Just take a deep breath
let it, let it go
don't rap it, sing it, live it
do it slow

the thing is that i like you more than others;
you make me feel so safe
one of my brothers.
the deal is, i will always be a little bit too crazy
my speech will sometimes flow, sometimes seem lazy.
my eyes will shine one day
the next- be flooded;
sometimes my nod' s a yes
or for no i will nod and
there's nothing you can do to change my figure
for i am not a fan of bitter tastes;
there's little you can do to leave me saddened
and there's no way to erase my mistakes.

my love
will you be mine forever
will you be my untreatable and everlasting
fever.

Will you throw me off balance
leave demented
will you please would me deeply
scar me gently.

leave marks on my arms
on my wrists
my thighs, my neck.
carve crosses, broken ties
on heart and legs.

disfigured leave me
will you?
shall you try
suppressed, forgiven
wasted
humble, shy.

it hurts it hurts oh god it hurts
it cuts it chops it bleeds stabs through
it drags it drains it takes it all
oh god it hurts it hurts it hurts.

it hurts so much im better off dead
it hurts it hurts it hurts.

for all i know your time has come;
the light has taken over ways of your mere charm
the sky above has fallen down on hell
and what you loved echoes in sounds created by the bell
under glass cover we all live, unbothered
our souls are shut, but shirts are wide, unbuttoned;
you take a step into the world of mine
you hop and hope you leave me none of time.
my heart in seizure, scattered on the ground
i go through motions til i m breaking down.

i am strange and i know you are too;
why else'd i rearrange dreams for you?
you are odd to the core, to your bones;
and it hurts twofold when you throw stones.
your weird spirit is filling the air;
and my demons are reaching their arms
to the light you emit, to the flair
we'd be happy, if there could be "us".
but you're a ****.

i dont know how to feel
i dont know what to do
i dont know your face even
though i thought i knew you.

i am choking on smoke
we are equally broke
and now i am divided in two.

this is a very lonely world
we're born alone and  lone we're learnt
we're bred alone
alone we live
we search alone
the ground beneath.
alone we pray, alone believe
alone we stay alone we leave.
a single person you and i
one match, one candle, single eye.
this is a very lonely world
for those who hope to say right words
we grow old lonely
in the aftermath
we are still single soldiers
walking different paths.

your friends wont remember
your name in a day
your parents will live on
a niddle in stock of hay.

will you be mine or will i suffer still;
will you be in me, i won't rest my soul until
I get my hands on  you, on all you love
i m standing still looking at you like angel from above.

Will ever you be mine i wonder here
do i make you feel way you make me feel?
do i make you as nervous and excited
startled before the choice, glad and

will you be ever mine and not bring the bad with you
will you make me the happiest of all
im thinking looking hungrily at you
my sweet and slightly sour sausage roll

You make me feel big
Bigger than life
And I love you for that.
You make me the happiest
Give what I'd never had
And I love you for that.

You make my heart beat
Race at the speed of sound.
You bring colour to world
Now it doesn't taste bland
And I love you for that.

In my darkness you're light
On all black stains you're white
In the chaos you're calm.
On my neck lucky charm.
And I love you for that.

You will smile at me
When I fail, or stumble
As if it's supposed to be
Creased and broken and crumbled.
And I love you for that.

When I feel like a duckling
Not the best of its kind
When I feel out of place
When I try run and hide
You comfort me with love
You ease my distress
You make me get up and show up
With you I fear a lot less
And I love you for that.

You are stars leading the way
When clouds divert me astray
And I wish that you could see
If you were real, I'd love still.

you're tearing me apart
you're my death sentence.
you're blood that wont stop
but get more intense and

i throw myself at every stranger passing
and ask to give me hope,
but it's collapsing.
i beg to see you,
and beg to forget you.
i gave you all i had to offer
and more than that too;
i got myself in debt
now i pay back.
i wake up, 3 am and sweat is dripping
my heart is racing at the speed of sound, it
feels like it's going to jump right out of my chest.
vertigo, sickness, desperation...
blessed.  
i tell the others i am blessed to know love
to feel the way i feel
and fall so low i've;
...

you leave no shadow on the wall;
there's no reflection in the mirror.
i wonder if you're there at all
to make my pain seem real, fear- clearer.

