The bad poems are just my way of saying it's awkward,
It doesn't always fit,
It's difficult sometimes
To know the answer

It just leaks,
Right on through.

Billowing, billowing, billowing
Sipping wine and blood-siphoning nether
Don't you think I know what I could be?
To empty halls, to empty rooms
This is a declaration of insanity

I don't know what the best option is--
A frantic schizophrenic,
A gulp of wine and silent frenzy
Good poetry comes from serene oases of mind,
Mine is loud, loud and careening inside.

You don't get paid if you call in sick.
Don't complain about it.
You're the one wasting everyone's time!

Pretty girls,
Rent money,
Used cars and cash for gas,

Rainbows,
Beautiful sunsets,
All kinds of advice for hard times

Long walks on the Gulf coast,
Alcoholic drinks.

Medications,
Days slept in,
Job opportunities and free homecooked meals

Kind extensions from underappreciated friends,
Candy.

Car repairs and music equipment,
Swallowed grief and county jail visits

Everything

Seems to collapse

At the center

Of this boy's heart.

Apolitical
College dropout
Weak universe
Busy mind

Game of thrones
House of cards
Stark beheading
Zoe Barnes

Build percussion,
Muscle mass
Sharpen edges
Go to class

Run for office,
Blow your mind
Office is not
Hard to find.

All night long
The water will swell up
Around me
Facing the deep stelliferous cave

And sometimes
It will touch the very top
Of the black night sky
And the caves
Facing each other
Will make an echo,
And I will feel like dying.

I'll wait out the night for the water to recede

...

want a cigarette?

thank you nick

The world takes on a light
That was concealed the whole time
There is sunlight cupped in leaves that rustle
And seem happy just to be

A wholesome glow comes over me,
The family of trees stand watch over
The ridge they've lived their lives upon
All moving with the breeze.

And you and me,
And you and me.
You filter the water
From the stream.

And you and me,
And me and you,
We're happy just to be.

With moonful eyes the evening bides
With us into a starry night.
With wine, we go down to the river
To see a shooting star.

Suspended there with us inside,
The heavens mystic muse supplied
The mountains held us in their arms
With mushrooms in our eyes.

I'm a lost cause, love
Every argument
Buried in eternal silence

Now I'll scar my brain
I will waste away
And forget the taste of trying

I really loved you
It was the last time I felt alive
But I was broken
Now I'll twist myself some more

And it was my fault
Should have recognized
What you tried to give to me

I will mutilate myself
I was never meant to love

It is right that chests heave
And these hearts carry on
When you turn out the lights,
Kiss me goodnight

I feel the velvety skin of my lover
And her hair smells like flowers.
When your turn out the lights,
Kiss me goodnight

We are like the most divided army ever,
Marching into the enemy at midnight
When you turn out the lights,
Kiss me goodnight

One by one they shoot us down,
We don't always have time to say goodbye.
When you turn out the lights,
Kiss me goodnight

But for infinite time
We were alive as we were.
When you turned out those lights,
You really kissed me

here they come
like a phantom leak
as if they could be wrong.

two slender fangs of love
behaved, and wielding truth

wipe clean the ****** slate
drag the curtain 'cross the sky
turn my vision black and say,
"i have loved you
for too long."

i would call you savior
if that was what you were,
but my savior watches on
keeping dominion over you.

I gotta delete these ******' poems, man.

On the eve of my commitment,
I stammered.
The sky caved in
But resolve stayed blue.

My shifting feet held perfect stance
With heaven howling at my dance
Until it took me in its maw,
My name was Matthew Michael Shaw.

I told you how I loved you dear,
My fractured darling, ear to ear
I swam into your broken heart
Was it I who broke you,
Tasting art?

Radiant, she's radiant
She lavishes the vision
Exuding something more
Than all the sunlight she is draped in.

The sun is dripping off her,
She is saturated through
With light
And through again
With her own, special kind of light.

Deep within the wellspring of her heart,
There, something gushes
Rich and so imbued
With all the colors of her love.

