Must've never been cheated on, all that trusting love ****.
People lift you up to let you down, my happiness come from my own ****.
No Feels, No Feels.
Love in our generation is like taxes.
Put all that work in but what you get out never matches.
Now you're failing classes, tears on your glasses, in the club doing things to make em jealous now they've made you appear classless.
No Feel. No Feels.
If you swallow butterflies don't choke.
The world is full of crooked folks.
Stand up for the wrong person and it's simply comedy, you up there telling jokes.
No Feels No Feels.
If anybody is to ever sweep and Melt me
That Love better be a selfie.
Nobody else in the picture, excuse me, it's just me.
No Feels No Feels

Survived the purge, my mom locked the doors at 8pm, I had to stay in the streets.
Hated school, felt like a Burger King manager, I had to wake up to beef.
Teachers telling me I'm a failure, no one would wake up for me.
The Lord gave me GPS cause I was going down a street where the reaper was waiting for me.

I lay, in beds made for me by the Lord
I pray, when all the dreams are gone & the ship has sailed all my friends are on board.
I go, to graveyards & feel alive rather than sad.
I know, I'm living because God has my Dad.
White girls, fall in Love with my black soul.
The world, previously falsely convinced her my skin was cold.
A lie, it's burning as I put on vivid displays of word play.
I buy, a switch blade with a little switch to switch blades and switch from a six to a sixteen inch blade.
The best poet alive killed himself today.

I think she's 6'1, I think about her from one to six then six to one.
Ironically she exceeds the highest standards, the bar is set, key qualities she's missing none.
She's like when the cover catches your eye and all of a sudden you can't put down the book.
When she walks in the room I get stiff as if "Andy" was written at the bottom of my foot.
I've got a pretty cold heart but in the news they're always saying climate change is coming.
If only the weather man could tell me when she'll get here & how long she'll stay, I can't stop wondering?
The best things in life are worth the wait.
She needs to live some more, be free and soar, doesn't need more on her plate.
I've felt before but those emotions were killing me.
This? I could feel this for infinity.

Sometimes i wish i was a rapper in the booth.
Just to be labeled honesty if the dictionary lacked the word "truth".
I'll find a way through teflon gates, Say Jay? you know all about creating a route.
Being a fugitive somehow when the system was designed for no way out.
It's easy to judge as a billionaire when you not staring at debt in a dark room.
When depression telling you to die while anxiety saying we die too soon.
Put the paintings down & peek back through that portal.
It's ****** living suicidal while simultaneously wanting to be immortal.
Maybe you were just speaking of the MCs
but when it comes to the Atlantas, the Baltimores, the DCs ?
The rocks we between harder than the hardest places.
It's a bit much yes, but you see the money to they ear, I see the smiles on they faces.
You went from roaches to diamond crusted brooches and now you hitting the hood with amnesia driven approaches.
Neck flooded with loaded cuban links, that reasonable doubt Jay
Showing money is showing money, what was different about your display?
I guess being rich for two decades it isn't as exciting no more.
Hard for me to tell a man not to be prideful with a come up when yesterday he was sleeping on the floor.
Did you forget what it felt like to talk to God and not get a response later?
To them that's really a phone, hearing a reply from the Lord through that paper.
We appreciate the game, appreciate the wisdom, you're still a legend to this date.
But as you continue to build a wealthy family don't forget how to relate.

Sometimes the lights are bright even when they seem dim.
Bella killed herself & they gave speeches saying "pay attention to people and how you treat them."
She was perfectly happy, she just loved God so much she couldn't wait to meet him.
In life the dust pan doesn't always empty out exactly what you sweep in.

‪I grew up locked up in hell, I found out hard work was the key.
Spent most of life watching the Devil constantly scoring on me.
But now me and God on offense, time for Satan to play the D.
Situations in life can start bad but I like my chances in quarter 3.
Ooo, optimism will always be apart of me.
Can't shake me, can't wash me, I'm a harder flea.
I prayed for one blessing he must've thought I ordered 3.
I'm living life with no umbrella, all this water on me.
College grad, now these women sweating me like I'm a smarter Keith. ‬

