I wonder how long you stay awake at night wishing you could take everything back you've ever done to hurt me. I wonder how long you stayed awake thinking about how you shattered every last bit of trust I had in you to take care of my heart...I wonder if you're really going to change this time like you say you are....or if it's going to be exactly the same as all the other times you said you'd change.....

"911 what's your emergency?"

The shadows are killing my light and I can feel my soul fading away

I'm a stranger to myself

" I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I'd never let you go"

"When all those shadows almost killed your light"

"Just close your eyes, the sun is going down. You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now"

I'm just not feeling happy and want to be alone and cry

His name means "dweller by the sea" and he loved the sea at first sight.
Coincidence?

Oh how I hope and pray you're not hanging out with him today

"It's been a while since you've given off this much negative energy. This ominous aura that gives you chills............it reminds me of a demon's aura......it's dark and cold"

Sadness hits you like an ocean, it comes all at once and you drown in it.
I guess it's fitting that my names means dweller by the sea

"You idiot. If you keep thinking and talking about that your heart will start to crumble away again."

piece of heart breaks off and fades away

"See? I told you."

"Sir you've called this line 3 times today, do you actually have an emergency?"

Yes. I don't want her to have anymore nightmares. I need to kiss her now and make her forget about the blood.

"Sir please stop calling this line"

My my, someone was a little hasty

My mood is at absolute zero right now

You've never seen me with another girl have you? You've never seen me smile and talk with any other girl but you. You've never heard me talk about how cute another girl is. You've never seen me have an interest for another girl. I saw you looking at me while I was with her, I wonder what you thought

I need to drop all my energy NOW the voice is back and I feel my energy flipping out inside

Sext: "trace my veins like the tip of my knife used to"

If you get sick at the thought of someone else touching me
**why are you touching someone else

It's not going to be today, you're just going to keep pushing it farther and farther back

I wonder if you're scared that I won't ever leave her if I get together with her.
I wonder if you're worried that she'll steal me away and I'll pick her over you

Gettin really tired of being stabbed in the back so often and wiping your spit off my face

Trust is so hard to rebuild after it's been destroyed......

I wonder if ya still think its a good idea to be with him. Either way you're stuck with him wether ya like it or not for now.

I wonder if you wish it was me instead of him.

I wonder if ya wish I wanted to still date you instead of another girl.

I wonder if ya regret lettin me go

I'm laying down listening to music letting all the sadness flow out of my eyes and heart....

"Wow it upset you that much? Gotta love social media eh m?"

Sext: I heard you think veins are hot, let me show you mine
*slashes with razor

Thinking about you going to a party with a guy when you're all dressed up ***** :/

"All I can feel is sadness flowing from his blade"

Sometimes I wonder what I should do. I'm laying here feeling empty, alone, and dead inside

You're gonna know the pain I went through now.....watching me want to talk to and be around another girl....I hope it doesn't hurt too much even though I know it will.....

That sad thing is you're still with him even though you know he's using you. Admit it, he's your soulmate not me

drip drip
It falls to the floor
drip drip
The vulnerability that comes with opening the door
drip drip
Should it be sealed again
drip drip
Maybe

"Hey!?"
..!...
"Quit spacing out"
shakes blood from blade"

Sext: throw me in the dirt like you did with my heart

I'm envious of you two.

You both look so happy, truly in love.
You had to wait until he broke up with her and he finally did. Now you two are together, looking happier than ever.
You're being silly and goofy together, you laying on her lap.
You guys truly look happy.
You love her
And she loves you
I'm truly envious of you two

Between crying and screaming in anger

"Upset m?"
...............
"Sad?"
...............
"Are you gonna say anything?"
...............
"Silence?"
*weakly nods head

"Hah this is gonna be fun"

Well it's been an hour and a half and still nothing.....I'm gonna take a nap....

She continues to feel the warmth flow through her hands then drip off, staining her hands and clothes. Her cheek is pressed against his head, "shh you'll be okay, you'll be okay"
His face is pale and his breathing is getting weaker, his eyes glossy.
"Don't die....please don't die" she chokes out as she feels him starting to go limp in her arms.
She pulls him to her tighter and buried her face into his hair
"Please don't die...." She whispers
His body finally goes limp, eyes still a little open but with no light.
They sit there. He is dead, slain by his own hand.

I really wonder about you.
I don't think you're ever going to love me as much as you said you would.
I don't think you'll ever appreciate me staying as much as you should.

I never gave up on you, no matter what you put me through.
Broken promises, heart, skin I never threw you away like putting trash in a bin.
You've taken what I've given, but hardly returned, when will it be my turn?
To take.
To feel love.
When will it be my turn to feel like I'm put above?

You'll never love me like you should because after all.....
**you dumped me and wore another guys hood

"You forgot what is was like to have your mood shattered by a few measly words didn't you?
I'm sorry, I forgot you don't speak for a while after that happens"

In trash
That's all I am to you
You broke me and threw me away
I'm trash to you I'm ******* trash

People told me that I was going through so much hurt when I cut myself and was suicidal because God has extremely good days for me in store. I wonder if you're that something that will bring those days. I wonder if you're what will bring those days.

picks heart up from the dirt and brushes it off
sighs*
My my, that wasn't very nice. Better clean this up for someone who'll actually treasure it next time.

I don't care what your precious monk says, you can't ******* buy salvation so stop sending thousands of dollars and destroying your marriage

You might believe her when she says you're going to be rich but nothing she's said has come true in the four years you started doing this and tell me this. Are you really so ******* greedy you'd throw away your marriage and tear your family apart all for money? You asked me if I would be okay having to keep living this lifestyle over and over again and you can be **** sure I would be. We have everything we need and more so there's no need to be greedy and try to get more.

Nothing good can come from greed and you better know that I'm not sending a dime to your monk because when you send her the last of your money, she's going to leave you in the dirt.

You can't buy salvation in any religion, that's something they can all agree on. You're not following a religion.

**You're following a cult

You're essay was really sweet.....and I'm not rejecting it but...it's just not going to be that simple to get me back....it's going to take anywhere from 6 months to a year to prove you've really changed and years to have me trust you as much as I did when we first started.....I want to say those words again but I can't....not when I feel like you won't treat me the same way I treated you....I told you I had standards this time and that I hoped you took my words to heart....and I still hope you did....because if you can't give me loyalty, consistency, and thinking about my feelings before you do something, I can't accept you....I won't take you back....I know what my heart deserves this time and I won't let it get anything less than what it deserves

Sext: I want my knife blade to kiss my neck like you used to

i was about to write something, but these thoughts should be written in a journal, not made public to make me seem desperate for attention when really i just want to get these feelings out

**** I think it is a demon, I'm getting nauseous and my head is starting to spin. I started hearing the voice while I was gathering energy for a little to stay awake.

"Put down the pills M, you've already taken six times the recommended, if you take twelve times the amount you're gonna die. You hear me? You're gonna die if you take that many!"

stares at pills through teary eyes

"Put em down M, you don't have to die"

If she picks him over me I do.....

"You're lucky you survived without any consequences last time when you took seventeen pills but these are pain killers. They will **** you if you take twelve. Don't do it M....don't do it"

*tears fall on pills

Theres nothing like writting on pages and filling them with your mind