I told you loved you
And you said it back
I've never felt relief
Such as that

I thought you must have been God's favorite to have made you in all the ways I thought I needed you to be
and that should have scared me all the same
because even the devil himself was once God's favorite
and look how far he fell

You taught me that perfection is impossible
And I'm still learning to accept that

I could compare you to the moon
And how she looks down lovingly at me so full of bright eyed fondness, sometimes squinting with smile lines--tender

I could compare you to the ocean
Constantly coming back to kiss the sands
Always eager to reach them, always reluctant to pull away

I could compare you to the wind
Fierce some days, but quietly caressing on others
Unapologetic in the way she dances with swirling and abrupt movements--impulsive

But I will compare you to the sun
Burning and blinding
If I stand in your presence too long I'm in pain
I tried drowning you out in liquor
Instead with your heat and intensity and my lips seeking the cool feel neck of the bottle
I grew dehydrated; shade seeking: the black spots in my eyes growing bigger

You taught me compromise and sacrifice are different
I'm still trying to accept that

I coughed and I choked up sea water
My feelings for you bursting through my throat so quickly my nostrils and lungs were full
It burned
This love, this salt is rough and course and tears through my chest
You taught me love can be painful
I'm still learning to accept that

It sent shivers through his body;
he sought warmth in the sharp tang of the whiskey
no matter how much he drank though, he was still cold--
the only burning in the back of his throat,
in his stomach,
as he tried to not *****.
strange too, was the burning of his hands, of his forehead;
ghosts of her soft touches from earlier in the day
they calmed him then
why weren’t they calming him now?

I poured so much of my time into you
into us
that I overflowed onto the table
a circular stain marring it for eternity

everytime I look at that table
use it to eat off, draw on, play cards with friends
I am reminded of us again

Watermarks are not enough reason for new furnishings
Coffee stains are a fact of life
I don't need to throw out the table we built together
even though looking at it hurts everytime

Recently I found some paint
and I decided that I can reclaim this again
I will reclaim this again

--With new memories and stains
    that were never meant for you.

If loving him was a cool shower,
falling for you is a warm scented bath.

---For so long I was stuck in that stagnant place between freezing and boiling