Poem of a wonderful place where many books was read.                      





                            The
                        Mas­sive
                  Hundred year
              Old tree shaded all
         That came to sit and rest
   It had five hundred limbs and
Leaves to many to count, at the top
                        Lived a
                        Monkey
                        Girl her
                        Hair all
                        Full of
                        Curls!!

I'm not everyone's cup of tea
Then again I'm whisky!!!!!

Crawled inside a whisky bottle
For I am no aristotle

This is my hiding spot for awail
There is no need for 911 to be dialed

I'm only trying to drown my misery
Surly that is plain to see

Please don't shake me out
I need my whisky stout

Let me stay In here for now
I'll find my own way out.....some how

Like a white bird in a blizzard
I'm invisible
In middle is where I'm delivered
Battling the freezing storms
No one notices, but that's the norm
The battles I wage are as silent
As the first feathery snows at night
This world is cold and cruel
There is no golden rule
One of these days when you finally look, I'll be found
Lying frozen to the ground

Like a white bird in a blizzard
I'm invisible
In middle is where I'm delivered
Battling the freezing storms
No one notices, but that's the norm
The battles I wage are as silent
As the first feathery snows at night
This world is cold and cruel
There is no golden rule
One of these days when you finally look, I'll be found
Lying frozen to the ground

Like a white bird in a blizzard
I'm invisible
In middle is where I'm delivered
Battling the freezing storms
No one notices, but that's the norm
The battles I wage are as silent
As the first feathery snows at night
This world is cold and cruel
There is no golden rule
One of these days when you finally look, I'll be found
Lying frozen to the ground

My face is all swollen and red with the rage.
like a moster busting out of his cage
I enter the room with my Glock 25
Shoot them all dead leave no one alive
People will wonder how I got to this gate
With this twisted burning of concentrated hate
I was born into this world an innocent soul
But my innocence soon from me was stole
So now all of you ******* have got to go

Time stood still
But disappeared
Love comes near
But ran away in fear
Want no love to reappear
And white hot pain it sears

Pearly white skin
I know why you cringe
It's either white or red
The rays you dread
No tan for you
You can't attain that hue
So grab your hat
And shades that's phat
Out in the bright sun
This summer has just begun

There once was a man
That thought his member was grand
He called it the best in all of the land

He went from woman to woman
He said he was just checking their fluid

If your thinking he's a stud you couldn't be wronger
He's what my my grandpa would call a whoremonger

There once was a man
That thought his member was grand
He called it the best in all of the land

He went from woman to woman
He said he was just checking their fluid

If your thinking he's a stud you couldn't be wronger
He's what my my grandpa would call a whoremonger

People can you tell me why
When commercials come on of abused animals you cry
But for our children not one word of them is mentioned
Of how they are forced to live with no love in filthy conditions
Thier lost little souls are tossed aside like garbage
They are ***** tired and starving
You cry for the poor little animals
While human monsters eat our children's fragile souls like cannibals

Will you take me for a ride
Blast the radio, as around the curves we slide
Will you listen to my story
Hold me tight when it gets gory
Will you be there, guide me
When in the darkness I can't see
Will tell me everything will be all right
You'll stand by me wail I fight
Will you bake me a cherry pie
When I have a sweet tooth, put a smile in my eyes



That's ok
You can go away
I'm to broken
The Lord has spoken
My edges are to sharpened
Only demons harken
I would only slice you apart
That would break my heart

If the eye's are the window to the soul
Don't look into mine it's dark and it's cold
I've been bought, and I've been sold
Where I've gone you don't want to go
In this skin is nothing but a dust bowl
There is absolutely nothing left to console
I will forever, never be whole
Until the universe decides I've paid my toll
Just leave me alone in my darkened hole
Cuz in the depth of pain is where I stroll

Wings where broken it couldn't fly
Nothing to do but stand by
Watching her spirit slowly die

Wings where broken it couldn't fly
Nothing to do but stand by
Watching her spirit slowly die

Another day and they say "it's a new begaining"
But is it really, it feels more like an ending
An ending of time
In a life that doesn't rhyme

An unending march to the uncertain
Like the droping of life's stage curtain
Another day closer to the end
But I'm still waiting on my life to begin

I'm tired of this life's storyline
I want a different out come this time
I want happy, not sad
I want the good, not the bad

