Our souls are reaching out, calling one to another
Can you hear it, it sounds so much like thunder
It pulls at every single atom
It's stronger than anything you can fathom
It's like a might magnet, deep inside our bones
Pulling at each other till in your arms I'm home

I'm hidden, shivering behind this curtain of rain
Seeing live through shades of pain
I'm so tired of listening to the sound of my tears
They've been falling for way to many years
In this life of mine, it never rains it only pours
In my head, the scarred battle ground of wars'
Of a million thoughts and memories
Trying desperately Pharmaceutical remedies
Only to discover there is no cure for my disease
Forced again and again to my knees

I use to pray to a distant faceless God
Religion preaching of His grand facade
But He too must be flawed
For I stand daily in front of His firing squad
Mental health continually erodes
Desperately waiting for a lull, as He reloads

Coal black darkness paints my life's canvas
As I watch yesterday's loss become today's madness
Wishing I could feel the firm hard dirt at the end of this hole
I fear it's bottomless, just like my soul

©Pauline Russell

I live in a land
Where slowly time stands
The days are extending
They seem never ending
And our sweltering summer's
Are hot than mothers

But we don't give a ****
We just drive our old truck
Down to the old swimming hole
Or grab the faithful fishing pole

We sip on some beer
Or liquid that's clear
We have fun with family and friends
And when the day is at an end
We look to the west
Where the view is the best

We watch over fields that smell sweet
From the soybeans, corn, and wheat
For the sun touches the earth
And soon gives birth
To the most vibrant light show
Yellow, red, pink, and gold

It illuminates the sky till it reaches the other side
You can't help but sigh
As the day slips on by
Darkness and sky meet
And to our house's we retreat

Because I live in a land you still can have some fun
Even after the work days done
Southern Illinois
I wish you could enjoy
Stay for an evening
And you'll never be leaving

Here at the gates of hell again looking down
I don't want to ever be found
I'm so lost and alone
My friend their true feelings they've shown
They got to much of their own to bear
And they just want me out of their hair
I totally understand their view
So I silently take their cue
But I'm so sad I don't know what to do
There's a weight on my chest and I can't breath
And every pour in my body just grives
The agony in my heart seems so unbearable
I'd just go to sleep if I was able
But insteed I'll just lay here staring at the ceiling
Wish I wasn't alone with every fibre of my being

Here at the gates of hell again looking down
I don't want to ever be found
I'm so lost and alone
My friend their true feelings they've shown
They got to much of their own to bear
And they just want me out of their hair
I totally understand their view
So I silently take their cue
But I'm so sad I don't know what to do
There's a weight on my chest and I can't breath
And every pour in my body just grives
The agony in my heart seems so unbearable
I'd just go to sleep if I was able
But insteed I'll just lay here staring at the ceiling
Wish I wasn't alone with every fibre of my being

Here at the gates of hell again looking down
I don't want to ever be found
I'm so lost and alone
My friend their true feelings they've shown
They got to much of their own to bear
And they just want me out of their hair
I totally understand their view
So I silently take their cue
But I'm so sad I don't know what to do
There's a weight on my chest and I can't breath
And every pour in my body just grieves
The agony in my heart seems so unbearable
I'd just go to sleep if I was able
But insteed I'll just lay here staring at the ceiling
Wish I wasn't alone with every fibre of my being

Like a flint rock
You where my spark
And illuminated the dark
But I was blinded by the light
When I got you in my sight
And I could not see
What you where doing to me
I was caught up in the glow
Your pretty word's that flow
So you burned me up
You were so corrupt
So now I am just ashes

Light travels so fast
But the dark is always there to greet it
It's there before the first ray can be cast
It's a truth you can't omit

Before there is light there is darkness
Maybe that's why some are blinded by the light
For the dark has marked us
It's a truth you can't fight

For some the darkness never leaves the soul
Even in the sunshines
The dark still has control
Or at least it does mine

Walking on a sheet of glass
Each step brings spider web cracks
How much longer will it hold
Just how far will it let me go
Some days I tread lightly
Hoping it will crack just slightly
But days like today I jump
Ready to test out my luck
Really hoping it will shatter
So on the rocks below I splatter
But of course it held
So I'll just stand and yell
Till someone hears my cry
And rescues me form the sky
And my growing wish to die

Walking on a sheet of glass
Each step brings spider web cracks
How much longer will it hold
Just how far will it let me go
Some days I tread lightly
Hoping it will crack just slightly
But days like today I jump
Ready to test out my luck
Really hoping it will shatter
So on the rocks below I splatter
But of course it held
So I'll just stand and yell
Till someone hears my cry
And rescues me form the sky
And my growing wish to die