One day you'll escape gravity
You know, when you jump that thing that snatches you back rapidly?
But be careful when you're in the air
You'll hate what you find there
"Yes, of course, your house? Yeah."
Things they whisper in my ear.
Get yours & get gone.
That's nice & she's fine, so what's wrong?
Money brings troubles & they won't leave me alone.  
During *** you'll feel alone,
You'll realize you've grown when it dawns on you her beauty can't turn a house to a home.
Evenings turned to Hennights
It's been a while since I was denied.
Went to sleep alive, just to wake up in my dreams have me & all my friends died?
Oh Lord how I've arrived.
The sky's the limit but achievements cause cavities.
Privilege isn't power, it's the absence of gravity.
Nothing holding you down.
But when you're floating, when everything is floating, it's easy to lose your crown.
I took my ego & drowned it.
Gravity holds you back but it also keeps you grounded.

I remember that it hurt, looking at her hurt.
They saw what she projected,
But I just saw her.
Maybe I just saw a prize within her.
Most people buy diamonds,
I'm more of a digger.
I'd give her my all
just to wake up bitter.
Shot after shot she knocked me down and still I chased her,
I fell in love with clear liquor.

After graduation i started thinking
about how they're still drinking, anything we wear they're probably still squinting
I guess when all those jokes surfaced, pain was pushed down
my hometown is populated by expired clowns,
they're sinking
Should I feel pain for watching them drown?
Should I jump in?
Rather not ruin my cap & gown.
Apologies Lord, I hate those that talk down on the less fortunate
Life is the ultimate game, they almost made me forfeit.
Self esteem broken, faith shook.
Hated my look, should i turn crook?
Jack in the water, I couldn't get on board luckily God sent me four books.
Scholarship got me in the door, work ethic got me in the room.
I'll come home, just so you squint at me again, I assume.
Look at this foreign car, this suit came with no lint.
Squint at my teeth, they're so clean I could drink water from flint.
Bullying, is evil. What else can we call it?
Luckily prayer is more powerful than the wallet.
8th grade you called me lame, I bet you're still a partier a?
They called me names, I bought my mom Cartier rings today.
We all have monsters within,
They were monsters from the root.
Congrats to me? No congrats to you,
That's great, I always heard the Devil had workers too.
To chastise is a cold dish, this is not how I'm supposed to be.
But when tables turn, somebody's gotta eat.
I'll take the ****** sentence, for what I'm passionate about.
Life is like sending out mislabeled mail, you get back what you sent out.

You know what I like?

People who don't discuss people but rather when they open their mouths there's a different vibe.

The questions they ask make you feel alive as you decide

Like "Do animals commit suicide?"

"Would you die if it meant your beloved could live forever?"

"Let's say you did , what if they didn't want to live because y'all were no longer together?"

Then that's the waste of a wish, I like people who think of that kinda stuff.

I say the cup's half full, you say the cup is half empty, & they're like "how deep is the cup?"

I have faith even if I never hear a voice.
I know he controls my life because my life is controlled by things that weren't my choice.
I didn't pick this skin but I'm in it.
Life is a game & to win it?
I have to walk by the father & bleed until I'm superior, until my mind is sharper.
God sought to challenge me by making my skin darker.
How can you look at me and hate me because I'm a darker shade?
It's like fussing at your date for your food being wrong when they had nothing to do with how things were made.
Take that hate up with my lord.
I'll still love & pray for you because eternity isn't something I can afford.

I feel like spring, I feel like that's my life's reason.

You know? Like how they say some people are only in your life for the time being?

I'm a season, I'm clarification for what ever they aren't seeing.

Everybody hates winter but once they've made it to summer they forget to appreciate spring.

I always thought you were to amazing to end up with me,

I just hoped still.

But it's not time spilled.

Just a cup half filled.

Calm down, calm down, your voice is raised but it cant get any louder than your beauty.

Calm down, calm down. Drive safe, drive safe, even when done having your fun & you leave I won't hate you, I won't ever see those flaws you see.

Wake up, wake up, no rush for me to wake up, your eyes hold the view of a sunrise that assures you the stories in the bible are true.

I know, I know, it's hard to have an undecided major, to not know where your focus is and on the other side all I'm studying is you.

So true, so true, our angels aren't always with us.

Sometimes, sometimes, it's just a temporary eutopia to answer prayers, It's just a vacation God gives us.

Just please, just please, be clear, be forward, be true.

