I've been trying
To drink the same cup of coffee
All ******* day
And every time it crosses my lips
It taste off
Because I think about,
You liking the way
I tasted like coffee and sweetness
When you kissed me that day
At least you said
I've lost another 5lbs
I look better in a swim suit
Than I did two weeks ago
I smelled like chlorine and beauty
And that's not even a smell
At least you said
I write poetry
I think about
How you missed my words
Needed me around so badly
At least you said
I think you might have lied
Though you promised me truth
But if truth is what you've always said
Then something has become a lie
Or you don't know what you said

It starts in my in my fingertips
A shaking offness
That spreads to my heart
It beats to fast
Pulsing drum
sickness in my stomach
Spiraling mind
I'd wish you'd call
You won't
You'll hate me forever
You won't love me
No one will love me
Not if you stoped
No one ever
They are lying
I annoy them too all lying
School
Money
Lost
Unattractive
Talentless
Worried
Failing
Everything failing
Can't breath
Won't tell
Everyone will look at me worried
Can't worry anyone
Just sit shaking
Frantic panting
Won't stop can't stop
Panicking
3 days of this
I really wish you would call
That would stop the spiral

I spent the morning
Walking the city
Writing poetry
I just wish that one ******* thing
Didn't make me think
Of at least one of you
If not both
And that I didn't cry

I half wonder
If I should go to mass
I'm not catholic
But maybe I could find peace
in the timbre of the priests speech
Or in  traditions
That I don't know
I think I could cross my chest correctly
I think I could pass
Pretend I am not bitter
for a minute
Lay aside my heavy heart
And go to mass.

Of course
They planted birch trees on the green
Peeling paper bark trees
Shading the head
And stirring the heart
Saying even nature makes paper
So write enough to fill the sky

I could fill the sky with this summers pain
But I'm not sure that I want to
I'm getting awful sick of rain.

I'm sitting on the ground
Somewhere in Charlotte
To tired and sad to move
Getting eaten by bugs
I can't identify
I just wish you would call me
So I could feel
that we were still alright

This summer's almost over
I sit in a south end coffee bar
Wondering exactly what I did
To warrant a fall this hard
I'm writing again
But it's all useless ****
I curse entirely to much
My moods these days lack wit
I'm half angry
Half broken
And two halves sad
That's too much emotion for one person
No wonder I can't sleep
No wonder I'm going mad