a flower came from your mouth
i ate it without permission. sorry
my body becomes the evidence
that i will hide forever. you were soft
i wish i broke you

your flower died when i munched it
sour, moist, bitter, a bit salty
my tongue & my eyes
both teary and red

help me. i have been poisoned
by my own goodwill

i just wanted to taste the soft petals
why should it come with thorns, my own
blood, despair, defeat
death you don't care about
who are we against? i don't remember

does that make me the murdered or the murderer
if no one dies at this scene
who will come to my funeral
who will regret not idealizing me a little longer
does any of this ever make you sane?

i almost had it. freedom
turns out my sanity
isn't even worth that much
remind me again why i am here
remind me again why i am here
remind me again why i am here
remind me again why
i am here

I like to see your hand
as a bridge, above the rushing river,
crossing a waterfall.

My mother is a
Broken bead of her bracelet
I tore in childhood

I am not gardening.
Nor writing poetry.
Do it yourselves.

my body, once again, got in the way

of all the softness i can hold in my hands
this is what i seek the most

height, broken neck
i want to hit the water and be embraced
by all the cold, the harmful liquid
damage me more so i can't look at the mirror anymore

my body. it got in the way

of all the softness that i can hold in my hands
won't you stop by and say hi sometime?

this is worthless, for me to leave
i don't cut my hair, nothing has changed

i've been longing for the moment that i'm
finally neutralized

drink me like milk, i want to flow
through your tunnels
warm, smooth, and fatty
i want to find what's on the other side

i held my breath, but it's pointless
no one cares if i'm breathing anyway
see my body once again it got in the way

come, all the softness that i can hold in my hands
come, my forlorn hosanna
come to my throat and i'll drink you like milk

Beware when they look fine
Because that's when the tremble leaves their hand

It's all too tiring.
Don't you tell me not to fear,
That keeps me here.

I wrote you letters
Only to burn it later
Then write hundreds more

no one cares
until it gets physical

The night breeze is a
fever taking over your
soul drenched in sweat

She left the window
open went to shower at
three before midday

I hope she would catch
cold but i will say kind words
and feed her in bed

She left the window
open at three a.m. i
was trying to sleep

She is brushing her
teeth my knees hurt i think i'll
lose my legs as well

There is nothing more mother than my land;
Where I want to be buried alive--
Red brownish soil is the warmest arms for a hug,
a hug too long I decompose
in calmness too peaceful the angels fall asleep,
God forgets there is hell,
borders erased, all becomes infinitive one,
it's purely true peace.
Choir of devils, a pool of love songs,
honest teeth and bites, truthful,
wonderful as baby's skin and toes.
There is nothing sweeter than the bitter.
The tongue of the ocean to lick the wounds,
flowers too young to bloom,
here we are, too pure to have a spring,
seasons are just too fatty.
Poetry does not end too soon;
Even when goodbye is not said--
These words are in a hurry but they stuck, because
narrow mind is always messy,
and the mess is too scared to speak.

The pink of the cotton
failed to hide
the tip of my baby breast

It would be a lie
if I repeat
what Sylvia said

I have never been so pure

O, the wall of my nostrils
reeks of *****
Face-washing
has never felt
so pure
The hot bath
***** no ice
Ouija board and
the lost breath
They all are
yours
To keep
my psyche
shut.

I have never been so pure.

Thirty and the
sun
are what I
secretly
desire. In
my dawn
I lose my mind.
In
my dawn
I come running
to the
runaway rain
but she
desires
another. The gulp of
her
revenge --- ice-cold
scorch
of the throat.
I sip you, my
love --
I sip you so
much I
be the clouds
where God
hides their
tip of
their baby
breast.

God has
never been so
pure.

We come running
to the
crack.
We come running
as
she keeps desiring
another.
My clear
mirror has
stopped
telling the
future I
did use to
know. O, cursed
bathroom
stall;
my mirror
falls
yet it won't
shatter.

