Being myself hurts and I wish I could snap my fingers and make things disappear but,
My eyes are glued to the bottom of my chin,
I can't look away from the things on my chest,
And I can't get rid of the past,
This weight that rests on my throat and on my chest,
It holds me down as I cry out.

Hey friend, do you want to exchange?
I know you're feeling a little down about yourself as well,
I've got something you don't so why don't we make a deal?
We can curse whoever for making this mistake together.

When I'm at home and laying in bed,
My mind tends to make up scenarios,
Where my eyes are in my sockets and I can see the world in full color,
Only a little scruff showing itself on my chin,
Or maybe even being confident in the voice that I live with,
But I wake out of these visions and breath before I cry.

Hey friend, do you want to exchange?
I know you're feeling a little down about yourself as well,
I've got something you don't so why don't we make a deal?
We can curse the heavens for making this mistake together.

I hope you're doing okay,
I know it's been hard,
It's never easy for us,
but hey, why don't you stay and talk awhile?
Let's curse whatever made us this way even if we're talking to ourselves.
Even if we are talking to ourselves.

Im holding onto you.
Now I'm holding onto you.
All I'm holding onto is you.
Grasping and holding onto you.

When the windows make me blind,
I don't know what life is mine,
Cause I've pretended so many times,
Just keep walking and pretending,
In this body I have to act like I'm not me.

Parachute, save me.
I know you're also just a lost soul,
Parachute, save me.
You got the sun in your eyes and it's pulling me.
Parachute, save me.

Sometimes I wish I could fly away,
I'm stuck on the ground,
Rooted by my history and who I was born to never be,
I just want to get rid of the baggage,
Something no one wants gone.

Parachute, save me.
I know you're also just a lost soul,
Parachute, save me.
You got the sun in your eyes and it's pulling me.
Parachute, save me.

If I could be with you tonight,
I'd hold you close and talk you to sleep,
Make sure your light never fades into black,
Cause I know you've already gone,
Yet I can't help but imagine you here.

If I could be with you tonight,
I would walk with you all the way home,
Take my time and listen to your struggles,
Keep my hand in yours until night fades to morning,
Cause I know you've already gone,
Yet I can't help but imagine you here.

If I could be here with you tonight,
We would take flight and away,
Into quiet nights when you were here,
Now it's all torn down and I say,
"Yet, I can't help but imagine you here."

I knew it'd happen again,
It always happens and I can never stop it,
I tried over and over to sing myself away.
Never working, I'd just sleep in waking nightmares.
I knew it'd happen again,
The endless cycle of wanting to sleep again,
Upsetting my thinking process and my motivation,
To live and breath to continue to think.
It's back again.
I know it's back again to haunt my sleepless dreams.

Remember when we sat under the street lights?
When we never understood where we were,
We liked to pretend that everything was fine,
Remember when we looked up at the stars and stared a while?
Just as young and dumb as we are now,
I wish that I had that courage to say "stay."
Remember when we lied about our feelings?
Thinking we liked anyone else but each other,
Singing songs about the forest and forestry greens,
Swear to God I could regret that kiss,
I need it back, I want it back, Please let me have it again?

Charismatic man in a velvet chair,
Drinking wine from people's heads,
A divine dine on smooth manipulation,
Raised his gun to your hearts and he's killed you all.

Birthed into abuse and grown into faith,
Singing songs of his own wraith,
Walked to the edge and threw the ring,
Deception into nightmares.

Eyes of charcoal grey,
You won't find anyone else like him,
Running his hands through a black dove's feathers,
He has no sympathy for your tears.

Take his eyes off of his face,
Blind to the world and it's beauty,
Covered in fake roses until he is laid in his deathbed,
He's not trying to lie to you, just convince you of stranger things.

The trees seemed to close in on me as I laid in the middle of a clearing, my eyes staring up at the star-filled sky above. My breathing ragged from running to this secluded spot in the woods.
I felt the prickly pine cones under my back, letting silent tears run down my ink-stained face.
I had fought too hard, I wrote everything that I could have possibly done.

“Sing me down from the sky,” I sang to the sky, “All the way from death’s ledge. ” My chest felt heavy, whether it was my asthma or my anxiety didn’t matter anymore. I felt the scars on my wrist itch again, underneath my skin in a way I couldn’t relieve.
The trees were shadows, I could consider them demons but they really aren’t, they’re my home.
The only place I can feel satisfied with who I am.

I spent so many nights lingering in this forest, thinking the cure would be here. A mission for a purpose that would be found inside my head. Of course, I sometimes forget that my head is the most dangerous place to be.
I sat up and pulled my notebook out of the ground, along with a glowing pen. A symbol of my pent up creativity.

