the scars are not visible
but they are there
in the lifeless light
that shines no more
in the smile that contorts
your once angelic face
you are already the victim
of your jealous heart
which has vanquished love
your suspicious soul
has filled with the sad
lonely reality that I warned would come
on a quiet night
in an empty house
with so many years ahead

she is bitter
I can see
I follow
as she walks again to the dark back of the building
where breaks are allowed
she attacks her cigarette
******* the smoke and hurling it out at the cold night air
our way is silence
now she knows how well I hide it
she knows I know
as our minds join at the top of her rising smoke
we await midnight
where our bittersweet passion
will find it's home

they search for the innocence in us
the naivety
the untriggered thought
when knowledge now comes in such small increments
as to be insignificant
life falters
you cannot create emotion, elation
sadness
when you have lived long enough
to rise above such mundane,
humane feelings
it is the curse of near perfection
I pity you
searching those empty, dark eyes
I sense how you long to be
human
again

It is the Sun that awakens me these mornings
I no longer reach the beach in time to see it rise
as we did
I must get back to that
hold on to those things we shared
those precious hours
or should I

I walk the beach
talk to you when I sense you near
two gulls glide like silk just off shore
there are bits and pieces I visit with you
embraces
laughter
as we lost ourselves in the waves at dusk
these memories will never leave

I grow tired in the evenings
the price of love is steep
when it is over
the power of memory
a fine line between pleasure and pain

I must depend on your eyes
to see the universe
and you must know in your perceptive love
that though I am blind beyond this superficial light
I hold the Sun
my guide
my strength
my soul
beyond this darkness
for you

A ghost is at my window
her eyes a demon red
she waits in patient silence
then moves upon my bed
she bends my dreams to please her whim
she steals my lover's sleep
unfolds her lust to pull me in
my soul now hers to reap
until the Sun creeps in to free
my heart in day's return
a ghost waits at my window
her kiss again shall burn

along these barren shores
of an unnamed land
the sea rages
as far as the mind's eye will go
it is a fruitless war I wage
against unseen enemies
I am old, weak and weary of the fight
to simply stand and face the elements
takes its toll
it seems I have walked this shoreline
for some time now
for some years now
all too familiar
the thunder cracks
lightning dances along the breaking waves
I see forms in the sand just ahead
footsteps walking in the same direction

Within this colossal concrete tomb
the shadows of the workers loom
their vanquished voices engulf the night
for few have knowledge of their plight
some fell to their death
while the walls were poured
their screams unheard
as the mixture roared
some walked this oasis
before the white man's hand
bloodied the soil
and defiled the land
they acknowledged the spirits
and respected the earth
then fell to the edict
and their ruler's mirth
within these walls of needless death
where souls remain forlorn
the cries of many will tear your heart
should you stay to hear them mourn

Inspired by the 'Ghosthunters'episode: Flooded Souls

Hayden meticulously shaves his blisters once they callous
and keeps them in a bell jar that he dug
in another jar he keeps the prizes
Civil War bullets, badges and buttons
observing at all angles until falling asleep well past midnight
he watches the skies and remembers each star's place at 10:00 o'clock
and compares them by month
listens for voices in the white noise of his pocket radio
his face a stoic sculpture
hours on end in his hoodie and ear buds
on the hill that oversees Chalmers Lake

Hayden will eat quickly of necessity and return to his rituals
silent
he will watch the disturbances along the water
every firefly, every fish that glances the surface
no voice, no smile, no connection to us
yet deep behind the eyes, the stares, the static energy
there is something magnificent taking place
something we will never be allowed to see or feel
something beautiful

in the company of these
chosen ones
I felt the weight of cold stares
rein down like led sleet
tearing me away bit by bit
without a word spoken
their eyes
their hawkish eyes
and subtle feigns

in her company
I am transparent
an equal in her eyes
where all truth resides
where all that matters lives
and truth be known
they are beneath us

i'm dying here
this wretched place
where savage wind
cut cold my face
where clocks crass scream
brings hollow thought
eyes the mirror
blank and caught
in ancient battles
on ancient fields
heart and mind
wall that shields
i want to touch
i want to reach
the shore that never hugs the beach
and leave this soul
now spent and sad
longing for the dream it had
longing for the gentle smile
the night when i can sit a while
and look into another's eyes
and gaze the sun
now on the rise