Walking on a sheet of glass
Each step brings spider web cracks
How much longer will it hold
Just how far will it let me go
Some days I tread lightly
Hoping it will crack just slightly
But days like today I jump
Ready to test out my luck
Really hoping it will shatter
So on the rocks below I splatter
But of course it held
So I'll just stand and yell
Till someone hears my cry
And rescues me form the sky
And my growing wish to die

She whispers to me in the dead of night
I scream for her in the bright daylight
She's my sweetest siren, she sings  a fatal song
Such a rush, falling headlong
In her embrace nothing can go wrong
With her venom, I feel I belong

With a single fang
She spikes my vein
A sudden rush
The quiet hush
A body sigh
Touching the sky
Nodding out
No voice to shout
Wonderful phenomenon
Worries gone

She whispers to me in the dead of night
I scream for her in the morning light
Responsibility she slays
Chases memories away
My beautiful queen
Erases what I've seen
I have succumbed
I have become
In every way
Her prey

Day after day everything I try is undone
Like a black cat I am shunned
They act like a backhoe, and I am just dirt
Pressure on me they like to exert
So I go along in life like the ghost that I am
They just look through me never giving a ****
This life of mine is nothing but splatter
Who cares if I leave a little brain matter

Spring is all dressed up in her flowered gown
Upon her leafy green head set's a splendid sun lit crown
Her lips are the brightest cardinal red
Winter seen her coming and hastily fled
Animals wake from their long sleep, waiting on her to see
Her eyes are as deep and blue as the brilliant sea
On her finger's resides diamonds of dew
Spreading through the sky, rainbow hues
She stretches fourth her eager hand
Her green thumb touching every piece of land
As the tears run down her face
Bringing life once more with grace

Hunted and stalked
She was caught
Forced into the car
Out in the woods so far
No one heard her cries
Hands behind her back tied
She tried to plea
His hits just made her bleed
Shoved into the dirt
He was gonna make her hurt
He killed his prey
She dies a little more each day

I'm looking for the Grim Reaper, we have a date
And he seems to be running late
We were supposed to meet years ago
And still here I am, he's a no show
I'm begaing to think he's avoiding me
I've felt his dark presence, but him I couldn't see
I tried to grab his sleeve
When with my sick mother he was about to leave
I stalked him to my dying uncles bedside
But again right by me he did slide
Reaper why do you play these games with me
Can't you let my death be
Do I need to write my name in blood
Do I need to let it be a flood
Grim Reaper I am gonna stalk you down
Until you finally put me under ground

I'm looking for the Grim Reaper, we have a date
And he seems to be running late
We were supposed to meet years ago
And still here I am,he's a no show
I'm begaing to think he's avoiding me
I've felt his dark presence, but him I couldn't see
I tried to grab his sleeve
When with my sick mother he was about to leave
I stalked him to my dying uncles bedside
But again right by me he did slide
Reaper why do you play these games with me
Can't you let my death be
Do I need to write my name in blood
Do I need to let it be a flood
Grim Reaper I am gonna stalk you down
Until you finally put me under ground

Here I am again standing in the gray
Lost in the sway
Lost in the fray
At times standing in my own way

When everything around you doesn't matter
People's voices become just chatter
It couldn't get much sadder
I've been lost in the scatter

Yet somethings remain the same
My soul is still aflame
With all that's insain
Nothing left to reclaim

Even though the winds of time have changed
I'm still here to the past chained
The smile that plays about on my face is constrained
As catastroph and sorrow on my head rained

Now you see me, now you don't
I want to run, but maybe I wont
Frozen in time, still always moving
Memories flawed, futures always proving
Agony unwavering, is always changing
Happiness unreachable, yet so nearing
Things unwanted, forever need
Wounds have healed, scars still bleed
Always right, standing in the wrong
Feelings left to die, forever live on

Now you see me, now you don't
I want to run, but maybe I wont
Frozen in time, still always moving
Memories flawed, futures always proving
Agony unwavering, is always changing
Happiness unreachable, yet so nearing
Things unwanted, forever need
Wounds have healed, scars still bleed
Always right, standing in the wrong
Feelings left to die, forever live on

Steel nuts in a paper sack
You'd think they fall out but they don't
You'll see in ***** I don't lack
I'll stand my ground, backing down I won't

I'm a woman, with the reckless abandonment of a man
Not afraid of taking care of what needs to be done
Saying whats on my mind I will and can

With me you'll know exactly what I think
I'm not like the shifting sand
Even as I balance on the brink
You can see I never ran

