I WATCH
A Poem- TW -HEALTH ISSUES-
—————
I watch myself
From across the room.
My heart beats fast.
My brain spins.
My body feels
Like it’s tingling,
Like it’s truly not there.
I watch myself
Do things that aren’t me.
My hand moves
As if I turned an unknown key.
My mouth speaks words
I sometimes don’t know.
I constantly feel like I’m in a hazy fog,
In a world of the unknown.
I feel dizzy,
And suddenly, time stops.
I try to move,
But nothing works.
I try to make eye contact,
But my vision is blurred.
People’s words drown out,
The world goes silent.
I feel unheard.
Then everything comes rushing back,
Like bubbles coming to the surface.
I continue with what was said before,
Not realizing everyone’s staring at me weird.
I’m confused, but they don’t say a thing,
And I continue as normal,
Not sure what happened.
I have panic attacks.
After each one,
I feel like my body is going to explode.
My head pounds hard.
My heart beats fast.
My body shakes uncontrollably.
It always seems to last.
I still don’t feel okay,
But it’s an everyday thing.
I feel out of my body,
Like a ghost turned to dust,
Like I’m watching myself perform tasks
That I’m pretty sure I’m not.
Many times,
I feel as if I’m out of my body,
Or like I’m spacing out
And losing my memory.
I’m unsure of why,
But my body feels like a crumbling brick wall
That gets built up and knocked down.
It’s wall after wall,
Never that strong.
I still watch,
I still wait,
As my vision dims again,
And words are incoherent,
Like I’m drowned out by the noise of a freight train.
I scream in silence,
As my body falls asleep.
My eyes feel like rocks,
Sinking to the bottom of a sandy reef.
I will always watch,
And watch,
As time goes on.
I’m glad my friends understand,
But I’m contemplating
If something is wrong.
And yet, I will
Watch.

“Sea Blazer”
——————-
They say the sea sinks whoever crosses the waters. But the Sea Blazer? Too bright—too strong—too loved—to sink.
A ship of courage born from the heart of the sea. Not even cannons can sink the Sea Blazer.
Even so—we haven’t seen the Night Jaw in a year. We still keep a lookout as we know there’s always lurking in the night. Wake swears he saw its black sail in the fog last moon. Zen says the Night Jaw isn’t a ship. It’s a “grave with teeth.”
If it ever catches us… the Sea Blazer is strong enough—WE are strong enough.
Sea salt runs in my veins—
From every scar,
Every ****,
Etched into my skin
Like pencil to paper
On a map.
They left me on the docks. Blood dripping from gashes in my body, a broken compass in my hand—rusted, worn from years of use.
The sea took me in—not kindly—but I keep fighting to be free.
I don’t sail the seas alone. Seventeen crewmates call the Sea Blazer home. Each one knows the rhythm of the waves, the boards of the ship, the soul of the sails, and the path of each shore—by heart.
Each one—family. Broken, battered, but loved.
As their captain, I treat them with the respect of sons and daughters. We all have one mission—to find the Night Jaw, **** its crew, and retrieve the Blaze Stone from the Night Jaw’s crew.
The Sea Blazer doesn’t look for treasure, doesn’t sail to ****; it’s after completing this mission. The Blaze Stone—I was attacked in my hometown, left to die by the docks—still with my compass. But they stole the Blaze Stone from my locket and sailed away after torturing my friends—now my crew.
The gem holds the power to control all bodies of water, including the “Ember Sea,” the sea attached to my home. Without the gem, those who travel, live, and enjoy the seas are not safe from the waves, tide, and whirlpools.
Night Jaw’s crew controls the Blaze Stone, raining havoc on all seas—making it impossible to sail, get resources, or live life without fear of flooding from the sea.
To get the Blaze Stone, we need to **** the captors and crew of Night Jaw, retrieve the gem’s orders to protect the seas, and get revenge for the pain of me and my friends.
THIS is OUR mission aboard the Sea Blazer.
On board to complete this mission and secure our waters is…—
Rynn — First Mate
Mack — Anchor Mate
June — Navigator
James — Helmsman
Acker — Gunner
Fate — Lookout
Penny — Quartermaster
Steven — Carpenter
Ollie — Gunner’s Mate
Ivy — Sailmaster
Trick — Ship’s Jester
Calvin — Medic
Veronica — Secret Keeper
Hannah — Deckhand
Wake — Quarterdeck Guard
Quinn — Sail Rigger
Zen — Ship’s Ghost / Survivalist
Olivia (me) — Captain
The ship—A loyal sailor of the seas.
Wooden boards rest solid under our thick leather boots, worn by storms, sweat, and our blood.
Red-orange-yellow sails flail in the soft wind, like flames licking the teal sky.
Each creak—a whispered warning. Broken promises that echo through the worn wood, painful reminders that hum beneath our sturdy, solid deck.
It’s a blazing day to be on the Sea Blazer—to run this ship till my last breath.
My hands—scarred, blistered, pale—but steady—hold the wheel like my life depends on it.
—END OF INTRO— MORE COMING SOON!!!—

Why do I cry?
Why do I feel sad?
Why do I feel worthless?
Why do I feel bad?

Why do I feel like,
I’ll never be enough?
Why do I feel,
I’ll never be tough?

Why do I think…
I’m brave enough?
Why do I think,
I can stand up,
For what’s right?
Why do I struggle,
With all the,
Simple things in life?

Why do I hate,
The thought,
Of being alone?
Why do I feel,
Like I’m stuck in a black hole?

Why do I fight back?
Why do I lie?
Why didn’t I protect myself…
That day i almost died?

All these “whys” inside my head.
All these questions,
Not answered.
Just left on “read”
Taking up space inside my brain.
Rent free,
Causing so much pain.

I still ask,
“Why.”

Waking up,
Is your freedom.
Waking up.
Is your heart.
Waking up,
Is your life.
Keep fighting—
No matter what.
Cause your a star.

I carry a storm,
In the pocket of my shirt.
A restless demon,
Clawing.
Ripping.
Shredding.
My body apart,
From the inside out.
Shattering bones,
Through every breath.
The taste of blood,
Of acid,
Is all I know.
Thunder in my mind,
And voices,
Is all that bombards,
My brain.
My hallucinations.
Develop,
I was told I'm faking,
But I'm not fine.
The demos echo,
They yell,
In that shrill voice,
I know all too well.
These echos send,
Alarms like a bell.
My heart is shattered glass,
Like a mirror,
Laying on the floor.
Cutting deeper,
With each bolt,
That sends waves into my body.
I wear this weight.
Like a second skin.
That’s underneath,
Hiding what’s within.
I struggle—I fight everyday.
What you don’t see,
Is what goes on,
Day to day.
The vomiting.
The pain.
The nausea.
The shame.
The anemia.
The dizziness.
The fighting for life,
It’s a lot of chores.
To stay alive— is a battle,
My body forces me to ride,
Like a roller coaster.
This fight in my pocket,
Is a storm brewing out of control
Who knows?
When my body,
Will hit a pole.
This storm,
Is making me lose myself,
More.

