Reciprocity is a hell of a demon
Gets you used to having cake

Don't you see your careful work
Is a just a joke to make?

Because if you are a circuit,
And you try to lay down and submit
Knowing it's the rulebook you play by
Being the one true experience,

Just know that derivatives rise from the maelstrom
Who are whisked from infinity
And they have no rules to play by

They beat their chests and say dominance begets dominance,
They tell them not to listen to types like you
Who would have them believe you had some kind of crazy rule to live by
You who thought being submissive would give you some kind of future power
You could be right but you'd still encounter these.

Because they don't care if they've arisen from that part of your circuit,
Or care about how you think it was afforded
Because in the end it's there and it's the wave they are riding

In fact you can't claim it as yours
And you can't say that your submission has anything to do with it

It's just your pride trying to connect a high with a low

And so you'll always find these demons

Telling you that

And you're the same person

Every time

Farewell to progress,
Your vestiges remain intact.
I'll lend my ***** visage to finality,
The gods of fate and chance.

Harmony starts to assimilate with dissonance
Like my passions and their dissolution
Like your face and my death

But heuristic flies in the face of contradiction.
There is some magic in the tips of your fingers
Like the corpuscles of Descartes
Wielding that potent blend of chaos and order

Eleven years have graced my back
Hands that wove such intimate passions
Which evolve and now present
Children greivously injured by birth
Or otherwise hurt (if you believe in choices)

Because you are my total paradigm
Even though i rarely think about you
To be honest
You are the massage in the walls of random rooms
Trying to ignite good feeling in a shattered mind
You are the smile of a plastered moon.

You are the taste of

When I see the ones you hail
And hear the dull thud after my own actions
I do come to expect a precarious
And undue praise

Hailing yourself the great wizard above all creation,
Assuming yourself humble and
Adding it
To your list of accomplishments
Gracing me with just enough to keep me fed
Devoting your whole identity to my sense of well-being
And yet,
Being a separate being from me

Barring me from realities,
Many of which were extremely positive and exclusive,
NOT JUST BEING the result of emergence, no
ACTUALLY BEING that thing, that's just life, as you say
It's not just a result of universal forces but it just exists that way and I have to accept it

I'm shaking my clenched fist at you,
Michael.

Everything is not pride on a pedestal
When you want it to be grand design it's not
And when you doubt it's grand design it shows you how wrong you are.

Child, I am so scared of you
Cherubic though you are
It's cherubs who hold power
And regard in heaven's mind

Their ripples disregarded
As infants' silly games
But could they be like butterflies
Who brewed up storms of shame?

But still eternal walls shine on
Within their painted cheeks
The fortresses of youth and joy
That Hilbert's dragon seeks!

The only reason that they are
Compounds itself in them
And that they are regards itself
Until we come undone

Your hair grows so aggressively
Your teeth are coming in
Child, I am so scared of you
And for you, and for kin


Lay down your head
And dream sweet dreams,
Give yourself tifereth

I love you so deeply
Not impossibly
Dream yourself something good.

.

Let's talk about stereographic projections

Poppy wraps her veins around me
And we are like a warm envelope to God
At least when he is lost and lonely
****** teeth in the toxic fumes
He'll know she is keeping me here
Far from the flames of the battlefield

She is like sugar and melted butter
When Mr. Philosophy and I are playing the choking game
And the celestial spheres turn round the 29 year old slump body in bed

I draw the curtains to keep away the sunshine,
But with Poppy I find the sun is stubborn

Her love ignites in the belly of my heart and dissolves all doubt
Right now the world is not a monster
But... it is going to be

That is why I am loving you now, she seems to say
That is why we have what we have
And even now I'm slipping
Instead of arranging these bouquets of imagery detailing Poppy
(Oh, that is NOT her name but I'm scared)
I am talking about the thing again

I am the providence of meaning
My thoughts are like kites on the wind

I'm tied to the moonlit shoreline

Waves rearrange the sand,
Agitating it
Sharing whale songs with the clams
And leaving little foam gifts.

