She stopped by the Wishing Creek
and skipped a rock or two
before pulling out a penny for her thoughts.
She squeezed her eyes shut to the sun,
letting the coin fall from her hand like a lone raindrop.
The girl watched as the penny sank like a stone,
her eyes shining like stars at just the sight of that
polluted little puddle that ran between the trees.
She wished for the same thing every day,
but she wants it to come true, so she won't say.
What important things could a kid wish for anyway?
But I'll let you in on a little secret,
from one despaired dreamer to another.
It. Never. Came. True.

If you could read minds
you would find
a total stranger.
You'd want to change her,
change me.
Yes my thoughts would finally be free,
but you would never agree
with me.

Amber colored bubbles
rising within me,
I can hear each one
coming to the surface,
then popping.
Amber colored bubbles
fizzing up
like strawberry soda,
making me feel all tingly
from my fingers to my toes.
Amber colored bubbles
slicing through the dark,
beaming as bright
as the smile
you placed upon my lips.

Why am I always crying?
Everyone around me is always
so lighthearted and upbeat
laughing and
talking and
smiling and
I'm just sitting off to the side
with a sour look on my face,
feeling like I'm on the outside peering in,
like I don't belong.
What is their secret?
What are they doing that I'm not?
Why can't I just be like everyone else?
What's wrong with me?
Why can't I be happy?!

I saw you with your mask down today.
You had kept it on for so long
I had thought it was super glued to your face,
but when it slipped I saw that the person
who seemed cold and distant on the inside
only kept up that guard on the outside.
You remind me of a swimming pool,
cold if you only dip your toe in,
but not so bad if you jump straight in.
I'm glad I saw you with your mask down today.
Never put it back on.

It seems like life
has too many lows
and not enough highs.
Just like gravity,
what comes up must always come down,
and when you fall flat on your face
it's always hard to get back up again.
You wonder why you even try anymore,
I wonder why I even try anymore,
but the reason I haven't succumbed myself
to the manic madness inside my head
is because of the rare things
that come in life like
double rainbows and
four leaf clovers and
happy tears and
laughing until your stomach hurts and
all of the nonsense about dreams and
true love that probably isn't even true.
And though these things may seem simple,
I'm too curious to give up.
I'll always be chasing the end of the rainbow
even if I never find it,
because life is just a bottomless pit
if there's nothing for me to hope for.

I can't constantly be funny
or have a witty reply.
Even the sun doesn't shine all the time.
So here's me without all the lies:
On the inside I'm shy,
expectations make me wanna die,
and sometimes I just want someone
to hold me while I cry.

There are plenty of people
who push others away,
who say that
they're fine being a lone wolf,
but even wolves in the wild
who leave their pack
go off to find a mate
and sow the seeds
to start their own family,
they still surround
themselves with others.
Lone wolves don't actually exist,
only the idea of it,
so if wolves need others
in order to survive,
then why don't people?

Face of cracked stone
eyes hollowed and black
hands relaxed into fists
lips tugged down into frown

she feels nothing
nothing at all

Yet a single dewdrop is slick
shined from the night time grass
playing with the corner of her eye
before slow-motion sliding down her face

Yet she feels nothing
nothing at all

I hate that word
sounds like a disease
its completely blurred

oh just please
stop saying it
to be the crowd
when theres people who slit
their wrists

they scream loud
for anyone to listen
during the pain

they think hope is fiction
it winds through their brain
until they die
with a smile

and because of your lie
those bodies pile

Being on top of the world one moment
and hitting rock bottom the next
is one of the worst feelings in the world,
like life is just one huge ferris wheel
that never stops.
up, down
even after you've run out of tickets
up, down
even after your skin turns stark white
from motion sickness.
The cycle will continue
until you choose to take control of you
up, down
What are you going to do?