The Attack- TW- HEALTH ISSUES-
A poem by Olivia Williams
—————————
That Thursday,
my legs met the floor.
A thump echoed in the elevator—
I couldn’t stand, any longer.
I barely remember.
One moment, I felt like I was going to pass out.
The next—
the floor met my exhausted body,
as my feet succumbed to gravity,
like a rock sinking into deep water.
My arms went limp.
My body went numb.
My brain felt like it was colliding into a wall—
or like someone was banging on it
like a drum.
Like strings were cut,
nerves were severed,
the ones that told my body:
"Work, or you're a coward!"
Everything from my neck down
forgot who was in control.
My body forgot who it was connected to—
it had a mind of its own.
I have reflux
Anemia too
I get attacks frequently
They literally knock me down
So DONT play me for a fool
My fingers felt cold,
turning to frost.
My lips were chapped and dry,
a crevasse so deep,
I couldn’t deny.
I was a ghost slowly lying there—
until a chair came.
Sight slipped away
as I was wheeled the other way.
First blurry—then gone.
My hearing too.
Like a blackout curtain appeared,
and I couldn’t tell who was who.
These voices I recognized—warped,
like they were underwater.
My breath was a battle.
My lungs begged for air,
but it refused to enter.
And the air I had
escaped faster than I could hold it.
Like a hammer on a locked door—
sealed shut—
I couldn’t get out
of the cave I was in.
Water was filling my body.
I lost all sense of time
inside that darkness.
They asked me,
“Stay awake.”
But I wasn’t there.
I couldn’t hear—see—or reply.
All of that
had been stripped from me there.
I entered the office,
heard— the concerned voices,
the mumbles saying:
“You need to take care of yourself.”
“You need to eat.”
“But I throw it all up,” I say.
“So my body makes it to this point.”
The lights were too bright,
filling my grey void.
Then—
everything came back.
I heard my own voice.
Then a voice I recognized entered the room.
She looked at me and asked questions,
but she knew
I couldn’t speak yet.
Because my body felt like
I was swimming through glue.
I was on the edge of fainting,
on the edge of life.
Food and water made a thump beside me.
I fumbled it open—
took one bite,
then another,
and another—
waiting for my body to recharge.
Like a dead battery.
I don’t remember what it was.
It didn’t taste good—
but I didn’t care.
I just ate, and hoped
my body would spare.
I cried,
knowing my body had failed me
in front of everyone.
Not from pain.
There was no scream,
no giant collapse—
just a person
sliding to the ground
in an elevator,
trying to get help
before fading away.
This isn’t weakness.
Or drama.
This is war,
with no warning.
This is fighting
with no rules.
I fight for life every day.
I’m told,
“You don’t have much on your plate.”
But surviving is my chore.
Life is a game.
I played the wrong cards.
I forgot to eat and drink—
because my body forgot to tell me how.
It made me ***** it back.
So this is what I get.
This is surviving
in silence,
day by day,
hour by hour.
This is an attack.

The Sea That Sparkles
A poem
——————————————-

Sunlight spills like melting gold
Pouring down on velvet-like sand
Running through my fingers
Sifting through my skin

Each shell
Brushes along the sandy shore
The waves licking the surface
Like little puppy dog kisses
showering the sea

The lighthouse shines on the glittered sand
just right
And the birds whisper
As they fly

Above the watercolor of sea
Tints of all colors  
Open into a valley of water
Full of life swimming bout
The sheltered coral
Drifting to stay upright the in shy waves

The sun
Like gold jewels
Of a gorgeous dream
The clouds of new themes arise from the
Crystal sky
Cotton candy clouds
Fill in a small space

Distant murmurs of
Tides steady tune
A salty-sweet tang mix
Fills the ocean air
A faint scent of seaweed, and flowers
Scatter the sea side  

tiny ***** scurry around the sand
Forming little shadows
And hiding in the crevasses
Of watered down rocks
Foams lace the water
Like fabric scattered
After a storm

Light bends around the horizon
Filling the sky like glitter
where the sky meets the sea
The little things that sparkle
Is the beach
And I let it consume me
It’s always my dream
It’s who I am
The little things that sparkle
Shows me
The sea

I'll never surrender,
Not a pretender,
Just a fighter.

Not chasing demons,
They chase me.
I'll keep on fighting.

Day or night,
I fight.

Disguise- TW
A Poem by Olivia Williams
———-
I wear this mask,
It's my disguise,
It's my so-called "true person,"
But I have a secret—
It's hiding who I am.
I play on my smile,
Laugh around others.
When I'm asked to do something,
I have to gather myself together,
To put on the mask,
Heave a sigh,
Put on a smile,
And pretend I'm alright.
That day,
School dragged like chains,
And I lost my belief in whether the world was kind.
I was taught I'm worthless,
That my “type of people” didn’t belong.
So now, with my mask, I hide it all.
Afraid to trust anyone and everyone.
I do what I'm told,
I rarely falter,
Because when I do,
I feel like a disappointment.
Afterward,
I don't want people to see that I can't do it,
Because of how I gave up trying that day.
I over-explain every detail,
Because I had to do that to survive.
From what feels like not too long ago,
This mask hides me
And my personality,
Because I don't want to let it loose.
Only people I trust see the real me,
And even they
Don't see it all.
I have two sides,
Both are semi-hidden.
You only get to know
Half of each.
Once I can trust you,
You'll know both full versions of me.
I can be mean,
I can be rude,
I can be an "angel,"
Or sweet, or "look cute,"
But I can turn in a second
And snap right back.
If you push my buttons,
You'll find it out—
Exact.
I'm torn between both sides,
Of sticking up and speaking out for myself,
But I fear I will be rejected and pushed past my point,
And then I will be hurt more,
Physically and mentally,
Then I was before.
What if they don’t like the full version?
What if they don’t like the “real me”?
What if they push me, I fall,
They laugh,
And use me for their own greed?
If I show them my broken side,
Then they notice I need help,
But if I unleash everything,
Then I’m hurting them and myself.
I’m afraid to lose the people I’ve gathered,
Because they love me for who I am now.
But I can’t help but think,
“Will they after?”
I don’t think I will ever be able
To take off a FULL mask,
Because they will always want the “other side” as well.
And I don’t want my other person in me
To go too far and start to tell.
It gets exhausting keeping to half a side,
Not being on one full or both at the same time.
Each day gets heavier,
These chains weigh me down.
Keeping up both hidden sides,
Keeping up this lie,
The longer the sides dig deep inside,
The more I lose each portion,
Forever lost inside.
I hate keeping up
With certain places’ requirements.
I want to break the rules,
So they can learn
There are others out there.
Don’t you dare mess with me,
I’ve seen my share.
With this mask I hide in,
I see the inner secrets no one
Wants me to share.
I know everything,
And if you
So much as flinch and mess with me or my crowd,
You’ll see my other side of the mask,
And then
You won’t be so proud.
I’m sick of letting people push me in,
So now I’m pushing back,
And I’m not afraid to get in.
I hope you recognize
That I have other sides.
Most of my family
Doesn't know even one full side,
But I try to be the "perfect person,"
Because I can't take criticism.
I’ll just shut down.
That’s how I defended myself
When I couldn’t then.
I still can't know
I’m told to
“Be more,” “do more,”
“Be more like this.”
I try and try,
I’m so tired and worn.
I cry and fight
To be who I’m not,
Because I never feel right.
But now,
I’m hiding my mask,
Stronger than ever,
Waiting to unleash it
To those who push me.
I hid who I am,
My beliefs,
My identity,
What I like,
And what I don’t.
I act different per each person—
What side of me do you know?
But when I have on my disguises,
Which one don’t you know?