Remember, remember, I remember your brain's scrambled, your heart hurts, just remember mine does sometimes too.

Blessings are blessings but some are just more significant than the others, some we just won't ever deserve.

When I saw her I knew it was one of those blessings, I saw the lord in her eyes & the sight temporarily froze my nerves.

Having her fingers fill the spaces between mine while I drive feels like having my dreams in my palms.

Do you know what is feels like to be scared because you feel safe? Imagine having your heart pounding when you've never been more calm.

I would say I'm going to trip, I'm probably going to fall, but when she lays in my arms it's like I'm on the floor already.

If the day ever comes when you decide to say you're mines just know I'm yours already.

In a generation full of questions and worries it's like striking oil the rarity of finding someone you know deep down you can trust for certain.

Having you in my life has showed me that when you care about someone it's like going to the dog pound, You look forward to showing them better while you hate who ever hurt them.

Be cautious of what you dish out & what you take.
Things should just flow, know the difference between a river and a lake.
One has a destination, a purpose, the other is just sitting there being convenient.
& some people are like lakes, they'll say they can take you places but it's impossible for them to mean it.
If you're a river just be aware of the people that are so much like all the boats that transport stuff.
Those people who wipe their tears with your flaws,  you know the ones who have to push you down a little bit so they can stay up.
Never be scared to asked "what is it", "where are we", or "where are we going".
Because growth is the only evidence of life,  you're probably dead if you're not growing.

The scripture said I had to change.
I promised them that I would stay the same,
I didn't.
A sherif on my own life's road.
Trying to keep myself from routes I've already drove.
Sometimes finding a hand to hold opposite the steering wheel seems like my only hope.
Just trying to find a way to show all the things that I know.
I've been trying to lighten up the load, tighten up control.
These missing things I'm asking for, prayer is like ointment to the sores, I just need to know you.
The Devil uses my success to open doors that I shouldn't go through.
You were the air I breathe you walked away & forced me to choke.
If I set fire to my soul, will you even see the smoke?

even through past suffering with tears in my eyes I could see this coming.
These aches on my plate, you can always relate, check the dictionary it's gotta mean something.
Your heart hurts, mine does to, & although many people go through this it seems like it's just us two.
We're both in a position where we can only trust few, looking for the good in people there isn't much to, look in my eyes & tell me is it a just view?
Today the pain didn't get to me as if having a conversation with you was God defending me.
Maybe the Lord cried in that river, there's gotta be something in the water from Tennessee.

Far too often they tell us we need to learn to be alone.
As if we haven't spent countless hours haunted by our own thoughts in motionless homes.
We know how to be & if we need to we can.
But there are things in life that are simply better when you're holding a hand.
Yes, the movie is good either way but it's amplified seeing their reaction next to yours.
The recipe doesn't change because they're there but the food somehow tastes better hearing their fork.
At first it was all selfish but we pray for them too so now we never forget to drop to our knees.
It was a good workout alone but with them you burned a few extra calories.
Yes we know how to be alone but we'll choose to hold a hand any day.
& honestly, God is always with us, we can never truly be alone any way.

I have some things I just can't get off my chest. There's no one to listen & you don't feel relief If you vent to the deaf.
I looked in my heart & there just isn't anything left.
Xanax covered in everclear closed my eyes then saw my own death.
Is this a puzzle? Is this a test?
Not sure but me losing this fight pretty soon is a good guess.

I can't cough, I can't blow, the air it just doesn't work in here anymore.
For you I fall and fall and fall which is strange cause my life is usually one of many floors.
Miles feel like inches when I'm coming to see you & flights feel like walks when I have to leave.
My senses are twisted, love is all i taste, music is all I see, beauty is all I hear and I can't breathe.
Please never ache, never crack a frown.
I can't bare to see you cry ever again, in those tears I just drown and drown.
Choking. Choking. Every time you touch me I suffocate, who knew this is what happiness would be like?
You'll know you've found the one when you have to hold your breath for the rest of your life.

Today I heard the Devil talking in my head, he said it's an emergency.
Said he had some words for me.

"The success you've tasted will remain a taste, a tease of the meal you desire.
You failed today & im sending more failures until your soul yearns to retire.
She'll leave you just like the last one & you'll once again slumber in a depression smogged by those burning tires.
You'll stare at your wheels eradicated & let that be to you a learning fire.
That any joy I will ******, I will turn any source of happiness against you with the pleasures of the world.
So don't get to attached to those milestones, never cherish that praise, don't love that girl."