I searched the face of the hollow man
as I drove the dagger through his empty heart
drained by love given
but not replaced
he cried to me
conceiving his defeat
to shield his soul from the pangs of living
the blood of fleeing life
and the tears of anguish
fell in drops
to the time-worn floor of the dismal room

a light breeze eased the curtain aside
a blinking hotel sign
revealed a dead man
lying beneath a mirror
smeared with blood
dried to the image of a stretched palm
many hours later

so, pay attention now
get your heads out your *****
these are facts you never learned on the news or in history classes
as one leads to the next you will come to understand
that the veil of lies and secrecy is a cancer in this land
if you have no time to read because you can't handle what is true
then here's the chance to turn away and I won't bother you
the history of 'our' nation could only see the light
if the residents currently occupying it were hidden from our sight
they were slaughtered, starved and herded
and minimized through the years
until the final, heartless march
along the Trail of Tears
now we had our land and prospered well
as we ravaged Mother Earth
the savagery and ungoverned progress
abandoned human worth
slavery and divided direction
led to civil war
******, ****, abuse and hate
spread from shore to shore
the travesty of Pearl Harbor
a wretched trade of patriotic lives
our entry into world war II
on the backs of weeping mothers and wives
then comes the ultimate nightmare
the mother of all blatant crime
the execution of the seeker of change
that forever altered the beautiful rhyme
he saw the power they recklessly flaunted
in the corridors and once sacred halls
and vowed to castrate the power mongers
the industrial and military *****
the result was their production
a badly written and acted plight
staged before the world to see
an execution in broad daylight
'we have control'
don't **** with us
is the message they convey
removing all witnesses,
then Bobby and Martin
all better souls than they
911 - don't get me started
the truth will soon be known
and all like I who speak the truth
may one day meet their drone
as a threat to this great nation
as a hater in their eyes
I will not deny conclusions
I will not support their lies
we must face the evil in these dark corners
we must come in from the blinding rain
if we are to save ourselves
we cannot live our lives in vain
search your heart and search the truth
it is there for you to find
our history resurrected
our future no longer blind

the last lover leaves
before dawn
before the necessity of conversation
stale coffee reheated
brings the numbing thought that this was your last chance
old man
there's nothing left
no slivers of heart to give away
no whispers in the dark that clever lovers say
you can no longer dance with brittle bones
your game has left you
and they were all games
were they not?
until the last sliver

now walk the shoreline as you always do
when they leave
and ponder the idea of love

Quiet whispers from the awaiting sinners
as Johnny receives his penance
4 Hail Marys and 2 Our Fathers
are delivered by Father Edwards
in the customary harsh manor
to Johnny Watson
'he's been in there a long time!
musta' got caught peekin' on his sister takin' a shower!'
giggles echoed off the walls of Saint Ignatius and for a second
I thought I saw Jesus himself slightly raise his head and frown in displeasure
'Shhhhush!' came the immediate response from the pews behind us
filled with the loyal disciples who commit every Sunday morning and more
to God and his church

I was no altar boy
nor did I want to be
but the Catholic church was my guiding light you might say
it was the line between me and those mortal sins
the line that punched God should you cross
but when they wouldn't come to see my mother when she had a stroke…
(they said they didn't do that anymore)
after giving 10% of her hard earned dollars for years and years,
that line began to fade
they took her seed but returned no fruit
they fed her sermons, but disappeared in her darkest hours
left her without a line to her God
without a sinless hand to hold as she was about to journey
to her awaiting Heaven

this gave me grave doubts about the church
made me question it's motives, it's meaning
it's value

then one day I discovered that priests were molesting  young children in droves
the Cardinal used the Catholic church's power
to move them from parish to parish  
like unwanted guests
instead of sending them to prison
the treachery
innocent children ***** and scarred forever
in the very house of God
by those in whom they placed their trust

when the sacred **** finally hit the fan
the Cardinal was called to Rome by the Pope
this was his punishment

I believe in God
I seek his guidance not through the church
and I fear for the children who's line has disappeared

I've been criticized, ostracized, demonized, desensitized, scrutinized, chastised,  analyzed, generalized, politically sodomized, inspected, disected, directed, detected, deflected
all for acquiring and dispersing
truth
the only thing I haven't been
is plagiarized