Good afternoon, fellow poets.
I have updates on my new story- “The Sea Blazer”

1st story release- end of July.
2nd story release- end of August.
3rd-and final story release- end of September.

1st story is called….
“The Sea Blazer and the battle of Night Jaw.”

2nd story is called….
“The Sea Blazer and the battle of the gods.”

3rd story is called….
“The Sea Blazer and the secret of Treasure Cove.”

That’s all for the update! Thanks y’all for your support!
-Olivia :)

MY EVERYTHING
A Poem for Toby.
—————————-
My Everything,
My ray of light,
My beam of sunshine,
My love at first sight.

My baby boy
lays here to rest.
His eyes—sunken—
pain taking him away
from being his best.

Golden fur, fluffy tail,
a smile that lights up the room.
No matter where,
a heart so big—
it ignores all the creatures,
except for bees, which he tries to devour.

My baby boy
used to chase us around.
Never interested in sticks,
but a ball—
is where he shows his favorite tricks.

You have all the cheer
in each little bark.
When we play tag,
you’re always near.
I know how much you’re hurting,
but I’m always here.

Sunlit trails, cloudy night skies,
rainy days, and a fall surprise.
You walk along these woodchip paths,
always loving walks—no matter the path.
A loyal friend,
always by my side.

You bark and guard our house
from “dangers” outside.

Footsteps come,
or a car pulls in.
Your voice yips
and barks—
so proud,
so loud.
So spunky once—so full of life,
a burst of joy, of sunshine, of light—
no hint of strife.

Then cancer came... the tumor too.
It hurt your mind,
and body too.

Your eyes hold gentle rain—sadness—fear,
as you don’t know what’s coming,
and we don’t either.
Your heart beats brave and strong.

My love will last forever,
even when you move on.
I hold your paw,
I hold your head,
to try to take the weight off
from your shoulders.
When you so tired,
And ready for bed.

Each day is a gift,
a chance to love, laugh, and lift.
I thank you for every smile—
you’ve made my life better, so worthwhile.
So rest now, my dear baby boy.
In every breath,
Love is what we give.

Illness might dim the light behind your eyes.
You might be hurting,
not ready for the next surprise.
But you are forever—
My duty is to love.


Toby, I love you to infinity and beyond.
You, my everything.
May–when you go,
Fly pain-free like a dove.

Clinking metal,
Cold against bruised skin.
Hope lost,
No where within.
Strength gone,
They stole from me.
I try to escape,
But my chains,
Forever hold me.
Inch thick,
Cement wall,
Chain attached,
Ive hope for escape,
But mental—
physical pain,
Seems to,
Forever last.
Chains are what’s holding me back.
Regret,
Pain,
Shame.
“Im not worthy”
“I’ll never be perfect”
“I’ll never be loved”
“I’ll never be safe”
“Im scared to grow up”
“I’ve already lost my faith”
And yet I'm here,
I’m alive,
But why do I feel so empty?
The answer is these chains,
That hold me tight.

I was forced,
To give my heart.
I was forced,
To give my soul.
I was forced,
to give my thoughts.
I was forced to,
To give all of me,
As a whole.
They didn’t show no mercy.
Each attack.
They didn’t get karma,
I didn’t get revenge.
They served my life,
On a ******,
Platter.
They used me,
To there full extent.
Know I’m left wondering,
If I’ll ever come back.
To my childhood,
I dreamed of.
That I thought was perfect.
But those 2 years,
In school.
THAT day.
a physical scar,
That life,
Is a force,
That can rip your,
Life away in a second.
I still think why I let this happen.
The answer,
Is the threats.
I will forever live,
That what happened,
wasn’t true.
But I can’t help but wonder…
What would have changed—
If I had spoken up more?
If I had told them right away?
If I had fought?
But,
I was forced.
now I worry,
That even now,
I’m left here to decay.

Crying.
Shouting.
Laughing
Talking.

All things chanting,
All this tapping.
All the buzzing.
The beeping,
The music,
The breeze.

All things overstimulating,
In my Brain.
jumbled thoughts,
Yelling voices,
Seeing things,
That aren't there.

all things come together,
Things intertwined.
Like a out of tune harmony,
Now I'm stuck listening,
Seeing.
feeling.
It all is so--
overstimulating.

All this dread is setting in,
Anxiety rattling,
Attention gathering.

All it is-is catastrophic,
Running the mile,
Exhaustion,
Fighting pain.
My fault to blame?
Who knows,
Full shame,
I think I’m going insane.

My head Is spinning bout,
Brain so foggy,
Im feeling really groggy.
attention full steam,
All this stuff settling,
Appearing in a whole new setting.

Fear.
Confusion.
I’m losing,
The battle.
Attention?
Please.
I’m fighting,
I don’t need a medal.
Just listen,
To me,
I beg,
PLEASE.
I’m on my knees,
I’m fighting the stinging,
Of wasps and bees.

Plunging my stomach,
Sinking into my brain.
I think I need help.

All this dread,
All this shame,
Putting on the blame,
So many mistakes.

All uprising,
Head to the clouds.
I’m falling down,
No parachute,
And I smack the ground.
Pain radiating,
Like noise in a crowd.

Am I losing my mind,
I need to take my time.
Finding who I am,
Finding ways to take control,
Thoughts.
Clouds.
Pain.
Shame.
Dread.
Hate.
Love.
faith.

Am I enough?
Am I worthy?
Can I be someone great?
Did I make too many mistakes?

I’m HURTING.
my brain,
Is fumbling,
I’m losing a battle.

But I keep on fighting.
I got plans,
And I’m making changes,
I’m making demands.

“Its all attention seeking”
“Your asking for it”
“You act like your the only one in this world”
“How can you be someone great, if you can’t even take care of yourself”

This is what people have said to me.
It’s all setting in.
And I’m NOT going,
To stop fighting.

The cycle.
Day and night.
This daily fight.
Just to survive.
What is this cycle ?
You may ask?
Well it goes like this,
And everyday it lasts.
I eat.
I get nauseous.
I gag.
I *****.
I can’t keep food down,
I can’t keep liquids down,
I don’t feel hunger,
I’m afraid to eat.
So—in turn I don’t eat,
or drink at all.
Till my body breaks-
and I collapse,
Or fall.
Then it repeats,
Putting it back into me.
Even though I’m afraid,
And I find no reason why,
To keep eating,
If I can’t keep it down,
In the first place.
This is what life is like,
With disorders,
And illness.
My body repeats this cycle,
But the doctors try to postpone it.
Still with no success…

Hello y’all!
My name is Olivia Williams,
And if you are just meeting me or seeing my page..