Seems like everything I allow myself to believe is finally something good for me ends up being touched by grim.
Sometimes things I pray for appear & it's terrifying because I can't tell if it's God or him.
See when you're already at your lowest why would the devil bother you in the dirt for?
He uses illusions to lift you up, when you fall from happiness it just hurts more.

Bridges burn and hearts left behind on those bridges burn eternally causing a droughtful soul.
It's a realm where tears can't fall with out freezing & frost covers messages for help, such a doubtful cold.
We enter a drought and what a drought that is.
When you thought she was the one, when you though you were his.
Maybe God showed favor to me because he knows just how badly my scarrs have ached for no reason.
I sent prayers up not asking for much, just some help maybe, instead he sent me an angel to help me fight my demons.
Happened so swiftly, I can't even replay it, she descended down in a sizzling flash.
Because I fear she could be gone just as fast I take pictures every time she's around just to make the visual last.
None the less one of my greatest blessings came after my darkest night & im here to tell you it won't always be bad like you might think.
You're in that drought with your eyes wide open, stop looking. Sometimes the blessings just appear once you decide to blink.

The hate I have for my past and what she did occupies that space and erases chances.
After pain we're approached by chances and opportunities but our old tears drown out advances.
I know, you don't want to be stagnant, you don't want to settle but you can't spend life's precious days running.
It's supposed to be there. Your past, it's supposed to be there & you won't ever let go until you grab onto something.
A career? A sport, hobby, child? A divine power from up above?
I don't know, but you just have to find something else to love because you were meant to love.
A romantic heart can never truly be empty, it will either be occupied by unwelcomed pain or optimistic happiness depending on what you stand for.
The good news is you choose, no matter who hurts you, you choose to be happy or let the pain stay, you're your heart's own land lord.

My friends always come to me, I'm so often playing therapist.
It's life, we all have em, no problem should ever be embarrassing.
So you'll have to forgive me I might be single until I'm 50.
If I get depressed so many people miss me so I don't have the time to waste with someone acting iffy.
Talking about internships and aspirations with friends I'd give a kidney
Seeing the good ones some of you cheat on, you people have to be kidding.
Loyalty's no longer a discussion.
With my generation I'm digusted.
Every month I gain an enemy and lose a cousin.
People treat me differently ever since I became something.
& on top of that how am I ever supposed to look at my lady? And say "baby lets have a baby" when black babies are dropping dead in my cities, this life is crazy.
I don't know if talking about it helps.
This the stuff that's on my mind, I usually just keep it to myself.

We're all born with dreams, with gifts, and passionate hearts.
& just like Bella we all often imagine a rice covered path to the finish line right from the start.
Some choose to lay their hearts open but Bella, she chose to lock it.
Some of us are born on rainy days destined to see grey clouds, some to stare at celestial sunsets; you're either born staring at a broken mirror or with a clover in your pocket.
She fell, stumbled, she couldn't control it.
The locks she had in place served no purpose, he charmingly broke in picking through her fearful security with warmth and stole it.
Sometimes burglars can be intruders that you want inside because being locked up alone is no life at all.
Life seises from being short when you're loved by someone, you don't feel time at all.
Well, actually, maybe you feel it all at once the day you stare into their aged eyes at a youthful fire, but you never hear the clock tick.
A life in love is truly a roller coaster, feels like an eternity to get there but once you fall, the thrill, the rush, flashes by oh so quick.
Poor Bella. She wasn't a believer in such a ride until she woke up a top that hill.
Realizing she was ready to dive, to fall and scream. Heart racing, palms sweating, she realized his deepest dreams had become her priority will.
Sadly, something happened as she stepped into that cart.
He had no interest in sitting next to her, he was on his own climb to an enchanting fall & he walked away crumbling her already fearful heart.
Bella wasn't born with the clover, she was born during the storm, born staring into the mirror and trying to ignore the hurtful cracks.
Be grateful if you're born with that clover because you're lucky & you have a chance. & if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet the person you love decides to love you back.