you leave no trace of being around,
no visual no scent or sound;
no touch, no feeling, no restrain.
you left no mercy and no blame

I will be nice to you, be nice to me
I will heal all your wounds, and they won't bleed
And share your pain I will
And share your dark
Your weak your desperate disappointed
Ill take care of that.

i waited and ran downstairs so often
as if if i didn't go my door'd never open.
i waited and breathed in tact with my sorrow
deep, dark, so intimate your air i borrowed.

minutes seemed years and seconds seemed so still
my patience ran so low, it ran so thin
i waited till the end and then gave in
i stood there by your side, never went in.

i waited listened to the clock so hungrily and bravely
i stared at the four walls i was confined in daily
i waited and i ran downstairs so often
as if if i didn't go your door'd never open.

i got myself in such a mess
he likes it like i like it
im impressed.
he does it how i want it
all right moves
the pose the hips the touch
my clothes come loose.
he bites but doesnt bark
his kisses leave skin burning
i take him like a drug
each morning.

Oh romance, whatve you got against me
Oh love, have I hurt you in some way
Have I sinned
Oh lover have I left you before our time
So wickedly I lived
And now I bleed
With every new wound I lose more and more my strength and
My bones turn into dust when you're around
But romance what I done.
What have I done.
Amongst a thousand people
I feel one.
Alone, deserted, left out
I feel blank
And when I stay with you
Alone, deserted, treasured
Don't feel numb.
My feelings they exhaust me
My flame fades
I blame it on being tired
But stay vague.

something great is about to happen
something terrible will then proceed
something about to take me higher
and then drop me right back on my feet.

it's a little but plenty
it's so cheap but expensive.
It's so brave but it's cautios
and so sweet nearly noxious.

it's so full, and so empty
it's so bright and so tempting
so fulfilling and breaking
what it gives you will take it.

It will knock you off your feet
it will dislocate your heart
it will wither your bones and
it's not even the worst part.

It will starve you and leave you
then take back and forgive too
it will beat you up daily
hourly make life dreary

it will spill, it will cry
when you turn away wry
lift you higher than heaven
bury deeper than hell
your vision will better
but blindness will find a way.

you will come out a *******
egocentric but lost
selfish, trustless and beaten
sell yourself for no cost.

throw yourself at a stranger
look for comfort and "it"
years will pass, pain will ease
you'll still die incomplete.

I am tired and nearly forgotten
I look fresh but my insides are rotten.
I am fading away like the smoke
Disappearing like time
Unlike you I am broke

I am sleepy im nearly down under
Buried as if Im supposed to be
I am light I am heavy addictive
Though you seem to be immune to me

he treats her like goddess
he treats her right.
he waits for her, he calls,
brightens her nights.

he speaks of her with so much love
affection
in every word he says-
there's her reflection.

with every breath he takes he thinks of her
he worries, occupied with her concerns.

he sends her letters, keeps her in his sight
he treats her like a goddess
treats her right.

and in return, i notice every time
when she looks up at him
her eyes glow with sincere light.
They widen, open to the world
when she looks up at him
i see, they are two stars
illuminating night.

think back to when somebody broke your heart
and i immediately thought about the times
we spent apart.
and instantly i went back to the place
outside train station, lone, exhausted, drained.
when i awaited you for hours, prayed you'd come
indifferent, restraining, murky, calm
you said: 'yeah, i'll catch you next time".
my feelings take me back every night
to when i saw you first across the room
and thought i'd never like all what you had
and now, to avoid all you've never touched i'm doomed.
think back to when somebody crashed your hopes
and made you feel like you're a worthless idiot.
you always wanted what i never got
and i will never love what you are not.

I dont believe in ghosts
I dont believe in torture
My faith lies deep inside
Inside the light I nurture.

In shadows I hide well
Am quiet, am no shameful
Am brave, rarely regretful
In shadows I hide well.

I dont believe in life
But death aint my religion
Inside black holes I find
My safety, self imprisoned.

When I am old and my
Hair is the shade of ashes
And my old look refuses to
Surrender to all washes

My thoughts will fall asleep
And constant noise will quiet
I won't care for the world
I won't care if my nights end.

My cage will stay the same
The walls will still surround me
I won't believe in ghosts
Even not those I can see.

