Black slimy books, black slimy words
Black slimy fingers cramed them into a black slimy worlds

In my cracked up mind those slimy black words sunk in
This is how the end will begain

Blackbird sitting on my windowsill
Wait for me to seal the deal

Those black slimy words soon accumulates
They become black slimy books, my imagination stimulates

The black goat waits outside my window patiently
As the black sheep walks around aimlessly

The black slimy books have now become blood slimy pictures
Seen through my mind's eye with stricter
It was all becoming the perfect blood slimy mixture

The black goat has now donned his crown
He beckons me to come on down
To stand beside him on the earths ground

The blood slimy pictures are now a blood soaked movie in my head
That plays over and over and over, till I'm filled with blood soaked dread


So I seal the deal with the blackbirds blood
Emotions overwhelms me like a torrential raging flood
Then the emotions are suddenly gone with a thud

So if you are reading this you might see why
I left with the black goat, so dont you cry
Maybe I'll be back as time goes by

Black slimy books, black slimy words
Black slimy fingers cramed them into a black slimy worlds

In my cracked up mind those slimy black words sunk in
This is how the end will begain

Blackbird sitting on my windowsill
Wait for me to seal the deal

Those black slimy words soon accumulates
They become black slimy books, my imagination stimulates

The black goat waits outside my window patiently
As the black sheep walks around aimlessly

The black slimy books have now become blood slimy pictures
Seen through my mind's eye with stricter
It was all becoming the perfect blood slimy mixture

The black goat has now donned his crown
He beckons me to come on down
To stand beside him on the earths ground

The blood slimy pictures are now a blood soaked movie in my head
That plays over and over and over, till I'm filled with blood soaked dread


So I seal the deal with the blackbirds blood
Emotions overwhelms me like a torrential raging flood
Then the emotions are suddenly gone with a thud

So if you are reading this you might see why
I left with the black goat, so dont you cry
Maybe I'll be back as time goes by







(Note found in the same room
As the rocking drooling fool, Chanting about the coming doom)

Black slimy books, black slimy words
Black slimy fingers cramed them into a black slimy worlds

In my cracked up mind those slimy black words sunk in
This is how the end will begain

Blackbird sitting on my windowsill
Wait for me to seal the deal

Those black slimy words soon accumulates
They become black slimy books, my imagination stimulates

The black goat waits outside my window patiently
As the black sheep walks around aimlessly

The black slimy books have now become blood slimy pictures
Seen through my mind's eye with stricter
It was all becoming the perfect blood slimy mixture

The black goat has now donned his crown
He beckons me to come on down
To stand beside him on the earths ground

The blood slimy pictures are now a blood soaked movie in my head
That plays over and over and over, till I'm filled with blood soaked dread


So I seal the deal with the blackbirds blood
Emotions overwhelms me like a torrential raging flood
Then the emotions are suddenly gone with a thud

So if you are reading this you might see why
I left with the black goat, so dont you cry
Maybe I'll be back as time goes by

I want to take a shower from the inside out

Swimming in the sea of ecstasy
Is where I want to be
Just you and me
And when the storms blow
There's no need for fear to grow
We'll just drift with the flow

We can float on our backs
There will be nothing we lack
And when the sharks attack
You'll just pull out your blade
That with your own hands you have made
I won't be affraid

I will cherish these days
You set my soul a blaze
Into your eye's I'll deeply gaze
My icy cold heart will start to drip
As I kiss your soft lips
And we tighten our grip

The waves will carry us along
As our hearts beat out a lovers song
Because I know in your arms I belong
For it's you I adore
And there will be so much more in store
When we wash up on that sandy shore

I'm in self destruct mode
I'm about to explode
Stand back folks, watch the show

I'll drink like a fish without any gills
Don't try to figure out all my ills
As I swallow down a handful of pills

This self destruction I will not fight
Hell, I don't even remember last night
Needless to say, my head's not right

