Trying to hard,
Looking to the future,
Never gonna make it but I hope yet,
I can hope,
Filling my dreams up to the seams,
Can you believe I'm still alive?
I'm just wondering tonight,
If you're alright.
Glancing out of the window,
Your eyes glazed over,
Speaking of bones and death thrones,
Please don't ever leave me without warning,
Always afraid you're gone every morning.

Translucent,
Transparent,
Trespassing,
Tiers of Tyranny,
Ticking Time,
Trying Tomorrow,
Testing Tabletops,
Traitor Turns Trains,
Tick Tock . . .

sinking not breathing,

infantile screaming,

human beings,

stop the yelling,

there's no need to keep breathing,

yet here we are and screaming,

without breathing we defeat the odds.

u n w i n d  
      s p i l l
c r y i n g
     d r e n c h
n o  b e l i e f
     c o l d
f l o w
     s t a l e
F L Y  A W A Y
    S T R I K E  M E  D O W N
I M  N O T  W O R T H  I T

A little touch of your voice,
A little shiver running down my spine,
A little clock stops the time,
I turn towards your kingdom,
And where it may be, may not be there at all,
Sometimes I feel like I need it there,
So I pretend that I love you and that I need you,
I don't understand why God died,
But I see your face in the many pictures of my childhood.

I'm the only one in my room,
Laying on my bed, alone,
Colder as the night creeps along,
Could I ask the Spirit to save me again?
I need their touch now, right now.

Looking through my old toys,
Finding them to be ripped and grayed,
I've lost my mind through illnesses that I can't control,
The memories attached make me shiver,
I can't remember the last time I ate a meal happily,
Maybe I can find God inside the stuffing of my old teddy bear,
If his heart beats inside than maybe I'll believe,
But I don't see God in all the newest pictures of myself.

I'm the only one in my room,
Laying on my bed, alone,
Colder as the night creeps along,
Could I ask the Spirit to save me again?
I need their touch now, right now.

F a l l i n g —

I n  a n d  o u t —

O n e  d a y —

L o v e  s e e m s  s o  f a r—

A n o t h e r  d a y—

A l l  I  n e e d  i s  y o u—

Hold my hand,
On this autumn evening,
Walk with me,
Far away from this place,
With your eyes I see,
Everything that I need.

You give me all these things,
And you buy me all these gifts,
But I don’t need them because all I’ve ever wanted is you.

Swing my hand,
Talk to me about your day I don’t mind,
Kiss me on the cheek,
And don’t let me walk too fast,
I don’t want to lose you,
Don’t doubt my love for you.

You give me all these things,
And buy me all these gifts,
But, girl I swear the only thing I need is your hand in mine.

Watch the sun set,
Cuddle up to my chest,
Let’s watch the world end,
Before our own eyes,
Hold my hand,
And let’s watch the world end,
Let’s watch the world end.

. . . . .

s i l e n c e

. . . . .

s t a y  c a l m

. . . . .

f o r g e t  t h e  g u n

. . . . .

i t s  o k a y

. . . . .

d a y s  g r o w  l o n g e r

. . . . .

n i g h t s  g r o w  d a r k e r

. . . . .

t r y  t o  s l e e p

. . . . .

How does the sun shine so bright when your smile shines brighter,
The days are longer again but all for the right reasons,
I don't know how all the things we say end up being the same,
I'm not one to fall in love so soon but I guess I'm just another one of those fools,
How do you understand me so well?

Let's both dream, shall we?
On a couch- in a room with no roof,
Got a view of the stars and there's rockets flying overhead,
That's where we could be, you just gotta believe me.

How does the moon fly so high when you fly higher,
We laugh and keep on walking while the colors keep changing,
Well, I really hope that you're still here,
When I'm alone at night and the shadows grow longer,
And pieces of my skull start falling out,
You're my hope and my dream,
So I'll never leave you alone.

Let's both dream shall we?
On a couch, in a room with no roof,
Got a view of the stars and there's rockets flying overhead,
That's where we could be, you just gotta believe me.

The eyes I need to see are like sapphire stones,
I don't know where they came from,
But they captivated me,
My own soul shivered and put it's hands together in prayer,
Hoping that you'd stay by me for as long as you like,
I don't mind, no, I don't mind at all.