I wish I had a hidden talent
that could bring a crowd to its knees.
I can barely balance
on both feet,
yet alone sing a solo
or play water polo.
I can't put others in a trance
when I dance,
or speak to a crowd,
or even make my parents proud.
No one will ever notice me
when all I can write is poetry.

There are only three words
that I feel like saying right now,
three words
that I've thought about over and over again
as I lay awake in bed,
three words
that soar like a bird
wild and free and full of fresh breath,
three words
that I want to shout till my voice
becomes so sore I can't speak
three words
that I hope you feel like saying back
but have just been too afraid to,
three words
I. love. you.

Waking up in a pool of sweat and tears,
my memories haunting my nightmares.
I had just fallen asleep at 2 a.m
because I stayed up all night stressing.
Because I was afraid to face you
the following morning.

I thought I'd slept for hours,
that I had just forgotten
to set my alarm on accident.
But when I squinted to see,
the red numbers only read 3.
And though I'm physically tired,
I've never felt more mentally awake.

Every morning I wake up thinking that the sky is falling

I'll write down what I feel
because to me it is real.
I know I'm always crying
and my mouth is always lying
that all I do is drag you down
that you're better off without me around.
So I'm going to stop telling you things
I'll go off and spread my wings
and let you finally be free
of me.
So when I'm alone and afraid,
I'll put my pencil to the page.
I'll write off my feelings that are blue
because I can no longer talk to you

My heart leapt to touch yours
when you looked at me with those eyes ,
with understanding,
and though we just met,
and I don't know you just yet,
I feel like I've made a friend.

It's not love
if you kick someone to the curb,
if you drop someone like a bad habit.
You said you had no one to talk to
even when I was standing next to you,
yet you always looked at her
like she was the only thing
that could put a smile
on those lips I've kissed.
You had checked out of our relationship
before it was even over,
and here I am, still trying to be sober,
trying to let go of the grasp
I still have on you.
I was nothing compared to her.
I'm sorry I couldn't be her,
I'm sorry it wasn't love.

You are my everything.
Words cannot even describe,
but I will try.
You're my first waking thought,
the last before I sleep
and then there you are
weaved into my dreams.
eat, sleep, love you, repeat.
You are my everything.

I used to feel something
I swear I did
when I was in your arms
a beaming bright kid

but you push me away
without even realizing it
I feel like a ghost
I feel like ending it

but then I can't leave
you know I won't
my heart it aches
it cannot be alone

I crave any touch
even if it burns
I'll only draw nearer
the more that it hurts

Valentine's Day is just a day that was made
to make the single people sad
or make the people in relationships realize
that the person they're with
couldn't care less about them.
I've been both people each and every year.
Prove me wrong.
Valentine's Day is just a day of despair.

You start with the cheek
warm against the cold
the embrace leaves me weak
and your hand I take hold
but the passion grows stronger
as you move in near
please linger longer
can't conquer my fear
but those lips they caress
gingerly against my own
the first is a mess
but the craving has grown
until I phene
on the taste of your nicotine

The writing off of my secrets
that make my heart race
when I whisper them aloud

The words leaping out of my mind
and onto crumpled paper
giving a graceful pirouette

And they grin at me
so ever warm and welcoming
telling me I am not alone in this

For days I read them over and over
to grasp the feelings of this other person
who I may or may not be anymore

And when I'm finished I crease the edges
into an origami bird
hold it up and set it free

The words fluttering away on the breeze
along with my problems
secrets no longer

Paintbrush in my hand,
yellow paint at the ready
to add the last finishing touches.

It's a landscape of a bright sunset
bleeding into dark waters.
Its beautiful beyond compare,
enough to make anyone smile
at just the mere sight of it.

But I'm frowning.
Because where I make a masterpiece,
I see a piece of work.

Just like when I look
into the mirror everything morning.
I see features of my face
that could be painted over
or blended in to look prettier
like the other girls at my school.

But unlike my artwork that I can
fix and fool around with until I'm pleased,
I can't change my face into
a work of art that I can be proud of.
I  know I will always feel like a failed project.

