I know I would be dead without my medication a day off and I dream more than I could ever imagine two days and I'm seizing on the floor withdrawal so intense I'm dizzy and crying and shaking, nauseous, a phantom explosion in my head I feel off Three days and I'm hospitalized I feel like an addict but I have to tell myself that I am back to square one back to the chemical imbalance I was before the prescription healed me to be This is normal you are not an addict you are sane
But that one day off I love I sleep so deeply I feel dead to the world comatose with lucid dreams I dream so vividly I can feel them in my waking self I know I can't fly yet my dreams say I can I would spend days in this trance if I could Last night I dreamed I was in Disney My medication causing me true terror through amazement yet this morning I felt off and tired and like I would ***** any minute I wish these symptoms would stop I wish I just felt normal without it But the chemistry in my brain never adds up I want to be trapped in the feeling of constant dreams It's when I can truly live
I wish I had better coping skills but who needs therapy when you can just as easily cut your hair and pierce your nose I have seven tattoos and ten piercings I'm running out of room
You called me envy, sloth I called you wrath, pride These names which will forever haunt me I must be blind to my envy I don't see myself as such Wanting to be what others are I want to be what I am not My sloth I understand My laziness and trepidation in doing what needs to be done I see wrath in you your road rage, lack-of patience self You laugh at my calling you pride yet you buy designer clothes and care too much what others think of your appearance and mind these our our sins and we must learn to live with them
I have never had a fondness for roses a basic beauty, classic, calm, safe Instead, I have found enchantment in the chaotic the unpredictable, the unusual Chrysanthemums hold my intrigue I fell in love with you for the same reason
I believed my mind to be a box of glass walls the moon to be chasing my car at night the roaring of the car wash to be a lion trapped in a den I believed quicksand to be a much more prominent threat than it truly is and that I would have surely caught fire at least a few times in my life at the rate Stop Drop and Roll were engraved into my brain I thought by now I would have experienced peer pressure and that saying no to a drink or a smoke wouldn't have been this easy-- no one ever retorted That by age eighteen I would be free from my parents rules and I would be living alone with a dozen animals working my dream job Or at least that I would be dead That I would surely be dead
They told you you had changed since you met me of course I believe that to be true too I've changed since I met you too But of course over two years you would be different who wouldn't be? change of school, jobs, life plans the only constant here was me so fingers were pointed at the only thing that stayed the same about you and I had no say at all