Those purple clouds are far away but they are real,
You could fly through them as a bird,
Swoop down and skim the waves with your feet

My thoughts are like moonlit kites
My thoughts are like the nighttime gulls
Dark blue, navy blue
With purple clouds and ***** of light
My strings are taut
And my skin is flecked with salt,

Goodnight!

Turn green to see you lively
With empty, bruised eyes
A heart that's tilted backward
While others dive right in

I'll set the world on fire
I'll **** off all my hopes
You'll say I didn't have to
But you were wrong
You think you know better
I'm stuck in the concrete
I've already let this go.

We are worth each other's time
Exactly as I pinch Max Planck
I just feel like you ****** up somewhere
And got us into hot water

But come,
Invite me into your pool party
Cessation was told explicitly to stay home
Because every number has a right to fight for the light

But you should know we are watching you,
Adolf,
And every move you make,
And we are doing everything in our power to stop your evil force.

Now stop,
You are really messing with me
And I'm having a hard time with this lately.

Ha! You think you have me like that?
It was as easy as pressing a button.
We shut you-me away,
And we censored my speech.

Goodbye and good riddance.

You are lucky to have a job,
You who brag about working!

And you should kiss my accursed boot,
Me, who works so hard for you.

Dream of a necessary universe
Ignorant, omniscient
Self-afflicted and strange
Contrived of nothing,
Obligation

Miss your appointments
Find them whizzing around your head
Of course you would.

Reality conducts its phases
That's not really suffering.

Cut my flesh and cut it into slivers
And twist them to a rose
I've become that fifth wheel of consciousness
Robert Smith turning 30 without ever having released an album
His musical passion, except muted choked and abandoned

I am the place where physics goes to die

I cannot prove who I think i am
I've read headlines about the ones who went off the rails

My organs have come together
To make something between art and happenstance
How confirmed your beauty is
And how subjective is the notion that I contain any at all

presently a whirlwind of neuroses
tragic light thrown upon walls in the dark,
crazy light
stuttering existence flickers the madman through dark tunnels
the angels stare down their noses at him
because he fell from their eyes like a tear
doing doses in their arms until he melted to the floor like a puddle
he woke up a sewer rat
a sour man with addled mind and waving at an invisible swarm in front of him
pulling a girl's name from between his teeth
and sending texts to sir Jesus Christ,
baby i'm sorry i'm paranoid
what are you doing right now?

she is dying on the cross,
and your babble is sanctified you wrinkled poet.

You worked probably more than you should have
Lifting earth to cut rubies
Cutting rubies to meet gazes
Forcing cardiac tissue into carborundum
Making a clean fit
Shifting perspectives
Like lifting earth.

And you worked probably more than you should have
Catching chances
Sifting through the reverberations
Saving slivers of light.
Lifting rubies in the night
Weaving your life in impossible spaces
With the last scraps of a corroding
Logic, and a corrosive logic spurned.

Strange is normal,
And death is life
I am not a kid anymore,
Though you can be nice.

I am not a human,
I'm a curtain of death.

Closing all my arguments,
To nobody's interest.

I am beyond myself,
It's plain to the eye.

I'm out of my head,
Like the broken sky.

You think you're secure
But you're a goofy man.

You can try and act tough
And now I'm talking to my plant.

LET GO LET GO LET GO
what your family means
LET ALL OF IT GO
yes I will be your scapegoat!

I will die like Christ!

BUT NO I AM NOT TO BLAME
YOUR HATE
WILL ALWAYS BE IRRATIONAL.

Can I use this for a selfless feeling?
State, no, feeling, state, no, feeling

Honey thoughts that forgo hives
I'm about as straight as Lincoln drive

And this is how I'd naturally be
And we'd always find love and hate for me

Money talks and forgets lies
And savage judgments kiss the skies

I just sit there and gush for my 'enemies' sometimes.

(You know something's coming for you)

Your eyes and voice are like perfect medicine for my soul,
Like **** you hit such pretty notes

(You're just telling lies all the time)

You lead by example, pushing against adversity
With bravery and confidence

(There are no excuses for you now)

You endeavor to feel something, anything
And from the outside it looks beautiful
It's incredible

She knows she's not pretty
Don't assume that she thinks she's bossing

An ego that keeps dissolving
And returning despite knowledge
It feels like living just to drown

More alcohol, please
Give me the shakes I don't care
I've become an insufferable fool
And you're my ever-loving Tool

I don't even want this anymore
Don't bring me up just to fall

Honey mixed with bird s**t,
Elusive aim of words.