I can deal with me and mine, and even yours
Be it a fight or a blessing
I'll stay true to the core
You'll never catch me resting

If you want a confrontation
I'll be there toe to toe
I'll gladly drowned you in information
Showing you just how much you don't know

I have ***** of steel
Protected by a paper sack
I possess an unbreakable will
In a soft fragile shell wrapped

The atoms around me are exploding
My body is eroding
Every particle of me is floating
It's all in my DNA coding
Starting my ascent
This I will not circumvent
Now I'm out in outerspace
Up to the great fates
The vibrant colors around me swirl
I'm no longer a person, no longer a girl
I am particals, I am pieces, I am atoms
Floating around like a phantom
Ground down so much I am star dust
Pushed along by the cosmic gust
Destined to land in another galaxy
Far away from all the inhumanity

The atoms around me are exploding
My body is eroding
Every particle of me is floating
It's all in my DNA coding
Starting my ascent
This I will not  circumvent
Now I'm out in outerspace
Up to the great fates
The vibrant colors around me swirl
I'm no longer a person, no longer a girl
I am particals, I am pieces, I am atoms
Floating around like a phantom
Ground down so much I am star dust
Pushed along by the cosmic gust
Destined to land in another galaxy
Far away from all the inhumanity

The light cut the dark like a steel bladed razor
Straight through the vain, straight to the heart of it
The truth has such a savory flavor
Once what was hidden in the depth of the pit
Is dragged into the light
Although it can be painful and tough like denim
Like a snake bite
It might still hurt,but it will lose it's venom
So let us air out our closets
Finally give them skeletons a proper burial
You know where to make your deposit
Let us all acknowledge our pain, and give it the proper memorial
For the truth is crimson red
And it bleeds us out in the dark of night
No need to carry it to our deathbed
Just put it in the light

A person who wants nothing never can be bought
A person who won't fight never can be fought
A person who doesn't lie never can be caught
A person who won't play the game never can be used
A person who dosen't cheat will always pay his dues
A persons who never thinks can never have any views
A person who dosen't care what you think will never leave you confused
A person who has nothing they will never lose
So never judge another until you step into his shoes

So close to the edge and about to step over
Then I can rest under that sweet clover
The fall will be like flying
With the sweet release of dying
I only see the sorrow stopping
With my body dropping
I'm so tired of the gray
I just want it all to go away
I can't take another catastrophe
The demons won't let me be
So I'll step behind the veil  
Because I already live in hell

A stones throw from heaven
To bad they close at eleven
Guess I'll be eating with the devil again
He doesn't care about all my sin
We'll talk and laugh and drink some gin
We'll play pinochle and I'll let him win
I'll never have to worry about being cold
I won't be blinded by the street's of gold
I'll play fetch with his hound
Won't have to worry about that heavenly crown
We'll smoke a bowl and get real high
Won't have to worry about how angels fly
We'll crank that metal music up till the earth shakes
No worrying about being tested till I break
I'll be there with the rest of the primates
No  more worrying about those locked pearly gates

I laid on my bed and watched the storms last night
Seeing the beautiful lightning such a wonderful sight
I didn't even mind being there alone
I guess the loneliness I've out grown

The lightning struck so much my room was contant noon
And the thunder just kept rolling like one melodious tone

I lay across my bed
With the window at my head
I love the fragrant smell
When the storms give it hell

I watched it storm for hours
Wishing I could draw upon it's powers
Just how awesome would that be
To have people cower before me

I dreamed all night long of storms and thunder
It tore my dreams asunder
But in the morning light they where gone
And now I can't wait for them again to come along

I laid on my bed and watched the storms last night
Seeing the beautiful lightning such a wonderful sight
I didn't even mind being there alone
I guess the loneliness I've out grown

The lightning struck so much my room was contant noon
And the thunder just kept rolling like one melodious tone

I lay across my bed
With the window at my head
I love the fragrant smell
When the storms give it hell

I watched it storm for hours
Wishing I could draw upon it's powers
Just how awesome would that be
To have people cower before me

I dreamed all night long of storms and thunder
It tore my dreams asunder
But in the morning light they where gone
And now I can't wait for them again to come along

The Christmas angel sat sadly on the shelf
She sat there all by herself
She had been sitting there for years
You could tell she had cried many tears
For she was covered in dust, except for the streaks
On her beautifully round cheeks

For there was no tree for her to grace the top
One year it wasn't put up, it just came to a stop
All the children had grown up and left
In them the Christmas spirit had been kept
They had always been the reason
The mother had decorated for the season
The reason the smell of cookies baking would fill the house
Now there is not even a cookie crumb, not even for a mouse