I'll keep you safe inside our burning homes, tonight.

Let's both dream, shall we?
On a couch- in a room with no roof,
Got a view of the stars and there's rockets flying overhead,
That's where we could be, you just gotta believe me.

Hurry up, let's get outside.
The tide's gonna come raining down,
We're gonna become something cooler than any adult could ever see,
Your eyes are so excited and bright,
Mine are ready to fly out to see the world.

They warn us of the tide every day,
But we don't care,
We'll never care.

Stronger and braver than anything that has existed,
Shouting our names from the highest mountain top,
Burrow into the rain and find ourselves a home,
You ready for an adventure? Cause I am.

They've warned us again and again,
But we don't care,
We don't want to.

Overtime, the rain that patters against our feet,
Becomes the storm they warned us of,
Scared and afraid, we continue on,
Your eyes are afraid,
My soul is breaking.

Coursing rivers of water in between tall buildings,
Avoiding their sweeping force with all our might,
And the fact is that we might not be so mighty anymore,
We both hate this world now.

They warned and it came,
It's flooded our homes,
I'm searching for you.
Where did you go?

I just want to make you proud,
I want to see you smile when I be myself,
Not doubt and cry over my mistakes,
I'm sorry about all the things I have done.
You deserve so much more than that,
Call me much too empathetic but, I love you.

Charge me of treason,
Send me over enemy lines,
I'll fight for you,
Until the light dies from my eyes,
Maybe I am just too loyal,
But no matter how much you twist my heart,
I still hold my gun high.

Lines across the corners of your eyes,
Count how many times we've laughed,
And like the silver lining of the clouds,
Your hair grays out but that only proves your times passed,
And I know that you've been through enough.

The war continues to wage and I'm stuck up-front,
It's becoming crowded,
All the dying ones,
I want to help, oh god, I do,
But the way I have to surge forward for you,
You're the only one on my mind,
The one I need to hold onto dearly.

Charge me of treason,
Send me over enemy lines,
I'll fight for you,
Until the light dies from my eyes,
Maybe I am just too loyal,
But no matter how much you twist my heart,
I still hold my gun high.
Just for you.

Fallen from Hell,
Out of the peripherals of my vision,
I saw her smile,
She breaths sadness onto the window,
I heard her laugh.
Watch as she walks herself onto the street,
I felt her hand.
Head wrapped in white roses to pretend.

I felt everything inside of her pour out onto the floor.

Flying somewhere far away,
Purple eyes are on the moon,
Christmas decorations floating away,
I am on a stage,
Drifting and singing my songs,
Guitar in hand as I sing it all out.

All I can hear is the crowd,
All I can see is the white corner,
All I can feel is the guitar in my arms.

Xanax drifts into my gaping jaws,
Am I just a skeleton?
Cause I see the pill again,
Cotton candy clouds,
Look like they were dyed with red,
Ascending through the classroom,
Into the eye-filled moon.

All I can hear is the chatter of teens,
All I can see is the teacher,
All I can feel is the tapping of my foot.

Back again.
I’m back again.

it doesn't make sense,
of all the power in the galaxy,
nothing could compare,
never in fear could you see such a place,
it won't make sense,
but that's the point- isn't it?
culminating hell and heaven into one location.
love it until you hate it.

ill follow you,
i will follow you,
hold out your hand,
ill follow you,
i have never talked to you,
but i will follow you.

Aching from the outside into the inside,
Don't know where most of the wounds came from,
Though I do know that I can't stand the sight of them all.

Every single thing,
Brings back memories,
Memories I don't want to remember.

Call me a teenager,
I'm making a fool out of myself,
If I told you the things I loved,
You wouldn't care,
But if I tell you the things I hate,
I'm so selfish for talking about them.

Every single thing,
Brings back memories,
Memories I don't want to remember.

Scars on my arm,
If it's romantic or edgy,
That's up to you to choose,
I can't wait to get older,
Maybe I'll get taken seriously,
I try my best to look natural,
You still put me down.

Every single thing,
Brings back memories,
Memories I don't want to remember.