WELCOME!!
I want to do a quick vote in the comments of YOUR favorite poem (pick ONLY 1 PLS :))
AND  do a vote as well if you WOULD LIKE to see previews of my future BOOKS on my page as well!?
It would be greatly appreciated if I could get some Input so I know what y’all are into writing-wise!
Thanks to those who have supported me so far, and welcome to all newcomers!
-your writer:
Olivia Williams :)

The Irony of My Savior
by Olivia

(NOTE: TOPIC BASED OFF RELIGION)

————
They told me
there was a man
who once helped those who were hurt,
who “loved me” more
than anyone on the globe,
who changed life for the “better.”
But those nights spent in bed,
thinking about those nights spent
with others of the faith telling me,
“He heard your cries.”
“He listens to your prayers…”
“…He cleans your mind…”
“…Holds your hands…”
“…And loves you more than the world!”
My lifeline, that was supposed to
“Keep me alive,”
WENT DEAD.
My bruised and battered body
on a hard-tile floor,
blood covering me like how
“Jesus died for us on the cross.”
Going home all covered,
saying everything “was fine,”
going to church over the next month,
showing my pain
in a room full of promises and bandages
that fixed a LITTLE,
but through it all,
He never came.
If I was “chosen,”
if this was my “path,”
my “road,” my “story,”
that I had suffered for a reason,
that everything was on a blueprinted paper
like a plan for my life,
then where was HE to make corrections
when HE SAW HE took it too far
and didn’t do something right?
They all decorate the church with the “holy face”
and Bible verses,
pray that things will turn right,
because it’s easier than admitting
that what He SUPPOSEDLY DID wasn’t right.
They don’t know how to help me.
The doctors can’t either.
I’M NOT doing this for attention.
I used to, because that’s how I got noticed when I was hurt.
YES, I might have taken it too far,
but THAT day will never end.
IT ISN’T A DREAM.
PEOPLE CAN BE THAT CRUEL.
DON’T YOU DARE CALL ME “INSANE.”
They watch me bleed out
while handing empty and broken promises and prayers.
When ALL I NEEDED was someone to notice
when I had DIED that day on that hard tile floor.
I never saw Him, not then, not now.
That’s why I don’t believe HE exists.
I prayed so hard,
in my darkest times,
but He ceased to exist.
I built my own life up
from what was left of my battered, ****** body,
crimson-red blood.
The metallic taste and smell I’ll NEVER forget,
it’s still with me.
But I’ve found my home, found my place.
The irony of my “savior”
was the fact He came for His supposed “people” and “world,”
but He didn’t come for me.
I can cradle my hurt,
but He will never help.
He lost His chance,
and now I’m finding MY OWN
path,
MY OWN
LIFE,
MY OWN
story.
I’M CLAIMING THIS.
IT’S MY LIFE.

You can’t just say that…
It’s not how it works.

I am speaking my,
Pain out loud.
So I can get the help I need,
So someone can lead—
Me down the right path.

This is how you talk though.
When I needed help,
All your lies,
“Its a disguise”
“You just want attention”
NO ITS NOT!
It’s REAL!
it HAPPENS!
I’m HURTING!
PLEASE LISTEN!!!

And DONT say these things..
This is what I’ve been told.
DONT make these mistakes,
When someone shares,
The pain,
That life has caused to unfold.

Good,
evening, morning, or afternoon-
all poets and writers.
I have some news.

After camp I have recently been really struggling with A-LOT of my physical and mental health issues. (I also have to attend more appointments, and get more extensive exams-for better test results-)

I am really ill, in lots of pain, and need some time to recover.
ALL dates including those of the “Sea Blazer” is postponed until further notice. I WILL still write…I just…I can’t do what was intended, with how much Im hurting.

Hopefully you all understand, please help support me as I fight through this. thanks for all your support so far.

Love- Your writer:
Olivia
Willams.

God- a poem
P2
(NOTE: TOPIC BASED OFF RELIGION)
——————
I’m sick of people telling me that god “Exists”
He’s an idiot for thinking I’d love him
He didn’t save me then
He never gave me a sign
He never ONCE
Said anything
I don’t want to die
That’s not what I’m getting too
I’m getting to the point
That when I was in danger
When I needed god
You weren’t there
You never saw what I did
Nobody understands
I don’t like god
He comes up with all this crap
Just to make people believe
He’s the “Worthy” one
He’s stupid
He’s dumb
He’s an idiot
For thinking
I’ll ever love him enough
People need to wrap there minds around the fact I’ll never accept
Him as any religion
Especially when Ive grilled that Im an atheist
Always
I’ll think this
It’s not just that he didn’t save me
He never came when I was healing
He came up with the stupid “bible”
Just to spread his words
It seems dumb
And it’s all fake
Just to make people love him
I'M AN ATHEIST
AND
I DON'T WANT TO DIE
Someone please understand
The reason why!

I meet a new part of myself
Everyday

I meet a bigger heart
Taking care of those
Even when we’re apart

A smarter brain—
A stronger mind
Who I gain ability’s to tame
Throughout experiences

More powerful body
I grow stronger
To become a new
“Somebody”

Each day
I meet a new part of me
It grows beyond
My own imagination

Sprouting seeds
I learn to take care
of my own needs
I’m starting to finally form
A new me

To wrestle the storm
That used to take control
Over my body
Mind
Heart
And soul

Only my dad- p2
——————

Only my dad
Comes home at night
Tiredness strewn
Bout his face
Exhaustion
Sunken in his eyes
But still it barely leaves a trace
He smiles
And chuckles
At all the accomplishments
Of that day
While venting
About the work
That took him all
Day
Then comforts and guides
On the struggles
That unfold
He’s strong
He’s brave
His love like no other
His role as father
Guides once again
As life throws turns
No one foretold
His mind
And words comforting
And bold
His love
Like a dove
Guiding a path
Along a rode
Of danger
When we lost the map.
Only my dad
Whose mind
Goes beyond
Only my dad
Who’s fearlessness Is strong
Only my dad
Who constantly loves
Beyond words
I love you dad more than you could know
Actually…more than that…
I love you to infinity and beyond
From head to toe

BURDEN
A Poem by Olivia Williams
Metal chains,
Weighing down
Blood-covered wrists.
No one has noticed or found.
Rocks on my shoulders,
Heavy and cracked,
Past repair.
Stuck in a storm of despair,
Repeated thoughts
That swarms my mind.
Tangled up in guilt,
No denying
That flicker I need
Always fades.
The people that love me
Always end up in my web of betrayals.
I scream in silence,
Either no one hears
Or no one cares.
A battle started,
With no way to win.
Fighting and fighting,
But this burden traps me within.
I feel their looks,
Always concerned.
I can't explain,
As I always blame myself, thinking,
“It’s my fault, I could have stopped it.”
I know this is what I’ve earned.
I try to speak,
And to explain,
But my burden
Drags everything—
Including my family and friends—
Farther and farther
Away.
This storm strips me of my life,
Of what I hope.
I drag them down
When I crash my boat.
One day I'll break.
They'll notice,
And fear
That I'll fall and break,
And I'll be too far beyond repair.
I push everyone close
With my smile,
Even though it's fake,
But then I push them back out.
I'm just afraid for them to see
How torn I truly am.
I want to heal,
I want to let go.
I'll always be the weight,
And the burden
That holds everyone
Apart.
Because when I share what I feel,
I tear others apart.
I burden everyone I see,
And I feel so bad.
Now I’m stuck in this loop—
Of pain, betrayal, getting help, and giving up—
With no way out.
This is my burden, always here.
I need people to listen—
PLEASE LISTEN!
PLEASE HEAR!!!

