and I let it out and said okay

and I made promises

to what extent does what comes out of my mouth actually have truth?  

what's the correlation between what we say and what we do?

the ideal chess set and the moves, the game plan and the...

truth, ****, it keeps coming back to that

a stoic is prisoner to it, and nietzche warns and warns again

but I'm not sure if Nietzsche ever loved a woman

other than his mother, no, love turns you into a truth seeker
and you're doomed to be a hero, sticking your neck out for nothing, for blows,

and it *****

wishing yourself better

wishing yourself cooler, calmer

the self is confused and hides

why is it hiding?  I ask those questions, which are the dangerous ones


will to power is an easy way out, but I read another piece that had a different explanation, the bible I think it was

and it had equal validity, it had me looking at things differently
and myself is the biggest scardy cat

I wonder what Nietzsche would say about that

I'll give you a few

why are we afraid of our own poo?

blah blah *******

I think I might have scared her away

somehow, and this is sitting in my stomach, won't digest, hurting

aching, like a coldplay song, extends through the bars, leading me to...bars

****, ****, this and that

afraid of ******* something good up, always afraid of that

like my life is a tender, gentle fabric, of brilliance, and my hands are hole punchers, synths, sythers, synthesizers out of key, constantly playing the wrong melody

and I have to repair every day, the wrong way

and nobody minds, its good and its fine

its all in my head?

or was it something I said?

off for its own business

the pipes are still working, this is always a good update,

I have my soldiers cap on, or perhaps a fedora,

anways, at least at least at least

sometimes personal amusement is the best therapy

like how I keep my foot just a few inches away from where the spider chose to carry on about his business

as if he might decide to pull back on his decision

as I do

over, and over again....

turns to silence, cold, quiet
lit, light it

too big for the lap, too impatient for this and that

then again, stone

made out of stone this week, un affected

resilient, but something is eating its way outside of me

what is it?  something that I've heard somewhere before

from a guy , from a lot of people, wish they had continued

but here I sit, here I go, shivers rolling down my spine, the plants moving in the wind

I'm done for, a goner

no the opposite, I am of stone

my mind cannot make itself up, the anxieties build up

there isn't an ending

there isn't one to be had

To Science,

explain to me with your null hypothesis, your few words
why I laugh at the absurd, why some things are appealing and others not
try to make sense of hysteria, of massive blotches and stains where everything else seems to be clean
how does your hooks and bounds creep its way into clawing tag lines that represent a point of view? are you disgusted by the reputation of your name? or does it not even bother you?
are you made of stone in giant archways or do we need to test that a few more times before we get a confirmation?
are your studies, which work to stay away from human bias, bound by academic approval anyway, and does this constant checkup bother you?
how does it feel? to be constantly under the microscope?
your mistakes are revelations! the biggest ones reap the biggest rewards and profit, what an achievement
science, just a few more questions, I don't mean to take up too much of your time, I can see your requirements are multiplying, saving lives, saving love! saving freedom! Romantic in politics and grueling for students, you must have spectacles with hundreds of different lenses
science, are you the ultimate language, or the anti-language? I'm perplexed! and curious

signed,

Muskrat

upside down

tried to let it be turn around

my porch is a little ferris wheel

and I curl up inside, and its a bit brisk

but thats alright, coffee is good

and so are deep breaths, but my mind, again

tangled round the telephone wires

there are a few things bothering me

but they emerge with a laughing track in the background, and I grin to myself

sober and straight thinking, a bit alert, a bit anxious, but present

my mothers so tired, tired tired

but she is trying, trying

going to spain to see my brother

everything seems to be fine

heading to new york to see my lover, my passion, she drives me mad

and I'm a lopsided man fiddling with a soup can, people can't **** straight

that's the **** of most jokes, that are told

and I laugh at those ones hard, but I laugh at myself hardest

kick back, take easy, take step, take stride, ***** up, in the ditch, dust myself off

dad said worry less

and he's right

therapist said try harder
and he has truth

truth has its way of working its way round the telephone wires, too

born out of birds creating their energy, born out of timeless time, jokes told over and over again

and I am sentimental, my friend

as I sip and stare off, not my joke but his, but we share it, laugh, and stare off

over and over again

frolicking in belief


working in every mixture, attempting to be pure

obsessed obsessed obsessed I am, with figuring out the question, my question any questions, of

answer, wanting of answer I am, la la la, la diddy ******* da


made up mind about half a billion things but three hundred billion more are multiplying out of the mixture


made plans to make more demands but met moving particules of mother *******

make me into more

make me into more

than what I was before

make me into more

than what I was before

I feel hopeless and helpless, and directionless, lead me to a door, lead me, I’m begging for answers, the opposite of daoism, of sheer individualism, perfect, to the core

help me escape from this maze, help me!  I need

make me into more

make me into more