But there is no off ramp
And my disease leaves it stamp
I feel like a lost ***** *****
And my life just goes on like a vamp

Over and over the same music plays
A sorrowful song, for long anguished days
But I want a change in the beat
An uplifting melody to get me on my feet

Will you be my new rhythm
An escape from my prison
Are you my golden key
Will you try to set me free

Will you hold me tight
When I'm a sad sorry sight
There is no cure from my depression
But will you help the darkness lessen

Or will you run for the hills
Or jump in the sea and grow gills
Just to get away
From a disease you can not sway

And leave me counting the days
Till this clock like heart's hands stand still
And in death will I finally feel real?

Wanting feelings of warmth, but only ice instead
Done with the sorrow, I just want to be dead
Serious voices of suicide are singing through my head


Should I swing from a tree, in childhood they constantly saved me
Snuggly wrapped up in their limbs, a million books I'd read
Years were spent up above reality, the safest spot to be

Should I slice my wrist my throat, with my favorite knife
Many times I've felt it's bite, the lines on my body it's made rife
The smell of iron will be strong as red becomes black, an end of life

Should I drown, heavy blocks tied with the strongest rope
Water filled lungs, fish nibbling on my corpse when it bloats
Flower in an underwater garden, not sprawled in a dead man's float

Should I take a gun, get a good taste of cold hard steel
Shattering my cranium, my brains it will no longer conceal
Ending it all in the deep dark woods, has a strange appeal

Should I take some pills, lie upon the side of a mossy hill
Watching the birds in flight, till I feel deaths darkened chill
Suicide seems the only way out, stuck in my head, mentally ill


To my knees I drop
This rain never stops
Watching lightning from my rooftop

Wish I wasn't this way
Wish I had bright days
Wish in the sun I could play

Guess I'll see what comes my way
Guess I'll see how my life will sway
Guess I'll give this life one more day


But just in case I decide to jump instead of slide
Please believe me, I really tried

©Pauline Russell

There was a witch in the woods
No one thought was good
She wore a shirt tie dyed in hippies blood
She smoked lots and lots of bud
She had a pet nightingale
And at night it would not sing but yell

One day she decided to pay homage it mother earth
For nature to her powers had given birth
She thought that a picnic might do
So she went around setting the mood
She gathered the wolfsbane and some food
Lit the candles and the fire
Making it climb higher and higher
She stared her naked dance you could hear her wicked laughter
But there was an important thing she forgot to factor

The villagers really hated her so the tracked her down
And tackled her down to the ground
Tied her up and on one of her wrists was a big bruise
That was the final straw, it lit her fuse
And she sent them all
To the gates of hell for the fall
So no longer could they visit or call

With that self inflicted wound were she ripped out her own soul
There was things she didn't know
Things that also had to go

What went first was empathy
Followed close by sympathy
Then of course was faith
But that really died with years of agonizing wreath
I would say dreams
But those died years ago it seems

What hurt the most
And why it was so hard to cope
Was the microcosm thin string holding hope
It was crushed in the grind
No where you look, will you find

She no longer believed in yin and yang
Or karma, they where the same, nonexistent
She seemed to know it in an instant
Nothing happened for a reason
To think that would be treason
It was all just random chaos, and dumb luck
Just depends on what side of the coin you're stuck
There was only random acts of cruelty
This world is more than unruly

With these facts now planted firmly in her head
What little light within her fled
The darkness slowly seeped inside
As she gasped out one silent sigh
Now totally consumed, she would never shed a tear, it was as if she had never cried
For her former self passed away, her old personality died

With that self inflicted wound were she ripped out her own soul
There was things she didn't know
Things that also had to go

What went first was empathy
Followed close by sympathy
Then of course was faith
But that really died with years of agonizing wreath
I would say dreams
But those died years ago it seems

What hurt the most
And why it was so hard to cope
Was the microcosm thin string holding hope
It was crushed in the grind
No where you look, will you find

She no longer believed in yin and yang
Or karma, they where the same, nonexistent
She seemed to know it in an instant
Nothing happened for a reason
To think that would be treason
It was all just random chaos, and dumb luck
Just depends on what side of the coin you're stuck
There was only random acts of cruelty
This world is more than unruly