Slam some Jack and his old friend Jim
I'm seeing double and it's getting dim
I think I just might be on the rim

I'm in self destruct
Please over look my conduct
As more pieces of my being, I must deduct

Parts of me must die
It hurts, so I'll do it on high
Body on the ground, spirit's in the sky

Feet firmly planted in self destruction grind
Like a vampire craving the sunshine
If you look now, you'd be horrified at what you find

Needles in vains
Like pills down the drain
Anything to stay insane

I'm in self destruct mode
I'm about to explode
Stand back folks, watch the show

Little pills bring relief
Little spoon make it brife
Rush it along
Soothe my song
Pack the bowl and pass it here
Please bring me another beer
Self medicate is the only way
To **** this agony I feel today
Tomorrow I'll be fine again
I'll plaster on my biggest grin
No one will know the pain within

Everyone has there daily struggles
But with depression it's more than doubled
I rise each day to face the sun
But a part of me just wants to run
To hide away and lock the door
Or **** someone and settle the score

The wounds inflected on me I can not hide
You can see them all plainly on every side
They are apart of me, inside and out
I've been prey to many, and my trophy head they mount
In their memory of victims, I'm another count

They did it slow, they took their time, in no hurry
Then sent me off to the ******* taxidermy

They cleaned me up and stuff in the saw dust
But all you see standing before you, is just my crust.

You set there looking so fine
And you have a beautiful mind
I pinch myself, it's hard to belive you're all mine

My love for you grows more everyday
With all the beautiful things you say
Those hundred or so miles won't get in our way

As we lay our heads down in different beds
I replay ever word that you have said
Your gorgeous blue eyes I can't get out of my head

I can't wait till tomorrow to talk to you again
And see that wonderful grin
This broken heart you surely did mend

There is nothing about you I don't love
I know you was sent from up above
Because we fit together like a hand in a glove

If I've sparked your interest
And you wonder why I'm diffrent
I won't let you wonder in vain
Let me take just a minute to explain

I've been shadow kissed
This fact can not be dismissed
I've passed through death's door, and returned again
Now the spirit in this skin is hard to contain
It's left a mark on my soul that is so plain

That's why I don't wear a mask
I'm not afraid of the feelings that I in bask
I lay it all out, my anger, my sorrow, my hopes, and my anguish
And in silence I no longer wanted to languish

The day I died my tiny world shook
And now I'm an open book

If I've sparked your interest
And you wonder why I'm diffrent
I won't let you wonder in vain
Let me take just a minute to explain

I've been shadow kissed
This fact can not be dismissed
I've passed through death's door, and returned again
Now the spirit in this skin is hard to contain
It's left a mark on my soul that is so plain

That's why I don't wear a mask
I'm not afraid of the feelings that I in bask
I lay it all out, my anger, my sorrow, my hopes, and my anguish
And in silence I no longer wanted to languish

The day I died my tiny world shook
And now I'm an open book

If I've sparked your interest
And you wonder why I'm diffrent
I won't let you wonder in vain
Let me take just a minute to explain

I've been shadow kissed
This fact can not be dismissed
I've passed through death's door, and returned again
Now the spirit in this skin is hard to contain
It's left a mark on my soul that is so plain

That's why I don't wear a mask
I'm not afraid of the feelings that I in bask
I lay it all out, my anger, my sorrow, my anguish
And in silence I no longer wanted to languish

The day I died my tiny world shook
And now I'm an open book

Looking into the mirror, what do I see
Shadows crawling on the wall right behind me
Some would get a hell of a fright
Seeing such a sight
But I know they are just shadows cast
They linger for a while, but they never last

There's a shadow for what could of been
Before that first forced sin
There's a shadow of the past and what was supposed to be
Pieces of me stolen, never to become ME
There's a shadow of what there was
My sickness was the cause
There's a shadow of the present
My live still so very far from pleasant
There's a shadow of the future and what will soon come to be
At those I won't take a look, they're not for me to see

