There isn't a day that goes by when the voice doesn't tell me to **** myself

But I chose whether to listen.
I try to not pay it any attention.

I need to let myself relax
Just like I need to let myself trust

But will someone ever look at me
And like the little things I do

Are you strange like me?
Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me?

I'm scared to even make physical contact for fear you will feel my heart beating faster

(Not) Loving you is the hardest thing I have ever had to do

Not only am I not an option
But I've finally ran out of them

I watch the days go by
Count them as they fly

When will I be able to stop fearing that the people who “love” me will **** me

I was doing so much better
I was way more self confident
And now You had to
******* go there
And say the wig looks prettier
Than me. your own daughter
Laugh at me. Say Its awkward
Say it was a mistake
Say you feel bad for poor me
What do I have to do
To feel ******* pretty
What do I have to ******* do

It's funny that if I were forced to choose
I know exactly who I'd run to

It hurts so much
I’m losing touch
I hold my breath

It hurts so much

Everyday the images come back
And everyday I want to throw up
And bang my head against something
Hard enough to make me stop feeling

"For I couldn't write an encyclopedia that would describe you well enough"

It's pointless

What's the point of even writing if you have to monitor what you say, even on this website

don't tell me this is a bad idea
I should have remembered
I have trust issues

My hands are quivering
And the air is cold

every day I become more of a disappointment

So I thought something
But now I'm starting to think
Was I wrong

If I showed you my flaws
If I couldn't be strong
Tell me honestly
Would you still love me the same?

You will never know what I did to myself
One because I don't want you to know
And two, *because you never cared to ask

Nothing much to say except I've been happy without it

Part of me still wants to cut it all off
All of it.

It wasn't yours to tell

You know, by law, that is psychological ****** abuse right?
I know
You know that is a form of child abuse right?
*I know

I'm fighting to fix everything,
But no one is helping me fight

I don’t belong here

I can't help it
*I can't help it

If I'm being annoying please tell me okay?

I just feel really ******* stupid

Leave me alone! Alone alone alone alone. Alonley. Lonely lonely.

*lonely

For a second I actually thought...
But never-mind, I've always
Been one to misinterpret things

I'm trying to hold it together

Well. Ive always said i prefer fall.
But I've changed my mind
I hadn't opened my eyes till now
Spring is truly a miracle.
Everything is brown dead and grey,
then suddenly everything Lives
It all comes back, resurrects.
Its like a little extra Jesus!
I also adore the shades of green
Vibrant, new, alive! Pulsing with life
And i can hear the sweet call of
the small finches and sparrows
looking for friends, or mates
And if you strain your ear,
you can hear a low steady hum
of bees in the clover patch
The sun shines in a new way,
Bright, and Warm. Warm like
yellows and oranges, that
replace the grays and blues.
The ground is moist with recent showers,
which cool down the heating earth
Don't get me wrong, I have a strange,
attraction to winter. I love the cold.
But I'm now starting to see the spring.

This only confirmed exactly who I am

You stare through broken lenses
Yet I'm perfectly clear to you

That moment when a boy says your beautiful
And you've never heard that from the opposite gender,
Then shatters your new self esteem
Because he realizes you don't have long hair anymore
And basically calls you ugly, and a turn off

I need to control this
Just for a little while
Then I'll let go

I can't quite fit in the words I want to say

Last night as I was talking
I realized what happened
And what insecurities
You have always had
Funny how this dance
Happens to be a masquerade
We all hide it somehow

I want to love someone
I want to Be in love with someone
I want someone to love me back
I want the nauseous butterflies
I want the heart flutters,
I want someone to care
I want someone to love Me
I don't want to wait, but
I know I'm not ready for love
And love isn't ready for me
And I'll know when the time comes
But I'm just getting a little impatient
Of waiting for someone to get me.

I understand
I really do
That you got those feelings
That something isn't right
I respect that
I want you to do what makes you happy
I don't want you to be uneasy or unsure
However I would like you to know
That I still love you
I do
And that that while you were feeling nauseous and wrong
I was feeling truly loved and pure bliss
I have never felt that way ever
And I'm glad that it happened
And I wanted you to know
I would have kissed you
I honest to God would have
If my friends and sister weren't there
But I also know
If you love someone let them go
And I'm so glad you told me
Because although you had me
You wouldn't have felt right
And that's what's important
You made me feel like someone actually wanted me
And although it was probably just late night drunkeness
I don't like to think if it that way
I respect you wanting to be alone
And unattached
And no matter how hard it was for me to say 'I gotchu totally'
I really do get it
I just didn't want you to have the impression
That I didn't love or want you
Because I can assure you
Everything was different for me that night
And I would have given up the cold for heat any day
The way I felt
I'm sorry if this ******* writing makes you nauseous
I'm sorry if this isn't helping you achieve what it is you want
But I thought you needed to know
Because I'm just as awkward as you when it comes to talking

I can honestly say I am disgusted

I want to fall in love, But that's too vague
I want to go to jazz clubs that are dark inside with neon lights and a tiny stage with swing music and cocktails and dancing
I want to dance but I want to dance with a man in a suit, and I in a dress that flows beautifully when I twirl
I want to walk the city at night and feel completely safe and hold hands without sweating too much
All of these things, but quite simply just **love

No no no no
Don't take me too
I refuse to go

I felt it again

Dôńt thē dėçøråtïõńš måkē įt härdęr tø rêãd

Will they be gone when something better comes around
Will they leave when I'm stuck holding on

Our breathing slowed to a simultaneous rhythm
Supported by our hearts, beating the same