I guess, this is who I am,
And I need to remind myself of that,
But you don't like me,
You think you know my head,
You think you know my struggles,
Well I'd like you to leave.

Let's get our get up on,
Smother confidence on our cheap, black kicks,
Nobody cares that we're there,
But yet I can feel every eye on me.

We're all kids,
In a night to forget,
Cause I was in the bathroom the entire time,
Sorry, to all my friends,
I didn't have a date and anxiety ******* hates me.

Girls and boys at the speakers,
Think that they are hot ****,
Singing along to a song I never could forget,
I'm a cliche in itself,
Don't try and change my mind,
Cause everyone hates me, I know.

We're all kids,
In a night to forget,
Cause I was in the bathroom the entire time,
Sorry to all my friends,
I didn't cave a date and anxiety ******* hates me.

Sorry to all my friends,
I should've gone alone,
I should've stayed home.

I really hope that you're alright,
I keep on noticing all these little changes,
The way your smile never makes the corner of your eyes crinkle.

It concerns that you never want to leave the house,
Even your favorite movie makes you want to die inside,
Could we talk for a little while?

I didn't wanna fall asleep last night,
I was afraid that you would be dead once I closed my eyes,
You keep on giving me those sad eyes and I'm only more convinced.

Hey, can we make some pastries?
I know it won't solve your fake smiles,
But I need to show you that I care the most,
Trust me now, won't you?

Everyday I ask you, "What's the matter?"
You respond without a thought,
I never believed you but I didn't want to pry.

Except that every day that I see you walk by,
I know that all you want to do is find the gun your father has,
I don't even want to think what you'll want with it.

Hey, can we make some pastries?
I know it won't solve your fake smiles,
But I need to show you that I care the most,
Trust me now, won't you?

Falling asleep is always hard now,
I remember when I could close my eyes and get transported,
Into a world where life and death mean nothing at all.

Space becomes twisted and ties me up every night now,
Whispering it's wishes into my ear,
I can't see life from death anymore.

Calling for my soul to wake up,
Find the courage to see the horizon ahead,
Where is death and when did life die?

I can't decide whether or not I'm alive or dead,
Sometimes things that get on the brink,
Are always called dead.

Shake me awake and take me home again,
My words keep losing meaning,
Whenever he comes home and keeps me alive.

Harder and longer goes days and weeks,
When will I see the light again?
I'm just wishing to wake the hell up.

I'm no longer able to focus,
Where did he go from my home?
Shaken into death now.

Turning planets and crashing stars,
Back into my vision once again,
I only want death, don't you?

It's time for snow to fall,
Strike me through,
Let me bleed out.

Let's take a walk out onto the roof tops,
Look out over our boring suburban neighborhoods,
Are you satisfied with your life?

"Hey, where are you going tonight?
I'm getting tired of losing all my friends,
Could you stay a little longer?"

Every night that I'm alone on the roof,
I am missing all of you,
Memories are all I have at this point,
Everything feels like it's moving counter-wise.

"Hey, where are you going tonight?
I'm getting tired of losing all my friends,
Could you stay a little longer?"

These ghost stick alongside me for now,
They always talk about how stupid I am,
Never allowed to leave my side,
I need all of my friends back.

Throw me back in time,
Even if it kills me,
I don't like being alone,
Why am I alone?

"Hey, where are you going tonight?
I'm getting tired of losing all my friends,
Could you stay a little longer?"

Let's count all of my friends,
And see how many are left,
It's okay cause I'm not afraid,
I don't mind being alone,
Cause I've convinced myself that I don't need them to keep on going.

If you find me on the floor,
Keep the door open a crack,
I want to see what's happening,
Cause I am proud of them all.

I know that they all tried their best,
I am happy to say that cause,
Every day my heart beats when I know,
That they will grow,
That I know.

If you find me on the floor,
Keep the door open a crack,
I want to see what's happening,
Cause I am proud of them all.

Walls keep closing into my frame,
Temperature skyrockets as I stare until my own eyes burn away,
I can't sleep at night when all my friends are dead or gone,
Eating my own ****** guts on the clothes-ridden floor.
Emotions are all either dead or overpowering.