With these facts now planted firmly in her head
What little light within her fled
The darkness slowly seeped inside
As she gasped out one silent sigh
Now totally consumed, she would never shed a tear, it was as if she had never cried
For her former self passed away, her old personality died

With my pen I try to slay the demons
I am determined to chase them from my eden
With the inky darkness I will paint my picture
I will paint them with such stricture
My words will flow
And everyone I'll show
They will no longer be allowed to reside
Hidden deep inside
With the darkness of my ink
I will bring them to the brink
With the black flow, I'll shine the light
On their hideous form, no longer hiding in the night

With my pen I try to slay the demons
I am determined to chase them from my eden
With the inky darkness I will paint my picture
I will paint them with such stricture
My words will flow
And everyone I'll show
They will no longer be allowed to reside
Hidden deep inside
With the darkness of my ink
I will bring them to the brink
With the black flow, I'll shine the light
On their hideous form, no longer hiding in the night

With my pen I try to slay the demons
I am determined to chase them from my eden
With the inky darkness I will paint my picture
I will paint them with such stricture
My words will flow
And everyone I'll show
They will no longer be allowed to reside
Hidden deep inside
With the darkness of my ink
I will bring them to the brink
With the black flow, I'll shine the light
On their hideous form, no longer hiding in the night

With my pen I try to slay the demons
I am determined to chase them from my eden
With the inky darkness I will paint my picture
I will paint them with such stricture
My words will flow
And everyone I'll show
They will no longer be allowed to reside
Hidden deep inside
With the darkness of my ink
I will bring them to the brink
With the black flow, I'll shine the light
On their hideous form, no longer hiding in the night

Years ago......today was the day I died
****** it to this wicked world to survive

I don't no where I was before this life
But I'm sure it was sweeter than all this strife

Because on that day at the window seal sat the inky black Crow
To witness the birth of another dead soul

Years ago......today was the day I died
****** it to this wicked world to survive

I don't no where I was before this life
But I'm sure it was sweeter than all this strife

Because on that day at the window seal sat the inky black Crow
To witness the birth of another dead soul

I feed you wolfsbane for lunch
I know you ate it I heard the crunch

Now your sitting there ashen-faced
Your mind starting to embrace
That death will soon be your fate
You'll soon be at deaths creaking gate

You look at me in disbelief
But I just wanted some relief
I couldn't take your yammering on
But soon now you'll be gone

And my ears will no longer bleed
I only have to endure your dying plea
Your last breath to me is pure art
I never claimed to have a heart

Poor little fly
Fighting just to survive
No one saw it's demise but me
As he struggled not to freeze
First he flew in little hops
But to soon that stops
Then he walked in endless circles in the Sun's rays
But soon that too gave way
Now he lays frozen stiff
I wonder if me seeing made a diff
That this little flys last moments on earth
Didn't go unnoticed, and to a little poem had given birth

This poor little flys fight
Is a lot like my own sad sight
Wonder if anyone sees my slow decent
How this life is leaving me bent
Wonder if when I finally freeze and die
Will anyone notice and wonder why
Or see how I fought to survive
Just like that little fly

Poor little fly
Fighting just to survive
No one saw it's demise but me
As he struggled not to freeze
First he flew in little hops
But to soon that stops
Then he walked in endless circles in the Sun's rays
But soon that too gave way
Now he lays frozen stiff
I wonder if me seeing made a diff
That this little flys last moments on earth
Didn't go unnoticed, and to a little poem had given birth

This poor little fly's fight
Is a lot like my own sad sight
Wonder if anyone sees my slow decent
How this life is leaving me bent
Wonder if when I finally freeze and die
Will anyone notice and wonder why
Or see how I fought to survive
Just like that little fly

Poor little fly
Fighting just to survive
No one saw it's demise but me
As he struggled not to freeze
First he flew in little hops
But to soon that stops
Then he walked in endless circles in the Sun's rays
But soon that too gave way
Now he lays frozen stiff
I wonder if me seeing made a diff
That this little flys last moments on earth
Didn't go unnoticed, and to a little poem had given birth

This poor little flys fight
Is a lot like my own sad sight
Wonder if anyone sees my slow decent
How this life is leaving me bent
Wonder if when I finally freeze and die
Will anyone notice and wonder why
Or see how I fought to survive
Just like that little fly