I will never be so pure

too angry

dancing to the sound of headache,
i needed you more than i'd anticipated.
"catch me only when i fall,"
as though falling was the only thing
about catching.
strands of hair have never bothered me so much
it starts hurting
instead of motivating me to get up,
to get up, to get up and unwreck my dress.
i fell ill.
at this point usually we laugh it off,
how temperature must've been feeling sick
of those unaffecfed.
we hit the rock as if there was no other way (there wasn't)
to fill an hourglass full enough
we wouldn't have to worry about time--

silly us--but, actually
that's what i like about
you.

When I cannot take it anymore,
I am being "too much".

I've been dreaming of memory losses or i really am losing sense of self

A painting on the room, a girl sits like an ant, three straight haired girls laughing like nothing is happening, another thinking about *** all the time; a boy in a frame, all boys watching ****, all boys eating their own toes;

A tree, a whole tree in your stomach

"Your tongue is going to be enoki farm, that's what i think," he said to a carefully moonlit ice cube, he said that to his mother too, he said that to the taxi driver; now he is becoming lunatic, he wants lake, he wants paper, he wants to drown in the sky

Now is the time, now is not the time, please do not stop, oh, please stop

"Sorry i yelled, i was on my period," a boy says sorry to his grandfather, his grandfather died a year before his adolescence, his grandfather had no ears before he was buried, his grandfather was a bunny, he used to eat carrots a lot that's why a boy sees you with different eyes, that's why a boy sees you with clearer sight

You judge me unfair, but i don't care, it's better than you knowing what i really am

So we are competing, so we want to see who is more terrible at being liar, so we try to hide things in exposures, but you lose, but i also do
So we are objectifying ourselves and we don't want to stop
We love the smell, we long for the reeks, we want hurt, we want the thing they do to sinners, we want fire, we want the burns, we want the pain but we run
And no one thinks of coming back

"A year from now we will become strangers," oh, to shooting stars

But heart isn't the only thing that beats, but heart isn't the only thing that draws blood to your head

I am, i am, i am, losing my legs!

It was another way of saying i love you but you don't understand my stomach is growing, my stomach is alive, my stomach is going to **** me at midnight so i won't sleep, i won't feel sleepy at all, i will see the sun rises, and i won't fear when she is here, i won't fear even when she is outside; she exists and she proves it-

Why can't anyone do the same?*

Life does not go that way, it does not go any way; life is stomachache, life is ******* and marital rapes, life is what your country does to separatists-
"I've been dreaming of wide windows," says the moon, "but there's

None wide enough for me."

Bugs bitten skin deep soul
[I slept on lot of empty plastic bottles]
Salted eyeballs, a chopstick
Two, they always asked for two
[Stamped]
White chalks, bitter coughs
Childhood! Roses and a caterpillar
I had taught myself not to cry
Grown like gecko, became huge as *** of fears
Empty cocoon
Music box, grandmother, her smile and mole
[Nice pass, basketball]
Please turn off the lights and lock the window
[Too fat, though]
I wondered what more I could ask for
How perfect, monochrome
I was born, the world
[Moths are beautiful too]
Hey hey oily feathers
Butterflies cannot fly too high after all
It was never battle scars the ocean loved
[Eyeballs, remember eyeballs]
Forked
Babies and the steps
Climb your stairs, lungless
[Eyes were the most burned]
Chest, o Christmas tree and wedding cake
Claps, stories of mockery
Photographs, memories, what stays and fades
[The bridge saw you and fell in love--
I was crossing it
I was crossing it]

guilt-trip myself, that's what i do
when i have spare time

instead i make origami cranes
pink and blue for the babies
green, for the envy
red for the heart

and i fill blank pages with emptiness
stainless ink, just like my feet
i try not to be shameful
and stay quiet like a spider

these silvers are rotting
when we eat we chew our own hands
gulping down everything
that has touched the palms

once was warm
twice stayed forever
everytime i look back i shiver
figuratively, because i have no body

there are things you do not own
but, still, you hold them dear

i can feel the pain this body is having
can it feel mine?
sometimes i wonder when we'll be able to rest
laying on the wet grass, giggling with the crickets
let the rain feel us as we break into a field of wildflowers

