a stoic, I am, meant to be

passing by slowly

long times spent gazing out the window

the snow on top of the adjacent roof wouldn't know

I am a stoic, but less noble

tilt the head back and let in, let in,

what needs to be dealt with

decisions, decisions, plainly, dealt with, all the same

a stoic, remember my name

to savor, to have the willpower

to wait, to anticipate...anticipation, and let it roll over

like you'd roll over a tortilla, for someone you love

the browned crust, the wine, savored in the evening with company,

to savor company itself, to wait to speak to the one you love, on the balcony, when nobody else is watching

sips are delicious, and to sip is to practice humanity, to distill, to understand, that there will be another sip in the near future, and you remember the last

sounds less threatening that *** and drugs, doesn't it?

but they're the same thing, oh long drag, oh long sigh, oh long winding wheezy world moving by, possess me with your marvelous fun little hauntings, sounds threatening but it is really just a little roller coaster ride, tied to the tops of mountains, bungee jumping, something as ridiculous as that can make a lifetime, and we, just sitting here, seem to be doing, just that

prescriptions are for the educated, for the ones who want to get high at the right times, like the water droplets, again, not cold showers all the time, but at the right times, the precise, times

fit for body, fit for mind, taking up few precious times,

times moving like the water falling down, the laughter between the cold droplets

and she's naked and her body bounces around the house

the coffee brews slowly, and I am in my leather jacket, still naked to the bone, my legs grounded in still malleable water, warm, yeah thats what I'd  use to describe it

***, followed by the relaxed primordial state, where signs and numbers and images and things seem less threatening, and the cold winds outside don't effect the warmth of a loving home.

feels like home, far away from home

and she's in her room working on her project, and I'm in mine, working on mine, and the coffee is brewing, and thats just fine

my mind wicked, my gut sickened with parallels

my heart sickened with


not willing to fight, held up in some sort of absurd

absurdidies, and powers adding up, having a voice, having a stronger voice than ever before

the stomach in knots, in knots

where to go?  how to defeat?  how to find?  encontrar?  don’t understand?

more beauty?  more virtue?  what exactly can I give you

the heart sick with mental illness, the heart anchoring into steam, into mercy, into help help help

not yours, this is mine, this is yours, do in time

love is true, love is smart, love is wise, or maybe not

some claim to have answers, but I am deafened, hit hit hit, loveer, lover, lover, hand it over!  now!  hit like jugular cancer, in the throat, no succcess, blown out of the river, blown out of the wayter, no turning back

my mind wicked, my gut sickened with parallels

my heart sickened with


not willing to fight, held up in some sort of absurd

absurdidies, and powers adding up, having a voice, having a stronger voice than ever before

the stomach in knots, in knots

where to go?  how to defeat?  how to find?  encontrar?  don’t understand?

more beauty?  more virtue?  what exactly can I give you

the heart sick with mental illness, the heart anchoring into steam, into mercy, into help help help

not yours, this is mine, this is yours, do in time

love is true, love is smart, love is wise, or maybe not

some claim to have answers, but I am deafened, hit hit hit, loveer, lover, lover, hand it over!  now!  hit like jugular cancer, in the throat, no succcess, blown out of the river, blown out of the wayter, no turning back


secrecy, secrecy, beyond anything we understand, behind backs

you're a spy, you're a communist, terrorist, haveyoumightcallit, whatyoumightunderstandit, outlet, let go of time, let go into the limitless pores, scores, scores, wins, only wins, or deaths, beheads, cutthroat cash collections, back to being broke again

you're through, you're in fever, fighting for life, fighting to see through to end, fighting for flight, only few days away but minutes, ticking by, hours turning to half days, turning to evenings, and the writings become even more menacing, silent standing ovations in spring

only for the kid, only for the man, the man, the man, the stimulation, for one more, one more, settling, settling,

holy one more holy holy please bless me, I'm drowning, its my mouth that wants to surface, with the flies,

none for you, none for those that dwell, you are *******

fever, fever in evening, in induced distress, put on the own self, put on without embrace, without surrender, muscles twitching, in the middle of night, disrupted, no humor, no seinfeld, no friends, no life

never finished, never done, a continuing one that wants to keep on going, that is hurting, that is immune to sarcasm, that wishes that it wasn't, wishing it could be closer to, rainfall
, wishing that it could be closer to release,

OF RELEASE, release me!!! I HELD your KEY

I've held it for so long, why must I continue to torment, suffer, why for so long?  hold me in your arms, embrace, to my core, I want to let go and sob, sob into the lap of time, its calling for me, as it has called for so many, why must I be depraved?  why must it continue on this way?

character styles, characters we’ve missed

attempted to put on pedestals

characters whose wits got them out of the worst situations

or whose worst qualities got them into the best ones

who have been balding and have ended up heroes

who have overcome obstacles, some

some who had less and and achieved more

but achievement seems to be the underscore, yes

of nationality?  of pride?  of masculinity?  of assertion?  hard to say

do we need more stories in more forms or fewer stories and more individuality, more self-awareness,

awareness, awareness, awareness, funny word thrown around a lot

do people even know?  most of the time they don’t, they are staring down at their shoes

or some characters are looking up at the sky

anyways, they don’t understand the issue, what is at stake, stop celebrating!  start studying!

or you are studying too much!  the wrong drugs, the right drugs!  too much of the right thing can make anyone go insane

or the other way around, the right amount of the wrong thing can make anyone go freely about their day,  and

achieve, back to that word

and what does it even mean?  to achieve something?  greater than yourself?  for yourself to be a reflection of that thing? or that thing to be a reflection of self?  

man, we could debate about this for hours, where’s my coffee?  or beer, or wine, your choosing

man, what did I have for breakfast, I honestly forgot

or no, it was toast and cofffee, yes I think its time for a stiff drink now

and then another hour to achieve something, to write something, to widdle something, to create something that was not there before

but some say GO, **!! BA HA!  to hell with objectivity, everything is recycled, nothing more

and they wave their hands about as if it was borrowed from a magician, and their hearts flare up with some sort of richeousness, and they achieve…rightness?

back to that again…achievement…what does it even mean?

with me

in my haunted fantasy ;)

frame it all
with me

in my haunted fantasy

lala la la la

*kicks can