I like to see the shadows crawling on the ceiling
That means in my head, with them I'm not dealing
With all these shadows you can tell my life is dark
While swimming through the ashes, on the next life I embark

I keep trudging, struggling along
So the darkness to me alone belongs
Until the day I must, I don't want to pass them on

©Pauline Russell

Like a tree in the night I am the shadows
Forever an image froze

I'm just a mirage
Decked out in camouflage
A black silouet against a sea of gray
The drakness conceals the decay

Bending under the weight
Of this darkest fate
For I've tasted the sorrow
Of every single tomorrow

Watched the moonbeams resistance Against the darks existence
The star's twinkle in denial
But the darkness has been there all the while

And I ...... I am only shadows
An image froze

Splitter splatter, pitter patter,  rain dance my cares away
Pitter patter, splitter splatter, on this cold and lonely day

Doing your tap dancing on the crisp Fall leaves
In your rhythm all my worries are relieved

Slapping out the tune on the old evergreen
The most beautiful sound I have ever seen

Splitter splatter, beating on my windowpane
Trying to break my heavy mental chain

Pitter patter, rapidly tapping on the glass
Trying to warn me, of shadows yet to be cast

©Pauline Russell

The shadows in my brain
That dance with all the pain
Only adding to the strain

The memories that they hold
That they crease and mold
Only leave me cold

The agony holds on strong
That it refuses to move along
Only leaving tears of all that's gone wrong

The shadows in my mind
That are so unkind
Only showing me what they find

Shadows in my hall
They dance amongst my walls
They pirouette through my door
I feel thier dance steps on my floor

The shadow men love to play
They are here to stay
They scream they will never go away

Shadows in my hall
They leave scratches on my wall
They burst through my door
I feel their stomping on my floor

The shadow men are turning mean
They are becoming quite obscene
They are causing an awful scene

Shadows in my hall
They are leaving  black marks on my wall
They scream right through my door
I feel their nails clicking on my floor

The shadow men now in my head
They are only there to spread dread
They are only there to be fed
Till at last I'm dead

Stop
Drop
And roll
This ***** is on fire, she's out of controll
Don't try to follow, you'll get lost in the flow
Like a rollercoaster she'll take you to the top
A hesitant stop
As you prepare for the drop
Then the ultimate roll
As she drops you in the hole
Where only the darkness dares to go
What is her goal
Is it to steal your soul

Hell no
She just wants to show
What it's like
On the tip of the spike
What it is to live her life
She'll give you the rhythm
Of what she's been given
She'll give you the rhyme
Of a life out of time
She'll show you the holes
Within her soul
Where the monsters took and stole
What happens when only agony grows

Stop
Drop
And roll
It's the only way to go
When you've turned to stone
Because every cut is to the bone
In her mind only demons roam
Every night is a fright
Everyday is a fight
So hold on tight
It's a ride for your life

What was is like before I fell
Before I ended up in this hell
I don't remember I was only eight
When I got shoved into this fate
Left with feelings of self hate
Human monsters brought me to this gate

The hands of time
They did unwind
It didn't treat me very kind
It brought more monsters and called them mine

Now I'm spinning out of control
Waves of sorrow over me roll
Never knowing which way to go
Should I follow the ******* crow

It would lead me to the grave
You know that is what I crave
There's not much of me to save
For what wasn't stole from me, I gave

Or should I stay in this frozen field
Frozen solid left to deal
Trying to heal what can't be healed
Blinded by my fate, is it sealed

Will any of my tomorrows be kinder
Oh will I grow blinder
By the bites of more sidewinders
Or will I just be thrown into the grinder

I remember mud pies
Chasing fireflies
Lazy summer bike rides
Loved ones that never died
What happened to those things I had before I fell
Before I ended up in this Hell
Can anybody say,can anybody tell

If the sign on my door says "Don't come in, call 911"
Just turn around, walk or run
Knowing that my demons won

For many years I fought this war
I'm bone tired, down to my core
Gonna let my demons settle the score