I believed she had fallen
into the dark of her mind
to forever languish in a sea of shadows
but she had only toyed with her thoughts
walking the edge of the abyss
she kept one thought alive
and here
now
in the life giving light of the Sun
she passes unknowing
that in one moment
long ago
our lives had crossed
and somewhere within that instant
in the whole of time
one life was returned
and another began

storms roll in
as my final breath approaches
it begins it's journey as that breath is taken
dancing upon a lightning bolt to the clear night sky above
shimmering moonlight it follows to islands of crystal blue waters
then shooting up to the outskirts of Heaven
to frolic among the constellations
turning from Orion to look upon it's new home
and allowed a moments burn
the time savored
the life lived upon the planet of oceans and mountains and lush green fields
the planet where love is unique
and power is held by a heartless few
where the many lives touched
and memories rendered
will fade like the morning fog
into the lost oasis of time
this
the journey of my soul

she moves too slow
while I'm awake
yet renders mercy
for hearts that ache
she waits in patient,
silent hope
providing light
on this slippery *****

she has no thoughts
of giving in
slows your breath
when air gets thin

and as you await
the final tide
she'll grant you a glimpse
of the other side

there is no healer
I give more faith
no more a reason
this soul can rhyme
for night and day
for every season
I cherish this gift
of time

as the Sun set on that day
so many years ago
tears finally ebb from swollen eyes
come much too early
burned like fire against this child's heart
it's aftermath
a lifetime of growing anger
and distrust
unseen scar that overtook a once joyous soul

I know ever more clearly
as each year passes
those that snuffed the light of hope on that day
guided by greed and hate
and threatened by
harbingers of peace
look at them grin in their victory
slithering in their lust for war and power
sacrificing their own humanity
cowards everyone
but I will find you
the minute my heart ceases I will find you all
for your undoing is in your failure to recognize
that your souls
your rotted, putrid souls shall live forever
shall face the penalties of your actions
before God and his true children

I have lived with the knowledge that I will face you in death
as will those whose dreams you turned to nightmares
we know you
we have always seen clearly through the lie
we will forever haunt your ******* souls
there is no escape
from eternity

I wish to write a poem today
but I'm not sure where to start
I know that I have words to say
yet they are lost within my heart

through all the darkness
through all the years
through all unspoken pain
they are buried in my mind like tears
that fall amidst the rain

like dreams that have no borders
our souls are undefined
they hold the gift of deepest thought
so we enter
and we find

that a place awaits those willing
to shed their conscious strife
where love and pain and hope are spilling
into words
into lines
into life

I wish to write a poem today
but I'm not sure where to start

it is cold here
frighteningly cold at this end of your dream
i stumble to the frigid peaks of this mountaintop
only to gaze in terror upon the same range before me once again
you awaken
and I remain
you dismiss
and I retain
the moments before sleep

'You there in the back
your name escapes me
we have heard a poem from everyone else
you are the last'

the silence was thick fog rolling in
they stared and lightly giggled
nervous
I sensed that in them
afraid to show any real interest
in what I was about to say
they had read their pieces
on daffodils and daisies
sunsets and moonbeans
now they would hear what they knew was coming
I was the kid they crossed the street to avoid
that sat alone at lunch
not the geek
not the freak
just the unknown
quiet but confident
saying everything in my silence
by the time I had finished
'Hollow Man'
they knew me better
yet the distance became greater

they told mommy and daddy
the Starkman spoke in class today

I will enter this dream
as I enter a room of ghosts
with curiosity overriding my fear
with less time to protect
the darkness becomes my haven
the voices I cannot see
are now my friends
and the other side
opens to me a veil of unseen light
do not fear the death of flesh and bone and blood
but rather embrace the mind, soul and heart
that guides you even as you breathe
it will live forever
and life as we know it is only the beginning
of its ultimate beauty

it is only a poem to her I say
this young child's query who exhibits dismay
but daddy it's so sad
I don't like it this way
let me fix it to make you smile
to make you happy for just a while
you'll like it better
you'll like my style
I'll change dark to light and shadows to Sun
it will be much better by the time I'm done
you'll see daddy
I'll make it fun
you can read it when you're all alone
when the Sun has gone
and I have grown
then call me on the telephone
to tell me you love me
and I'll say
it's only a poem daddy

there is little light as i review
the empty pages i have filled
barren back roads map the years
stepping back
out of the Sun
the voices spoke
it is safe down here
it is quiet
what light remains
flickers weak
like wick submerged in melted wax
shadows dance
the voices speak
it is safe down here
it is quiet