Poor little fly
Fighting just to survive
No one saw it's demise but me
As he struggled not to freeze
First he flew in little hops
But to soon that stops
Then he walked in endless circles in the Sun's rays
But soon that too gave way
Now he lays frozen stiff
I wonder if me seeing made a diff
That this little flys last moments on earth
Didn't go unnoticed, and to a little poem had given birth

This poor little flys fight
Is a lot like my own sad sight
Wonder if anyone sees my slow decent
How this life is leaving me bent
Wonder if when I finally freeze and die
Will anyone notice and wonder why
Or see how I fought to survive
Just like that little fly

I'm just here moving about
I haven't a destination, I haven't a route

I'm but the living dead
My eyes see only red
My soul's been chained
My emotion's drained
My heart is missing
My life is a cobra hissing

Scattered, nothing left of me
I'm a wondering gypsy
Nothing around me to see
For I've gone blind
My soul is in circled by a chalk outline
There is nothing left of me to find

Shoved and crammed into a worm box
As he smuggle stood on top
"***** I'm burying you alive"
"No one will hear your cries"
The worms wiggled around behind my back
I struggled there in the pitch black
The smell of freash earth was so overpowering
And on top he just stood there towering
I clawed at the lid
Of that old frig
But he was to heavy it did not give
My oxygen was soon depleted
I knew then I was defeated
Buried alive in a worm box
Who would of ever thought

As you can see I survived that day
But when at last on a cold slab I lay
And when they put that tag on my toe
It's off to the crematorium I go
Because being buried once is quite enough
I really am not all that tough

Buried alive in a worm box
As he smuggle stood on top
"***** I'm burying you alive"
"No one will hear your cries"
The worms wiggled around behind my back
I struggled there in the pitch black
The smell of freash earth was so overpowering
And on top he just stood there towering
I clawed at the lid
Of that old frig
But he was to heavy it did not give
My oxygen was soon depleted
I knew then I was defeated
Buried alive in a worm box
Who would of ever thought

As you can see I survived that day
But when at last on a cold slab I lay
And when they put that tag on my toe
It's off to the crematorium I go
Because being buried once is quite enough
I really am not all that tough

Would you rather
Be you
Or make yourself a new
Whould you rather
Live beside a ocean
Or in a city with all of the commotion
Would you rather
Be happy
Or always feel crapy
Would you rather
Go to heaven
Or face armmagad
Would you rather
Love yourself
Or somebody else
Would you rather
Die
Or learn to fly
Would you rather
Be lonely
Or be someone's only
Would you rather
Tell the truth
Or tell lies to the roof

Whatever choice you make
You sculpt yourself
Even if you choose not to choosechocand set upon a shelf

The words are fleeting
They've lost there meaning
Out of thoughts, out of ink
Writers block, is where I sink

Should I defy, still try
I better just let my pen lie
All this strain, on my brain
Is driving me insane

Please excuse me for my days of doubt
On these days I have to write it out

Otherwise these feelings stay inside
Get down in my soul and hide

Then eat away all my will
In this these feelings are very skilled

The foster thoughts of death and release
They are definitely a cunning thief

But when I write on these days, they are not sympathy
It's just to get out all the intensity

Please excuse me for my days of doubt
On these days I have to write it out

Otherwise these feelings stay inside
Get down in my soul and hide

Then eat away all my will
In this these feelings are very skilled

The foster thoughts of death and release
They are definitely a cunning thief

But when I write on these days, it's not for sympathy
It's just to get out all the intensity

I knew it was coming, I was settling into a groove
Thing's where going a little to smooth
I felt a first a small quaking
The universe's desire to **** ME OVER was awaking
Then life explode AGAIN on me,  all over the place
Now I'm standing here with the universe's **** on my face

Yeah I Agree

You set there as quiet as a stone
Leaving me chilled to the bone
You utter not a word to me
To break the silence I say "yeah I agree"
At me, you just blankly stare
You could cut the tension in the air

So I just stare back
Wondering just what it is a lack
Why can't we talk
Are you wanting me to walk
Do you not have the courage to say goodbye
Are you afraid it might bring tears to my eyes
Or are you afraid I'll go
If that's how you feel, it doesn't show