Maybe by writing a few poems, I’ll feel better about myself. I know that it won’t work, I need more. I need to have a name for myself, even if it’s just a few people. I want to sing to the forest and watch it sway in joy instead of pity.

I imagine myself on a stage made of bent over trees, the bark is slippery but I’m able to stand.
The people surround me, they are calling all our names. So, the ground holds me up, as I sing my heart out onto the makeshift microphone. My voice echoes and bounces through the greens, I’m finally outside my head, I’ve made it through every night and stood in a place I thought I never would.

Unfortunately, that’s not how life works. I wake up, my eyes once again looking towards the sky.
Again, words begin to spill out of my mouth in a tune, “I talk to myself and the dark grey sky beyond…”
Nothing answers, as per usual. It’s okay, I reassure myself, I don’t need a voice.
I wrap my hands in leaves and pretend that it’s a disguise.

Suddenly- I am home. My ceiling fan above me, whirring softly. My pen and paper laying on my chest. The night was sinking in and I am just as scared as I was the last night...

we're all afraid,
So afraid,
Of blank pages,
and empty promises.

we're all afraid,
So afraid,
Of burning trees,
and what we see.

we're all afraid,
So afraid,
Of sudden changes,
and futures mangled.

we're all afraid,
So afraid,
Denying is proof,
and I won't take it back.

Make room,
Cause I'm hopping on,
The Amtrak,
Headed to wherever I may go.

Whether I'll be dead within two years,
Or maybe I'll be living mediocrely, boringly.
If dreams really came true then I'd be onstage,
Singing out the times I wanted to cry and die.

Make room,
Cause I'm not waiting for you,
My friends have all gone,
I don't know where they went but I'm doing just fine.

Maroon blood on bathroom floors,
Is all I can see at night,
Makes me wonder where I'll be alive, tomorrow.
Well, don't stop me now.

Make room,
Cause you're not part of this,
I've got things to see and things to do,
Don't control me,
Just make room.
Just make room.

In the pouring light, singing songs of my delight.
Remembering times come to pass, a display in the blue grass.
Parting ways with my day, nothing left to say.
Otherwise, I'd be dead, how else will they be fed?
One charm and left too soon, under the bright red moon.
Heres lies my debt, conjuring what I had met.
Things don't seem as fair, sit down in a woven green chair.
I forget what I lost, but I know that they already crossed.
Lied to me, why couldn't you leave me be?
I never loved you, So I threw my other shoe.
Into the river where I died. Where I lay.

Burn my bones and burn my skin,
Burn the holy cross at my feet,
Gather all the roses and purge me of my sin,
With thorns upon my ankles won't you save me now?
With every moment ticking,
I remember that I want to die and sing.
Burn my voice and burn my lungs,
Burn the holy dirt at my feet,
Gather all the thorns and place them on the throne,
With knives inside my head, I plead for mercy.
I don't believe.
Im sorry.
I just don't believe.
No matter how much I want to.

Mr. Lake...hold me.

Mr. Lake...I beg.

Mr. Lake...It's late.

Mr. Lake...Aren't you there?

Mr. Lake...Where's your voice?

Mr. Lake...I need your breath.

Mr. Lake...Don't leave.

Mr. Lake...Are you there?

Mr. Lake...My palms are *****.

Mr. Lake...This is all there is.

Mr. Lake...I can't keep going.

Mr. Lake...Where are you?

Mr. Lake...Set me free.

I saw him at the gates,
Wondered why he would forsake,
Time slows down and I'm running,
Running for my life.
He's climbing over,
Gun in hand.
God, oh why God have you forsaken us?

Bang Bang, down goes my friends,
Bang Bang, down goes the educators,
Bang Bang, down at my feet.

Is this where my life ends?
I'm just only seventeen,
Where will I go when I die?
He's coming for us all,
Ak-47 in his hands.
God, oh why God have you forsaken us?

Bang Bang, down goes my friends,
Bang Bang, down goes the educators,
Bang Bang, down at my feet.

He's at the door.
Am I no more?
I can't see my own two hands.
Tears on my face.
.
.
.
God?

Daggers of glass in my feet,
Expressing myself as best as I can,
Still stumbling through freezing snow,
With glass in my feet.

I'm slowing to a stop,
Beginning to not care what I become,
The glass digs itself deeper once again,
I can walk a thousand miles,
and get nowhere.

That's the idea that I'm presenting,
The glass digging into my bones,
I know that I have nowhere to go,
Lie to me again, will you please?