I miss the future
when, if I wanted to see you
I just beamed myself from my dark room
to your waiting arms
we walked for hours along the coastline
where California use to be
of-course our feelings changed a bit
when we learned we were not truly of this earth
but brought from another dying planet
some several thousand years ago
but it was still so much better than the now
when we ****** our own presidents
and sacrifice lives in wars that we start

an old spirit who I passed on the trail of tears
spoke to me in my sleep
he told me that the future was only a dream
and to prepare myself for the end
I asked him how
and he turned back and said
'pray to the souls that your people have vanquished
that they forgive your sins
you spit in the face of mother earth
and cut her breath to make room for cows and pigs
so that you may gorge
you sacrifice your brothers in the name of false Gods
and your leaders fatten themselves off the sweat of their own
with no regard for all man's lifeblood
you took this precious gift and threw it away
and now
even in the face of death
you squabble like spoiled children
ignoring the inevitable
so pray that your children will not face the final day
for it will be fire'
and with that he turned and
I awoke...

****...8:30
late for work!

I am wrapped in the vivid dream of watching a door slam itself
followed by the mattress giving way to the weight of someone not there
at least to the naked eye
I see something moving towards me - green mass - alive with energy
reaching out as it approaches
I am but a child in these dreams and I awaken to the screams of an old man
sweat upon my brow
stark straight in a panic until my heart stops racing
these vivid nightmares come nightly now
during and after sleep

my thirst has deepened and they are aware
my unbridled curiosity draws them to me
I am both terrified and mystified by their presence
Once relegated to the outside world,
they have arrived at my home and their reluctance ended
with a touch on my foot as it dangled precariously off the mattress edge
each with a small electric charge

it is a journey I choose because they choose me
I believe I have passed the test for they have yet to dissuade me
I have learned but a sentence of a book yet unread
I have barely whispered in these endless halls

where I go from here I am not sure
perhaps to shorten the distance between the physical and the after
by relaying the word that this is not the end
but rather the beginning of the immortal spirit

Ajax
blinking, conspiring
deliberately engaging Faith
gradually, hauntingly immersed
juxtaposed, kaleidoscope
layers moving, navigating
oscillating
pulling
quietly rendered
spellbound
transfixed

utopia

vista wonderer
xenial
yearling zebra

Poor, sheltered, witless child
floundering under Mother's cloak
shadows hide you
keep you safe
from life
to eventually drown you
in that sad, blank smile
walk with me
my beloved
I will protect you
yet ease you
I will open you to the light
and give meaning to your tears
absorb my love
sense my anger
share my life
leave her somber
selfish shade

Walk with me this frozen field
of ever-changing likeness
faces affixed in ghost-like stares
sorrow screams silent from their eyes

Elude with me the coming dawn
which harbors only darkness
cast a shield of sanity
in shadows rich of hue

We will bathe in passions light
time removed from our thought
forever lost
forever found

there are murmurs, echoes, slightly blurred visions
of words
that wait on the edge of shadows
on the edge of thought
to be picked
like a single rose
hidden in a field of corn

light sneaks in through the blinds
the murmurs are fading
as consciousness enters
my kingdom for a pen

i tire of the dense, wretched grip of the night
dry the **** of boredom from my skin
**** in the glow of the moon
and walk to the edge
where I am swallowed by the black
i peel back the stark
where the true light burns
where the breath of forced solace
is at least
visible

I walk in dreams of faint vanilla
left to tease my senses after you have gone
that smell
long ago forgotten
I run through snow-covered fields
jumping to touch your smile
that floats just out of reach
that smile
long ago forgotten
we dance in rooms of endless halls
and whisper love's mystic words
that gently echo into forever
those words
long ago forgotten
we fold into each other
turned liquid by the thousand candles
that surround us
we touch that realm made possible
only by our love
a realm
long ago forgotten
in my waking world

I found lost
in the symmetry of her diamond eyes
my soul

pause
if for a moment
let your life force
melt into the energy that surrounds us
from battles fought within this
and alongside those occurring centuries past
from the first innocent child to see the Sun
we are the sum of these energies burned
we are the children of what came before
ever changing from ingredients
added to evolution's melting ***
from sea to cave to moon
and beyond
perhaps a home reflected
in the eye of the Hubble
energies link will lead us there
our beginning