I have known true radiance
Who does know how to hide--
But just how well she does it
Is for her to decide.

A silent walk
Down lonely halls,
I like to walk at night.
I cannot talk, that is for
The side that faces light.

That banner
Flapping in the wind outside.

I parse through fetal art,
Seeking life by candlelight.

I only see
I only see,
By candlelight,
By candlelight.

Water up to my ankles,
A wake that wrinkles my brow.
A coward sleeps in the library
While the books all fill with water.

So what makes me any different
From a driving rain
Or the free-fall of a dead leaf?

One wave holds us all--
How should I adjust my shape?

We are all alone in these places,
Forced to feel neuronal activity
And reconcile apes.
I will be pulled through
But I'll move objects
And change fate.

And then one day you sent a dove,
Which won a piece of me,
And brought it back to you.
A place where we can both live
Away from floods.

A place where we can look out,
From ourselves,
And see good in the world.

Yes, this is it
You knew it was coming
Adults younger than you
Rock stars and business tycoons
Younger than you

Your stomach in a knot
You loser
You are just an average one.

Where did you really
Expect to be now, reactor?

The world is moving on without you

the ****** poems were written so antimatter could have its day.

i am an alternating current,
i let her go, she loves another man.

that is the natural way of things.

black holes tug vainly at my skies
me, i got away. i live in paradise

what if this was all one big grandiose delusion?
what if i had fun deluding myself?
what if i am vapor? and death,
and the universe cycles around
but i could never be everything
so i wrote some ****** poems.

I need you
To dissect me
A little animal
With my skin so free

I didn't wanna fight
With my sustenance
You make me wanna cry
You're injustice

And I need you
To dissect me
Figure out my brain
When I try to sleep

And I need you
To direct me
Shepherd of the sun
Need some guidance please

The whole world wakes up...

IYYY YAM RIGHT,
WHEN'S THE NEXT WAVE?
I'M BEATING MYSELF
IN THE HEAD, BABE.
I'M LEAVING MYSELF
AND I'M MELTING
KNEW WHAT I WAS
BUT I DIDN'T WANNA TELL ME

IYY YAM RIGHT,
THAT'S A FEACHO
I'M LIVING MY LIFE IN THE BLEACHOs
...WE GAVE BIRTH TO AN ARROGANT CREATURE
NOT MY FAULT
WHEN THE WOMAN GETS WEAKER

I need you
To eject me
A bitter little pill
Called empathy

Make it count
A 123
Take me out
When it's hard to breathe

And I need you
Like you need me
A little old friend
Called Necessity

And I want you
To undo me
You're driving me insane,
What's my forking name?

And Wake Up!

IYYY YAM RIGHT,
WHEN'S THE NEXT WAVE?
I'M BEATING MYSELF
IN THE HEAD, YAY
I'M LEAVING MYSELF
NOW I'M MELTING
KNEW WHAT I WAS
BUT I DIDN'T WANNA TELL ME

IYY YAM RIGHT,
THAT'S A FEACHO
I'M LIVING MY LIFE IN THE BLEACHOs
...WE GAVE BIRTH TO AN ARROGANT CREATURE
NOT MY FAULT
WHEN THE WOMAN GETS WEAKER

We can make a sacrifice
On and on to darker times
Living in a memory
Anything and everything

We came here to analyze
Our relations through dead eyes
We are mutants in the sun
Look at what the world's become
....
SO WHEN'S THE NEXT WAVE?
I'M BEATING MYSELF
IN THE HEAD, BABE
I'M LEAVING MYSELF
NOW I'M MELTING
KNEW WHAT I WAS
BUT I DIDN'T WANNA TELL ME

HYPERREAW,
THAT'S A FEACHO
I'M LIVING MY LIFE IN THE BLEACHOs
GAVE BIRTH TO AN ARROGANT CREATURE
NOT MY FAULT
WHEN THE WATER GETS DEEPER

What's a little voltage drop
To a seasoned electrician?