I guess I'll never know
Guess I'll just go with the flow
But it's so hard, you turn cold on a dime
At other times your passion is so hot it's a crime

You set there as quiet as a stone
Leaving me chilled to the bone
You utter not a word to me
To break the silence I say "yeah I agree"

On the 13th year of the 13th day
Locust are quickly on their way
And all summer long they are here to stay
They'll usher in the darkened night
And scream their song to the dying light
As soft evening colors hit the ground
Their shrill voice well be encompassing all around
You'll be unable to hear another single sound
But I love their song that chills to the bone
Because with it, it drowns out my own

You are my light
I am your night
You are the rays
I am the rain
In all I can see
You complete me

You are the single star in my midnight sky
You are the sun that brings the rainbow in my rain
You are the answer to my question why
You are the healing touch in the midst of my pain
You are the voice of reason when I go insane
You are the cooling breeze when my temperature rises
You are my knight in shining armor when the demons are in my brain
You are the new beginning that sets on my horizon

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... in your grave
No more children will you crave

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... shot in the head
For your sickness that you fed

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... and at Hell's gate
No more monsters can you create

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... you won't be missed
Maybe my nightmares won't exist

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... with all your sin
It'll be cursed ground you sink in

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... in your grave
No more children will you crave

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... shot in the head
For your sickness that you fed

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... and at Hell's gate
No more monsters can you create

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... you won't be missed
Maybe my nightmares won't exist

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... with all your sin
It'll be cursed ground you sink in

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... in your grave
No more children will you crave

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... shot in the head
For your sickness that you fed

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... and at Hell's gate
No more monsters can you create

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... you won't be missed
Maybe my nightmares won't exist

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... with all your sin
It'll be cursed ground you sink in

We sat underneath the stars that night
In your warm embrace you held me tight
You pretended that you loved me so
That's how it always seems to go

You should of told me your truths
Gotten straight to the roots
That you only wanted me for a time
You didn't have to make me belive you were mine

I still would of treated you kind
You didn't have to make me look and find
That it was only lies that you told
Piece of my shattered heart that you stoled

You didn't need the star's light
To make what you wanted feel so right
I still need human touch
I still would of laid down in your clutch

You didn't have to get me starry eyed
But you went and lied
For just a few days of pleasure
I still might of shown you my hidden treasure

You didn't have to pretend
Leave me heart broken once again
You didn't have to enter trough my heart
You didn't have to ******* apart

We sat underneath the stars that night
In your warm embrace you held me tight
You pretended that you loved me so
That's how it always seems to go

You should of told me your truths
Gotten straight to the roots
That you only wanted me for a time
You didn't have to make me belive you were mine

I still would of treated you kind
You didn't have to make me look and find
That it was only lies that you told
Piece of my shattered heart that you sold

You didn't need the star's light
To make what you wanted feel so right
I still need human touch
I still would of laid down in your clutch

You didn't have to get me starry eyed
But you went and lied
For just a few days of pleasure
I still might of shown you my hidden treasure

You didn't have to pretend
Leave me heart broken once again
You didn't have to enter trough my heart
You didn't have to ******* apart

You introduced me to your demon, it was the only way to save me
But you knew as beautiful as she was, her touch was beastly

****** was her sweet name
She came and saved me from the pain
She lead me back from the ledge
She made still the razors edge
You knew the dance that she could do
She had saved you too

She knew how to comfort the bereft
She knew how to take away, what the agony had left
You knew she could comfort in her darken cress
She knew how your soul to undress
You knew I would want her more
You knew leaving her was more than a chore

You pried her nails out of the vains in my arms
Accepting her proposal would only bring harm
You knew if I stayed to long
It would all go wrong
For you had been there when she banged her gong
You had lost years in her clutch
All you wanted for me was just feel a small touch
Just to shift my gaze from the knife
To let my body and mind escape the strife

You knew her kiss was quite alarming
It would leave me with a longing
Once under my skin she would create an itch
But you wasn't ready to lose me to deaths dark abyss
So you let her give me just a kiss
Now the longing for her touch is not hard to miss




It was jut another demon I had to meet
Listen up you can hear her dark beat
It was just another door I had to walk into
To understand what others go through
The more darkness I endure
Leaves me knowing for sure
You can not judge another's plight
Or how they choose to fight their fight
In this game there is no wrong or right