Above Satanistic accusations!

Ha! Do you see the point I'm trying to make?
How stupid and pointless it is.

Farewell to progress,
Your vestiges remain intact.
I'll lend my ***** visage to finality,
The gods of fate and chance.

Reciprocity is a hell of a demon
Gets you used to having cake

Don't you see your careful work
Is a just a joke to make?

Because if you are a circuit,
And you try to lay down and submit
Knowing it's the rulebook you play by
Being the one true experience,

Just know that derivatives rise from the maelstrom
Who are whisked from infinity
And they have no rules to play by

They beat their chests and say dominance begets dominance,
They tell them not to listen to types like you
Who would have them believe you had some kind of crazy rule to live by
You who thought being submissive would give you some kind of future power
You could be right but you'd still encounter these.

Because they don't care if they've arisen from that part of your circuit,
Or care about how you think it was afforded
Because in the end it's there and it's the wave they are riding

In fact you can't claim it as yours
And you can't say that your submission has anything to do with it

It's just your pride trying to connect a high with a low

And so you'll always find these demons

Telling you that

And you're the same person

Every time