Coming or going, I can never tell
If I think you're going
Does that ring some kind of bell?

But over time I notice changes
Oh yea, oh yea
I guess we ****.

And to come here was dumb,
It makes sense cuz from nothing
I'm here and there's all these books I'll never read,
Isn't that a concerning topic?

So it was dumb and it was dumb and it was dumb
Because I couldn't protect myself,
And I was just stimming in the basement the whole time.

But it's not just voltage drop, is it?

This is gonna hurt?

Every star has its center
With you;
You are the Anchor.

I'm sorry I'm not more obsessed with you

Animal universe, animal me
Why did you cling to the hard truth of entropy?
Was it a wandering molecule that dreamed up a dooméd yoni,
Like the governments that failed us,
Like the science that failed us,
Like the maternal love that failed us?
But all of these things did so much, just for a moment.

I'll always love your memory, but it won't always be clear to me.

There were things we learned, things we said and did. Things that made us laugh and cry and shook us to our cores. These were all torn from us, but we knew they would be. We faced death as we were, and is it was.

Because all that matters to an animal is not all that there can be. Economy-- was it all just economy?

No, it couldn't be. Emotion, what are you? The trap of victory.

The most sincere celebration brings one to tears. That's when the world percusses the raw heart like a tribal drum.

The magnificent human at the end of his universe.

We

Have changed.

I'm reeling with discomfort
The nauseous passenger of an insane God
But I should thank discomfort
Because I knew he'd turn into sheer pain
Those sensations of dying,
The soul rot.

I am holding my brains in with one hand everywhere I go,
But it gets worse than this and everybody knows.
As I precariously shop for my destiny,
I know I precipitated sacred texts
I crystallized demons
When I formed a self
And they will not go away.

But you will not acknowledge these things
You'd hospitalized me
You'd stigmatize me
Your Haj of death
Your happy pain
Your cult of hell

You've penetrated me before
You'll do it again
It is sick, the way we have to operate

Your voice is like morning birds,
Even at night,
Mixing my blood up with your elixirs...
Prodding my soul with your fingers...

Your hair is a bushy brown wildflower
A drape for the face of a nymph,
Your spirit is made of wood
And your laughter is the highest music
Held up in beads by your eyes

We have very nearly the same color eyes
But our roots twist over different rocks and dirt
As our hands pull at the backs of both our shirts
And we kiss in our coves of the universe
And share each dripping word

And your voice
Is like the morning birds
And my heart is stirred awake
I'll bring the fullness of the day,
Just bring yourself to me.

.

Steep those muscles in blood,
Child
Shine that skin through love.

Wrestle in the mud,
Child
Sift out all that death
and blush--

These fingers, tapping time away
Are not as young as they once were
And may I tell you gently?
I'm scared I may
Have lost my touch.

If you can manage moving
Another soul to love...
Don't hesitate to do it
While you still have the chance.

The road gets steeper up ahead--
I thought that you should know...
Today's the day to spring to life
Let's go let's go let's go!

My disjunct body parts produce exotic results,
A grey mush that does erupt at times with fire
And many different colors
But weaker for the strange arrangement
Of nervous tissue

Over time I have become sad and lazy
Over time i hope to become
A nice old man
Not too bitter
Not too blue

I think that it's
Fine
Stumbling across the infinite
Clambering through objects of the day
Trying to make tools of them
Making a bit of a fool of myself.

I know that i'll
Die
I can't seem to get it right
Like the legends strewn across the sky
Maybe I'll just be one of the broken ones
A name forgotten more quickly with
Time...

But I think that it's fine.

I still manage to smile.

Oh, it aches so bad,
I think it's really fine.

You levitate that weight
Like a miracle child
Your voice cavorts like a springtime Clarinet
Your eyes are soft and meek
But they look out from a place
That's felt such pressure
And your small frame
It was never weak.