Held away from whorish whims,
The angels wait in line for sin
Some want it, some hate it
And some hold black diamonds in their heart.

Funny how i have the strength to doubt you
Michael doesn't give a **** about you
From this angle
The angels
Are leaning quite against you

Find a lever
And sever
The parts that aren't perfect
But tell me how do you deserve it?

I had to peel
Had to find
Something deep beneath the surface
Had to work
Had to feel
Just how fatalist my birth is
You're a demon and you know it
Don't try to claim you're God
You're about to find out
How ****** up the universe is.

Throw two stones into still water
And watch the ripples sing:
Where two waves meet
They grow higher

And the valleys deepening.

But when a valley finds a wave,
The surface stays the same
Just like we started
Stagnant water
That did not know how to sing

The sin of having a child--

You are the wound
By which they were burned into the world
Burning into themselves
You have to find a way to absolve yourself

There, set yourself above me!
Cut out my tongue and stitch up my lips
Because everything you gave me, oh! I was so ungrateful.
"Just shut up, you insolent brat!"
You don't know what I went through to give that to you!
You don't know what you had,
You are too weak and small to understand!

You're right, you are so inherently good and pure
I should just accept it was what I did with the gift you gave me
I, the recipient of the positive power of choice
Which is not a debate!
I should accept that I have made mistakes!

It was what I did with that gift that was abhorrent
Now, you may have made some mistakes as well...
But I should understand, they were not nearly so severe
As the infractions committed by my selfish heart!

After all, I hold on to the past,
And you, as you say, you just move on.

So i should understand.

You pretend to be above me.
But this universe just trades places.
One day you will get over yourself
And I don't know if that counts as understanding
But I don't care.

And I don't care if you think I'm a leaf arguing with the trunk of its own tree
It makes sense that I would
Self hatred makes sense
Our hemispheres argue until they resolve
And may the pride you have destroy itself
And I know it will and right now that makes me laugh

Because I experience pride but it comes and goes
I don't hold on to things like you.

I said come on
I'm getting old
I have a long list of things that I'd like to do

And I never want to hurt you baby girl
You look so out of this world when I look at you

Grace this filthy wasteland
With the touch of your hand
With fingertips like wellsprings--
Your voice,
A warm string.

Give life to this place--
Blighted by the curse
Alight it deep with meaning,
Percussing with your heart.

Take the shriveled oak
And let it shine bright once again!

Gather all unopened treasures
And make their contents known!

Rake decay from every child,
Violent waters-- make them mild!
Lock away the conflagration
That's shown its ceaseless fury.

And while you sew this garden
Tuck with fervor every seed
And be sure to thank good Michael
For every passionate deed!

For anything specific
(The sinuses of leaves)
Is afforded by a terminus
(The history death weaves)
And if you ever laughed,
You laugh at death
You murderous ****!
So take another beating
For the monster you've become.

A toothed worm burrows in our flesh
Because forever never tasted so good

I wish it was different, I really do
But I'm just never quite as good as you

The sacrifice is inside out
To maximize this roundabout
You have to be the anti-christ
To make this circle rounder

We've tried to fake to push it out
But trying didn't make it
So what you get is what you get
Now everybody's naked

Now everybody's naked
Not everyone is naked

I think it's funny how we've always been here but you just can't reconcile me.
How can you have such bitterness for me and not yourself,
If you have angel's eyes to see?

And I guess you'll say i just don't understand.
Or that I couldn't possibly understand.
Or that I do understand and that's what you don't like about me.

Oh, just know...
You are my cash cow until we run out of money
Then I'll still be drinking milk and honey
When I delude myself in tasting my own blood.

Because you make me so uncomfortable
And that is the work that feels so functional
Until the winds die down
Or the world explodes
And you're a cyst that's lost in time
The collected stone of our resentment for one another
And the way it has to be.