I really am my worst critic...

I can't control my emotions.
You have the right to want what you want
while I have the right to want what I want .
we're only human.
We ***** up, we fight, we make up,
we start back from square one.
I try to find the common ground
shared between us,
but one of us always gets hurt.
And if one of us gets hurt it's never her.
Because I love her.
I can't stand to see her upset
and I don't have the right to be happy.

My heart swelled like the sea
on that night when you told me.
I remember it so vividly,
your voice was so lovely,
on that night you set my soul free

His eyes were the rainbow sunset
Smile was the source of all my laughter
I know he would never let,
me fall and brittly shatter.

His laugh is the music
a choppy chuckling beat
though to others it may sound tragic,
to me this escape is elite

His smallest touch sets my skin to fire
a roaring soaring blaze,
I would be a liar
if I said it was just a faze

But here I am as I open my eyes,
it was all just a dream
for no matter how high I rise
His eyes will never share my gleam.

I was shaking and shrieking

rolling thunder thrumming in my ears
electricity crackling in my fingers and toes
the wind whishing my hair every which way

Lighting flashed and I lost my mind

trees fell one by one and made my home a prison
the sky cracked open and tore the world in two
people shook and shrieked as they fought for their lives

I couldn't keep from laughing at it all

If I walked out today would you chase me?
Would you grab my hand on the way out the door?
Would you tell me you loved me?
Would I say it back?

If I cried in front of you would you comfort me?
Would you sit and stare at me uncomfortably?
Would you tell me to dry my tears?
Would I only cry harder?

If I lied to you would you hate me?
Would you make me tell you the truth?
Would you lose all trust in me?
Would I deserve to be trusted again?

If I asked you to marry me would you say yes?
Would we both be ready to live our lives together?
Would I be happy with you?
Would you be happy with me?

Having more to live for
makes me want to live even less

You call me your goddess.
That I rule over all that
is intelligent and beautiful
You never hesitate to
put me up on a podium
and praise me for my qualities

And how did I earn this position?
By being myself.
He doesn't force me to change,
he doesn't even want me to change

I wish everybody could be like that.
That instead of setting the bar high and
having expectations for others,
that we can give each other more hugs
and congratulate one another.

That everybody can have somebody in their lives
that lifts them up instead of puts them down.
That makes them feel like just as much as a goddess
as my boyfriend makes me feel.

I'm all you have,
and I know that's sad,
but we'll both be fine,
because when one of us cries
we'll still face our fears,
we won't be alone to dry our tears,
so dry your tears, Love, don't be blue,
I'll be fine if I have you.

Flat stomach
poking ribs
jealous girls
wanna be thin

Empty stomach
growing hunger
cannot eat
just a little longer

My distraction
my punishment
I deserve
this discontent

You'll never see
I am a whisper
inside a crowd
I am a drifter
in a sky of clouds
I am one word
in a poem
I am blurred
you'll never know him
invisible
unpredictable
You'll never know me

She's the sweetest little girl I swear,
the girl with the halo of hair.

Her eyes might be an icy blue,
but deep inside there lies a different hue,
one that's brighter than the sun's rays,
that blooms far wilder than the flowers of May.

Yes, she may be beautiful,
but she's also the girl who pulls
on my heartstrings when she holds me close,
who doesn't make me feel like a ghost,
whose smile brightens up my day,
who doesn't judge the things I do or say.

I knew the second I saw her she was the one for me,
the one who will always make me happy
and though she's a girl, she's the love of my life,
who I hope will one day become my wife.

Let me tell you about a guy named Lonely
my most loyal and only friend
he's always by my side
in every crowd or conversation
comforting me when things go wrong

Sometimes when I'm tired of Lonely
I force myself to talk to others
but whenever I think I've found a friend
they always make sure to remind me
that I will only ever be alone

I push people away
and leave them before
they can leave me,
before you can betray me,
because everybody hates me.