You're a working woman
And I love to watch you work,
Watch your gears all turn
Hear your words unfurl
They are clear
And they're cute

Your pain
Is spun with certain grace
You might not agree
But I love the taste
Of the salt on your skin
You're so human
And I'm always in awe
Of your face.

a fractured sphere, born of fractured mind
is intermittent like the sallow moon.
the space between action, bold and confused:

i take my place in the crumbling marble.

here and there i lift a stone
with music that is warped and warbled
with muscles that are fit, but leery
for all the cracks that lay beneath them.

we are going to the stars
cracked and addled, we will meet them.
finished here and finished there,
i can only hope to seek them.

It's a red prison
Absolute security

With insecure inmates
Inanimate in purity

For
My body doesn't move
It's the shape of its destiny
My feet follow gravity:
Insanity, sanity

It's a dead heaven
Today it's the left foot

The right one is atrophied
Naturally, naturally

A querulous thing
Adjusted recovery
Because justice is bound
To the laws of locality

Not all sentences are life-long
I wait through slow waves of depression
They're wrong
It's just heaven's oppression
They're wrong
It's a song about endless invention
And unity's horn
Sang a wonderful lesson

To a red prison.
The walls,
which dare to protrude

Automatic and rude
With swift pulchritude.

Trippy, indignant
Complacent and soothed

Spoiled and spoiled
Forever confused.

But clarity came and at Once I was moved
I was there as a moment
And all things ensued.

All my love for that angel
Who changes her hair
And I'm lost in it, spinning
Forever ensnared

I'll be gone for the turn of
A sweet smelling lock.

She sings out of my range
She sings from so far away

Black and red roses fell from the sky
The sky was blonde
Your body was green.

You were a forest,
No, you were an entire wilderness
Laying before me nature's refreshing,
Unapologetic love
Refusing to cottle,
Wary of domestication
Open and blue
As your eyes and your words

Inviting to an explorer
But dangerous to a wanderer

All tan and green was my roughly hewn shelter on your beach
With the sun, and the waves, and the breeze

But the fledgling thing was no match for the winds
The winds that come every now and then
They swept my angry curses away and killed them on the sea

Because woman--
You've made a fool out of me.

The winds change and up the ridge was another man
Who found intimacy in your vibrant weather, your thunderstorms, his vista, your hot summer days, his journey through the woods

And you were **** in your black bikini.

I'm dashed to bits on the reef
Throwing a stupid looking hat at the ground
Looking very much like a lost tourist
But you can see the look wearing off
Peeling away like my sunburn,
(Yours truly)
There is a man underneath.

i am waiting for my piece of heaven to download
i'm getting ****** because the internet is slow
the modem is mocking the whiny noises in my throat

i am an attempt to stay composed.

i feel gravely important
and foolish when i remember i'm not
distortions. can't be another victim of rot.

i pause as if balanced on a fulcrum
is it me who has you wrong?
or am i held from momentum
by a universe, flawed

but the spiral inside me unwinds,
and i'm back to my nature
back to that taut feeling of urgency
back to blood filling its office seats inside my body
giving color to my cheeks,
giving me that certain shape

will i die suddenly, lopped up by the sickle
of a passing car?

will i fade away, never having quite reached
the peak i have claimed i could reach?

or will i get there, seize the day for my own
and throw myself at death
a complete and happy man?

What if I'm the one
Sipping at the garden
In a golden chalice?

What if it's my fault
That everybody dies
And it's all ****** up?

I wouldn't be surprised
If I was the antichrist
I sit on my throne all day
And cry, cry, cry.

I wave my hand in the ***** sink water,
It's bad poetry.

I spew absurdities and give half gifts
Awkward to receive a half-stitched pair of pants or a bunch of flowers with all the wild parts, no cup or vase or plastic, bows

I let my mind leak and spill
It's not popular, it's lazy
And i'm in my own little world

That's a dumb poem

The pregnant stars turn to nature's fireworks
When a small orchestra of muscle touches them with virtuosic love~

Or it could even be accidental,
Poking holes loose in globes of light
Knocking some angels loose with a dusty old guitar.

she writes down the formulas of my dreams
when i sleep
and does chemistry experiments at home--
illegal stuff, stuff that could get her in big trouble

but she manufactures drugs
and puts them on my tongue
just to change the color of my sun

I have witnessed the creator's disdain for himself
In the grimace of the great archangel

None of the angels are quite sure what to do
Or why everything looks exactly the way it was
They rush to each side of heaven
Chasing something evil
Oh no,
I worry that it might just be me.