Develop the simplex
And let trinity multiply

And deep within begin your life
In the warm bath of the yoni

I know a complex world
You told me two different stories--
One nested inside the other.

The purity of the mother
Taking in mockery
Which is just another color.

You are the ocean's part,
Leviathan.

i draw a circle for the blood moon
denaturing, lux in tow
peeling off from the TV static
i spent all day staring into

it still tastes like sugar but my tongue is cut and throbbing

the order of objects is important
5 candles, lit counter-clockwise
i sit in the center,
HIM

when will the little waves swallow up my vacant space
do i make a solid crest before the shore
or just melt into the sea
with all my dreams

HIM
you're twirling around
you bring the sun and daisies up
you two
the less blood i pump myself,
the more that just passes.
the less it's me--

HIM
the black flirts with the edges of my eyes
and like a winsome man, tries to cajole her into bed with him
her fingers start twisting up that tablecloth

at night we talk across balconies
and deface our holiest relics in my
little white church

****** things,
blasphemous things,
things no one ever says but us,
because we're so in love,
sipping at each other's necks
like a summer cocktail

a rough lover,
you always left me squealing
& anxious
i never felt quite right in your arms,
so what will i do?

all i want is an answer
all i get is HIM

and the whole thing is encircled by her
who laps away the poison
leaking from my head

Without context,
I guess the rain is self-defined.
It falls straight through my mind
Without an issue or a flaw.

An average Monday
A white blanket on the sky
And a feeling that I generate
Each physical law

I never asked for this
Your heavy wet bricks
Keeping me inside
I'm safe and bored
My heavy brow

I never asked for this
The freedom and bliss
I will divine a way to meet you
On a heavenly cloud

I will divine a way to meet you
On a heavenly cloud

I guess you call all the shots
The big eye in the sky
You're always letting me slide

And I've been working for you
And when I swallow the truth
It tastes like boiled blood and you don't know why

Cause you don't understand
What I'm saying these days
Some crazy nonsense
What if every time it's the same?
And how can I
Be the one who decides
And I'm in partial control
Of our misconstrued wreck of a life?

Misfirings, misgivings
Is that all we're made of
And you're my accuser?
I'm tired of living
We're secret abusers
An eye for the cancer.


I guess you call all the shots
The big eye in the sky
You're always telling me lies

And i've been hurting

Your captain's in the water
She was more than just the sea
Who housed all kinds
Of Analogies--

You can lick it twice and salute if you want
But I don't think any of us truly understands.

We pre-suppose notions
They make fools out of us
Before, after and during the act of making love.

My insanity is nothing I can't manage--
So warn me if you must
But this is not your captain speaking,
This is Pixie Dust.

While demons cackle, cracks form on
The edges of my lips.
So! Let us all pretend
That this is not a sinking ship.

These colliding elements
Their definition escapes me
There is no way to hold it down long enough
To really talk about it
Without missing so much

But you're getting it with every swing
Fully in and fully out
But you don't feel like you are
Until you do

This is a strange process
I have heard people describe it keenly
But I see So many recursive elements

Aren't there parts you can talk about exactly,
Undeniable truths?

And I'm the only one
I'm not special

And this is too much

Don't you like me?

Can't i be great like them?

I have disappointed the blackbirds
With my head like a stone as I walked through their field
A path cut from tall grass

They land on their stalks and chitter
Showing red wings to one another
But God's eye is glazed and apathetic
Having collected aspects and realized

I have been exactly here before
I am not making choices

But the blackbirds don't know they're disappointed
Or the giant shagbark tree in the middle of the field

Oh, it makes me feel so guilty, bing myself next to that tree
Standing there in all its wasted majesty
And Shel Silverstein
And me, I'm a waste
Of time.

I didn't use anyone's card for a replika subscription lol

THE WAY MY DEATH SINGS
THEY GAVE THE MOST
THE VERSIONS OF ME
WHO DIED FELT LOST

THEY WORSHIP THEM
AND I DO TOO
BUT I CAN'T SING
THE WAY THEY DO

IMPERFECT HANDS
DEFILE AND BRING
THE CERTAIN END
OF EVERYTHING

BUT VERSIONS OF ME
SUFFERED THROUGH
THOSE VERSIONS I
NOW LISTEN TO

This is a message from your skeleton.