My phone memory is exhausted, the database is so full yet it's so empty.
Maturity turns more to less & loneliness stems from plenty.
You'll count up to two, eight, fourteen, twenty.
Then you look up to a crowded room of meaningless people & see no one, lord where have you sent me?
A path of numerals is not a pleasant walk.
All these texts, all these calls & conversations but lack of substance equates deafness, I can no longer hear them talk.
Gosh, I can't erase this chalk.
How I wish to throw water on my blackboard and fast forward, I must repel & balk.

The best meals take awhile, so here I wait, & when the tables turn I will have earned my seat & my plate. Wow, ain't fate great. Just, wait.

So bright, consuming all my nights.
She's enchanting like Rosellas when they fly.
Eye to eye, a blue that makes you want to dive.
So beautiful like sapphires in her eyes.
A wild torch, couldn't contain it if I tried.
Gorgeous pain, uncontrollably smiling while I cried.
I say I don't love her & never have I agonized so much inside as I lied.
Such a portrait can not be earthly, Lord tell me have I died?

Every night I dream I disappear into a sizzling flash.
I close my eyes to witness hell & When I awake the visual lasts.
Moisten the Percocets in evaclear and set them to a flame, we'll save the syringes for last.
How long can I last?
Time is not universally synced, my clock is ticking so fast.
We lie in the beds we make, i slumber on hot tar and blood covered glass.
Demonic tumors in my brain, a cancerous evil evaporating my will, I can no longer think.
Dry ice composed of pollutant codeine and pneumonia, I poison my own drinks.
Narcotic armor, my soul needs protection.
I think I've already died, my cameras no longer flash, in my mirrors I don't have a reflection.
Tears leave my eyes but it's been years since I last cried, I know there's a dorm for me in hell where I'll finally learn my lessons.

Lost my best friend now I hang out with demons.

Tramadol floating in Bacardi , *** to feel alive but I see death in my *****.

Make my bed and lie in it, invisible stains on the sheets, they can't see that I'm bleeding.

Hell's Kitchen, a servant and chef for lucifer, all these demons I'm feeding.

This might be contagious, please stop reading.

Do your emotions party? Like days they just decide to all meet up in your mind to dance?

This might end up being One of the expressions of my puzzled soul that comes off quite hard to understand

But then again, Life' s hard to understand. Simply amazing reflecting on the things I've been able to With stand.

To repeatedly flicker off the rains I stand under without anyone to stand with & keep faith that it's all part of a plan.

On any evening without invite, my emotions show up and dance. They slide and prance, & the ruckus from their foxtrot transforms to words that escape through my hands.

Words to script & they proceed to dance, and maybe one day I'll be dancing with them if I'm ever gifted the chance.

If not, it's okay, there has to be more to life than Romance, right?

Things that are more captivating than a bewitching glance, exceeding the rush of pulling down pants, some alternate force that can also add a bounce to my stance at night.

They tell us soul mates aren't fiction, that some day we'll all say "I do" & drown out cheering applause while we grasp that mate on marble floors doing the salsa.

Laughable, there couldn't be anything falser.

**I know I'll be dancing alone.

Three, three blind mice God once sent to me.

Wonderful angels that couldn't see all that I could see.

The third one I want her to see, to see that she's more special than she gives her self credit for, that she brings out the best in me.

& if she didn't believe it before this then I'll  just have to show her she's special going from A to Z.

She's completely Adorable like a baby the first time they taste a lemon thinking its a sweet fruit.

Excessively Beautiful, Sight dominating beauty that makes you wish there was never another sight you had to look to.

Her personality radiates a  gathering passion capable of making the coldest hearts turn Cupidity.

So daring in many ways, completely overly Dramatic at times but who isn't? One of the most dependable people I have there for me.  

Completely Essential, it wildly puzzles my mind how I managed to survive 20 years without her essence in life.

A mouth smarter than Sheridan at times, a attitude hotter than 99 degrees and 100% humidity, she's sure to make a Feisty wife.

She has a smile so attractive that's always Gleaming brighter than when you check your phone in the middle of the night and the brightness is on full blast.

Excessively Honest, almost to much sometimes, like when referring to my looks but nonetheless the type of honorable that makes relationships last.

I've never told her this but there's times when I glance at her & she looks nearly Identical Katrina Kaif, just more real & original, not some crafted photo.