The more I look the more
I notice in reflection
My perfect imperfection
The more I look I see.

The end will be my closure
Ill rest I'll lay my head
Nail down my bed, and change my posture
At death im now adept

you're stronger than you think
i know that.
your heart will break then heal
in any light.  
i know you're scared and ready to give in
and there's a soul tearing, skin- crawling howl within
one or two days allow yourself to die
let go, if should tell your goodbyes
do what you need when life's tearing you up
but then, when skies clear up,
get back on track.

if i could give my life to you
i would;
if i could replace bad with good
i would;
if i could make it better and less painful
if i could make life easier, work - playful;
if all your doubts i could remove with just one word, i could;
i would;
if all bad memories i could put in one box
and throw into the ocean with bad thoughts
and hold you still for once, prevent the storm
and put back pieces that you've vainly torn;
i would;
if i could give you what you've never had
if only i could shelter desolation, just a tad
so you dont have to suffer in this dirt
i would;
and may my rivers dry if you desert.

one day it will all be ok
once upon a time my will be done
even if i am long, long decayed
and i am no more but portion of time.

some innocence better not pled
some hearts are better left untouched
when young love's buried in the sand
it all may seem a bit too much.
some people better never met
some words are better left unsaid
and lover's warmth against your skin
is better kept when kept within.

it's better not to see or hear
dissolve rather than disappear
and aspirations locked inside
and fate is better faced with pride.
young lovers beware of the curse
the one replacing universe
one day'll explode and leave black hole
with nothing left safe sound or whole.

they say if you want to be silent
to run away and disappear with time;
you probably ache to be noticed, seen, acknowledged
you're likely to want to be simply found.

the more you long for something
more you venture
into the darkness following its trace;
the more you long for something
more adventure
you face,
as well as being misplaced.

i thought i got what i wanted
why do i feel like a ghost?
yet im haunted
there's no place for my soul to rest
there's no place for my heart to beat
i feel im doing my very best
yet im failing, i suffer defeat.
i though i got what i wanted
turns out i lost the little i had
never gained happines i was after
now i fight with myself in my head.  
and no cigarette will make it easy
and no wine will release me from pain
now im on the road too hard to travel
where i am i dont want to remain.
where im from there's no more room for my dreams
no more space for my ego, my thoughts
where do i go, what door do i knock on
where they'll take my pure love and my faults.

Please hold my chair while I tie my noose.
It won't be accidental, it is something I choose.
So im holding the rope, round my neck like a scarf
And im looking around, round myself 'sif on wharf.
Far away in the sea, lie my hopes, expectations
'cause I buried them with
My dear friends and my patience.
Kindness can be mistaken
For a weakness mistook
But im done with being perfect
sliced my friends with a hook.
They were nice when they needed
My assistance or warmth
Now they re lying, not breathing
They've awoken my storms.
I took rusty old metal hook
'fore it got covered in blood
It even shone in some places
Under sun's heavy light
Now I don't think it'll ever
See the daylight again
I threw betraying weapons
Into sea during rain
There lie lifeless their bodies
Mutilated, in parts
They lie, empty their minds.
Boy, they should have thought twice.
I won't stand the rejection
Im not good at ignoring
In a search for perfection
Act was beautifully gory.
Judge as much as you want
And be scared of my words
But If you stab my back
Please hold my chair while I tie my noose.
Dying is not my fate, it's something I choose.
So im holding the rope, round my neck like a scarf
And im looking around, round myself 'sif on wharf.
Far away in the sea, lie my hopes, expectations
'cause I buried them with
My dear friends and my patience.
Kindness can be mistaken
For a weakness mistook
But im done with being perfect
sliced my friends with a hook.
They were soft when they needed
My assistance or warmth
Now they re laying, not breathing
They've awoken my storms.
I took rusty old metal hook
'fore it got covered in blood
It even shone in some places
Under sun's heavy light
Now I don't think it'll ever
See the daylight again
I threw betraying weapons
Into sea during rain
There lie lifeless their bodies
Mutilated at parts
They lay empty their mind
Boy, they should have thought twice.
I won't stand the rejection
Im not good at ignoring
Always reach for perfection
Act was beautifully gory.
Judge as much as you want
And be scared of my words
But If you stab my back
I'll interrupt your pulse.

i'll let you win whenever you want
i'll tell you "you're right" even if you are not.
I'll kneel and pretend just to make you rejoice
i will not scream when you use
pillows to dampen my voice.
I wont fight when you put
your heavy body on mine
when you press pillows tightly
against my face, and my life
will rush before my wet eyes
hurry ahead of its time
miles ahead it will run
be ended by a cold crime.

my loneliness is nothing more than thirst
my aching heart- no more than biting hunger;
just like a dog i run to every stranger
but i appear to be a wolf to every hunter.