Little girl with wide, scared eyes
doesn't know what to do with her life,
or how to make her own decisions.
She knows what mommy and daddy would want,
but their ideas seem boring and off.

Little girl with puffed out cheeks,
and eye rolls and snarky comments,
wants to rule her own life and
everyone around her.
She's selfish and rude and doesn't
take account for her own actions.

Little girl with cut up wrists
doesn't know where everything went wrong.
All she knows is that the pain
makes her feel sane, in the moment,
but, in the end, makes her feel worse.

Little girl with a high school diploma
finally needs to **** it up and grow up.
The world won't stop for her.
All it cares about is whether she's paid her taxes.
She needs to realize that not everyone
is going to love her.
Not even herself.

I thought for sure the weight had been lifted
that I would finally be able to hold
the breath in my lungs,
the food in my stomach,
and the thoughts in my head

except now I'm smothered
breath panicky and restrained
food filed in the trash
thoughts spinning spider's webs

was it the barbed fangs
or the spear-like horns
that drove you away from me?
was it the painted smile
and delayed laughter?

then my head was diluted with worries,
laced with lies,
high on just the mere idea of you

and now there's this void
swirling in my stomach,
the same infinitely expanding blackhole
that my science teacher said
devoured all light

Maybe I'm more of a monster these days,
being viewed by spectators
through tunneled vision

or maybe, for once,
what I'm seeing in the mirror is the ever so faint
outline of a human...

You told me you loved me
and I said It back,
not knowing you meant it in that way.

my hands are tiny
scrawny and warm
with a freckled right hand
and sawed-off fingernails

your hands are big
full yet cold
with a circling thumb
and fingertips of lightning

your left hand fits
with my right
sending icy shivers
down my spine

while your right hand
holds me down,
stops my breathing
and all sound

Dating me is like
getting a new puppy.
I might look cute and cuddly
in the animal shelter,
but when you take me home
you realize all I do is
*** on your floor and
chew up your furniture.

I've always kept my jealousy
locked in a box within my heart,
and since the day we started dating
only I've held the key.

My jealousy innocently simmers
inside like a *** of water,
but explodes red-hot like
the lava inside a volcano
if put under pressure

I wish I could let you open up my little box
and let you see the real root of my jealousy.
Let you see that buried underneath my smile
lies a deep, etched frown.

But I know you wouldn't understand.
You see me as strong and as cast-iron hard
as the box encased around my heart.
You would break if you saw
your sturdy rock crumble.

So instead I'll shut my little box
and throw away the key,
in hopes that if I bury these feelings
deep enough inside of me
I'll forget they ever existed
in the first place.

I've burned so many bridges
I have no where else to go,
no where to cross.
Now all I look down and see,
between the chasms I created,
is the infinite abyss,
dark and swirling and ******* me in.
I have no where else to go,
and since I've burned so many bridges,
all I can do now is jump.

People have always scared me
my knees shake
and I cower away in the corner
like a mouse hiding from a cat

And when I'm with you
I lose my words
and  look down at the floor
like its the most interesting thing

in the world

But then you hold your hand out
I grab it
and though we don't speak
you're okay with it

You are my seatbelt
tethering me to this earth
and for that I love you
more than any words could ever say

Do you like her more
because she's more talkative?
Because she comes as blunt as a pencil
but with words that stab like a knife?
Do I need to change
in order for you to like me?

Because I know when you look at me all you see
is someone who is not her.
Someone that is not worth your affection and time.

Your actions stab me like a knife.
Stab.
when I saw you two walking together.
Stab.
when I heard you tell her she was beautiful.
Stab.
When I smelled the remnants of her perfume on you.

You're killing me slowly,
never hitting a major artery,
always torturing me.

I'm not experienced
I've never felt love
I've never felt anything
like this

so when you whisper
those maple syrup words
hot and thick
in my ear
I say them back
more as a question
than an answer