She possesses a spirit that is perfectly Jovial. It's contagious & nurturing, my spirits seem to sink in a little every time she or I have to go.  

Foolishly Kindhearted, over willingly to give to the people she cares for and willing to forgive those she shouldn't.

Rarely a dull moment with her, she's so Ludic anytime I've tried to refrain from laughing at her I simply couldn't.

She's firmly Memorable, unforgettable like a first kiss, first car, or the first time you were asked to prom.

She's needed in our everyday nourishment, soulfully Nutritious, as much needed as a nap or a mom.

Contagiously Optimistic, her faith and positivity always rejuvenates me to make sure I keep that same faith she has in her life.

It is a gift to anyone to be able to look into her Prepossessing gaze, it's alluring like diamonds in her eyes.

Such a Quixotic woman, at least in my eyes. She herself might not agree but I think it would bring this out of the best of men.

Undeniably Royal, we must all bow to her, serve her hot chocolate & warm her blankets. I see no difference between her & the Monarchs they had back then.

Her hugs are Salubrious to the sick, healing & gifting strength and hope, a gift that has no price.

In life we can't trust many but she's undoubtedly well deserving of the label Trustworthy never will any relationship with her be rolling the dice.

Unique, but unique is an understatement. There are other Courtney's but there isn't another Courtney & if you knew her you catch my drift.

Any bleakness she experiences is like a Vociferousscreech to me and it becomes a priority to stop it, doing anything I can to help her mood shift.

An enjoyable kind of Weird, just different. I've had an off the wall friend in the past but she's gotta be 3x more enjoyable and outrageous as he was.

Personally, I hate her X, or anyone that has hurt her for that matter and I'll never forgive them even if she does.

Majestically Youthful, Courtney will mature through life but never age, in 60 years she'll still be running up and down WaWa aisles and I watch still disgusted from the comforts of my wheelchair.

The day she comes into anybody's life she makes that day their life's Zenith & I pray she's around for the rest of my years.

Three, three blind mice God once sent to me.

Wonderful angels that couldn't see all that I could see.

The second one I want her to see, I want her see that perfect formula God created her with that only she would be sharp enough to comprehend.

Just Loving her has made me smarter now than I was then.

I mean what do you do when, when your professors' intellect is inferior to that of one of your best friends.

Nothing, just be proud and open your ears to all the wisdom and essence they're giving out.

I mean I've always heard college students set goals but she's pouring shots of 4.0's & really living them out.

She's just fascinating, flawlessly respectful with unparalleled intellect; if I ever have a daughter for her to be just like you is what I'm wishing.

Someone this great shouldn't required to pay tuition.

Einstein, actually that's disrespectful, Einstein Einstein Einstein, I just felt like I needed to say that at least three times.

She's so brilliant she could probably construct better poems than me with equations and numbers and just make all the 3's rhyme.

I should be humble but my best friend is just better, just in case you're feeling yours.

If knowledge is the key she's consistently swinging open ceiling doors.

So proud to call you my friend, counting the days til it's been seven years cause they say if you're friends for seven you'll be friends for a lifetime.

& I need that, my life is a game of who wants to be a millionaire and my Valentine is my lifeline.

Three, three blind mice God once sent to me.

Wonderful angels that couldn't see all that I could see.

The first one I want her to see, I want her to see that she's a walking portrait, a paint brush capable of painting the darkest skies blue.

That men close their eyes and dreams come through, and when they imagine those dreams coming true, they always imagine they're standing next to a woman like you.

Can you see the appreciation I have for your mom? What if I told you your mom went into labor for me?

Can't help but feel like you being born was God doing a favor for me.

Pains enter my life, they're agonizing and tormenting, then you show up and they cease from getting worse.

I immediately feel better anytime we're together. God is the ultimate healer & you work side by side with him, as far as I'm concerned you're already a nurse.

Absolutely amazes me that you've never been appreciated and beloved on Valentine's Day, a great guy is something a girl like you should never be missing.

I guess it's true after all, the richest treasures spend the most time hidden.

I have open arms for you & just like Waffle House they're never closing.

& scratch everything else, single and alive when we're 25 my hands are tied and I'm proposing.

Because when I think of all the characteristics and qualities of a wonderful woman they all belong to you.

So who ever you may marry will be an athlete in the best of shape, a benefit of constantly running home to you.