Lucky germs on your shoe
I must love them too

I knew when the sun went through your body. Tangled veins all over your yellowish bones. Your flesh were a three colored ribbon; blue, green, and purple. You seemed a lot like a garden where you'd used to hide some of your bruises. You always told me that there was no treasure box shimmering like your sweat and blood drips but oh how poor, how poor of you that you've never had seen the glimmer on your tender eyes that was a sleeping, sound blue star. Now you know why I didn't believe it when you said you were born from the womb of a tree. You lied as much as you coughed. I didn't like it. But the syllables your tongue had made were tender and the intangible comfort I'd felt made me forgot to complain. I knew it when you said you were a karst and I was the river you kept so dearly like the teddy bear you wouldn't let anyone to touch. I never had seen if you had a teddy bear but only for that one, I believed you. I still do.

On Wednesdays we used to burn books together. You knew I loved the way they became ashes so sometimes you'd let me too. But how would I forgive you, oh you? On that one Thursday I wished it were me who'd turned into the pages. And I still do oh I still do.

With a broken voice i sing a broken song
With a broken soul i live a broken life

With a broken head
you tell me what to say, what to do

Even a broken mirror does reflect
(Gotta be closer)
(Gotta be closer)

The cold cracks, the blinds fly
Measuring the frame

And distance
(Do not matter)
(Do not matter)

Unfinished poems are the

when the throat is dry
it goes all the way to the brain
and when it shrinks it disrupts
the skull and the muscles
so i'd rather have my neck
cut off, my head plucked off

but why do i feel like
my guts will come off too?
probably for the better
if it's physically empty
we don't have to worry what to fill it with
(grapes and white bread
doesn't fill as good)

i should probably sleep
in my sleep chopping my hair off
sorry
if all i think about is sharp objects
i don't know, perhaps
i'm just worried
the scars won't fade

(missing)
even the best memories fade
what is this, birthmark?
i want to get my heart done
please, make it stop

i'm so tired
of being

both mentally and
physically

i'm so tired of having
to
be present
to  be in a place i can't
recognize
to be in  a time i can't
relate to

i suppose my body hurts more than my tolerance

just since when did exist
ing
become so  painful
ly  heavy?

my body falls
even    deeper
my body stinks
even stronger

i swear i
loved                           life
i swear i   lived          life

a life that
is not mine
a life in a      body     i do not
own

For Sylvia Plath.*

The April gushes were all over my face
For a moment, to come back
Anytime they like;
Next month, or next blink

In my subtropical 1811
Seasons do not really matter
Though I have a calendar
Curled up in my insides

It has all the dates
Of the infamous April
Since decades ago
Your February 11

Is permanently a holy day ---
I am sorry I have never been
So religious before
But I believe in you

I believe in you like birds in their wings --
I keep my faith as wet
As the wet towels, until now still soaked
In tears for your dear head ---

O blonde thing!
When I first met you
I didn't understand
Why people built shrines and statues

Why people prayed to you
Why your name erased their fears
Why they cried when they heard your voice ---
O funny duchess!

When I first met you
I thought you had
Really hoped to be horizontal
I didn't know that you were, you are

The horizon ---
I went to the sea and all I could see was you
And I can't stop thinking that you are
The blood this heart is pumping --

O tiny mother!
My horizontal lady!
You died before I had time ---
How I wish I could kiss you

A Judas kiss!
O sweet Lazarus!
My lioness!
The gas has ran out

The ovens are turned off
You are no longer a kitchen girl
My minerals, motherly love!
You can lie back now ----

Hair falls out like the
Lady down the haiku stairs
Scattered on the ground

Bed sheet smells a lot
of detergent and menthol
It reeks of sadness

Can you reach me and touch my skin,
Can you look me in the eye and heal the dead?

Warm nest, lots of worms
What am I to hope to be found?

Warm coffin, lots of flame
What am I to hope to be found?

You can say my name as if
It is the core of my existence

You know what to call me, right?
Now nothing else really matters

Your belt does not touch my skin
but it does wound my mind.
That sound and I look like still;
deep down I am shivering.
We live in a land of fear.
You are used to it
but I never would be.
I want to be free.
Starting from this home
I call as house.