So the angel sat all alone
Watching how the darkness had grown
The mother no longer caring
Her sadness, over bearing
Every year it seemed to get worse
The mother feeling Christmas time was a curse
The angel trying to figure out how her cold heart to traverse
How to chase away the darkness and the pain disperse

Then like magic, one Christmas eve a knock on the door
What the mother saw knocked her to the floor
Her eye's filled with tears of joy
There in the doorway stood a little girl and a little boy
The grandbabies had came
Christmas would never be the same
Those tiny little arms held out to be picked up
Had more than over filled the Christmas spirits cup

With laughter and song
The put up the tree, it didn't take long
And the angel was dusted off
Given a kiss and placed on the top
Although old and slightly tattered
It didn't in the lest bit matter
They plugged in the tree, fingers crossed they hoped it would light
All those gathered round the tree gasped at the sight
That little angel had never shined such a bright brilliant light

A single tear rolled down the mother's cheek, the same time one rolled down the face of the angel
A tear of joy and of hope for the future, then the Grandmother scooped up the grandbabies Kimberly and Abel
Held them up so they could see
Just how beautiful that angel could be

The Christmas angel sat sadly on the shelf
She sat there all by herself
She had been sitting there for years
You could tell she had cried many tears
For she was covered in dust, except for the streaks
On her beautifully round cheeks

For there was no tree for her to grace the top
One year it wasn't put up, it just came to a stop
All the children had grown up and left
In them the Christmas spirit had been kept
They had always been the reason
The mother had decorated for the season
The reason the smell of cookies baking would fill the house
Now there is not even a cookie crumb, not even for a mouse

So the angel sat all alone
Watching how the darkness had grown
The mother no longer caring
Her sadness, over bearing
Every year it seemed to get worse
The mother feeling Christmas time was a curse
The angel trying to figure out how her cold heart to traverse
How to chase away the darkness and the pain disperse

Then like magic, one Christmas eve a knock on the door
What the mother saw knocked her to the floor
Her eye's filled with tears of joy
There in the doorway stood a little girl and a little boy
The grandbabies had came
Christmas would never be the same
Those tiny little arms held out to be picked up
Had more than over filled the Christmas spirits cup

With laughter and song
The put up the tree, it didn't take long
And the angel was dusted off
Given a kiss and placed on the top
Although old and slightly tattered
It didn't in the lest bit matter
They plugged in the tree, fingers crossed they hoped it would light
All those gathered round the tree gasped at the sight
That little angel had never shined such a bright brilliant light

A single tear rolled down the mother's cheek, the same time one rolled down the face of the angel
A tear of joy and of hope for the future, then the Grandmother scooped up the grandbabies Kimberly and Abel
Held them up so they could see
Just how beautiful that angel could be

©Pauline Russell

There once was a tiny Dragon
The biggest anyone could fathom
He was the fiercest in all the land
And always willing to lend a helping hand
He could breath fire so you better take stock
He turns everyone into ice blocks
In this land the sun always shines
But it will stop raining at the drop of a dime
It's the land of contradiction
Every thing is fiction

Or is it???

There once was a tiny Dragon
The biggest anyone could fathom
He was the fiercest in all the land
And always willing to lend a helping hand
He could breath fire so you better take stock
He turns everyone into ice blocks
In this land the sun always shines
But it will stop raining at the drop of a dime
It's the land of contradiction
Every thing is fiction

Or is it???

So very much, will I be missing you
It's leaving me a stranger blue

Stuck inside my head
This is where I fled
I can't find my way out
The bars are much to stout

I scream and shout
I fling about
Searching throughout
There just is no rout

I'm stuck inside my head
So much is left unsaid
I've lost so many friends
In here there is no wins

Going round the bend
No one comprehends
Thoughts just condemn
Slowly sink and descend

I'm stuck inside my head
This is from where I bled
The bars were just to stout
I couldn't find my way out

©Pauline Morris

I never was warned
Now I'm stuck on the horns

I'm burning in the fire
Stuck in the mire

Each choice will pierce
This decision is fierce

This situation is dire
My brain is going haywire

It's about to expire
What an awful quagmire

The universe against me is conspiring
With all it guns locked and loaded, it's firing

It's aiming straight at my heart, my head
I swear it wants me dead

Such an enigma
On the horns of a dilemma

I never was warned
Now I'm stuck on the horns

I'm burning in the fire
Stuck in the mire

Each choice will pierce
This decision is fierce

This situation is dire
My brain is going haywire

It's about to expire
What an awful quagmire

The universe against me is conspiring
With all it guns locked and loaded, it's firing

It's aiming straight at my heart, my head
I swear it wants me dead

Such an enigma
On the horns of a dilemma

I never was warned
Now I'm stuck on the horns

I'm burning in the fire
Stuck in the mire

Each choice will pierce
This decision is fierce

This situation is dire
My brain is going haywire

It's about to expire
What an awful quagmire

The universe against me is conspiring
With all it guns locked and loaded, it's firing

It's aiming straight at my heart, my head
I swear it wants me dead

Such an enigma
On the horns of a dilemma

©Pauline Russell

Did you think you was gonna pull the wolf over my eyes

Why do you talk stupid?