What makes you think of the stars?
Does it ever keep you up at night?
What is it like to know you'll be alright?
All I ever get from sleep are scars.

Settled into a little room,
Not enough to hold all of my missing friends.
Every day is the same I want out of it now.
I wonder if there will ever be a day when I won't want to burn away.

What makes you doubt yourself?
And does it ever keep you up at night?
Tell me, what is it like to know that everything's alright?
All I ever get from sleep is waking up to the same old shelf.

If they really cared they would text me back,
I only asked for help once and now I'm off the hook,
My only thought is that it's all my fault,
And you wonder why I'm not alright.

Wish I could get sent to space and witness an exploding star,
Nothing feels right anymore with only four corners,
Am I an animal for thinking I should die,
Looking at my hands that almost appear to be bleeding,
Green is all I see from head to toe,
Lights dim and I lay myself to sleep.

Walking in the middle of the road,
Cars drive by silently,
The only sound comes from my nervous breath,
I can feel the spiders crawling under my skin,
They make my flesh itch and yearn for a better body.

There's no streetlights,
Only street fights,
No one loves another one,
When will all of this be done?

The road dips down into a soundless home,
I recognize the old pictures of that girl I never was,
"Why do you doubt me?" I ask the tired woman in front of me,
She won't respond, She knows she knows me better than myself.

There's no streetlights,
Only street fights,
No one loves another one,
When will all of this be done?

Cars begin to swerve and crash alongside me,
I'm running now, don't have a destination in mind,
All I know is that I need to get new flesh,
Things that shouldn't be there, are there.

There's no streetlights,
Only street fights,
No one loves another one,
When will all of this be done?

Open up my eyes and,
Take me to the riverside,
Let's play make believe on the sand,
I'll be a prince and you can be a dragon.

Greater heights without you.
Clinging tighter without you.

I'm tired of you controlling my life and,
I think it'd be better if I killed you,
You're nothing to me,
Not anymore.

Taking chances without you,
Holding onto opportunities,
Without you.

Skipping stones by your side,
I know that you like yo lie,
You could write a Gospel,
On how terrible I am,
Now let me go.

"You're no good."
"They hate you."
"Don't leave me alone."
"You need me."

Growing stronger without you,
Staying alive without you,
Threw away all my razors,
No thanks to you.

i'm unsteady.
not ready.
air is getting heavy.
are you speaking through the telly?

getting wasted on memories.
it's enough to drain my energy.
and steal all my extremities.

i'm so far away.
you're just a replay.
i've seen this scene, okay?

Gun to my head.
keep wishing I was dead.
my vision's just deep red.

bend over backwards.
to see my attackers.
only to find that I am the Hazard?

Sink your teeth into my shoulder,
I don't care if you are poison,
I need you more than anything,
You can **** me off,
Bury my heart in the middle of a crossroads.

Hand me your soul,
I'll take good care of it,
I won't ever set it on the ***** table,
It'll always be in the smallest pocket of my backpack.

The light shines through the locked door,
I know that you are behind me,
Your eyes boring into my back,
Slip me back into my slumber.

I found that you aren't so nice,
Realizing that you were just toxin,
Blinding my vision, why,
Are you so proud?

My little bundle of joy,
My sweet baby girl,
My loving little pup,
I can't bear to see you get taken away,
Please don't let them,
Take you away.

The word of one person,
Could remove you from my life,
I know you won't understand,
I know you will be okay.

My little bundle of joy,
Your brown eyes and eager little paws haunt my mind,
Don't go,
You've given me something to go outside for,
I care that you are inside too much,
I want you to see everything there is.

My little bundle of joy,
My sweet baby girl,
My loving little pup,
I can't bear to see you get taken away,
Please don't let them,
Take you away.

I am a nearly burnt out star,
Venus hates my guts,
Sun won't look at me,
Mars is even spreading lies.

Mama Moon, will I die soon?
I've had enough of you,
Mama Moon, sing me a tune.
I've got my hand on a gun,
Mama Moon, before it's afternoon.

I am about to implode and explode,
Jupiter is king of my life,
Pluto won't let me go,
Mercury seems to be dead.