The glass under my feet hurts so bad,
But I'm walking underneath the surface of the ice,
Maybe I'll find a way in the snowstorm,
but under the ice, I'm frozen.

I forget who I'm waiting for,
On the faded concrete,
As per usual I'm looking to the sky,
Maybe I'll see the sign I've been waiting for,
We've all waited for.

I'm no saint but I need your halo,
I may curse you but please speak unto me,
I beg of you to breath onto my skin,
My empty bones need flames.

Wandering isles of convenience stores,
Looking for a sign from the place where I reign,
Stole another bag of suicide, maybe cyanide.
I'm waiting.
Waiting for us all.

I'm no saint but kindly give me strength,
Prove unto me that you are here,
Empty promises never fulfilled,
My deadened bones need reviving from you.

I'm no saint...but I need you.
I need you.
Please come home now.
Please...

Could we turn back time?
Could we bring back the sun?
Could we become holy again?
The lies we embraced as own own,
The times we pretended we were okay,
Ending on a sour note of progression.
Could we sing you to sleep?
Could we apologize in somber eyes?
Could we **** to regain our love?
A land where death never comes,
A song where we were divided.
Could we turn back time?
Could we sing you to sleep?
Could we dowse you in red and blue?

I take these trees and pretend you're there.
I stole these arms to fake my own death.
I stormed the city and got ran over by a taxi cab.
I went back and cried to the heavens.
This isn't easy so leave my body be.
I take these trees and pretend you didn't leave.

Mister Spirit,
How do I speak?
Mister Spirit,
When will I die?
Mister Spirit,
How do you speak?

I follow mounds of burnt down trees and hope it leads me to the will for living.
I stole a gun to **** and undo my existence.
I yell torment as the wind whispers my name.
I felt cold fingers on my shoulder and I know who's here.

Mister Spirit,
How do I speak? (to you)
Mister Spirit,
When will I die? (at last)
Mister Spirit,
How do you speak? (to us)

I only want to scream and cry but I'm held back.
I know my brain is sick and I'm trying to heal it back.
I sink into songs of life but spit out death.
I hate every God alive.
I despise every word you never spoke.
I desperately need your touch on my head.
Lean me back, into the kingdom.

I don't know why I thought you'd care,
You don't make an effort to try and help me up off the ground,
Keeping your head inside your own inflicted heart,
Creatures sing in tongues around your head.

Describe yourself to me,
Maybe I'll understand tomorrow,
You don't know my brain,
So why do you even try?

Stretching for an answer from me,
Focusing on the words but never the lines in the middle,
What a shame that I might be failing, but don't you see I'm also falling?

Describe yourself to me,
Hush my selfish words,
Pretending to know my brain,
When you've never checked inside.

Setting sail for broken moons and drifting stars,
In a sea of faded galaxies,
Pouring into the waterfall that meets the edge of the world,
Greedy jewels inside farewells.

Flooded eyes, won't you meet me here?
Among the broken message men,
They will float around us as we walk,
And talk about the things we knew.

Nebulas bleed into the sea,
Searching our feet for something new,
It appears that we,
Like to lie about what we see.

Flooded eyed, won't you meet me here?
Among the broken message men,
They will float around us as we walk,
And talk about the things we knew.

I know we both wish for the sky to speak,
No matter what we may believe,
I know we both wish for the sky to speak,
No matter what we may believe.

Bedside blues,
Sitting with no purpose,
Pride doesn’t exist anymore,
You’re left feeling empty inside,
Feeling the urge to hide and fly away.

Bedside blues,
Jacked up on whatever you got your hands on,
Ashamed to look at your worn face in the mirror,
So you sit on the edge of your bed,
Admiring the sky outside your window.

Bedside blues,
Blurry vision prevents you from getting up,
To continue your day would **** you dead,
Pondering how much a gun might cost,
How much would it take to fly away.

Bedside blues,
You don’t mind the abuse,
That lingers on your wrists,
Falling farther while flushing razors,
This is the last time.

Bedside blues,
Welcome home,
To your bedside blues.

Stare down the one-lane road,
Inside a thick forest,
The black pavement is uncracked,
Unless I step forward,
The surface becomes broken and foggy,
Occasionally, a car will pass somewhere across the mountainside.

The forest lining the road sings songs,
Songs that remind me of things that nobody knows about,
To thick for me to leave the road,
That's okay, I'm getting there.

When I look to the sky,
Don't ask me who I'm looking for,
Cause I'm just looking for anything,
Anyone at all.

An answer from space or energy itself.
If I knew whether it's real or not,
It'd defeat the whole purpose of searching.

