Crying dogs outside the windows,
Wanna see myself above them all,
Careening to a future where I do it all.

It's a sinking sinking feeling that keeps me on my feet,
I've hounded it around,
Surrounded it with sound,
Kept it till it thought that it had defeated me,
As if defeating me would do it any good,
I've hounded it around,
Surrounded it with sound,
Shocked it till it was driven back into my shaping head,
If I'm healing with the reason to become purposeful, then so be it.

Crying dogs outside the windows,
Wanna see myself above them all,
Careening to a future where I do what I need.

To wind up all of the thoughts,
Into a ball and throw it at the wall,
Doesn't seem to work,
Cause the sound collects words like dust,
I need to introspect inside of a page,
To write until the sun comes up,
And the yarn shadows untangle themselves,
Words to me don't work like voices,
But like graphite,
They don't get collected or tossed about,
They end up sitting upon a page,
Watching with hopeful eyes.

I'll figure you out with time, in time,
Nights could go by before I read it again,
But it's then that I see what's inside my head,
So forgive me if they're dark, brooding, or sick,
It's the only way I know,
The only way I know.

Here in the dark I will park,
Inside of my bones will have grown,
Vines of rotten wood,
Well it's just no good,
I'm just no good,
And it's that confidence that exists that brings me to my knees.

With the flesh of a boy who hates everything outside,
I'll fly as far as I can until I hit the wall,
The wall that divides my flesh from my brain,
Could I piece it together well I really doubt so.

Inside of the palm of my hand is a daffodil,
For the creases on my forehead,
Signify the worry and hurt I've felt these years gone by,
Remember me when I leave to hope for the best,
Inside my own nightmarish daydream.

With the flesh of a boy who hates everything outside,
I'll fly as far as I can until I hit the wall,
The wall that divides my flesh from my brain,
Could I piece it together well I really doubt so.

I tried so hard to fly,
I tried so hard to walk,
These grounds where the pebbles lay,
Where the glass sticks into my feet,
Like the sand that covers my feet,
Infecting the multiplying wounds,
But I've kept walking.

I don't know how I've made it this far,
But here's to my home and to my family,
And to my friends who stayed when they could,
I trust that this home I've lived will keep me disclosed,
As a neon embroidered gravestone is never what I want,
Play me a song, won't you play me a song?

I'm sick and tired of questioning myself,
Am I enough? Am I purposeful?
It's the bigger picture that I'm worried about,
Never the minute details and happiness,
I'd change if I could but I've wanted something big,
For so many years and to change would be groundbreaking in my head,
Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat the day.

The night, the light come on inside my head,
Like a porch with little children,
Forcing me out and making me think about,
How it has to be this way,
And how I have to be this dreamer,
In order to pass in order to survive,
yet at this point....what is it really like to survive?
When help always seems to far away,
So far that it hangs in front of my face like a dog to a bone.

In ever aspect of life,
In the aspect of life itself,
Living and breathing seems like a goal,
An achievement that I cannot reach,
I failed to live for you and that's the truth,
I'm sorry, oh god I'm sorry, when there's no path I was supposed to have made.
Cant keep going, can't keep going.
If I pray to God, will he answer when I'm finally gone?
In this dreamlike state, if feels like hell,
The tightness of my chest, the dryness of my tongue, and the twisting in my gut.

I never want to make you cry,
I never want to hurt you,
I never want to stray away like I've been doing,
And everyone asks "what will you do with him?"
"How will you get him out of his own hole now?"
Well but, I'll get rid of those questions for you,
I'll rid the stress of knowing I fail,
That I'll repeat a fight or an argument,
It's unfair, I know it's unfair,
Just believe me when I say that I am not nor never okay.
It's a front, so I don't have to confront your eyes when you say,
All these things that I care about and what do you mean when you say I'm selfish for even thinking so?

And the words in your hands,
Speak to me like a poem,
I'm captivated and interested from the moment you begin,
The lessons you've taught me,
The joys you've made me feel,
I'd stay alive for you, I'd stay alive for your stories,
But things are so far away now and the torment they've put your through deters you from home,
You've made mistakes and maybe I'm one of them,
Though I know you care and that you want me to learn all of the things you've been given,
You know me better than anyone I've ever know,
So please, don't forget me and do forgive me.

My little drama queens,
You walk with a confidence that I cannot describe,
How you both stay so strong and the happiness you envelope,
I wish I understood, though it might be youth, I hope you never change,
My love for your pride in yourself exceeds any other brother alive,
Know that I care, So know that I care.

Friends,
All my wonderful ones, the ones who left, the ones I had to leave behind,
You're all meaningful, I gave each of you a piece of my heart,
Just to remember and know that I learned,
That I learned that I can be worthy,
That I don't have to stagnant,
Standing still, I have to say, cause I don't want dominoes on my hands,
You are worth it,
When my ship goes down,
You climb up,
I'm sorry, so very sorry.

So I'm gonna say,
It's tonight's crime that may bring light to things I've never said,
To things I've called unworthy, like myself.
"How could he go if he's got everything?"
Well In my head, the friends that I've lost,
and the things I've been through saturates the negative,
I'm just a kid and I've got nothing to bring into the light of my head.

I don't know how I've made it this far,
But here's to my home and to my family,
And to my friends who stayed when they could,
I trust that this home I've lived will keep me disclosed,
As a neon embroidered gravestone is never what I want,
Play me a song, won't you play me a song?

My friend gave me her pottery creation,
A beautiful rainbow cup to hold all my fantastical paradises,
Only so long until I realized that it held all my nightmares,
And the cup was designed to cut my lips as I sipped it's contents,
I was too young to understand, too young to know.