Broken Promises — a poem by Olivia
They hand me empty promises and lies
like gauze for wounds that are only slightly recognizable.
“You're a fighter though!” they say,
not realizing how much they’ve hurt me
with their actions and their words.
I slowly decay,
yet they say, “I’ll pray.”
But praying won’t help,
because you put my “cure”
out there like fixing one thing
will heal all the blurred lines
and begs that are yet to be heard.
You can stitch all my scars,
you can place gauze over bullets,
but that doesn’t fix all the outside and inside hurt
that’s tortured me behind more than just caged bars.
You pretend some don’t exist,
thinking changing one thing
can fix the rest.
You mistake my frustrated silence
for invisibility —
as if I don’t exist.
Everyone believes a “cure” or a “small fix”
can relieve some pain.
But the days draw long,
and the pain lives on.
My body is hurting
in more ways than one.
No one is listening
to the full story.
Am I not important enough
to get the help I need —
to literally survive
and keep going?
I feel like a burden
when people truly listen.
They try to help,
they try to “heal,”
but I am too far gone.
I’m the storm
raging in my own body,
leaking small streams
to be “discovered.”
They patch me up,
thinking one change is enough,
until I boil over
and yell, “I'VE HAD ENOUGH.”
When I blow,
I'm told,
“It’s your period,”
or “If you work on your anxiety, it’ll all go away!”
Yet YOU are the one that betrayed me.
YOU make those comments.
YOU think I WANT this?
I want my life back.
I want to live.
I want to exist.
I want to do everything
Everyone else can.
I wish I could eat
the biggest bowl of pasta
with tomatoes right now —
but It hurts.
I wish I could have something carbonated…
BUT IT HURTS.
I WISH I COULD LIVE PAIN FREE,
BUT MY BODY IS BREAKING ME APART.
I FEEL LIKE I'M FALLING WAY TO FAR!!!
I don’t want this life.
Someone, please hear me.
Every time you pretend to listen,
to hear,
you miss the end.
I’ve written it out before.
Your broken promises —
“Everything’s going to get better”
and “You’re a fighter” —
aren’t enough.
I know you’re trying.
But I’m falling apart.
And your broken promises
will never be enough.
I’m a burden.
I understand.
But please listen anyway.
My wounds are deep crevasses
that aren’t fixable
by a band-aid
or some gauze.
Please look at the full picture,
and don’t look at it
like there’s just one cause.
My body is like shattered glass
piercing into my soul.
My mind is a tornado
I can’t hide from.
They hand me prayers
like shredded paper
that’s supposed to “shield the pain,”
but it’s all in vain.
They always admit it’s easier
to patch a crack with a band-aid or gauze
than to fix the gaping holes
that are spewing thoughts,
pain,
shouts,
pleas for help
when no one is listening
to the true pain.
They say words like “strong,” and “fight,”
“Brave,” “Bold,” “persistent,” or a “warrior”
like those are the things
that will make it right.
But they say that
so they don’t have to sit
in the blood, sweat, and tears
of my broken body,
my storm-tossed mind,
the wreck inside me.
Those times in those offices,
while they spew how I should change.
But when I try to put those in play,
It's a grave mistake.
The clock ticks slower,
my mind races fast,
thinking one change of a medication,
one simple diet change,
will help all of these facts.
I won’t stand for people like this.
I want to live like a normal kid.
I want to exist.
I don’t want prayers.
I don’t need sympathy.
I just need help.
Please don’t give me broken promises.
I need more help
than what’s been given.
I’m not a lesson to be taught
on how to appear “fine.”
I’m not your charity case
holding a briefcase of lies.
I am HERE —
bleeding,
breaking,
falling apart.
Are YOU finally listening?
Don’t act like you know how to fix me.
Don’t act “smart.”
Just support me.
Will you be my support buddy?
Can you help me?

My heads in the clouds.
Fears raining down.
Hearts so heavy,
Lost my strength-holding crown.

Heads so full.
so lost in a maze,
I think I'm losing it,
Like how I lost my faith.

So much pain.
So much fear.
My body is failing,
And I can only stand here.

And wait.
My heads in the clouds,
I fly up tall then i smash the ground,
Like a stone falling in.
Free fall,
I'm not okay.
I'm not fine.

But I'll keep pushing,
Even though I still decline.
I gotta stay strong,
I have another visit,
If I communicate then,
I'm stronger my wrongs.
And I can push,
past my limits.

its NOT an imaginary friend.
It’s not a dream.
It’s not fake,
It’s a REAL thing.
It’s a voice in your head,
It’s visions you get.
It’s real pain you endure,
Whether those know it or not,
It’s true,
It real.
DONT call this a bluff,
I have had ENOUGH.
people TELLING ME,
to “get over it”.
Or Im “faking it for attention”.
DO YOU THINK I WANT THIS!?
DO YOU THINK I WANT TO BE HAUNTED!?
BY THE VOICES IN MY HEAD!?
24/7,
Day and night.
Alone or in public.
In a bathroom or in a mall,
It’s always there— taunting me.
Hoping I trip and fall.
The blood…
The eyes,
It’s all a disguise.
Only meant for my eyes.
So DONT YOU DARE!?
Tell me it’s fake.
Because I’m fighting,
Voices.
who GIVE NO grace.

IM DONE
—————-
I’m tired to trusting people,
Who never ran the mile.
Trusting someone,
I had known was sketchy,
Has never been worthwhile.

Im tired,
Of giving someone something,
For them to never return it back.
I’m tired of them walking all over me,
Like a door mat.

I’m tired of people,
taking advantage of my kindness,
And using it to turn me,
Against the people I love.

I’m tired— SICK AND TIRED,
OF THEM RUINING MY LIFE.
I AM STRONGER THAN THAT.
IM CHANGING,
SO I CAN BE HAPPY,
AGAIN.

All those times,
You ran over my kindness.

All those times,
You took advantage of the chances.
I gave.

All those times,
you said you were there for me,
But then YOU LEFT.

YOU LEFT—when I needed you.

YOU LEFT—hurting me more.

All of your lying…
IM DONE!
IM FINALLY—
DONE!

Long nights
roads are steep
I still fight
Even when I sleep

Even though pain hurts and I groan
I keep fighting
Never standing alone

I keep falling
But I still stand
No matter how rocky things get
On any type of land