If I said knew who I was asking for,
I'd be presumptuous and ignorant,
Who knows who could have built this.

When I look to the sky,
Don't ask what song I'm singing,
Cause I'm just making it up as I go along,
Along a make believe path.

You don't know my brain,
You don't know my heart,
You don't know my veins,
and you don't know my pain.

So please use discretion when judging,
I don't need your input on how my head is doing,
I know what's happening and it's messing me up.

Why do you keep guessing,
The emotions that are pressing,
Inside my brain's distressing,
You do not know the depressing,
my suicidal head's wrestling.

Back away from my choices,
You are one of the many faces,
That tell me I am voiceless,
That tell me I am faceless.

Stop.
Repeat what you just commanded,
Do you really think that I've just abandoned,
Remember I that am left-handed,
A voice that you take for granted,
But I have the advantage.

I am here to make my own purpose,
Even if I drown, I'll resurface,
You're only seeing me from the purchase
I will not be treated like a circus.

For now I might flightless,
Maybe a little sightless,
But I will find the brightness,
Where I will become priceless.

Write
Simple,
I tell myself,
Write
Poetic,
I force myself,
Write
Beauty,
I convince myself,
Write
Imagery,
I encourage myself,
Write
with purpose,
I plead myself.

I've given up on my selfish ambitions,
Promises turned upside down and emptied out,
So my conscious is falling again,
Into my skin, I will fight for the right to stay alive.

Feeling like making something but you can't come up with anything at all.
Your brain is going haywire to find something to do,
Creativity has lost it's capabilities and you're rehabilitated,
Time goes so much slower and the clock is moving on it's own dime,
Feels like you could drown yourself in blank white walls and stale chips.

Boredom is the word you know and hate,
Thinking of simpler times,
When you could find fun in a rock by the creek.
Boredom is the word you know and hate.

Wishing that you had a gun to shoot up the toilet for a good time,
You've got cobwebs in your brain hole and you're not feeling up to ****,
Instead you'll just sit on the floor and melodramatically cry,

Boredom is the word you know and hate,
Thinking of simpler times,
When you could find fun in a rock by the creek.
Boredom is the word you know and hate.

How high must I fly,
To feel like I'm getting by,
Instead I sit and cry,
Up towards the blue sky,
I continue to deny,
Your words silently reply,
But I know I am but a simple guy,
So why would I ever hear your voice nearby?

Tying to be so cold,
So that I don't feel uncontrolled,
I've lost all my gold,
And I've felt my soul already sold,
To the wind, away as foretold.

I scrape by on broken toes,
And ripped up clothes,
I have been froze,
In place, to decompose,
And placed into comatose,
So forgive me if I repose,
Your thoughts, as my foes.

Tying to be so cold,
So that I don't feel uncontrolled,
I've lost all my gold,
And I've felt my soul already sold,
To the wind, away as foretold.

Take me down,
Into my grave,
Sing me to sleep,
And give me prayers,
To call myself home,
But he won't hear his name,
Being called from my grave,
So I kneel and weep,

So, Take me down,
To the sea,
In a watery grave,
I will lay,
As you feed me tales,
Of his everlasting love,
I called his name,
But he's not home,
So I kneel and weep,
Under the sea.

Take me down,
Into the forest,
Where time stand still,
I will stay, standing quietly,
Listening for his voice,
Among the trees,
And I call my name,
Through the trees,
But I am silent.

Take me down,
To the sand,
Let me see where I am free,
So I follow the footprints in the sand,
Because my lights are fading fast,
I don't need, his breath to stay,
In order for me to stay alive,
I slam the door and fall to the floor,
Calling his name.

The wind spins me five days away from Sunday,
The very particular day when all my problems are gone and I can say what’s on my mind,
The wind blows me ten days from hell raise no matter what I ever say,
It's a depressing day when I remember that there's most likely nothing to save me now.

Conclude my story with a leap--
Of faith to cascade into the deep,
Let me go so can find my twilight sleep,
For nothing in return I will weep.

Admittance to my problems and concluding my story of fake smiles and scolding a selfish thought,
The many wars and consolation I had fought,
In contributions to happiness I had bought,
Of course I wasn't happy, not by a long shot.

Conclude my story with a leap--
Of faith to cascade into the deep,
Let me go so can find my twilight sleep,
For nothing in return I will weep.

Close your eyes and wait for stars to reveal their stories in the darkness under the large willow tree,
And heaven forbid you start to cry,
but from your eyelids ink will seep into the roots of the tree,
Giving life to the old willow tree.