I can never say that I picture us, does a picture really say a thousand things?

If so I'll dip a paint brush into the depths of my heart and paint a scene.

An alluring scene with a blank inspiring sky and tall firm translucent trees.

A picture showing the one thousand words I can't gather the courage to say and hope you look at this blank print & somehow know what I mean.

On a pain scale 1-10 death is a 0.

Zero for the deceased and a ten for breathing.
Appreciation at 1 when they come & always a
10 when we're forced to watch them leaving.

Days are numbered for us, for the people we love, & the plants that gift us breathe.
Would you still care? Would you still crave that job? Would that heart break still hurt if the clock was almost done ticking & you knew you were facing death?

A scratch wouldn't sting If it simultaneously occurred along with a stab.
The small joy of a giggle loses its stimulation when placed next to a stomach squeezing laugh.

More and Less, More or less? The words are meant to be a measure of the amount of things, or people, but in reality they are the enhancement and suppression of appreciation.
Ten dollars is appreciated until twenty is seen. Take someone who complains about asthma as if it's the worse curse & diagnose them with cancer, they'll suddenly forget asthma is even involved in the situation.

More or Less are just synonyms for Better and Worse. Better makes us blind and numb to what we have, those joys we already feel; introduce worse & we no longer need Better to see these blessings.
Everyday we count things, we count everything except for the things that count, lack of appreciation deprives us from making the days count, & then we wish we could have them back once begin stressing.

We always want more of anything pleasureful we recieve when it's really appreciation that should be given and received with repititon.

Life is a gift but More or Less makes us mortal, makes us ungrateful, & turns life into a competition.

The day we cease to appreciate our lives because we fall victim to the perception of More we start to live less and less, before you know it you've died while you're still breathing.

Ultimately we need pain. It teaches us to appreciate & ignore the more, we must hurt before we benefit it's like a baby teething.

**If you're alive, you're blessed, more or less.

looking for revenge.
Seems revenge found me.
All this punishment I gave out.
Then something came to ground me.
an eye for an eye leaves an even picture.
On one side cuts the other side stabs.
In life we're waiters and customers.
Give out the order and you'll pay the tab.

The warmth is coming, the chills are leaving.

Summer, summer on the way, this has always been my glorified season.

& although times can be deceiving, there are few things I ever feel I'm needing but that season is undoubtedly why my heart is beating.

With the months of June, July, and August I've made mistakes, had bad days, and on some of those warm days I've been completely bested.

But trials make for success, mistakes generate growth, and you can't expect to get a good grade without first being tested.

Class is out, and summer is session, I've passed the finals and greatly cherish the lessons, seems like I've been in winter my whole life, summer is my blessing.

Other seasons come along. Spring and fall but I feel no joy in the duration of them all, if it's not summer I find myself feeling sad still.

Like in March I still have that bad feel,  in April it's like I'm at a stand still, headaches three quarters of the year, Summer's my only Advil.

Life is full of lessons, full of struggles, obstacles, pains, and occurrences for which we sometimes never discover the true reason.

One day in my dream my Dad said "see son, see the sun" and I fell in love with a season.

She seems like the one one one one every time I hold her.
These doors are usually slow to open.
& the locks don't change for no one.
You're like track, I need you.
A golden finish line I can't wait to run to.
Girl you're the one & ive been picking twos.
Keys under the mat, Im in my room.
I know you need to run run run run, girl run over.

Like, why? It's gotta mean something.

I'm color blind except for blue.
Poisoned from staring at those eyes on you.
It's gotta mean something.

My hearts beating way too much.
It's like anesthesia when we touch.
That's gotta mean something.

If you're in pain I bruise.
You've untied my shoes.
It's gotta mean something.

When I dream my dreams true
They always come true next to you
That's gotta mean something.

"Man I can tell you that's love."
"It's not even like that bruh."
Why am I fronting?

I dream we're on tracks under the sun.
& your kiss is just like that gun.
It's gotten me running.

It's gotta mean something.
Still I've said nothing.
Silently suffering.

"Am I in love with you?" "Or am I in love with the feeling?"
Everytime I look at you, can't help but wonder what you're feeling.
Hidden thoughts come through, & the cloak that once hid them is peeling.
Don't know what to do, should love ever be a secret?
Your past is hurting you, and sometimes I swear I feel it.
When I look at you, I stare into a picture of you kissing me.
I will never speak the truth, what if all the magic's in the mystery?