Any type of hope
In any place
I still try to keep
A smile on my face

No matter how tough the trail gets
I still try
My very best

Flower
-A short story-
Olivia williams

     A meadow with a girl surrounded by grass and flowers of all types, shapes, sizes, and colors. Out of all of them, there is a very unique and special yellow rose whose petals feel like fur and whose patterns are different and special.
    The patterns consist of many yellow and white polka dots and the special, strange rose is as big as the girl's hand. She picks the flower, curious, happy, and calm, admiring its beauty as her brown hair flows in the soft mild wind. Other kids are playing tag around her, but she feels different, as they are all surrounded by different flowers, and the yellow rose is alone. She takes it home, plants it in her garden, and cares for it. Soon, the flower grows like no other, but it's still alone.
       The girl picks a petal daily, and each petal gives her a new adventure, task, a new experience in her life. The new experience leads to things both good and bad. The flower becomes a guide for her, helping her navigate through everything. For every boulder she pushes, it still seems to bring her down, but with the help and pride of watching her flower grow, she gets through all the ups and downs of life. Soon, she becomes a teenager, but still, the flower is there, leading her through some of the toughest and most crucial points of life.
    One breezy fall evening, bundled in her fall coat, white hat, and white mittens, she ventures through her neighborhood and to school. Soon she realizes, as she grows closer, that even though it is a weekend, the gates are open. She steps from the pavement to the grass and she can almost feel the soft grass through her sneakers.
      After a walk, she notices that all the flowers are picked dry and soon learns that the flowers the other children had gave them irresistible options, and the flowers made them rich and cruel. As days go on, she gets bullied for not being like her other classmates. One foggy night, she returns from school and sits down on her bed, frustrated, upset, and angry with her so-called “friends”. They seem to make fun of her so much. After she eats supper, she goes to water her rose but as soon as she touches it, the petals and her hand glow.        
       The glowing spreads through her body and she feels different and strange. Soon she notices the new power that Rose has given her. It had given her the power of strength, the power to never give up, the power of hope. She no longer feels angry and comes to terms with her situation. She decides that she needs to learn to love herself for who she is and after a while becomes a unique and special flower, just like that unique, special yellow polka dot Rose.

Day turns to night
The faint yellow glow
of the streetlamp
Illuminates the-now deserted
Roadway

A quiet hum of birds
Are the only thing filling
The silenced city

The sun now sinks low
Dusk to midnight
All goes mute
The flicker of
house lights
Are only visible
In the soft mist

all goes to sleep
In bed- without a peep

Day to night
Dusk to midnight
Midnight to day
The cycle continues
Waiting to repeat
Another day

-ender rhyme:
Surrender, tender, blender, defender, pretender, sender, lender, mender, offender, contender, fender, spender, ender, extender, gender, render, recommender, suspender, transponder, vendor, slender, ******, co-defender.

-at rhyme:
Cat, hat, bat, rat, sat, flat, mat, that, chat, pat, spat, gnat, brat, fat, splat, combat, format, acrobat, diplomat.

-eep rhyme:
Deep, sleep, keep, creep, beep, leap, peep, steep, weep, sheep, cheap, sweep, reap, heap, jeep, asleep, upkeep, oversleep.

-ake rhyme:
Lake, make, take, fake, bake, wake, snake, break, stake, quake, ache, cake, shake, remake, mistake, heartbreak, forsake.

-ight rhyme:
Light, night, sight, might, tight, right, flight, bright, height, kite, write, bite, delight, insight, excite, ignite, recite, rewrite, polite.

-ell rhyme:
Bell, well, tell, fell, sell, smell, shell, spell, yell, dwell, excel, compel, repel, dispel, cartel, farewell.

-own rhyme:
Down, crown, town, frown, brown, gown, noun, clown, renown, drown, shakedown, breakdown, showdown.

-ore rhyme:
More, store, floor, core, door, sore, lore, before, explore, restore, implore, adore, encore, galore, offshore.

-ay rhyme:
Day, say, way, may, play, stay, gray, spray, clay, bay, delay, display, obey, okay, array, hooray, stray, dismay.

-ing rhyme:
Sing, bring, ring, king, wing, thing, string, swing, cling, fling, bling, spring, zing, everything, anything, nothing.

-and rhyme:
Hand, sand, land, band, stand, grand, brand, expand, command, understand, reprimand, demand.

-eed rhyme:
Need, feed, seed, greed, speed, read, lead, deed, bleed, proceed, succeed, agreed, mislead, indeed.

-ime rhyme:
Time, rhyme, crime, prime, climb, chime, dime, slime, sublime, overtime, meantime.

-ear rhyme:
Dear, near, clear, fear, tear, year, cheer, appear, revere, sincere, pioneer, interfere.

-own rhyme:
Crown, town, down, brown, frown, gown, noun, clown, renown, drown, pronoun.

-air rhyme:
Fair, care, dare, share, bear, wear, stair, pair, glare, rare, spare, repair, aware, declare, affair.

-ide rhyme:
Ride, side, tide, wide, pride, glide, hide, slide, inside, outside, collide, divide, abide.

-ool rhyme:
Cool, pool, school, rule, tool, stool, fuel, jewel, drool, ghoul, fool, duel.

-ite rhyme:
Fight, light, right, tight, night, sight, flight, might, white, kite, rewrite, delight.

-all rhyme:
Ball, call, fall, hall, mall, tall, wall, stall, small, install, recall.

-ock rhyme:
Rock, sock, clock, block, knock, mock, shock, dock, flock, unlock, stock.

-ay rhyme (continued):
Fray, delay, relay, essay, repay, midway, subway, ballet, buffet, okay, hooray.

-ush rhyme:
Rush, hush, crush, blush, flush, brush, plush, slush, thrush, gush.

-an rhyme:
Man, pan, fan, tan, plan, scan, clan, began, ran, can, van, span, woman.

-ent rhyme:
Sent, bent, rent, tent, meant, spent, invent, relent, ascent, dissent, percent.

-old rhyme:
Cold, bold, hold, gold, fold, mold, told, sold, rolled, behold, uncontrolled.

ain rhyme:
Rain, pain, gain, train, brain, main, chain, plain, strain, remain, explain, domain, refrain, sustain, complain, attain.

-uck rhyme:
Luck, stuck, truck, duck, muck, pluck, yuck, cluck, struck, tuck, shuck, ****, conduct, construct.

-ash rhyme:
Cash, dash, flash, trash, clash, rash, smash, splash, ****, stash, backlash, rehash.

-ent rhyme:
Lent, bent, sent, rent, tent, meant, spent, cement, relent, event, prevent, dissent.

-est rhyme:
Best, rest, test, nest, west, chest, guest, quest, invest, suggest, attest, contest.

-ick rhyme:
Stick, pick, kick, lick, quick, thick, brick, slick, trick, chick, click, flick, mystic, arithmetic.

-ame rhyme:
Name, game, same, flame, fame, shame, blame, frame, claim, exclaim, became, inflame.

-oon rhyme:
Moon, spoon, soon, tune, balloon, cartoon, cocoon, raccoon, monsoon, harpoon.

-ump rhyme:
Jump, bump, lump, pump, stump, dump, clump, thump, trump, jumpstart.

-ite rhyme (new words):
Bite, site, spite, excite, contrite, incite, unite, invite, finite, rewrite, oversight.

-ean rhyme:
Mean, bean, clean, lean, teen, queen, keen, green, screen, unseen, machine, routine, serene.

-oy rhyme:
Boy, toy, joy, coy, ploy, employ, destroy, enjoy, decoy, alloy.

-ob rhyme:
Job, sob, blob, rob, mob, fob, throb, ****, snob, hobnob.

-ug rhyme:
Bug, rug, hug, mug, tug, snug, plug, drug, shrug, unplug, smug.

-edge rhyme:
Hedge, edge, wedge, dredge, pledge, allege, fledge, knowledge (slant rhyme), sledge.

-ear rhyme (new batch):
Year, ear, clear, spear, sear, smear, appear, engineer, frontier, revere, volunteer.

-ap rhyme:
Map, nap, cap, gap, tap, sap, clap, trap, lap, slap, wrap, mishap.