No one will hear me howl at night,
im silent.
my cry is deaf, my cry is dry,
non violent;
so very few see diamonds in my eyes
those frozen treasures are tears in disguise.

they say keep your head up
and protect faith;
but where am i to seek this endless strength
when all around me grey, and melting, quiet
whereas i long for some sunlight and a riot.

last time we talked it didn't end so well;
and since i've gone through waters high, and hell;
since then i've grown, i've learnt,
could be i have recovered;
last time we talked something inside me died,
but something better since then i've discovered.
no longer waiting for a word from you, a sign;
i don't wake up mid night to loud voices inside;
last time we talked it might not ended well;
enchanted, fooled me for a while, broke the spell;
like ghost you haunt me, live my days beside me;
though i ignore, and try to push aside thee;
you come down and you pour like summer rain
you mess my hair up, tangle thoughts inside my brain;
you bury me and fill my lungs with sand;
your blizzards never knew how to withstand.
one day i will wake up, your name'll sound unfamiliar;
one day your face will be a face of just another passing stranger
last time we talked was last time i felt fearful
now i feel safe, outside the zone of danger.

you have the most beautiful smile;
the softest voice
of all i know;
your tears- are liquid gold;
your dreams inspire;
and i wish it was my hand you would hold.

i tried to make it work
i gave him all:
my aspirations, inspiration
body, soul.

With nothing left
im left;
and nothing's right.
brighter than hell
burn my days into one
lonely cold night.

I gave you one third of my life
my thoughts my tears;
my smiles, my believes;
my deepest fears;

And i will give you seventy years more
until the world ends,
by time we no more.
the day might come you wake up
with the other
the other will take off your shirts and head.
and you'll be joyful
tender, caring
and never wish 't was me instead.

and life is harder when you're not around
the water's levels climbing higher as i drown;
the air is cold and i cant feel my hands,
the knuckles on my right hand bleeds
oh so it tends;
and nights seem darker, sheltering more fright;
and days more dangerous, more burning feels the light;
like acid rains appears against my skin,
like spiderweb my armour but i take it on the chin.
and music- hopeless noise filled with vain screams
about being disappointed in what love just seems;
i scream along with them, empty my lungs;
and tears stream down my face,
i get the chance;
now all is calm, i ve had my break and let it go
im lying on the floor its dark and cold you know
and life's not needed when you're not around
that's why im lying buried deep, deep down

what will be left when feelings melt away
as seasons change, my feeling change the way
i look at you, admire you and love
you make halo shine brighter up above.

sometimes i wonder what you'll leave behind
when we are withered, tired, not so kind.
and your touch wont excite me, raise my pulse
seems it will not come soon, i hang my noose.

If I could have a different face
Spend days and nights at different pace
if only I could change my features,
Lines and curves;
Not treat what I was given like a curse
If I might just believe there is someone
For everyone;
There is a second missing piece to shattered souls
If I could have a different personality
And be less goofy, better not at all...

I would be happy.

i wasnt very kind to you
i know
i pushed you into freshly fallen snow.
i laughed and i was cruel to your heart
i stomped on it, i crashed all hopes you had.

i never understood what i was doing;
i never stopped to think if i were wrong.
the wind led me with the force of a bullet
it made me so insensitive so long.

i wasnt very kind to you
i know
i wasnt fair, i didnt care
to show;
that deep down i was burning with desire
to kiss your lips, your fingertips
are fire.

i wanted to be with you every second.
when im awake, asleep, alive, or buried under
in my peaceful beginning you're a thunder
and i loved you so eagerly i reckoned.

im sorry i was ******* you, im sorry
i thought i was the author of the best
the most romantic, to die for love story
im dead inside : i watch you're laid to rest....