Questioning why you laid here,
Underneath the spaceships in the sky,
When you could be running through the constellations,
and faulty paradises of what your mind says is real.

Close your eyes and trip along the small dipper,
To find your own head and home,
Leaving the tall willow tree to rot away in peace,
Spaceships crash and you're alone again.

It’s time I said goodbye, to you and your pursitless strife.
It’s fine, I’ll say goodbye.

Now you're gone,
Maybe I should be too,
I asked you so many times what you see in me,
And you told me that I was kind, fun, and the best friend you've ever had.
Then you suddenly turned and you left,
Leaving me here, on the ground, with a razor in my hand.

The world doesn't seem as bright as it used to be,
Now I feel the pressure is breaking in and tumbling down,
Down the staircase where I now reside, in the basement.
The world dims out and I feel it's time for me to say goodbye.

I asked God for forgiveness, even though I don't wanna believe.
I asked Lucifer for mercy. even thought I don't wanna believe.
I asked her for some clarity, even though I might not like the answer.

I'm confronting myself at 5:30 A.M.,
Haven't slept a wink but I have to start my day soon,
Bordering anger I look at myself in the pouring rain,
I'll ask myself, "Where have you gone, why aren't you helping me?"

I watch myself sit down, myself won't speak and I can't control him.
He doesn't want to stand anymore and his hands are shaking.
His emotions are out the door, no more.

His eyes flash violent urges,
When the night unfurls it’s grasp,
I can see he want to tell me all the things,
But he can’t find the words so I look to his hands and they’re gone, he wants to scream but he can’t so he leaves his head on the floor.

I watch myself sit down, myself won't speak and I can't control him.
He doesn't want to stand anymore and his hands are shaking.
His emotions are out the door, no more.

Someone grabbed a hold of my hand and took it to the edge of the stream, where it flowed so suddenly into the precipice of the sea.
I missed the chance of getting a glace at the boy but I have a feeling that he knew me and that I knew him.
He dissipated into the overwhelming vastness of the sea,
I wish that I could say that I had accomplished something that day,
But all I saw was a back of a head and a lonely, burdened sea.

I came clean and told all truths,
Can you hold my hand again,
So that I can feel no fear,
Then the sea opens me up and reveals that I have so much to...
Clear.

The time I wasted, just drunk on my pills and eradication,
For the longest time I ignored the sea, feeling like it was betraying me,
But finally the boy revealed his face to me, so I took my time and turned towards the tide where the sea was waiting for me.


I came clean and told all truths,
Can you hold my hand again,
So that I can feel no fear,
Then the sea opens me up and reveals that I have so much to...
Clear.

Make him stop,
Make him stop,
Please, make him stop.
Make him stop,
Make him stop,
Please, make him stop.

She could,
Dream away my fears,
She could,
Hold me tighter than the noose that I hold,
She could,
Take me on a wild ride into trouble town,
She could,
Become my high that I needed all last week,
She is,
Everything I need,
She is,
The one who saved me.

I am here in the sea,
Bogged down my curiosity,
I can’t see,
I can’t hear my own voice.

I can see the waves,
Crashing as they wash away my bones,
But my skin still remains,
I can see the sky.
I can see my hands.
I can see my eyes and they’re so numb.

I've made up my mind,
And there's nothing that you or my mind can do to stop me,
You may slow me down,
You may **** my lights,
But I will continue with the same passion as I feel now.

I've made up my mind,
To do something better than now,
Staying up until the early morning,
To dream of better years and nostalgic memories.

I've made up my mind,
I want to play keyboard,
And get up onto the stage,
To pour my words into the speakers,
Just to let people know that they are not alone.

I've made up my mind,
Even if I crash and burn,
No matter how much sludge,
I won't be a slave in a non-profit job,
I won't be stuck inside my own head,
I'll explore the world and see new things.

I've made up my mind,
I hope you're coming with me.

I see where I linger
Between the forestry,

My heart beats for his voice,
Between the forestry,

I scream to ask him,
I need to feel my fingertips,

So speak the words I told you to,
But my head won't give in to let me free.

Between the forestry,
I see that he is wounded,

I know that I should leave him alone,
Between the forestry,

But I need my voice to carry on,
And there's no doubting my own cowardliness.

So I go,
Go away,
Far from this place,
So I go,
Away,
Away,
Away...from him.

Sing me down from the sky,
All the way from death's ledge,
I am here to be saved and I'm calling your name,
But I can't see you here so I leave without your brand,
I'm okay with living alone, I'm okay without answers,
Then there's nights when I need your touch on my shoulder,
Cause I slowly lose myself in my own winding head.