-ow rhyme:
Now, how, cow, brow, plow, vow, allow, somehow, endow, avow, disallow.

-ean rhyme (continued):
Scene, marine, cuisine, caffeine, vaccine, obscene, unseen, intervene, tambourine.

Scratched
Worn
Splintered  
Torn
I hang on
But who knows how long

This piece of driftwood
In the open—raging sea
Pummeling me and this driftwood
Far away from land
In a surging storm
Me at to rip away the weak

I try so much
I cry all day
I beg for mercy
On most of my days
This pain
The nausea
The dizzy spells
All the times I *****
Because I can’t keep things down

Or how about my anxiety
My hallucinations too
It’s not fair
That the medication isn’t doing
what it’s supposed too

I try and try
But I fail and fall
And I collapse
So much
Ive fainted before

If you ask me if
“Im alright”
I’ll say “Im fine”
And move on with my life
Because no matter
What I have to keep fighting
I know that Theve tried
I know there trying
But what there doing isn’t enough
And I’m hurting

So here I am
On a driftwood out to sea
Fighting brutal storm
Pushing me
I don’t know the last time
I was free

But
At least I know
I have energy left
To keep up the mask
And I know that in this space
I can be me
And spill out
My battles

Like this painful
Ride
Whitch I will try
To fight
And let myself be me

Mom- p2
——
Mom
Your arms are always open
To comfort and guide
You eyes always light up when you smile
Or when you laugh
Your hugs always comfort when I cry
You ears are always open
To listen, never judge
Your love is unconditional
your as gentle as a dove
Your kindness shines
Through
Your love
Never gone
You shine a light down my path
When I’m in fog
Your heart always holds
A place in my heart
I love you mom
Were connected like stars
The moon is you
Bright and soothing
Your light leads the way
When people betray
Your strength picks me up
When I’ve fallen down
I love you mom
More than you could imagine
We’re forever connected
No matter how much we fall down

They warned me,
Life was unforgivable.

They warned me,
Life hurts.

They warned me,
I shouldn’t expect perfection.

They warned me,
I have to be stronger,
Than others actions or words.

They warned,
and warned me some more,
Everyday.
THAT day i decayed,
In silence.

I NEVER expected,
the world could hurt,
As much as I was told.
Those warnings,
Are so much more.
My limits were tested,
Far out of the shore.  

It’s most Important to head,
Warnings when they come.
Now Im on the run,
From life’s worst nightmares,
That send boulders,
tumbling down my path.

Im forever lost in regret,
Low self esteem,
Health conditions,
cluelessness,
Mixed with dreams.

I hope one day,
I’ll be someone great,
But Im lost for-now.

Even though,
They warned me,
Life would hurt.

I didn’t follow,
What they warned me.

Poems DON’T bloom—
They rupture.
They ignite,
Like a fire in your soul,
Waiting to explode,
Like gasoline in a burning room.

Poems
Are those
Who land deeper than the largest crevasse—
Those that leave you glaring,
Wide—unblinking eyes.

Waiting for the next punch
To your heart,
Like music crashing into your body
When you have the volume too loud.

Poems are meant to claw,
To rip,
Open your ribcage,
To smear
Your blood—pain—EVERYTHING
In front of you,
To show you it’s okay
For ALL to exist;
To trick
Your heart
To love,
Hate,
To turn fear
Into fate.

There are supposed to drip blood
In words that were NEVER meant to be said.

Every line,
Something I couldn’t bellow,
So I sharpened
My words like a knife,
Till my words bled
Blood—
I could never give back.

I LIVE for blood,
I LIVE for pain.
I LIVE for the world to not
Care
What it’s left for me,
What the world’s done to let me decay.

Each verse of silence,
Each verse of pain,
Each verse of anger,
Of shame,
Or hate,
Of love,
IS YEARS
OF SWALLOWING
MY OWN BLOOD.

YEARS.
OF HATING MYSELF.
YEARS.
OF NOT TRUSTING ANYONE
Who said…
“I’m here,”
“I’ll listen,”
“I’ll help.”

LET THAT BURN.

YEARS.
OF PAIN.
YEARS.
OF SHAME,
FOR WHAT THEY DID,
FOR HOW THE WORLD
TAUGHT ME WRONG.

You call my poems BRAVE!?
…THEIR SURVIVAL.
THEIR BLOOD.
I WAS NEVER
ABLE TO PUT BACK
IN MY BODY.

Poems are my baggage;
Each weighs—
A ton.

What is a poem?
A POEM?
It’s the moment before you scream,
When you realize you can’t say
What’s digging into your mind.
It’s rhyming stanzas
Disguised as hatred.
It’s love
Dressed as rhythm.
It’s pain
Hidden
As syllables,
Each word—my teeth.

Poems are MEANT
To be messy,
MEANT
To be ugly,
MEANT
TO LIVE—

Even when others
Think they shouldn’t have ever
Lived that long,
When you’re told to leave it in your head.

You want a Poem?
SIT in my blood.
I’LL sit in yours.
I’ll comfort you,
If you do the same.
I’ll be there in your brightness,
And in your darkness,
With the faint glow of the candle
To illuminate
Your shattered
Ship.

Writing is a freedom;
It’s everything
Anyone could need.

A poem doesn’t need to be perfect—
…just…let it be you.

THAT’S what a poem is MEANT
To do.

Dad, your my strength
In so many ways
Your love
As bright as stars
They light the way
You use your strength to guide me
When I fall
Far away
Your my hero dad
More than words could say
All you’ve done
You’ve worked
So hard
To put food on the table
And to offer us safety
When we lost ours
You’ve offered your strength
You’ve offered your love
You’ve offered your heart
And your kindness
That shines through
Like a dove
Your hearts so big
To carry this much
But I can’t be more thankful
As your always there
Even when we can’t be in touch
I love you dad
More than words can say
Your my hero
No matter when my fails get in the way
I love you
To the moon and back
Past the stars
Love surpasses that
Especially ours

For you dad! -Love- Olivia

Dad,
You always hold my hand
You always guide me through
I trust you with my heart
As your one I always knew
You held me at birth
And you hold me still
You hold your head up high
And hold mine up to
Your my protector
Your my angel
Your the one I’ll always love
You hold me up when I fall
You guide me from the dark
I love you so much dad
More than words can say
I love you to infinity and beyond
And To the moon and back
Your heart guides me through
All the struggles I face
You block everything
When life gets in the way
“I love you dad”
I’ll always pray

To: my younger self.
From: 2025 self.
…………………….
Stay strong
People will try to hurt you

DON’T stop reporting them
They NEED to learn there lesson
DON’T go to picture day
They WILL take advantage of you

Love yourself
NO MATTER WHAT

Trust your parents
They will ALWAYS be there for you

DONT EVER take no for an answer

DONT believe the “security camera” lie

KEEP writing
And NEVER stop
(You’ll be famous 1 day)

Speak up about your health issues
(You’ll finally get the help you need
EARLIER ON!!!)

Be a child for AS LONG AS POSSIBLE
you WILL lose that eventually

KEEP listening to music
It WILL be your free time
AND your way out of bad situations

DONT listen to
The principal and counselor there
They lie and are hurting you
Even IF you can’t notice in now

be WHOEVER you want to be
DONT let anyone stop you

Smile as much as you WANT to
you don’t need to pretend

Love the color yellow
It will become the color
And symbol of freedom

Come “out” in the pride community
DONT hide it!!!

