the waves are crashing
I am a happy pleaser
the season is glorious
I am a beautiful brain teaser

I would like to take your hand
lead you down a path of never ending blooms
the way it is in my heart
when I think of you

I’m under the sun’s sweltering microscope
a single bead of sweat slips between my *******
the wind intervenes on my behalf  
swaying with my pretty dress
I appreciate the cherry red vintage firebird to my left
the enormous bursting Christmas white hydrangeas to my right
it’s a short walk
past stately buildings and old trees
people scattered on benches and lawns
or meandering past with their own brown bags
it’s a beautiful day
in my sleepy capital

I don’t believe in fate
but I do believe in karma
so why do I feel that it is my fate to be alone
but not my karma?

I’ve revisited some of my past offerings
I’ve given you
a breathtaking display
of devotion
and lust
there is no denying this

I expect you have appreciated it
I’m just saying
I see it too

dogs are nice
dogs are fun
they like to chew and *** and run
dogs are sweet
you know it’s true
the only thing better

is a person who loves you and who you love and you don’t want to ****** each other and you make each other laugh and have great *** and do cool stuff together and they think your kid is awesome and you think their kid is awesome and you live happily ever after and also you have antigravity boots

I just spent 30 minutes
trying to tune a cheap electric guitar
at least I’m not on Facebook

the screams in my dreams
are not nightmares
though there is a monster

I have to get something off my chest…

I love cheese dip
and I’m not talking about fancy cheese dip
I mean straight out of the tin
100% processed, chemical
no cheese involved cheese dip

also

** **’s
man, that’s just childhood bliss
pure preservative laden childhood bliss
that’s “my mom loves me and life is good” sugar

corn dogs
who doesn’t love corn dogs?
minions of satan that’s who
and orange crush
peanut m&ms
******* jack popcorn
there was a cheap toy inside
a tattoo, or a plastic ring…

I was one of those kids
innocent, hopelessly naive, vulnerable

and

******* world

I still am

hello poetry should change its name to
Not A Dating Site
there are lots of other sites for that
and they work pretty well
in my experience

be happy
be healthy
be safe
be free

I will be here
still
waiting for someone
who wants to want
and need
and love
me

my gleeful innocence is investigating
my human foolishness
with joyful detachment
my soul is emanating a deafening love
keeping everyone company

while words hold a great deal of fascination
from the heart, much is lost in translation

I’m much too intoxicated to write this poem
the title is all I know
not any associated sentiment
what does it even mean?!?
surely
nothing

I’m only halfway back
it’s ok, it’s a meaningful journey
and I’m feeling optimistic

the square knot is simple
yet easily misunderstood
I admire it’s elegant symmetry
and strength
it is very reliable and can even be
quite unconventional
despite the misleading name

My brain isn’t trying to make sense anymore
My heart clings to the feeling it wants
I am frozen in your winter

Atreyu’s horse sinks steadily into the mud
his weak limbs cease to move
white coat turns dark
his heart races in fear as he’s slowly entombed
Atreyu shrieks in tears
pulling on him not to give up
it’s no use
the swamp of sadness has swallowed hope
Artax is gone
Atreyu must go on alone
with only his grief and memory

before being observed
(and subsequently destroyed)
the cat was teleported to an array of galaxies
and times
thereby seeding the universe
with his own special brand
of ambiguity

strange but I was jealous of your Italian girl
even though you don’t care for her at all
are in fact, quite heartless towards her

but I am not jealous of Faith
he loves her
not me
there’s nothing for me to lose

we were a thing that never was
a place that never placed
you never chased me because
there is no elephant zebra race

it’s a gorgeous day
my heart is full of Red Bull
I am cracking my wrists
I am cracking my neck
I am flexing my muscles
(which can be seen for miles)
I am feeling like the day

I can see
just now
this very moment
how you would think me a liar

because I remember that night
(so long ago)
when you complained
I look so young
(like, jealously)

and I said—

you look young too…

but you called me a liar

you called me a liar
but it was true
it was true and I believed it
but you couldn’t

it’s just like when I tell you
—I love you—

I met Neal in my early 20’s
he was a professional musician
who I managed to impress with my musical taste.
We talked about the past life we shared in France
I was a young catholic priest
who died of bubonic plague
laying in my own open coffin, waiting to be closed,
in the dark basement arches of a French cathedral.
I knew him as a young woman
who lived in the countryside with her father.
Though my dying thoughts were of her
standing on the hill in front of their cottage,
the karmic association was fleeting.

