wide awake
but it feels like dream
am i sleeping,
but i feel everything
the places i am going
people i am talking to
tears i am weeping
laughs i am laughing
anger that i am venting
pain i am feeling
i feel  everything
yet it feels like a dream
dream that i can never break out from
cause everyday is the same

same but not the same
that same old happy picture frame
can't seem to get out of it
can't seem to forget about it
how happy times did exist .
guess  i lost myself trying to grow up
guess growing up means,
giving up on your old self.
the older you get ,
the bitter things tastes sweeter
cause it makes us feel better
to get through a day
that  feels  forever.

Dear Missing soul,

Where are you? Are you doing fine?
Do you still remember me ?
Are you still hurt?
Are you in peace?
now  I am here all alone
regretting ,missing your soul
i would go to hell and back ,
if that will bring you back.
Every prayers i pray
i pray for you to come back.
If you can't come to me,
well, wait for me
i am waiting for the time
i can run to you and let the tears of joy
flow , when we finally meet .
until then i will write letters .
Even if you don't reply
until then i will pray for you
Even if  you can't hear me
until then , wait for me
My dear missing soul.

If it hurts , I hope you are doing well
Keeping it together ,
If it hurts, I hope you are healing well
As time passes by,
If it hurts , I hope you are fighting with it
Every day with every strength left in you
If it hurts , I hope you don't give up
Don't give up yet , try harder instead
If it hurts ,  I hope you know well
That you are special.
If it hurts , I hope that you know
You can do anything no matter what hypocrites says.


If it hurts, I hope you give hope
To the people around you who's hurting too,
If it hurts , I want you to know that ,
I am hurting too.
If it hurts, it's okay.
Everyone is hurting too.

But if it hurts I hope this poetry
Comforts your pain and help you too.
If it hurts , Let's stay brave and help
To whom Its hurting too''

A loud noise constantly beating loud ,
it feels so close, so fast in my chest
making me uneasy, nauseous ,dizzy
Breathing in and out
just trying to sleep through the night.
Why is it so difficult to fall a sleep , to dream.
how do i put this in words , to describe how this feeling feels.
when they say '' Time heals''
i wonder what they mean
cause as time pass by ,
it hurts even better
cause i never did let go,
never did i let it know ,
never did i let it show ,
the way i feel.
concealed all in
as if i was trying to swallow a ball of fire
the fire that burned my feelings ,
leaving me empty and lost
not knowing what to feel
not knowing who i was
stupid little cold heart,
doesn't want to share feelings
no longer wants to  keep beating
poor little brain , trying to send a message to the cold heart
message '' don't give up yet''.
they won't survive without each other.
poor little  brain and stupid little cold heart,
one needs another to stay alive.
one giving up now ,would end both of them.
As the two fight to give up and to hold on .
i feel disconnected
disconnected from this world
everything feels nothing.

It's a beautiful love
But still people get so greedy for love
they lust for it
Until they lost all of it
then guilt creeps in for losing it
you don't know you greedy until
you guilty for not having it
It will be too late
when you start saving it
you want the love to survive
but it's too late to do that
so just let it go
and mourn of it
and move on
learn from it
It's a beautiful love