Speak up when you talk
Let people hear you

Take self care days
You deserve it :).

Lose your friends
(Except for Steph)
They ALL will side with the “others”
And hurt you on “THAT day”

Feel free to cry
Letting it all out
Won’t hurt you

Go outside more
You will LOVE it

Spend more time with Toby
He WONT have long left

BE YOURSELF
LOVE YOURSELF
YOU GOT THIS
YOU ARE STRONG
YOU ARE LOVED
YOU ARE AWESOME
YOU ARE PERFECT—
JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. :)

Give me
The step-by-step;
I am losing it.
Roads a blur,
Lanes pitch black.
I chase each road,
Not ever sure
Where it’ll go.

Reaching an end
With trembling hands,
Who knows where
Life will let me land?
The signs
I knew
Now fading within mist.

Do my dreams even exist?
My compass won’t spin.
I need a change in steps.
My life is still running
On no maps.

The Sunshine Stingray
——————————-
A shimmer of glitter,
in the clawing waves of the sea.
A jewel of light,
a candle of hope,
stingray’s grace
letting me be me.
Birds take flight
above the deep, dark waves,
hiding secrets underneath —
betrayals and caves.
I used to get trapped.
Lungs burned,
feeling like fire colliding into my ribs.
Legs flailing,
giving up when I had nothing left.
Water up my nose, in my mouth —
choking, pleading for help.
I couldn’t swim.
I was tossed and toppled
into the bruised sea,
dragged underneath
like someone was pulling down on me.
The sky was so dark,
like a brewing storm.
I had prayed for light
that never came.
But now I’m leaving my mark
on the golden — in my stingray.
Beneath a new dawn, a glow lights above.
The bruised and battered sea— fights,
tossing me off course,
so far.
I felt like I was flying
out of a speeding car.
My wings spread wide —
golden glitter over pale skin,
covering fading gashes
like a tarp.
Trying to stitch light into the wound,
trying to patch up my past
with shimmer and silence.
Even though I know
I didn’t earn it —
because I didn’t fight back.
Still, the warmth of the cloudy sky
and the new sun
offer a kind of mercy.
Night meets day.
The fire is no longer ablaze.
The sky is a glass mirror
beneath a veil of shaded fog.
The clouds hide only a little of the sun.
I dive down deep.
I’m not afraid anymore.
I know I’m loved —
I’m strong.
I can fight through life,
evermore.
Corals play and dance
around the sea,
like lanterns swinging
in a breeze.
The sun finally opens
for all to see.
The fish come out —
not scared, they don’t flee.
The colors of the coral
light up and ripple
through the fading darkness
of the sea.
There’s peace at last.
Land ahead —
reefs open up,
ships rise to full mast.
The aftermath
is broken and ******,
but scars slowly heal,
one step at a time.
Day by day,
the stingray glows
brighter than the start
on our new starry night.
The sun leaves the softest ray.
A candle still burns.
I’m rebuilding my life,
hugging with the ocean —
a true embrace.
I’ve left most behind,
leaving hurt without a trace.
Day turns to night.
The world falls silent.
Waves lick the sandy shores.
Seagulls go hushed
as they fly back home.
The deep, battered, bruised
fades into space — and time.
Now meant to be left behind —
crevasses of empty holes
that never healed.
Empty words and prayers,
never answered,
now lay strewn… sealed.
My stingray glows
through its pain,
its shame
for not being who it is,
for not being brave.
“It’s okay to be afraid,”
people say —
but what they don’t realize
is the world is eating fear.
So I’ve learned to steer clear.
My light now shines.
So does my ray.
The storm and sea now fade
into what life is — into infinity.
A sunshine grows
as the cloudy sky subsides,
and I’m slowly becoming brave enough…
to be myself — and try.
My ray is new.
Glitter is what it holds.
And holding onto more,
underneath it all —
is hope.
“What is the sunshine stingray?”
you may ask?
Well… it’s me.
Starting life over,
day by day,
night by night.
Pain, bruises, storms —
I just wait for them to subside.
I try my best
when that’s what’s asked.
I put forth my effort,
to love myself during my worst,
and learn from my mistakes.
I’m human.
So when you see that shimmer,
when you see a sunset or sunrise,
or a stingray gliding below —
a survivor is moving free
from chains
that once held it taunt.
I will try to live,
in the life,
of the sunshine stingray —
and hold onto hope,
no matter the days.
I’m reborn,
alive,
glowing,
grounded,
Free,
My life.
My sunshine.
My stingray.

The boat
It stays true
—Stays afloat

The long wooden frame
Not daring to break
Not afraid
—completely tame

Neat sails
Holding strong
Soft-velvet
No sign of betrayal

The boat holds many
But keeps to its word
To protect all who boards
No matter where they come from

The boat pushes through any storm
Sings all the songs
This new boat
Free from its dock
Staying strong

A symbol of hope
Is
The
Boat

All Up In My Head
A Poem By: Olivia Williams.



All up in my head
Can't even go to bed
Just keep seeming to fret
still trapped in a loop
Like I'm caged in a coop
Fighting every night
Demons always picking fights
Losing my mind

How many times
Do I have to count
Schools getting hard
That's why I'm writing this
I'm still fighting
but when I'm bout to escape
I miss my chance

And The Voices in my head
Can't seem to help me focus on my work
Can't seem to help me sit still
Its like my head Is being pounded like a drill

I know somethings wrong
But how do I speak up?
My body doesn't feel right
I am still having a hard time
Falling asleep and waking up

The world goes by in slow motion
My brains in a fog
While it feels like the voices in my head
Are yelling at the top of their lungs

I'm all up in my head
Am I losing my mind?
I'm still trying to fight
But I'm not sure when my body will..
Break..
Will this make..
Me change

Will this take its time?
When I express my concerns
It feels like the response or “change”
Is taking eternity

I'm starting to fall apart
not only on the outside
But internally

I'm all up in my head
Writing this because I can't seem to go to bed
I'm stuck here staring at these pale yellow walls
Wondering if sleep will come..

If any at all
I'm still..
All up in my head.

Bottled up feelings  
In the ocean tide
A little bottle
Riding the oceans
Falls and rises
It’s motions—
Rapid and fierce
Like a lion on the loose
The wave makes moves
Prieces like a knife
In the raging waves
Bottled up inside my Brain
Is all there hang onto everything that hurts
Till the waves knock me out
And I collapseright-then-and-there
Everything is all bottled up
Forever and always
Stuck in that little glass bottle
Stuck in those waves
I'll always be stuck
Left to decay--
In my own world
When I was betrayed

It’s midnight.
My pale yellow walls,
Illuminated by a faint,
Yellow glow.
My bed feels,
Like a wired rug.
Digging into my back,
Like a shovel dug to dirt.
Each fraction of movement,
Sends groans through its frame.
My pillow won’t,
Sit my head right.
My blanket is too much.
I’m worried,
it’s too late in the night.
My thoughts race like a car,
Too much to tame.
I fear the voices in my head,
Are making me go insane.
It’s midnight.
It’s late.
The world is quiet.
Except for my head.
I JUST WANT
TO GO TO BED! :(