What I thought was warmth
is actually heat. My iron soul
is melted. Let me be free.
For me hell is frosty.
I never said heaven is the
opposite.
I don't believe in life.
It's all just bad jokes,
if you are wondering why
I laugh so much
yet they look like forced.

Those who believe there's no beginning
Cannot end anything
What one of a kind

And her head, and her neck, and her tongue
All twisted
With manner

You know, the elders' tears
Taste like flowers
The elders' eyes
See like warm mirror

The reflection
Wild and vivid

The garden grows by
Themselves

the dispenser is out of water & i'm
going to die of dehydration

no kidding. i've really thought about it
and considered it as a way out,
but the pain is unnecessary

so i decided to cross it out.
that's an ancient game already
i've forgotten all the rules.

the midnight songs you used to play
on the radio-
it is better than your voice;
it hurts less, the aches are light;
soft wind at purplish evening.
forming bruises, even without ink they do fade;
permanent scars- open often, bleed; rush!
lesser than a tattoo,
low quality yet overrated,
nothing like flickering fire-
art? it is actually trash.

Flawed
can
at
a factory
behind
a
farm.
Misprinted
stamp
at
a small
post office in a calm
village.

Don't
call
us
*unique.

You are strong, at least stronger than a group of cumuli
And breathtaking, at least more breathtaking than a beautiful sunrise after seven years spent on a basement

You aren't nothing
You are the air around humankind
You are a bit contaminated --or a lot, doesn't matter-- but you are needed

See? Here are lungs that crave you
Here it is, come to me, live within me, watch me die

Do you know why they killed the caterpillars?
Do you?

When exactly did you stop wishing upon a star?
I remember you liked the color blue
I remember you said something about your ex and the moon
I remember you kept saying names that isn't mine

I always wanted to be a butterfly but now I have accepted the truth
I am a scattered winged moth and
I still have seven days left

"I feel loved but I
never be happy*) because
of it. Go away."

It was another
nightmare I din't mind having.
At least, I met you.

a lady burnt
on your stove
and you smiled.

that lady grew
into jasmines
and you smiled.

you only cry
when you smell
dried forget-me-nots.

i've been thinking of
asking this question
a lot;

your name
sounds really pretty
--what does it mean?

envy
kills
slowly
so
slowly
you think it makes you
stronger

i see you everywhere
borrowing the faces of strangers'
i see you in the trees, the birds,
in the eyes of children
and in the national flags
i hear your voice within the core
of our national anthem
i hear you in the birds' chirps
in their eggs crack open
and even when the wind doesn't blow
i can hear it singing your vocal fold
in the flowers that aren't yet fully bloomed
i see you, i hear you, i feel you
in everything that grows
in everything that is dying for new lives
in everything, alive or dead, good or bad
just like today, the bad sound system produces
the sweetest sound ever
because i can see you on the stage
i can see you everywhere
i do see you everywhere, and you are always
borrowing the faces of strangers'

i smell like diet pills i might've
gone to therapy and lie, she said
i was doing great. everyone says that
but my parents   are me. i'd rather
chug mcdonald's cola and forget
the taste of *****. i miss
my parking lot. i miss
staining the car seat

my father says i am going bald
i say you haven't seen the most of it

let's see how this turns out
i dissociate my way
to the future. no one knows why
i'm crying. no one knows i'm crying
i can't stuff a vacuum
i can't let bleed a dried out
i can't breathe  my mouth is bad

who knows there are things
worse than suicide -- i do
and i'm doing it
because no one is letting me die
everyone is so ******* selfish
why can't i be?
my life has gotten significantly worse
since eight years ago
the thoughts of killing myself
has always been my only solace

i'm so sorry that you don't matter
nothing you say or do
would ever soothe me
you can stop me
truth is, you're the one who stop me
over  and over
again. what atrocity
to drag one no longer fit for living
hope  isn't a morphine
it's just a playground
for adults who had unhappy
childhood

the world is spinning
footsteps
people keep breeding
making money, spending
getting a job, dressing up for the boss
trying not to get *****, get ***** anyway
losing weight, gaining a tenfold
changing mirrors
dropping out of school
never leaving home
trying to escape the hands
always got caught by the eye
the walls are covered with ears
there's nowhere to run to
i'll always be found out
as if i did a some kind of grave crime