Saw the light glowing
Thought I was drowning
Reached out to grab it
But captured the air
Saw you were watching
Your lips were moving
No words were spoken
I  wouldn't dare.

Stuck in the middle
Distance is growing
Cold lifeless full stops
Fill up your lungs.
Heartless you stop and
Shapeless Im begging
Forgiveness is something
You haven't seen once.

the guy i love is flawless.
his eyes are blue, though dark
the guy i love is perfect
the guy i love loves back.

the guy  i dream of daily
my one and only friend.
the guy i love is near me,
he'll be until the end.

and envious my girlfriends
can never look away
i am lost sea, an ocean
he is my home, my bay.

the guy i love is perfect
oh, what a fine creation!
too bad the guy i love lives
in my imagination.

You know how sometimes it can be enough
To lower your eyes when you smile
For friends to call your bluff
For Shaking hands to open up your soul
Expose your secrets, cut wounds to the core

you let me down
you let me fall
i still reach for you
after all.
i think of what's happened
nothing's ever been right
but heart keeps the war up and against you
but my soul keeps on winning the fight.

When I run out of air and I can't breathe
When I lose my eye sight, forget the sleep
And mother tongue will make no sense to me
I'll still remember you like day before
And deeply rue I'd spent my days ashore.

The songs I listen to demand: dive in, jump in, depart.
They call for an uprising and a riot
But I feel safer in my home,
Where quiet.

When I run out of air and I can't breathe
When I lose all I had including thee
And will be left with aches and pains and bitter thoughts
i'll pay to feel your touch and hear your voice.

my love turned into dust
my heart is coal
i shook the world off me
and grabbed the soil
i ran to keep the earth moving and spinning
the end of this was end of my beginning.
pathetic
hear me?
i speak words of truth
pathetic
you with ugly useless youth.
with time the beauty fades
your mind comes reeling
so when you run to contribute to the earth spinning
you will be thrown off into space
forgotten
love turned to dust
heart black, hard,
and bones rotten.

I dont know if im shaky or steady
Are my feet firmly set on the ground
Or am I lost and not at all ready
To see clearly or even come down.

I dont know if im honest or false
Am I being sincere or pretending
When I talk is my voice being heard
Or its drowned by the noise never-ending.

Can you feel me being in the same room
When im there with you sitting so tightly
Itching to get away, get out soon
Being close is too much, it is frightening

leave it, leave it be
let it sting your soul
set it, set it free
bury in the soil.

amplify your pain
simplify your life
let it, let it be
bleed hard when you dive.

be scared, unprepared.
worry, panic, brood.
be misunderstood.

patch your deep old wounds
then cut them open deeper
pierce your skin, my sleeper,
break free from your roots .

Be everything you want to be
When tides rise high
Be everything and more
Be thee.


Do everything you want to do and more
Do what makes your heart beat thousand times faster
And skin crawl.

Forget about the bad about the sad
Remember only good, be joyful, glad
There comes the time
We get stuck in a heartless, biting slumber
But it's only a day, drop in an ocean, number.

i thought life would be easy
then you came around
i quickly fell off cloud 9
and hit the ground.

I believed knights were real and
i just might meet the one
i thought life would be like a dream
but
then you came around.

in my broken heart there is no light
every day like new it used to ignite
seasons change and days go by, I
wish i'd never looked into your eyes.

all i need is a bit inspiration
but where do i find one when i look?
i source rhymes from my lone desperation
i look for what you left and what took.
on my plate there is little of hopeful
there is not much of happy or full.
there is plenty of lonely,, deceitful
i cant tell when i stopped being a fool.
all i need is a bit self destruction
and i only achieve such by trying
to love myself without no distractions
i succeed when i rot and lie crying.
Push yourself over limit and failure
get back on your feet, if needed - knees.
Brush and shake off the horrible feeling
like you're nothing, inspire and breathe.
I think i have found my inspiration
finally i know what i want to say
let out all so long bottled frustration
aim to give, there is nothing to gain.

Beware! My mind screamed mutely
My weakened knees were Shaking when you called
Yellow leaves in slow motion were flaring
So uncovered I felt and so bald.