Mama Moon, will I die soon?
I've have enough of you,
Mama Moon, sing me a tune,
I've got my hand on a gun,
Mama Moon, and now it's afternoon.

I'm young, tired, and feeling useless.
Don't know where I'm gonna go,
But I wanna make the opportunity to become something.

I'm driving on this road with nowhere to go,
I guess it all depends on me and what I decide to do,
I can't even lift my hands in the morning,
So how am I suppose to write song for my demons?

Blank walls, tore down all my posters,
He told me that I was not good enough,
My dysphoria won't stop so,
how am I supposed to keep living alone?

I'm young, tired, and feeling useless.
Aren't you tired of me?
I've done nothing but sit here and dream.

The need for purpose becomes my purpose,
I hope it won't be this way forever,
But I wanna make the opportunity to become something.

Checked through all of our old conversations,
Couldn't believe all this time passed,
I've changed so much I doubt you'd even like me any more,
But I just wanna say that I miss you so.

The way you looked at me,
The way you held my hand,
The way we could make each other laugh.
But I just need to say that I miss you so.

The first time I realized I was going to grow old,
Was when I was with you,
You made me the best man I could've ever been,
I wished it never ended,
But I just wanna say that I miss you so.

The way you looked at me,
The way you held my hand,
The way we could make each other laugh,
But I just need to say that I miss you so.

Pink sweatshirts,
Long distances and funny little pictures,
Sleeping through the sound of mothers yelling,
Night-time praises and young love,
Round glasses that always made me melt,
Chocolate brown eyes that you hated.

I just need to say that I miss you so.
I just really need to say that I miss you so.
I just really, really need to sing.
Sing it out of me.

I am kept alive by the growing vines,
They tell me what to do and what to say,
If I were to be honest, they don't do it very well,
But that's alright cause I'm getting on just fine.

Leaves embed themselves in my skin,
Unforgiving to my pleads,
I won't die, not here not now.

Throw myself onto my knees,
Grip the ground and try to get away,
The vines restrict me from moving anywhere,
I wanna be something, I wanna be someone.

Leaves embed themselves in my skin,
Unforgiving to my pleads,
I won't die, not here not now.

They begin to cover my mouth,
I can't breath or even begin to think,
I keep thinking that it's over but I don't wanna go.

Flood my room with yellow,
The color of the sunlight streaming through the blinds,
And when I gaze at you,
I see everything clearly again.

I know you hate your eyes,
But when I gaze into those irises,
They remind me of milk chocolate,
And they make me melt.

Deep pools of half-melted memories,
I should be over it, I know,
But I miss your gentle laugh,
When you fell asleep on my lap.

Big blue lake of open windows,
That breeze that swept your hair into your face,
And I brushed it away to find that you were gone,
I don't know what I did wrong but-

I know you hated your eyes,
But when I gazed into those irises,
They reminded me of milk chocolate,
And they made me melt.

I hope you're well now-
Do you ever think of me?
And when you do,
was I enough?
Cause you were for me.

in reverse
from the end

this is how
we go through the motions

begin again
happy and so alive

ending in
tears and broken hearts

in reverse
to the beginning

let me
be a kid again

and I
will be happy once more

a genius machine.
through the time,
nobody saw you,
tell me are you okay?

waste my time, please.
I need you to be by my side,
even if you think you're a burden,
don't tell anybody that I died.

when I'm in my 20's,
tell me that you still care,
even if you're thousands of miles away.
i'll say it back if it's okay with you.

Footsteps along my ceiling,
Cracking open the door at four,
Raindrops knock at the window,
A strange mellow feeling washing over me, you, us.

Follow the set of footprints,
Through the salmon corridors,
I hope they won't end at the ledge,
Seek out their destination for me, you, us.

Carrying on despite the calm,
Call me now before I leave,
Slip on a coat and see me,
I can visualize the footprints for me, you, us.

Through the streets now,
Lights fading colors in my eyes,
Cobble streets keep me on my feet,
Can you give directions to me, you, us.

Destination becomes thoughtless.
Sit down in the street and stare,
Raindrops pattering at my feet,
Begging me to keep on going for me, you, us.