To make you undersand!
Dont you know it's a dog eat dog world out there, it's survival of the fattest

There you go talking stupid again!!


And there you go understanding again

Walking continually in the rain of desperation
Drowning in the flood of my dire situation

Mired in my grief by the muddy suction
Shackled in barbed wire chains of my self destruction

Watching the Wind's of Change, bring life's next squall
Surrounding me, protecting me, is my wailing wall

As the Sand's of time unmercifully does it's eroding
Agonizing memories, the darkness keeps exposing

Thoughts start to spin, start to twist and contort
Demons there to greet me, in my mind they love to consort

Struggling with all my might, still doesn't help, I am stuck
Sinking, I'm getting enveloped by life's gooey muck

Slowly submerging in suicidal quicksand, seeking only peace
Depression sinks in it's sharp teeth, for death is release

©Pauline Russell

Sweet summer kisses
The mind reminisces
Arms warm and strong
Lingering so long
Weighing the chances
Knowing glances
On the blanket some fun
Love in the sun

I would trade all the stars above
Just to have another hug
The sun and moon too
For your "I love you"

I miss your smile, it cut through my sorrow
Your love made me want to see tomorrow
I miss your dark ocean blue eyes
They always seen through my disguise

I miss the way you'd hug me tight
When everything wasn't right
I miss your friendship most of all
When both of us were in a fall

That day my world went from gray to black
There's nothing I wouldn't do to have you back
But way to soon you was called back home
So now I travel this dark road alone

©Pauline Russell

Golden sun ends day
Wonderful way to say bye
Looking to the sky

Something feels all wrong
Like the banging of a gong

The winds have shifted
See how far I've drifted

The sun's been misplaced
The moon's in a race

The stars don't align
But I'll be just fine

Wake up in the morning streatch and yawn
After last night I didn't think I'd see dawn
I fought my demons all night long
And with morning light nothing can go wrong

With half closed eye's I stumble out of bed
With sleep still heavy in my head
I sway my way to the coffee ***
A brand new day a brand new start
With no idea my world would be torn apart

My cat weaved himself between my legs
He's still there as I cook my eggs
All done cooking I turn and stumble
Right over my cute cat bundle

With hands full of coffe and breakfast
Slamming my head into the table was not expected
Who knew today would be the day
Who knew I'd die this way
I fought my demons all night long
Just to be done in with my cats purring song

Wake up in the morning streatch and yawn
After last night I didn't think I'd see dawn
I fought my demons all night long
And with morning light nothing can go wrong

With half closed eye's I stumble out of bed
With sleep still heavy in my head
I sway my way to the coffee ***
A brand new day a brand new start
With no idea my world would be torn apart

My cat weaved himself between my legs
He's still there as I cook my eggs
All done cooking I turn and stumble
Right over my cute cat bundle

With hands full of coffe and breakfast
Slamming my head into the table was not expected
Who knew today would be the day
Who knew I'd die this way
I fought my demons all night long
Just to be done in with my cats purring song

If you venture out at night in the Louisiana swamp
You better be careful of where you do romp
Out in this swamp where the tree moss hangs thick
You better step lively you better step quick

You better beware
You better take care
I'm gonna tell you just what in there dwells

You can't trust your brother, you can't trust your friend
You can't trust your family, no not none of them
For in that swamp lies a mighty curse
It's not like a nightmare it's much, much worse

It's big, 10 feet tall
And hair covers it all
Part man part dog, wolf, and demon
If you see it, it'll start you to screaming
It's a curse laid on man
You'll never know who wears the brand

So don't go out in the silky black night
Your heart might not be able to take the fright
For it's name is the Lugaru
And it will be coming for you

Within my darkened hour
I lay upon my bed and cower
Waiting on the Grim Reaper to devour
I was waiting on that darkest beast
But Death wisps in and gently sealed my lips with a kiss of sweet release
And I become one of the blessed deceased

He's tainted more than me
He's tainted my trees
The place I always felt at easy

Now in the woods what will I hear
Will it be the sounds of the animals and birds in my ears
Or will it be that day's sound that in my head is seared