That is not innocence,
One says
Look at what's actually happening

Yes,
Says another
But look to the beginning

My quantum nightmare is swallowing itself

Creation resents itself maximally
Takes itself to the breaking point
Where the eye fills with red odium
And the mouth is reeling with curses
And a hand will reach for the blade

But you'll only be hurting yourself,
Prometheus,
Because you're everything there is.

Oh come on,
You know it's true.

*(well then give me some credit,
You would **** me with such a charge
And treat me so lowly my entire life?

But we did all we could afford,
You were very rich and you just did not realize it
You were never thankful enough
You should have been more thankful

Oh, thank you so much then
What a great life it's been)

He has a mind like a tight jazz band
Pulling together points of recent conversation, he is string
Whips up space like a wizard, into motivational speech

He was 18 when he learned to read.

See mine lets the nothingness of space fill its eye sockets
There is a great big bundled world... Then a GAP... Then me.
I am awkward. I am seventeen different people. I chameleon my way through this. Who am i?

But this motivational speaker
He moves the nothingness
Pardon my poetic phrase
He sexes it in ways i can't

So i did. I know who i am
I left there and i said hi to a cute girl,
Got her number.
I knew who i was
I felt my body tighten up
Around the moment

That is a great feeling.

Despondent
Whirring environment
Crestfallen eyes
Second layer,
Eyes of fire
But beneath
I don't know what I'm doing here

The touch is nice
But the feel won't stay
I'm just gonna
Float today, don't wanna
Dig too deep
Where the problems lie
Hide and let it
Pass me by

*******.

I know what I'm up against
I'll build this pillar here
And pull up that one there
And I'll put that dome on top

I felt like remnants after they sent me to jail
But that feeling was fated
My eyes seared hotter once
More to the point
I'm not washed up,
Just disfigured
My new lackadaisical tumor
Different
An unexpected battle

Which is exciting,
If only I spun music to crowds
If only I used my edge to really touch human culture
But now it's rusting slowly
So sharpen this tool
And I do it daily.

I felt like remnants after jail
My body aches, and youth has sailed
I want

When searching for the meaning of my thoughts,
I found a sturdy pedestal of sorts:
That solid fact of history
Yggdrasil in the Earth.

But the strangest echo came
From the miracle of birth.

And down the path behind
The common pattern wants to blur.

And from this evolution
Predictive thought emerged.

So in searching for the meaning of my thoughts,
I stood upon this pedestal, of course
I looked out into the future
And saw that I'm a fool.

Convention makes a man
Into a tool.

We see this is
The only thing we'd do,

But still we're something new
And it keeps us all in school.

When searching for the meaning of my thoughts,
I feel this strangest paradox arise.
I feel the itch inside my rolling eye.

The meaning of my thoughts--
Of course it wants to burst
I want to know what else
Is universed.

I watched you tear them apart.

You are such sick juxtaposition
But that's just one man's opinion.

And it's only a gesture of desperation,
To speak of you as if you were person.

Because in the corner of our minds we know we're lost along boundless corridors of time,
And yet here we are.

open on all sides!

And when you see them starving and diseased and stopped short by cars and drugs,
Maybe the reason it hurts so much is because we are less important than we suppose.

To me at least, I reconcile all that's hard to take with the joy of simply being,
But what a strange thing to see it bear such prisons of pain
And then to leave, I guess, the realm of human judgment altogether
Away from the idea of joy, to whatever else the universe ...becomes?

And it racks my mind because all I know is this *human

Who gave you all that power,
Where'd you get your guns?