When I talk God I mean:
You

when poetry does not heal
when your face is all watery
when poetry does not heal
when you can't even feel misery
your words have left and won't come back
replacements are always worse
drowsier oh and drowsier
today poetry does not heal
all it says is retire and oh retire
today poetry does not heal
tomorrow is such a big deal

I put your name on
my night prayers as if there
is God, there is love.

Daddy, you are the man who plays
destiny loudly though fails so badly.
That man doesn't improve at all, don't you agree?
But, daddy, no one hates a bad performer.
One just does not want to watch them any longer.

Daddy, destiny is
a game over.
And losing something is nothing
until it's you who keep it very dearly who soon become the one who makes it evaporated.
Daddy, daddy, destiny is
I fall apart and you might too,
or we both do.

Either way would hurt.
But I know which is the more hurtful way.
Either way may end the same.
But I know which is the prettier way. The way that is full of rainbows and clear waterfalls and lakes with bunch of lotuses.
I know how to fall apart more gracely, daddy, way more beautifully.

I know you have the chance to see it. You have what I don't.

And, daddy, do you know that love
doesn't exist,
never?
I know you do.

why do you seek beauty?
is it to balance that you feel ugly?

one found ugly in beauty
another found beauty in ugly

and who couldn't find anything in anything
being left out
outcasted

because you can't possibly
be so pure
you can't possibly be so pure

I hold my breath
I stop my heart
I make it all up

I am lazy, not sick
I've never been in an emergency
I make it all up

I derive it all from the media
All the things I've read and watched
Huge inspiration

I try dark, it is cool
I try blade, it is sharp
So hip, I am not insane

I am bad at driving, not reckless
Some nights I try to be good and stay
Inside a plastic bag, pills down with soda

You
forgot to take your mother's kitten out of the oven.
She smiles on a trance
like Avalokiteśvara in a lotus
reeks of God, a melting honeycomb.
Bake me some pottery, would
you? But the clay
has grown so much its pants no,
no longer fit.

The dove faked a laugh
and Noah would clap.
Clap and clap and clap.
He told Emzara to leave him
and only him and only him
and only him
alone, for Chronos had put a chaos
on Themselves, and, and
Delilah would cry in joy when the pillars collapsed
along with her soul, along with her soul.

But you chose to pray to another
whom is not the arrow nor a lampshade on a hotel room,
whom is not a sun nor a xylophone nor the title of your favorite song nor the bricks you'd
tied on your
waist.

The stars' greetings unanswered, unanswered, unanswered.
O, dear, o my dear sky whom is polluted!
Cataract on the moon, moon that hollows air as, as I lose the setting sun that is
you.

I want to forget breathing
Let the carbon dioxide take over my body
The lungs would be happy
The heart would rest calmly
It's so quiet here
There is a party in the brain
Celebrating the win over wars

They praise you a lot
The God of War

The rivers would stop
No one needs time anymore
Blood and heads and blades

They praise you a lot

The God of War
You won't let peace become

Oh, you!

Whose God am I fighting?
You are not mine anymore
The temples have fallen
No statues, not even one

Dust
The God of War
You are now dust and I am wind
You are no more
You are no more

The rain is dead
You can't be helped

You were praised a lot, oh, you!
The God of War

Whose God am I fighting?
You are no more

The wind doesn't breathe
I have come to forget breathing
It's so quiet here!
I am the wind, oh, you, dust!
Dust, The God of War is now dust
You are no more-

*Celebrating the win over wars
I would never win over you

My dear Mars
My God of War

Trees, you remember
my name I don't even do.

[It's not a thank you.]

fire is wings
to free the body
deny the soul

there is dust,
on my heart,
that is you.

the next days
will only
make
you layer.

like the cake,
mille-feuille,
only that's
inedible.

human's feeling is
a universe
that has
no limit.