I'm thinking only of your sanity
You don't need to see the depravity
Of the way I set my self free from gravity

You don't need to see the gore
So I'll just let you know, I am no more
As I place this sign upon my door


DON'T COME IN, CALL 911


©Pauline Russell

All you ever had was just beautiful words to say
But in the end they where all lies anyway

I see signs around me all the time
They always speak of the bad, a crime
But I never know what they mean
Until the time is seen

I should of paid more attention to that vulture on that pole
Just sitting there four days in a row
Like it had no where to go
I didn't understand
But the answer was in my hand

It took you four months to picked my heart clean
Like a vulture, what you did was obscene
And just like the vulture, one day away you flew
Leaving me wondering, now what am I to do

I don't know why I see signs of whats to come
Wraped in a riddle, never knowing till it comes undone
I guess it's to prepare me in some way
But the meaning is always shadowed gray

So that vulture on that pole I knew it wasn't good
Now I know it was about my heart, and protected it I should
But thats the problems with the signs that I see
I never know if they are ment for me

I think I've sprung a leek
There's nothing more to seek
Creating my own ocean
Void of all commotion
My eyes are turning gray
For today I'll just float away
Upon my sea of red
For your silence was all that needed to be said

Have these feeling and they're all wrong
No sleep again all night long

Don't mind the blood splattered on the walls
Or on the floor, from my hand where it falls

It's nothing really just the same old song
My demons just wanted me to sing along

Have these feeling and their all wrong
No sleep again all night long

Don't mind the blood splattered on the walls
Or on the floor, from my hand where it falls

It's nothing really just the same old song
My demons just wanted me to sing along

Have these feeling and their all wrong
No sleep again all night long

Don't mind the blood splattered on the walls
Or on the floor, from my hand where it falls

It's nothing really just the same old song
My demons just wanted me to sing along

I sit and listen to the crickets melancholy tune
I watch the moon start to bloom
The stars pirouette across the sky
Soon the frogs are croaking in relpy
Fireflies light up the night
Flickering their golden light

A single wolf starts to howl
As if to ask the age old question how
I ended up so lonely
And where's my one and only

My dog is sitting at me feet
She looks up at me as if to say, nothing here is off beat
In the cool of the evening
the honeysuckle is smelling much sweeter
Than in the day under the sun's heater

The moths flutter around on silent wings
My heart is so light it just sings
I just sit here for hours dreaming
Under the moon that now is just beaming

My dog gets up and moves to the door
I look at my watch it's way past four
She's ready for the foot of my comfy bed
So I oblige, and make my way inside,and lay down my weary head

I sit and listen to the crickets melancholy tune
I watch the moon start to bloom
The stars pirouette across the sky
Soon the frogs are croaking in relpy
Fireflies light up the night
Flickering their golden light

A single wolf starts to howl
As if to ask the age old question how
I ended up so lonely
And where's my one and only

My dog is sitting at me feet
She looks up at me as if to say, nothing here is off beat
In the cool of the evening
the honeysuckle is smelling much sweeter
Than in the day under the sun's heater

The moths flutter around on silent wings
My heart is so light it just sings
I just sit here for hours dreaming
Under the moon that now is just beaming

My dog gets up and moves to the door
I look at my watch it's way past four
She's ready for the foot of my comfy bed
So I oblige, and make my way inside,and lay down my weary head

I sit and listen to the crickets melancholy tune
I watch the moon start to bloom
The stars pirouette across the sky
Soon the frogs are croaking in relpy
Fireflies light up the night
Flickering their golden light

A single wolf starts to howl
As if to ask the age old question how
I ended up so lonely
And where's my one and only

My dog is sitting at me feet
She looks up at me as if to say, nothing here is off beat
In the cool of the evening
the honeysuckle is smelling much sweeter
Than in the day under the sun's heater

The moths flutter around on silent wings
My heart is so light it just sings
I just sit here for hours dreaming
Under the moon that now is just beaming