You can't fly unless you let yourself fall.
Saying what we want to speak so badly is never the bad part but rather gathering the will to make the call.
If you want the rainbow you must deal with the rain.
Will you be able to truly appreciate pleasure if you've never experienced pain?
The lack of the worst would make the best also siese to exist.
Yes, Sure the first time you'll be nervous, overcome with fear, but by the third you'll have unshakable courage behind every kiss.
Must bleed to heal. Must be numb to grasp the thirst to feel. You must be uncomfortable a few times to know exactly where & why you fit.
Life is just one big college major & if you want to hold your degree you must endure the prerequisites.

Three hundred sixty eight**, that's how many tears Iv'e watched descend from those titian eyes.

My warmth usually bakes her pains as I count her tears and scream silent prayers louder than her cries.

Dear Lord won't you curse her with an eternal smile, one that glints so brightly she'll look in the mirror & know he's not worth it, that one bad grade doesn't mean it's the end.

Are blessings possessions? Could I sign the rights to mine over to her Lord? because I'm so tired of watching life agonize my best friend.

To Love someone is to share a heart.

Last night I heard the Devil talking in my head.

He said it's an emergency.
Said he had some words for me.
He told me when the wicked speak, it's his breath that projects their frosty voices.
That everytime I've lost someone, he was the advisory behind their fatal choices.
He told me he generously opens wallets, doors, legs, we shouldn't go through.
That we do exactly what he desires us to do.
& Everytime we set that fire to our souls,
He gets high off the smoke.
Maybe you don't believe in God & you're reading this thinking, man he's so dumb.
& although I respect anyone's beliefs, can you just answer me this, where else would the evil come from?
A child doesn't seek to cause pain, to deceive, lie, or steal, they learn it from us after awhile.
& if there's no Devil, no origin of evil, how'd it get here? Who taught the first child?
These questions deteriate my mind. So maybe it's me, Being a good person is out of style, I'm the only one that seems to have the nerve.
Funny, we say we Love God but we lie more than truth. Hurt more than heal. Steal more than give. If we're doing all the things the Devil wants us to do, then who do we really serve?

My cousin has threw his life away, I whept heavily because maybe it's partly my fault, & although I said for him to do better, my voice was soft as powder.

The Devil doesn't whisper, he doesn't stop speaking, & we must yell our love to the ones we love because right now he's talking louder.

**I hear him.

Isnt it amazing? We feel missing someone more than them being at our side.

The anguish of their absence invades our dreams & they're in our thoughts well before we even open our eyes.

Why aren't smiles more powerful than cries?

Because pain demands to be felt but you have to make the choice to feel your happiness or not, & you should soak it all up if you're wise.

We're only human, we're flawed, & those flaws cause us to lose humans who's flaws are invisible to our eyes.

I see others with pencils & mine is always a pen. I never get another write to make it right, why can't I be one of the ones that gets two tries?

Souls that don't ache are always advising that we simply "open up more."
There's not a single band-aid on your body, how could you know what's it's like to fear love sores?
I do, so I cower in my shell, well my eyes shut, and slam, lock, blockade all doors.
But of course, it never really helps. New love sneaks in through the window cracks & the tears ooze their way out through my skin's pores.

My friend caught me laughing whilst crying.
He said "umm are you going insane?"
"Dear friend, have a seat.
Let me tell you this funny thing about pain.
When you're hurting your senses swirl
And sooner than later everything sounds the same.
Like, "I love You" sounds just like "There's someone else."
The roses they bring you are bewitching, but lean in and a stranger's scent is all you'll smell.
I mean, yes they'll carress you like it's the first time, but your replacement is all you'll feel.
Confusion will paint illusions, soon all happy sights your mind is refusing & you can't see what's real.
& taste? Dear friend, The ultimate bitter is taste.
It's like collapsing & dropping your time casserole; all you can do is stare down, what a waste.
So I know you're confused as you stare at my bright smile as my eyes are running.
But to be honest with you, I'm puzzled, I can't quite decipher if it hurts or its funny."

We're all one heartbreak away from insanity.

Why is it the person who is considered the best ever, is never alive?
We're not truly appreciated until after we've died.