I was not attracted to Neal,
though he looked very much like you.
We only kissed good night once.
But sometimes our eternities swirl
around the same vortices,
patterns we barely notice
coincidences, surely
...and yet

unsympathetic

where are you
besides in my mind?
what are you doing
besides tormenting me?
when will your hands
touch me?
how will I know
it’s you?

Rupert the dancing bear was one cool cat
course he was also a sexist ****
but even the most sensitive guys often were in the 90’s
which were like the 70’s but with Nirvana
still, I’d call him a good egg
and I think he campaigned for Bernie a few years back
so, there’s something to be said for that

I held myself at gun point
and gave in to all my demands

our interactions have become meaningless
in an irrelevant way
which is very compatible with my happiness
but there’s still hope for you in the grand scheme of things
I’m sure of it

I needed you then
I needed help
a smile
a hug
I needed your willingness
to be there for me
but I’ve got through it alone
just
don’t bother
if you ever did

I’m much better now
so much better
this here
is my regular amount of malaise
not some special extraordinary kind of misery
laced with longing and anxiety
no, this regular run of the mill depression
I’m quite comfortable with
we’re old friends
we’ve been here for each other
a long time
we know each other’s ins and outs
strengths and weaknesses
I’m perfectly safe here
content even
with it
and not you

commas are graphic
three dimensional bullies
so opinionated
we should put them in their place

I am so sorry
I am so sad
come back
dear sociopath lover
I live for you
truly
all the feelings I have
revolve around you
even if you are a lying
psychotic
*******

and isn’t that what counts?

the exosphere
is the last bit of matter
the gravity can hold onto
before slipping out into space
alone
it’s the thinnest skin
separating one world
from the void between worlds
it feels like pins and needles
when interplanetary molecules are trapped
and celestial molecules break free
it feels like freedom and death
it feels like waking up

it’s time for our annual conversation
I still love you
do you still love me?

I don’t know what you hoped to accomplish
at any given point
what reality you were trying to create for me
why you didn’t trust me
or tell me the truth
all I know is:
it’s very hard to lie to me,
for reasons previously discussed;
it’s been very painful;
I think you’re still... somewhere;
and I hate how elated that makes me feel

It’s just
I can’t do anything from here

I’m not sure you can put me all together
in your mind

I know I can’t put you

but I love all the pieces

even if I can’t understand yet

the whole

the path to your heart
I know
is through a dark wood
the path is guided, though
by gentle fairies
masquerading as song birds
and the serendipitous wisdom of flowers
there is magic all around us
and in our hearts
though we walk blindly
with reckless trust and nameless hope
we are rewarded
finally

trust is only as valuable
as the life you’re trying to preserve

I think it’s a positive development
that these days when I’m thinking
“idiot”
I’m mostly thinking you
and not me

I am watching the sun slip
under the horizon
it is 6:47

that was a lie
it is 6:46
I got swept up
in the dusky drama of night
forgive me

She needs to be Punished
doesn’t She?
doesn’t She need to be taught A Lesson?
hasn’t She been
Very Bad?

the day is cold
very cold
it will not get warm
but my heart makes up for all those types of things

the cold irony of your words when you think you are talking about love is endearing
but sometimes I feel sad for you

be careful poets
sometimes a love poem can turn into a ******
or a burlap bag of puppies at the bottom of a lake
sometimes a love poem can wrap its fingers around your throat and squeeze until you can’t speak
be careful I say

it can happen
especially if you’re out of practice

my son caught a Froakie
hallelujah
I can stop taking him to every water body in a five mile radius
(for a while)
but now I have to battle the evolved frog warrior
and I can tell you
I’m done for
when he gets to Greninja

isn’t this what you wanted?
for things to be as they are?
for me to forget everything?
and be just your subject?
haven’t you got everything?
everything you ever wanted?

the storm of pain blows easily away
a simple prayer for healing
and an open heart  
but when the clouds clear
the sun appears singing of your face
the light is filled with you
as was the empty darkness

it’s confusing to pray for release
when happy and sad are the same thing
what does healing look like?
maybe loving you
but letting you go anyway
dear galactic mind
what is acceptance?