My dog gets up and moves to the door
I look at my watch it's way past four
She's ready for the foot of my comfy bed
So I oblige, and make my way inside,and lay down my weary head

Suffocated by agony, dazed with confusion
Stuck in reality, that I'd druther be an illusion
Skinned alive, right straight down to raw emotion
Not a save harbor to be found, on my life's raging ocean
A living oxymoron, I'm raw to the touch but inside hollow
How much more will I be forced to swollow

I must be looking mighty strong
See the universe, keep piling it on
Can't anybody at all tell
Still in the middle of my living hell
Birds tweeting like nothings wrong
Mocking me with their sweet song

How much longer will I stand in front of life's curtain
Knowing only pain and sorrow are for certain
Drowning in the deepest darkest grief
Innocence, love, joy, and sanity, stolen by the thief
How much longer will it be till that final decision
Before it's made, that final incision

I must be looking mighty strong
See the universe, keep piling it on
Can't anybody at all tell
Still in the middle of my living hell
Birds tweeting like nothings wrong
Mocking me with their sweet song

Only a shadow of what I could of been
Being made to atone for mine and other's sin
I've tasted on my lips everything that could mar
Inside and out I wear the battle scars
Should I step behind the final veil
Slice myself out if this prison cell


©Pauline Russell

On the futuristic cartoon the Jetsons
They had phones with projections
I thought it was so grand
That in front of that screen they could stand
And see who they where talking to
What a wonderful thing to be able to do

Now it is common place
Our loved ones face
Can travel through space
It shrinks the miles that separate
And I think that's just great

Now we can Skype
And all of that like
We can take our phone
And bring loved ones along as we roam
It's almost like them being home
And on and on we can drone
Or our imagination we can flex
And even have cyber ***

I hope who created it was inspired
By the thoughts they acquired
By watching that simple cartoon
Because it brought us all a little more attuned

Nightmares invade sleep
Awake till the morning light
Sweet dreams a rare treat

Sleepless eye so big and bright
Way up there in the darkened sky
Watching all that wage the fight
Seeing all the pain they have acquired
That leaves them balancing on the brink
Slowly and agonizingly they expire
Sleepless eye doesn't blink

Let me in the car I want to go someplace
I'm getting so ******* tired of the human race
Someone's always up there in my face

Speaking things I don't want to hear
Always right there in my ear
Make them go away, I don't want them near

Their lies they want me to embrace
They're alway in my bubble, my space
My faith they are starting to debase

Their humanity is begaining to disappear
They gawk as life passes them by, just like a sightseer
They are all being controlled by the puppeteer


Can someone spare me a little grace
I need somewhere I can touch base
Because I'm feeling slowly erased

You want to see a smile on my face
Wait a minute while I get my paste



Oh **** that
This is where I'm at

There's smoke in the air
It's everywhere

There's smoke in my lungs
My breath it expunged

There's smoke in my eyes
Making me cry

There's smoke in my life
Cutting like a knife


I sit and watch the fire
Burning up all I desire
I watch the wind blow
The memories that flow
Unable to stop the burn
Even with all I've learned
On all my life experiences I choke
Only in darkness is my name spoke
Nothing now but a whiff of smoke

Standing here with the world upon my shoulders
As I watch my dreams ignite and smolder
The greenest storm clouds are encroaching
The city's on fire, on the horizon I can see it smoking

All I can see is flames, around me the fire's rage
I'm shackled in chains, locked in a cage
By the rancid smell, I'd say my soul has rotten
For I'm all alone, I've been forgotten

The fire rages on

Slowly consuming all my dreams until they're gone
With the weight of the world making me sink
I'm afraid I'm already over the brink

©Pauline Russell

Standing here with the world upon my shoulders
As I watch my dreams ignite and smolder
The greenest storm clouds are encroaching
The city's on fire, on the horizon I can see it smoking