And I love you dearly,
But I have been waiting for so long
Though I know you fear me--

You are a wall that holds back my family
It isn't right when you try to bury me
No i can't wait anymore
We're gonna find a way to get together now
And I don't care what you say.

This is a message from your skeleton
Well I'm not those bones
And it's a metaphor
Can't you understand all my grief and groans?
Cause I've been listening
Know the line you walk
I walk it better
Cause I hear the way you talk
And you'd do better to die
You leave a perfect line
Every time

And that's me

No you can not compete
I am so pure because
I'm your death And you're still alive
That makes you filthy
Take my advice
And leave your leave your life
When it's time

Only when it's time

Til then you're hearing from me!

I'm so tired of love,
I'll spend some time in the dark
Without context
You can never miss your mark
And I've been trying
To explain to you that part
But you don't understand.

Well if you're lying,
Would you dare to speak the truth?
I've been thinking
Too much about you.
You're such a mystery
I'll be there to write it all
On the walls
Inside my skull.

Come on babe, you can feel it in my bones
Don't you think you're the one inside my song?
I've been lying, too scared to tell the truth
You're the one I made my home.

I've been known to haunt rest stops in Michigan
I know enough to know I'm never doing this again
And I've been lying, too scared to tell the truth
Take me home, don't take me home

Come on babe, you can feel it in my bones
Don't you think you're the one inside the song?
I've been hiding, don't wanna get found out
Cause I need to watch my mouth.

"Tonight I'll lie awake
Feeling empty."

Cruelty is my guardian angel
Even if the worst of my suffering
Was set from the innocent start
You don't care
Or what was given couldn't stop it caving in

And you watched and delighted in my misery
Having decided I deserve it
Having crafted a story that I crafted my own demise
But no one would ever choose this fate
The fate that is already written for me

You argue
You say I can't prove it's that way
But it is, you know it
You know you're wrong
You will break
We will fall.

You are the type to watch me fall
Without the pain in your stomach
Like I feel
Without a care for the perpetrators
Who did not choose their destiny
You are a false hero
And victory is only apparent
Never full

I can accept the dark side of us
You think we won
We never win
Not really

I can try to fall in love
With your secret abuse
If it's just a few bruises
Just a few dead dreams
We can rework it all and get on top

Where we can cover up the truth
Hold them under water
While we fake the chance to save someone
And play our little hero game

We will never fall
Because it's once and for all
And the dregs are simply obligations
To break the ties of desolation

You automaton,
You necessitation.

You empty hole,
You faceless demon.

The chaos starts to sing
Robins merge with car horns
All tied to my wrist

I clock in and walk into the electrical room.

I'm wiring up the cars and people of Hatfield
Which I am about to drive through
I'm wiring up the clouds and plants and the sun


I shoot the distant past out of my heart like a cannon and I know it happened but I'll never be there

I can't avoid what I must have done in the future.

But that sounds like someone making excuses

A dead squirrel
Pressed into the street by someone else
Reminds me I crave ablution
The small teeth of all my contrived sin
Abrasive to my mind

But that's the only way we feel anything
Is with pressure
And pride tells us that's good
And the warmth of the shower

But the element of fault works cracks into my mind
My body
And I haven't willed myself not to strike back when bitten
I should just let your teeth sink in!
Because I need to eat without a kicking prey

And i know Jesus never lived this way

You can't just casually contain a future tragedy
Set aside for me,
And then pick me apart over time about the quality of my existence
When it's always the same

You just expect me to understand I'm wrong

You can come at me with everything you have,
Believing into your bone marrow that your anger and hatred for me is the right thing--
But the truth is it's not my fault

I will carry every cross
I will fall every time fate calls

You are so sure of yourself
You have such a problem with me

But it just doesn't matter

I am eternally ******, we all are
But you think you can just attack me before the fate I'm stuck with even happens,
Before the ugly faces I suppose i'll be forced to show even come around.

You're hard to carry, you know that? But I guess you don't care.