When years later all my walls came crumbling down,
Then the river flooded my town,
My imagination,
My creativity,
My will to fight,
And all my emotions I had hoped to keep,
Washed away within years of living alone inside her home.

I promised myself that I'd never let myself go that deep,
At this point when all my emotions get washed away,
If I had someone like her- I'd break myself back down,
I was strong then and then there's now, where I'm more so,
There was no rules or pay to fly back then but I never understood that,
Not in her grasp.

When years later all my walls came crumbling down,
Then the river flooded my town,
My imagination,
My creativity,
My will to fight,
And all my emotions I had hoped to keep,
Washed away within years of living alone inside her home.

The cup kept on cutting my lips,
Even after the aftermath of devastation she wrought onto me,
Colorful clay crumbling into razor blades,
Stop this now, please stop this now,
Nightly fights to stay home and brood into red stained papers,
I was too young, much too young to understand the capacity of my anger.

But I'm here now,
I see her time and time again,
Her eyes are brighter and she seems better,
I don't hate her but I most certainly should,
When my bones shiver in the past,
I become 10 years old once again,
Fearing for myself and the cold,
Scared beyond belief,
I don't trust anyone not even the ones closest to me,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I keep pushing you away,
Bleed into my home and heal me again.

When years later all my walls came crumbling down,
Then the river flooded my town,
My imagination,
My creativity,
My will to fight,
And all my emotions I had hoped to keep,
Washed away within years of living alone inside her home.

I've been pick-pocketed,
The possessions inside my back pocket are gone,
The knife, the wallet, the mask,
I'm thankful but I'm missing a piece of me,
How do I be happy?
I've completely forgotten.

Edgy teenage horseshit,
Like bile in the back of my throat,
Taunt me and push me around,
I just want to enjoy myself before I'm old.

The knife,
Held me,
Down the to ground,
No floating away and getting deeper.

The wallet,
Held more,
My heart and my colors,
No falling in love and no more empty chests.

The mask,
Held myself,
The person I need to be and cannot be,
Not walking far without it's ceramic dust on my eyes.

Edgy teenage horseshit,
Like bile in the back of my throat,
Taunt me and push me around,
I just want to enjoy myself before I'm old.

I told you all my lies and my secrets,
But who you are is something I still have to discover,
You're far away so what do you look like?
What does your voice sound like,
And do you intend good?

Does your mind stay cautious,
Or do you mind that we're so open,
Where does the boundary start and the line end?

I can't see you,
Only read you like a book,
A book with jumbled words that lack comprehension,
Or perhaps it's me that can't comprehend?
What do I have to do to control my world,
Without offending your disciples.  

Does your mind stay cautious,
Or do you mind that we're so open,
Where does the boundary start and the line end?

W h e r e  a r e  y o u  n o w ?

W h e r e  a r e  y o u  n o w ?

W h e r e  a r e  y o u  n o w ?

I ponder death and life

What it could be

Then what it will never be

I guess it's up to you

Is it up to you?

Am I tied to a fate that I might end so abruptly.

W h e r e  a r e  y o u  n o w ?

W h e r e  a r e  y o u  n o w ?

W h e r e  a r e  y o u  n o w ?

Gun to the sky

Shot three times

One for the son

One for the father

And one for the holy spirit

I'm tired of you

Tired of waiting,

So tired of waiting.

W h e r e  a r e  y o u  n o w ?

W h e r e  a r e  y o u  n o w ?

W h e r e  a r e  y o u  n o w ?

Riding my bike in the pouring rain,
Hold onto the slippery handlebars,
And hold onto your last words,
I'm sick again so my nose is red,
Like the dried blood on the tires,
Your memory is all I've got now,
Peace of mind without time.

I've got to get home now,
Let me in won't you please,
I'm not ready but here I am.

Walking in the cloudy overhang,
Hold onto myself for dear warmth,
And hold onto you to walk straight,
I think it's gonna rain but maybe not,
My hands are cold and blue,
Like the eyes inside of my own head.
I can't let go of your hand,
Never going to get peace of mind without you.

Evergreen pine trees,
Swaying to the biting wind,
Did I hear them shout my name?
It nips at my ears and nose,
I don't know and I'm sorry,
There's no smell to these mindful trees,
I can't tell you why I'm not understanding your words,
Undergrowth crinkling under my feet,
I don't need a path cause I'm already lost.

Roots trip me up,
Do they believe in me?
A foggy overhang,
I apologize too much.

Rain falls so often where I stay to live,
So I walk outside and talk to the sky,
Contriving my words so that I might be lying,
To myself and the dark grey sky beyond.

Sometimes I forget that towns like mine bring creatures into our hears,
Rainfall in Hometown,
Bringing about ghouls I could never face,
And the homes that turn into beasts to roam every single night.

Then I lay down on the wet grass and pick at the greens,
In worry, in thought, so distraught, that I'm in this disarray,
Distraught, that I taught the thoughts to flock to death and distress,
My hands are cold and wet with raindrops that I like to call teardrops,
I talk to myself and the dark grey sky beyond,

Sometimes I forget that towns like mine bring creatures into our hears,
Rainfall in Hometown,
Bringing about ghouls I could never face,
And the homes that turn into beasts that roam every single night.


Drops falling into my eyes so that I can see a little clearer the next day,
The only problem is that colors shift and warp through my view,
Capturing my pupil's time,
Grasping onto the grass as I start sinking into the rainbow raindrops,
Contrasting colors faded my killjoy, rebel heart.

Terrifying, melding, my world's colliding,
I'm a long lost son, waiting for the pale sky to part it's clouds,
So that maybe I can find the answer or the meaning to my life,
Opening my chest,
I talk to myself and the dark grey sky beyond.