All I can see is flames, around me the fire's rage
I'm shackled in chains, locked in a cage
By the rancid smell, I'd say my soul has rotten
For I'm all alone, I've been forgotten

The fire rages on

Slowly consuming all my dreams until they're gone
With the weight of the world making me sink
I'm afraid I'm already over the brink

She glances up from her work
Only to see people acting like jerks
So she put her eyes down
She dosen't need to see people acting like clowns
She goes back to her job wearing a frown
For her no where can hope be found

The human race for her has been void of truth
Only ****** lies have been told to her, even in her youth
Her eyes have done glazed over
She no longer searches for that elusive four leaf clover
Her feelings have been tucked away
In a cobweb drawer and that is where they'll stay
Her heart had slowly tured to granite
There was no one that would love her in this great big planet

Work is all she has to make her get up out of bed
But thoughts are always swirling around in her broken head

Every day she begged for death to come
But all that knew this told her, she was dumb

"Look at all the beauty on this earth that could be found"
She agreed the sights where beautiful and very much abound
But for her it was just an oxymoron for all the agony it surrounds

She feels like a freak in a side show
People just stand and gawk as her sorrow grows
So she buries herself in work untill she can go home
It's her safe little dome

She locks her doors and turns off her phone
She lets no one in, there's no one to hear her groans
She really just wishes for love, she's so all alone

She glances up from her work
Only to see people acting like jerks
So she put her eyes down
She dosen't need to see people acting like clowns
She goes back to her job wearing a frown
For her no where can hope be found

The human race for her has been void of truth
Only ****** lies have been told to her, even in her youth
Her eyes have done glazed over
She no longer searches for that elusive four leaf clover
Her feelings have been tucked away
In a cobweb drawer and that is where they'll stay
Her heart had slowly tured to granite
There was no one that would love her in this great big planet

Work is all she has to make her get up out of bed
But thoughts are always swirling around in her broken head

Every day she begged for death to come
But all that knew this told her, she was dumb

"Look at all the beauty on this earth that could be found"
She agreed the sights where beautiful and very much abound
But for her it was just an oxymoron for all the agony it surrounds

She feels like a freak in a side show
People just stand and gawk as her sorrow grows
So she buries herself in work untill she can go home
It's her safe little dome

She locks her doors and turns off her phone
She lets no one in, there's no one to hear her groans
She really just wishes for love, she's so all alone

So close to the edge, one lose pebble could send me plummeting
And I feel an earthquake coming

Depression so deep
Only escape is sleep
Sleep conceals
All I feel
It steals away
Every day
Everythings gone wrong
Depression marches on

The dead keep dying
The birds quit flying
Sun no longer shining
Darkness keeps defying
Anguish always raining
Voices quietly crying
Mentally declining
Madness is smiling

Depression so deep
It's determined to keep
It all locked up tight
I'm shackled, can't fight
I'll never know, the why
So I close my eyes
Whisper a cry
Then wait to die

©Pauline Russell

So it began, my life of pain
Covered in shame
Step-dad laid his claim

So it began, my life of woe
Down the rabbit hole
Some known how the story goes

So it began my life of tragedy
It happened so rapidly
It is now my woven tapestry

So it began, my life of regrets
Sadly it's not over yet
Impaled daily on life's bayonet

©Pauline Russell

Falling faster than I knew I could
Dreaming of the things that should
Now in a living nightmare
Of things that really scare
Never put my heart on the line
But I did now look at the sign
It's tied around my neck
And I'm feeling like a speak
I could never be so cruel
How could this to me you do
I'm a kind hearted soul
That now doesn't know wich way to go
Death seems the most restful place
This world I just can't seem to face
I lay here in my bed
Replaying all the loving things you said
Only to ended it all so abrupt
Not even giving me a chance to speak up
All I want is a why, some closer
So I can move on, I'm feeling like Oscar, I just want it over
Thrown into a trash can
I really thought you was a true man
How was I so blind
Why in the end was you so unkind
I would never hurt anyone
But I guess in this world this is the way it's done
So I don't want to be in this world
Everything is so blurred
So please can someone tell me what to do
Because this I just can't seem to get through