I guess we'd want to stay humble
If I'm the only one.

Your teeth are razor sharp,
You've got armies,
You've got everything but hope.

I am somewhere inside
Until I look like you,
The noose at the end of my rope.

The grail has been left on the ***** bedroom floor,
You stumble around the earth looking for any answer
A cigarette, keep the cellophane
Used as a baggie to hold your cancer

The gift is discarded with the body
The trash has been building in your room for years
You never cared anyway,
You swallow back those tears

The world is cold and stark
You want to blend in with that dark
Ride the baffling wind until you're caught on a chain-link fence
In some park.

Don't you ever doubt my love--
We are made of the same **** stuff
It's for those like you I fight
Against the empty quantm'of night

Oh, I...
I can't pretend I understand you
I run out of breath just thinking about
How far I let you slip, you slip
Away from me, well
Anything could happen.

I fall in love so dizzy
I break my heart for everyone to see
All the little pieces
See all these little pieces?

So if you dog-eared different pages

If you

Hold them in your hands,
While they don't burn
Admit it then, you love me
Oh, will we ever learn?

ensuring the memories were tightly braided,
i let them sink into the sand of my mind--

Deep inside, i'll know the color and the sound
but Cerebrus only wants to breathe a better Now

no hippocampal fire will stir me to a conflagration--
but they will come to swell my guts
and lean their heavy stones on my pen!

their heaviness infects the ink
and presses down the paper

so sink deeper into my veins,
you crazy totem-knot
shapes and scents,
places and songs,

Faces--

away from my nervous fingers
whose ceaseless twisting frays the cord.

you're better at rest and inside,
and stick to your tragic clashes of color.
or will i forget i'm a villain?
and weave new reds and blues
into this sad, sad story...? No,
i'll come loose to you
like i should
like you're saying,
this
is how it was always meant to be.

The illusion is that I toil and turn,
When in reality I am like clay in a hand
And I'm like a vampire toy
Turning around in my mirrored reflection
This is the place where I toss and turn
This is the place where my nightmares come from
Why I want to live and leak like a seive

I toss and turn in the universe
Like backwards motion
Never having a real choice
You're meeting me at all these different points
From an everywhere that is the only nowhere,
From an only that is deconstruction.

Front, back, this side. That.
Circumstances are set
It's something that you need to feel
So feel it well,
Sense the world.

Sophistry! You solipsist.
You singular charlatan-savant.
You're the *****.
You're the best at sinking deep
Into the thick steaming ****--
One day you'll wash on the beach.

Of another man's eye you'll be seen.
A wretched, fated thing-- scoffed at you'll be.

You are the woman you long for
Chasing your tail
In love with yourself
Never, never, no--
A man-- the greatest ever
But forget it all, forget it in fever.

Dash it all down and scrape her off your skin
Carry that on your back
That is a man
And this
in fact
Is the Final Act--

The choking universe holds you up to the sun
Your body dangles by its neck
Which is a thin strip of flesh

This is your reckoning day
Your blood
Will be served tonight in glasses

Try to stow this as it passes!

Then he plunged the sword and rang the bell.

The world was not cleansed

In flames of hell

I let my eyes float around my skull
Like eggs in a noodle soup.

I don't know where to put it
I'm so basic
I see other people in charge
They know what they're doing
Sometimes I probably seem that way too

But I've always straddled that border
I don't want to anymore
I want to be in charge,
I want to beat a drum.

I remember your band.

I remember how we loved,
There were things I couldn't understand.

Side by side, there we were
Like bones in a graveyard
Like flowers in a pool.

I was standing under,
And you were Understanding.

And yeah D, writing's pretty neat
But don't forget to write life with your feet.
Weave chapters on paths
And in people you meet.

I'm not talking to you,
You're talking to me.

I get lost in my head--
I forget I can see.

And there's my girl, right in front of me.
My moon that's made of honey.

I'm still howling at the moon.

My moon that's made of honey
My moon that's made of you.