I'm sorry, stranger, I don't love you.
I'm sorry, little grass blade, I don't need you.
I'm sorry, street light, stay a little longer.
For me, you, and us.

Purple paddy wagon rolls up to my party,
Party of one with white wet jeans,
I'm no cool cat, there's no chance.

Don't you see my growing green garden?
Don't you see my big blue tears?
Don't you see my honeysuckle hands?

I got to bring myself back down to earth,
Remind myself that we're all just made of stars and dreams,
No matter how bad the man, they were once a little sun with lots of love,
Maybe that'll get me killed one day but at this point does it really matter?
Shooting stars fly past my head and I'm once again reminded that I feel pain.

Spread my ashes across the universe,
Grip a lonely comet and drift across the cosmos,
You are worth it if you live in this atmosphere,
Stay here, with me and whisper secrets into my ear,
I promise I won't tell.

Time always slows down when we're young,
It feels like you'll never get out of it, but once you're out you wish you could go back,
Back to imagining you're an astronaut,
Safe inside a ship and headed on a one-way highway to all your tender dreams,
Now we're just drifting off and admiring the passing rockets,
Maybe one day we'll be inside of one of those too.

Spread my ashes across the universe,
Grip a lonely comet and drift across the cosmos,
You are worth it, darling, please don't leave.
I don't want to drift all alone.
Stay here, with me and let me whisper how much I love you into your ear.
I promise I won't tell.

Remember when you got me,
Safely to ground,
But now the tides have been rising,
I'm sinking even further down.

I won't drown in this sea,
Not by your hands,
I will try to fly,
but my wings are soaked,
In the burning sea water.

As the ocean throws me around,
I am lost as to what I can say,
You said that you'd be there for me,
But now I see the blue sea is tugging me further.

But I am here so you won’t take me down.
Bring me to life, bring me to shore.
I don’t care if you don’t care,
I’ve got this now, I’m on my way.
Walking underwater but it’s steady,
I’m getting there.

I'm awake again when I shouldn't be,
My eyes are studying the landscape of the ceiling,
Picking out pictures that come to breath and pulse,
In the darkness I can see the green glow of the planetary system,
I wonder if even survived that cold December night,
This happiness in my chest will fade away soon.

I see where I lay,
Under a sea of covers,
And I reach for the water but I’m sinking into the mattress,
I know where I’m going,
It’s going to be far, far away.
From today, I say,
“I’m alive, December.”

Would you believe me if I told you,
That I saw Saturn last night?
It was three a.m. and I was hating myself until I recognized it as it stuck to the ceiling.
Far away the ceiling goes as well the glow.
It’s okay cause if I am alive,
Then I can survive tonight,
I know just from memories that things will turn out okay,
Things are coming up sunny for me,
But for now my eyes are trapped on an ocean of green solar systems.
Forgive me for getting lost in myself.
I know it’s selfish, you don’t need to remind me.

I see where I lay,
Under a sea of covers,
And I reach for the water but I’m sinking into the mattress,
I know where I’m going,
It’s going to be far, far away.
From today, I scream,
“IM ALIVE, DECEMBER!”

I could sing this melody for eternity and nobody would hear.
But I don’t really care cause I just wanna feel like I’m doing something with my little poor life.
I could fish off this rock until the sun goes dead and I’d never catch one.
But something inside me tells me it’s alright and that I only need myself to know.

Enough about me, please.
Why don’t you sing for me?
Its getting a little crowded but I’m happy cause you’re here.
You’re singing from corrupted lungs but I don’t care,
You still give me chills as you sing your songs.

I could breath for millennia but no one would see the plumes that come out into the cold morning air.
But I don’t care cause I have you and maybe you can’t see but at least I can hear your voice.
If the sun were to die and I became the light, nobody would care because its just a little light.
But I don’t care cause I like it up there, where there’s no one to make fun of my meaningless songs
but you tell me that they mean something, I still can’t see it but thank you anyway.

Enough about me, please,
Talk to me if you want or sing if you please,
I just wanna know what’s on your mind,
As the room grows smaller on the growing crowd,
I huddle against you and beg you not to leave.

We’re singing through corrupted lungs but I don’t care.
We’ll give the world chills as we sing our songs.