Ghostly white and turning blue
It's not hard to construe
That this would happen, already knew
Among the many, I was with the few
Where sorrow and agony grew
Sliced my skin open so my spirit flew

In this darkness ment to stand
Only seeing brighter lands

The light I did pursue
But the dark it did ensue
Though I ran with all my might
The darkness remained right by my side

It remained like a moonless night
No guiding light
To alumminate my flight
It wasn't right
The darkness I could not fight

In this darkness ment to stand
Only seeing brighter lands

The Sun glistening through the trees
I could almost feel the breeze
It brought me to my knees
To pray to a God that doesn't see

He's left me to all the fears
He's never near
He's made it clear
This God only listens with a deafened ear

In this darkness ment to stand
Only seeing brighter lands

I am the sheep lost in the dark
My soul it has no spark
Only sound, song of the lark
To my voice no one will hark

Please take my eyes I no longer want to see
The nothingness in front of me
I beg of you I  plea
Imprisoned in the dark, left groping for a key

In this darkness left to stand
Forced to see the brighter lands

Tears fall
For no reason at all
Tears rolling
There is no consoling
Tears cascade
Everything fades
Tears never ending
For there never was a begaining

Sorrowed ink fills my pen
So I write once again
I'm not seeking fame
Just trying to drain the pain
No one need to read
I use my pen to bleed

I write about my past
It'll leave you aghast
When want and reality collide
I write about dreams that died
When I become numb
My brain becomes dumb
I write about how I've succumb
To a life lived in the rabbit hole
Where no happiness ever flowed
I write about agony
That drives you to your knees

Yes in my pen is the most sorrowed ink
Watch me as I sink
As I paint a picture of a person on the brink

Sorry I haven't written in a while
Sometimes I can't see through the darkness and the fire
Sometimes I can't see beyond the flood of tears
It happens more with growing years

Sometimes my paper flies astray
Sometimes I can't find my way
Have no fear, I'll emerge from the black
When I arise from the smoke, you'll know I'm back

©Pauline Russell

Mister Sun light my way
You've been away to long
In the dark is where I've stay
Sorrow is my only song
I could use some fun today
But I fear soon I'll be gone

I'm so tired of the tears
I'm so tired of the lies
I'm so tired of the fears
I'm so tired of all the sighs
I'm so tired of all these years

I just want to lay down and quit
I don't want to stay here
I just want to exist
Life is what I fear
It only gives me ****

Cut my wrist, make them bleed
Throw this shity live aside
Swallow these pills so I no longer breath
I just so very much want to die

But alas there was that fateful date
She spiralled down into the hands of fate
Memories emerged from rusty iron doors
Of long forgotten ****** wars
From the horrific deeds both seen and did
She desperately wanted safely hid

So determined to relinquish her soul
Balancing on the edge of a massive Black Hole

Oh, how she wanted to let it all go
Swim in the Styx steady flow
Voices silently scream and thump
"Just jump"
Quickly darting thoughts, makes emotions scurry
A savage combatant, now battle worn and worried

This painful life seemed insignificant
No use in wishing things where different



In that final, fateful hour
Under the weight of anguish cowered
A hand reached out and let her know He'd hold tight and not let go
He also lived in that darkened zone
But together they'd never be alone
They constantly leaned on each other
From the emotional whirl, they where each other's buffer

Friendship deeper than can be imagined
Epic enough to be a poetic legend
Their very essence, bonding soul to soul
Love so pure, like the first winter's snow

But alas there was that fateful date
He spiralled down into the hands of fate
Again alone with memories
Echos of what use to be



It's a spiritual knowing
That a love so glowing
Persist only within a true soul-friend
It's a love so strong, it can not end
For when their next lifetime begins
They will find each other, yet again


©Pauline Russell